online newbie looking for a little advice

[Ikk]

Hi am very new and looking for an online Dom for the first time. I am a single mum and this came back in a reply from a potential Dom. I don't think I'm comfortable with this, am I being unreasonalble?

I would expect you to be totally open about everything. Including knowing about your family and how they could effect your training.

 

[Primalex]

Hi am very new and looking for an online Dom for the first time. I am a single mum and this came back in a reply from a potential Dom. I don't think I'm comfortable with this, am I being unreasonalble?

I would expect you to be totally open about everything. Including knowing about your family and how they could effect your training.

"Unreasonable" ..no idea about this.

But to a certain degree it is for me one of the basic informations. I need to know before if a task or play will cause problems. If you don't have this information, the sub can make something up all the time to circumvent a task. I don't need to know the shoe size of your husband, but how many people are around you usually and what kind of people (kids etc.), when you can be alone for tasks etc.

But of course I can be unreasonable, too. *shrugs*

 

[trojan_man_co]

I think that you are allowed to share as much or as little as youd like, and you may certinly give details that are not true but close enough. for example the fact that you have children is great but you dont need to name an age gender or name. just your time commitment to them, as in if your a new mom then your going to be nurseing and sleeping and playing with them almost 24/7 or if they are of school age elementry- high then those are times during the day you could do assignments ect. i think reguardless you can work around any and all blocks with giving as little or as much information as your comfortable with. and the dom should be accepting of this as a hard limit of yours. at least in the begning until you both know eachother ALOT better...

 

[JMohegan]

Hi am very new and looking for an online Dom for the first time. I am a single mum and this came back in a reply from a potential Dom. I don't think I'm comfortable with this, am I being unreasonalble?

I would expect you to be totally open about everything. Including knowing about your family and how they could effect your training.

Who cares if other people think it's reasonable or not? If you're comfortable conveying this information, then do. If not, then don't.

What exactly would this guy be "training" you to do?

 

[Ikk]

"Unreasonable" ..no idea about this.

But to a certain degree it is for me one of the basic informations. I need to know before if a task or play will cause problems. If you don't have this information, the sub can make something up all the time to circumvent a task. I don't need to know the shoe size of your husband, but how many people are around you usually and what kind of people (kids etc.), when you can be alone for tasks etc.

But of course I can be unreasonable, too. *shrugs*

Yeah, I never thought of it that way, I just paniked, thinking he would want personal details of my family and wondered why. I'm a dosey duck. Thanks for your insight.

 

[Ikk]

I think that you are allowed to share as much or as little as youd like, and you may certinly give details that are not true but close enough. for example the fact that you have children is great but you dont need to name an age gender or name. just your time commitment to them, as in if your a new mom then your going to be nurseing and sleeping and playing with them almost 24/7 or if they are of school age elementry- high then those are times during the day you could do assignments ect. i think reguardless you can work around any and all blocks with giving as little or as much information as your comfortable with. and the dom should be accepting of this as a hard limit of yours. at least in the begning until you both know eachother ALOT better...

As always you are a great mentor and you make so much sense to me

 

[Ikk]

Who cares if other people think it's reasonable or not? If you're comfortable conveying this information, then do. If not, then don't.[/QUOTE

Here, here!

What exactly would this guy be "training" you to do?

Was hoping someone could enlighten me.......gulp, anyone? LOL

cheers mate.

 

[JMohegan]

Was hoping someone could enlighten me.......gulp, anyone? LOL

cheers mate.

Shouldn't that "someone" be the guy who brought it up?

 

[Ikk]

Shouldn't that "someone" be the guy who brought it up?

It was a joke hon

The guy that brought it up is no more, other things he said also made me a little uncomfortable.

 

[subwannabe]

I personally think you are playing with fire. Why can't you find a real boyfriend who would be interested in helping you out, instead of exploring what could be a very perilous underworld where you can easily get in over your head? I mean no disrespect to those doing this, but you have to admit, there are a lot of weirdos and crazies out there and many pitfals if you don't know what you're doing.

 

[catalina_francisco]

It sounds as if it is a good thing you have moved on from this person. For the future though, it sounds like you need to be more proactive in discussing with an online person what they expect, and what you are willing to commit to. It might also be good to become more familiar with the person on an everyday level, before jumping in to the next step. Questions about friends or family can be in reference to how it might affect you and your submission, but if it strays beyond that into giving out personal details about others, contact details etc., I would say no, you do not give it out as it is not only dangerous, but placing another person in possible jeopardy without their consent.

Catalina

 

[Primalex]

For the future though, it sounds like you need to be more proactive in discussing with an online person what they expect, and what you are willing to commit to.

More proactive than discussing requests here in the public even?

I mean, chastity belts are part of the scene, but let's still be reasonable...

 

[Ikk]

I personally think you are playing with fire. Why can't you find a real boyfriend who would be interested in helping you out, instead of exploring what could be a very perilous underworld where you can easily get in over your head? I mean no disrespect to those doing this, but you have to admit, there are a lot of weirdos and crazies out there and many pitfals if you don't know what you're doing.

If I could 'get a real' boyfriend to help me out I wouldn't be online seeking help. Life isn't always so easy. But thanks for your view.

 

[Guest]

I personally don't think you're being unreasonable. I would be okay with sharing general facts about my life, and I don't even go so far as telling EVERYTHING bout my family to someone I just met, (online or offline even). If you have a big sense of privacy then good for you, and nobody, not even a potential Dom can force you into telling everything I've had some really bad experiences with Doms in the past that even got to the point of blackmailing me with information about my family and personal stuff just because I refused to break my limits which I was very clear about since the beginning.

So if you don't feel comfortable disclosing personal information, I suggest you don't. you NEVER know who you're going to find on the net.

 

[subwannabe]

I didn't mean to offend you but I have seen many come here who put all of their energies into online relationships instead of more normal methods of finding a boyfriend/girlfriend/lover. You will have a very difficult time finding a "real" boyfriend if you basically give up trying and do online only. I really don't believe, especially with women, that it is hard to find a dom in the real world. Now I don't mean to give you the impression that I am against online relationships because I actually met my wife online, although we did not find each other by seeking doms or submissives. It is very scary to think that women look online for someone to dominate them. It really opens the door to many, many weirdos who you want to dominate you. All kinds of bad things can happen. I'm not saying you can't meet someone who will be great but they are one in a million and who knows what will happen to you before you find that person. I know real life isn't a whole lot different but if you seek more normal relationships and hint to them early on that you are the submissive type I believe your chances of success are infinetly greater and the chances of bad shit happening are infinetly less. Good luck.

 

[Ikk]

I didn't mean to offend you but I have seen many come here who put all of their energies into online relationships instead of more normal methods of finding a boyfriend/girlfriend/lover. You will have a very difficult time finding a "real" boyfriend if you basically give up trying and do online only. I really don't believe, especially with women, that it is hard to find a dom in the real world. Now I don't mean to give you the impression that I am against online relationships because I actually met my wife online, although we did not find each other by seeking doms or submissives. It is very scary to think that women look online for someone to dominate them. It really opens the door to many, many weirdos who you want to dominate you. All kinds of bad things can happen. I'm not saying you can't meet someone who will be great but they are one in a million and who knows what will happen to you before you find that person. I know real life isn't a whole lot different but if you seek more normal relationships and hint to them early on that you are the submissive type I believe your chances of success are infinetly greater and the chances of bad shit happening are infinetly less. Good luck.

No offence taken. I am not looking for a real boyfriend right now, my life wouldn't permit it, but I am and have been eager to try something in this lifestyle for sometime now and the only safe way for me to do that, I think, is online. I am aware of the risks and will stick to my strong boundaries. I have wonderful advice off you all and am very grateful.