texts from last night

[graceanne]

check this out

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

'just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child'

'whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?'

 

[graceanne]

he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up

 

[sb2009]

OMG you slut!!!!!

 

[graceanne]

OMG you slut!!!!!

Hey! He said he wouldn't tell!

 

[chy_girl]

*snort*

Nice!

 

[Abraxas Winterlight]

i have wasted HOURS on this site

 

[graceanne]

i have wasted HOURS on this site

I'm almost there.

hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands

This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow​

 

[graceanne]

this one reminds me of dge

can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
(443):

wasted?
(410):

im pocohantasssss

 

[Raisa_Greywood]

I LOVE this site.

It's sort of like watching Charlie the Unicorn on Youtube. You could have definitely done something productive with those 7 or 8 minutes, but it was sooooo funny!

However, being just a bit older than the crowd posting those texts seems to be, I now realize that my college experience X years ago is NOT the same college experience this crowd is having. I now am left to ponder the injustice.

Bella

 

[graceanne]

why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
(540):

you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.

 

[trojan_man_co]

Warning

BE CAREFULL OF THE ADDICTION!!!!!!!!

I have the Texts From Last Night Application for my iphone and i spend sooo much time i mean hours...

760- for some reason my father is not responding to the 5 texts i sent him all saying "dad dad dad dad daaaaadd daaadddyyyy daaad dad dad daaaddddyyy daaad"

720- i pulled out and found her nuva ring around my cock... it was like i won a carnival game for adults... i asked her where my gient stuffed bear was

781- im at the bass pro shop, they have a river full of trout and turtules, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are hear. i now understand why people are rednecks. i may never leave

201- i stood infront of a yellow camaro and kept yelling at it to "transform already!!!"

985- At least my shower head will respect me in the morning...

630- my vag wants to play a game of hungy hungy hippos with your cock!!!

513- you tried to wear your jesus costume into the family christan store and say you were there for a book signing.

662- they should make a rossetta stone that allows men to understand what the hell woman are trying to say!

516- thank god they found baloon boy... i was afraid michael jackson was ordering take out from heaven

847- have you thought up a name yet for our beer pong team for our turnament on sat?
708- we can be the step dads. if any one asks why tell them its cus we beat you and you hate us.

519- i went to moaterboat her and i started laughing so i ended up just blowing on them.... i think im going to call that move the sail boat

more to come if you want i have a TON of good ones favorited from the last several months...

 

[the captians wench]

I'm almost there.

My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow​

I SOOOO need to try this!

 

[trojan_man_co]

a couple more...

410- i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are reffered to as "rude"
913- did you yell "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED"


541- So when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!..... yeah kinda akward

 

[Raisa_Greywood]

LOVE this one...

(913): I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.

 

[thesan]

This is a FAB site.

(717):

Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.

 

[DVS]

(781):

the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator

(570):

whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping

 

[thesan]

(516): The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.

(763): i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina

(727): how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?

(702): Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter

 

[kaycee217]

This is a FAB site.

(717):

Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.

I would love to hear the background story on that one...

 

[Raisa_Greywood]

And since Mother's Day is coming up...

(614):

Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.

(904):

FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift

Bella

 

[FloggingMolly]

I dread to think how much timeI'll now end up wasting on this site :S

(503):
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.

I've had similaa said about me :O

 

[thesan]

I have 2 screens open. Going back and forth between here and there. LOL

 

[Raisa_Greywood]

(516): The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.

(763): i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina

(727): how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?

(702): Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter

Yes, my task for the day... I also must learn the one from 727...

Bella

 

[thesan]

Yes, my task for the day... I also must learn the one from 727...

Bella

maybe we can sneak into the Italian lit section and ask. LOL And French and Dutch and German. And really this is a KEY phrase in all languages.

 

[Raisa_Greywood]

maybe we can sneak into the Italian lit section and ask. LOL And French and Dutch and German. And really this is a KEY phrase in all languages.

Oh god, yes! Can't decide if it's more important than being able to ask directions to a bathroom... Will have to think on it.

Bella

 

[graceanne]

(989):

dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away