Why are you here?

[Keroin]

Just some Monday morning musings…

1. What brought you to Lit and specifically to this forum? (If you say “the Internet” I will be forced to smack you)
2. How long did you lurk?
3. Why did you stop lurking?
4. What has kept you here?
5. General Lit thoughts?

 

[Keroin]

Me…

1. I came to Lit because I was considering writing some erotic fiction and was researching the various marketplaces for such work. Because of my particular kink/inclinations, I opened the BDSM forum out of curiosity.

2. I lurked for about, oh, about six months. It was my morning routine to read a few posts over breakfast.

3. Roscoe started a thread about punctuality and that’s something I have quite strong opinions about. So I jumped in, pissed off a bunch of people, then made nice with promises of martinis and puppies.

4. Well, at first it was just loneliness that kept me here. The island was small and the chances for interesting and intelligent conversation were limited. Then, what can I say, I came to enjoy the various conversations, serious or otherwise. Also, I learn things here and I like that my ideas are challenged. And laughs…I’ve gotten some great laughs from this board. Ironically, the kink aspect of this board is not a factor in why I participate.

5. It was interesting to me to figure out the evolution of threads. I used to only open threads with titles that interested me. Then I came to figure out that the title is only a starting point and I am as likely to find a conversation about bungee jumping in a thread titled “Oral Rape” as anywhere else. I find that hilarious, and natural, which is why I seldom discourage hijacking of my own threads.

 

[graceanne]

Just some Monday morning musings…

1. What brought you to Lit and specifically to this forum? (If you say “the Internet” I will be forced to smack you)
2. How long did you lurk?
3. Why did you stop lurking?
4. What has kept you here?
5. General Lit thoughts?

1. Internet. *waits for smack* I was looking for erotica and got curious. I thought I was a freak.
2. Awhile, I can't recall specifically.
3. Cause I had a smart ass comment just BURSTING to get out.
4. Friends.
5. WHEN ARE YOU GONNA SMACK ME?

 

[graceanne]

the kink aspect of this board is not a factor in why I participate.

Me, either. lol

5. It was interesting to me to figure out the evolution of threads. I used to only open threads with titles that interested me. Then I came to figure out that the title is only a starting point and I am as likely to find a conversation about bungee jumping in a thread titled “Oral Rape” as anywhere else. I find that hilarious, and natural, which is why I seldom discourage hijacking of my own threads.

Pretty much. A normal conversation doesn't stay on topic, eventually it goes somewhere else. It's called conversation growth. Getting pissed at hijacks is just a control thing, you can't control it (or you didn't like the conversation answer and are gonna wait until someone says what you want to hear), and so you get pissed. (General 'you' there, just fyi.)

 

[Keroin]

1. Internet. *waits for smack* I was looking for erotica and got curious. I thought I was a freak.
2. Awhile, I can't recall specifically.
3. Cause I had a smart ass comment just BURSTING to get out.
4. Friends.
5. WHEN ARE YOU GONNA SMACK ME?

*SMACK*

Better?

 

[CutieMouse]

Just some Monday morning musings…

1. What brought you to Lit and specifically to this forum? (If you say “the Internet” I will be forced to smack you)

I found Lit through an online debate forum I used to be active at. If I remember correctly they were gossiping about "those sick people" and a discussion at the Lit BDSM board was linked as an example, so I followed the link and started reading.

2. How long did you lurk?

I think a month or two. I tend to lurk for a while to get a feel for the energy of a forum.

3. Why did you stop lurking?

I can't remember for sure, but I think there was a thread on adult nursing relationships, and I have extensive background in breast physiology/etc. I think I suggested meds to induce lactation or something.

4. What has kept you here?

It's homey [to me]. The conversations tend to be humorous, intellectual, interesting, etc.

5. General Lit thoughts?

The boards have subtly changed over the years, which is normal. I miss a lot of old posters who have either moved on or rarely post anymore, and the sorts of conversations we used to have.

 

[graceanne]

*SMACK*

Better?

Yes, thank you.

I miss a lot of old posters who have either moved on or rarely post anymore, and the sorts of conversations we used to have.

Me, too.

 

[ecstaticsub]

1. What brought you to Lit and specifically to this forum? (If you say “the Internet” I will be forced to smack you)

I met my PYL on another forum (sex related, but not BDSM). We left that forum because of racist hate mail I was receiving. (He was getting it too, but it didn't bother him. But he didn't like me receiving it.) He went cold turkey to no other forum but I needed a new "home". I had read the stories on Lit off and on but didn't know about this forum. He told me I should join, so I did. (always the obedient submissive )

2. How long did you lurk? At least a few months, even then I was hesitant to post. I found this group a little difficult to feel comfortable with.

3. Why did you stop lurking? Because I can never keep my mouth shut.

4. What has kept you here? I have also joined Fetlife and have become more involved over there. My PYL is very active there. I stay here because I have friends here, this is where I find I can have more serious discussions about BDSM in general. Also, even though my PYL is a member he does not post here. He also does not read what I write (usually) so I don't have to be as careful with what I write.

5. General Lit thoughts? Over the years this forum has helped me understand my self and my relationships a little bit better.
__________________

 

[Keroin]

I found Lit through an online debate forum I used to be active at. If I remember correctly they were gossiping about "those sick people" and a discussion at the Lit BDSM board was linked as an example, so I followed the link and started reading.

I love the irony of this!

It's homey [to me]. The conversations tend to be humorous, intellectual, interesting, etc.

Yes, I feel that too. I went over to FL once...and only once...because I was curious about something someone here had mentioned. I got a weird vibe there, I've never returned. Also, I disliked that I had to register to read the forums - without even making a single post I received a pm from some person wanting to hook up with me, yuck.

The boards have subtly changed over the years, which is normal. I miss a lot of old posters who have either moved on or rarely post anymore, and the sorts of conversations we used to have.

Intriguing how much the presence of absence of even one person can change the tone of the board.

 

[graceanne]

Because I can never keep my mouth shut.

You have that in common with a lot of us.

 

[00Syd]

Just some Monday morning musings…

1. What brought you to Lit and specifically to this forum? (If you say “the Internet” I will be forced to smack you)
2. How long did you lurk?
3. Why did you stop lurking?
4. What has kept you here?
5. General Lit thoughts?

1. A couple of years ago I read an article in the NYTimes about Second Life, and (being a tiny bit of a geek) I was intrigued by the possibility of an entire virtual world, user created, where people from all around the world could interact. So I was checking that out, and I (virtually) walked past someone calling someone else their 'Master' and I was all "whaaaa...?" and I started talking to them, and they pointed me in the direction of a Second Life BDSM Forum. (Which, now that I think about it, was hilarious, by the way. A bunch of chairs and cushions in a circle, with people lounging around discussing what have you. There was a pony stable down a path, some other neat things. It was like an entire island created for the sole purpose of discussing BDSM. Weird stuff). I sat around in that forum for WEEKS, talking to people, learning what I could, making friends. A couple of months after that, someone in that forum gave me the link to this forum, and I found myself here.

2. I didn't lurk very long. Maybe a day, maybe two days.

3. I don't know. I assume I stopped lurking because there was a discussion I was interested in. I don't remember what my first post was.

4. I've stayed here because of the people, mostly. Lately there have been less and less discussions that interest me, but I still check every day to see whats going on. I really respect a lot of the people here, and even consider some of them to be friends

5. Uhmmmm.... Thanks BDSM Lit forums for helping kick-start my explorations into BDSM! Couldn't have asked for a better jumping off point.

 

[00Syd]

Yes, I feel that too. I went over to FL once...and only once...because I was curious about something someone here had mentioned. I got a weird vibe there, I've never returned. Also, I disliked that I had to register to read the forums - without even making a single post I received a pm from some person wanting to hook up with me, yuck.

Yeah, I find the forums (group discussions) on FL to be more of an added bonus than the real purpose of the site. I see it as a perfect way to connect with your local community, to learn about/promote events, to discuss local issues with local people, stuff like that. I really use it as a way to stay in tune with whats happening in the local scenes in both NY and Boston, and to keep in touch with friends who I don't get the chance to see very often. So the group discussions are cool, but not necessarily the main focus.

And I could understand how FL would lack appeal if you weren't connected to the community, or had no desire to connect with the community (you know, the big bad casual scene ). I basically credit FL for first helping me meet local people and to first get connected with the local scene. I really owe it a lot, as much, or maybe more, than I owe Lit.

 

[ownedsubgal]

1. what first brought me to the lit was the story section...i would often surf for erotic written porn. i never left the story section (and very limited areas of that section) for maybe a year or so, until one day i decided to click on the discussion board link just for the heck of it. when i saw there was a section specifically for BDSM, i clicked on it and checked it out. by that time i had already been a slave for a few years, and i have always taken the lifestyle very seriously. so with that being the case, i had very low expectations of this board, as most message boards i'd come across online focused only on specific bdsm activities, fun and games, kinky sex, etc...and not serious discussion of D/s lifestyle issues. but to my shock and awe i found several such serious discussions taking place on the very first page.

2. i didn't lurk long...maybe a day or two, before introducing myself.

3. i was looking for a place (other than collarme) where i could find other serious D/s lifestyle folk engaging in debate and discussion relating to this way of life. this is extremely important to me, as i don't have the opportunity to interact with people this way in real life, being extremely shy and relatively isolated.

4. the good people, the good discussions. there are times when things get a bit slow here for me..."slow" as in no serious topics, only a bunch of fluff or a bunch of kink-seeking newbies or both. at those times i just take a break and hope things are improved when i check back in.

 

[callinectes2]

I stumbled upon Lit while surfing for BDSM erotica.

I lurked for months, not sure how long.

There was a thread about Daddy/girl relationships. Some of the judgemental posts annoyed me and I decided to jump in.

Well, I sort of come and go. I really like some of the folks here and even though I don't have contact with them outside this forum I like reading their thoughts. Does that make me a stalker? LOL

Hmm, general Lit thoughts..well, it isn't a huge part of my life and I don't read erotica much anymore. I scan the forums for topics of interest and read but don't post much.

 

[midwestyankee]

1. What brought you to Lit and specifically to this forum? (If you say “the Internet” I will be forced to smack you)
2. How long did you lurk?
3. Why did you stop lurking?
4. What has kept you here?
5. General Lit thoughts?

1. My computer took a left turn while I was printing out foreign-language porn with which to amuse and arouse the wifely one.

2. What is this "lurk" of which you speak? I posted to The Playground the first day that I found the discussion forums here.

3. I never started.

4. The water. What, you say there's no water here? I was misinformed.

5. I thought that General Lit did a fine job at the Battle of Cunnilingus but choked in the Battle at Fellatio Ridge.

 

[Keroin]

1. What brought you to Lit and specifically to this forum? (If you say “the Internet” I will be forced to smack you)
2. How long did you lurk?
3. Why did you stop lurking?
4. What has kept you here?
5. General Lit thoughts?

1. My computer took a left turn while I was printing out foreign-language porn with which to amuse and arouse the wifely one.

2. What is this "lurk" of which you speak? I posted to The Playground the first day that I found the discussion forums here.

3. I never started.

4. The water. What, you say there's no water here? I was misinformed.

5. I thought that General Lit did a fine job at the Battle of Cunnilingus but choked in the Battle at Fellatio Ridge.

Ice cream privileges are hereby revoked.

 

[midwestyankee]

Ice cream privileges are hereby revoked.

No problem. I'll just pick out the pistachios and munch on them all the while.

 

[Keroin]

And I could understand how FL would lack appeal if you weren't connected to the community, or had no desire to connect with the community (you know, the big bad casual scene ). I basically credit FL for first helping me meet local people and to first get connected with the local scene. I really owe it a lot, as much, or maybe more, than I owe Lit.

It seems each site gave you something important but different. That's cool.

I'm curious, (and this question could apply to everyone), do you think that part of the reason Lit has become less interesting is because the novelty of the kink aspect of it has worn off for you?

And, no, I'm not interested in being part of the community outside of this forum, so FL is definitely not my scene. I can see why it would be helpful in that regard, though.

I met my PYL on another forum (sex related, but not BDSM). We left that forum because of racist hate mail I was receiving. (He was getting it too, but it didn't bother him. But he didn't like me receiving it.)

That's terrible ES. Did you or he report it to the site administrators?

2. How long did you lurk? At least a few months, even then I was hesitant to post. I found this group a little difficult to feel comfortable with.

In what way?

5. General Lit thoughts? Over the years this forum has helped me understand my self and my relationships a little bit better.
__________________

Well that is very cool to hear!

No problem. I'll just pick out the pistachios and munch on them all the while.

*sighs*

Pardon me while I break out into song...

"How do solve a problem like the Yankster?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means midwestyankee?
A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!"

 

[graceanne]

That's terrible ES. Did you or he report it to the site administrators?

It's not that uncommon, even here. Especially if you go to the GB. There's a couple here on lit where she's black and he's white, and they don't choose to let that be known, because they don't want her to be open to any nasty PM's. (She's really shy, and it would really alarm her.)

"How do solve a problem like the Yankster?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means midwestyankee?
A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!"

When I'm with him I'm confused, out of focus and bemused, and I never know exactly where I am.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Yeah, I find the forums (group discussions) on FL to be more of an added bonus than the real purpose of the site. I see it as a perfect way to connect with your local community, to learn about/promote events, to discuss local issues with local people, stuff like that.

this is exactly why i don't like fet...it's so insular one really has to be already "connected" to feel comfortable there. and while the local focus is cool, unfortunately the events, munches, groups, etc. promoted are like 99.9% bdsm-focused. as someone more D/s focused without a strong interest in bdsm activities or the bdsm way of thought, it's not very welcoming. i was on fet for several months with 2 or 3 "friends" (one of those being my Master), feeling like a loser who just didn't fit in, before Daddy finally removed my profile. i do see fet as a great place for folks in the bdsm scene who want to get out there and meet others in their local bdsm scene. i just really really wish there was something similar out there for the D/s folks.

 

[Keroin]

It's not that uncommon, even here. Especially if you go to the GB. There's a couple here on lit where she's black and he's white, and they don't choose to let that be known, because they don't want her to be open to any nasty PM's. (She's really shy, and it would really alarm her.)

That's so sad. I don't get people sometimes.

 

[00Syd]

this is exactly why i don't like fet...it's so insular one really has to be already "connected" to feel comfortable there. and while the local focus is cool, unfortunately the events, munches, groups, etc. promoted are like 99.9% bdsm-focused. as someone more D/s focused without a strong interest in bdsm activities or the bdsm way of thought, it's not very welcoming. i was on fet for several months with 2 or 3 "friends" (one of those being my Master), feeling like a loser who just didn't fit in, before Daddy finally removed my profile. i do see fet as a great place for folks in the bdsm scene who want to get out there and meet others in their local bdsm scene. i just really really wish there was something similar out there for the D/s folks.

I don't know, I don't think so. I wasn't already connected when I started participating on that site. And I don't know what the scene is like in your area, but in NYC we have plenty of people who are primarily D/s who come out to munches and parties and events, D/s is part of the acronym, after all. No one looks done on anyone for anything that they do, or don't, practice in their individual relationships (as long as it's consensual, of course). We also have a group in NYC called MAsT, Masters And slaves Together, which is a group focused on D/s, and specifically, M/s relationships. They host classes and discussions on the D/s and M/s lifestyle, but of course there is a large cross over with the B/D and S/M parts of the acronym in MAsT, too, just like there is a big D/s crossover in the general BDSM groups.

But again, that's just in NYC. I don't know what it's like where you are. Sorry you felt/feel uncomfortable :[

 

[00Syd]

I'm curious, (and this question could apply to everyone), do you think that part of the reason Lit has become less interesting is because the novelty of the kink aspect of it has worn off for you?

No, I don't think the "novelty" of the kink aspect will ever wear off! Kink is awesome! But the "novelty" of seeing the same ten thread topics over and over again certainly does start to get a little grating.

 

[FloggingMolly]

1. What brought you to Lit and specifically to this forum? (If you say “the Internet” I will be forced to smack you)
Hubby had been reading the stories, and recommended having a look. I've always liked forums, so I thought I'd have a look. At the time, we were newly exploring my dominant side and his submissive side.
2. How long did you lurk?
I don't think I really did, however I've had many times of lurking snce stopping posting regularly.
3. Why did you stop lurking?
Because I had a question I wanted advice on.
4. What has kept you here?
The discussions are interesting, funny and at times, strange. I'm still learning alot about who and what I am.
5. General Lit thoughts?
That I've been gone so long I don't recognise many people.

 

[ownedsubgal]

I don't know, I don't think so. I wasn't already connected when I started participating on that site. And I don't know what the scene is like in your area, but in NYC we have plenty of people who are primarily D/s who come out to munches and parties and events, D/s is part of the acronym, after all. No one looks done on anyone for anything that they do, or don't, practice in their individual relationships (as long as it's consensual, of course). We also have a group in NYC called MAsT, Masters And slaves Together, which is a group focused on D/s, and specifically, M/s relationships. They host classes and discussions on the D/s and M/s lifestyle, but of course there is a large cross over with the B/D and S/M parts of the acronym in MAsT, too, just like there is a big D/s crossover in the general BDSM groups.

But again, that's just in NYC. I don't know what it's like where you are. Sorry you felt/feel uncomfortable :[

it's okay, i just think fet isn't so great for certain kinds of people, while it's super for others.

we are in the DC area, and the bdsm "scene" is pretty large. there are many munches, special events, parties, groups, etc. but as i stated before, they tend to be bdsm-focused. and, in imho, D/s as far as a natural personality type (as opposed to a role one chooses to take on sexually or within a specific relationship) is not a part of the bdsm acronym. D/s as we live it is more a "traditional" way of thinking and living.

i have heard of MAsT, but from what my Master has shared with me even they attract a good deal of leather and bdsm folks.

now of course if you actually go to these events you will find individuals who while interested in bdsm, have a more D/s-type philosophy, but that requires actually getting out there and actively getting to know a tremendous amount of people. being very shy with tons of social anxiety, and being very limited as far as how often i can get to these events in the first place, that's just not practical for me.

now my Master on the other hand is a very social person and gets to know people easily, so he knows how to navigate fet and the other sites to find the kind of people he likes and can relate to.