Book-burning, BDSM and the "One True (Casual) Way"

[unregistered]

 

[chy_girl]

Oh, fuck it...

It's circular reasoning based on somewhat shaky leaps of logic and we will never, ever, ever be able to have an actual discussion about it.

Defining insanity is a bad, bad habit...

Besides, I'd much rather complete the task for the day and wait for the morning email/text.

 

[Etoile]

http://lolcat.com/images/lolcats/174.jpg

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Which oif us is the "coward"? The one who stands up for love when all around him condemn it, or those who run from love because it would require them to face their demons and end their cycles of self-destruction?

You claim to be victims of love because you insist on mis-labelling abuse.

Love abuses no one and abuse is the sure sign there is no love.

Without love there is no respect.

Without love "BDSM" is just another acronym for abuse.

<snip>

In a world of barnacles and flight-less butterflies is it any wonder people are dissatisfied with what they have? Any wonder they no longer believe in the beauty and majesty of Love?

I said to myself that I wouldn't bring this up. But You have forced me.

I needed You that night in Memphis. That hot, sultry night when we found each other, two lost souls brought together by fate and yes, too much pineapple vodka. You told me you loved me. Loved me. There, in Room 207 of the Executel Inn, we clawed and groped each other as the fast-food wrappers swirled outside in the streetlight. You promised me everything, if I would but surrender to You. That the paddles and rope and ball gags were merely tangible evidence of what the good universe had bestowed, wrapped at our feet.

You bastard. All I needed was to be held. I was trembling, bruised, confused. I just needed You to hold me. I just needed You to tell me I was your "good greeneyes."

You left to buy cigarettes and a Powerball ticket.

And you never came back.

Don't speak to me of true love and respect. Because of You, I will never stray too far from the sidewalk. Because of You, I learned to play on the safe side.

I want my fucking butterfly wings back.

 

[Keroin]

In a world of barnacles and flight-less butterflies...

Ooo, reminds me of that time I did mushrooms back in university.

 

[neci]

I said to myself that I wouldn't bring this up. But You have forced me.

I needed You that night in Memphis. That hot, sultry night when we found each other, two lost souls brought together by fate and yes, too much pineapple vodka. You told me you loved me. Loved me. There, in Room 207 of the Executel Inn, we clawed and groped each other as the fast-food wrappers swirled outside in the streetlight. You promised me everything, if I would but surrender to You. That the paddles and rope and ball gags were merely tangible evidence of what the good universe had bestowed, wrapped at our feet.

You bastard. All I needed was to be held. I was trembling, bruised, confused. I just needed You to hold me. I just needed You to tell me I was your "good greeneyes."

You left to buy cigarettes and a Powerball ticket.

And you never came back.

Don't speak to me of true love and respect. Because of You, I will never stray too far from the sidewalk. Because of You, I learned to play on the safe side.

I want my fucking butterfly wings back.

that's it, greeneyes. we're going to the health department and You are getting tested.

 

[00Syd]

I'm starting to read this thread (and all of BLoved's other postings) as performance art.

 

[where]

My take on this, and this is from being in relationships with more than one woman who'd been abused in a previous relationship, is that it is kind of the other way around. It is not the former abuse that causes them to be attracted to a dominant partner. It is their own internal make-up that caused them to be attracted to a potential abuser in the first place.

The various psychological traits that make a person "submissive" causes them to be attracted to dominant people. A person who is not aware enough to know the difference can easily mistake an abusive type for a dominant one. This is not uncommon at all. Later, perhaps they hear about BDSM. They look into it and realise that a dominant partner is what they are looking for, and that is what they head towards.

I've seen it in my own partners, in submissive friends, in people I've met, and many times in the life stories shared here. I'm not saying it is conclusive by any stretch, but am offering it as a possible pattern that I've noticed.

I was thinking about people who were abused as kids, either physically or emotionally, but the bit about them then confusing dominant and abusive I understand. after all, it is seen by many (including the OP it would seem) as equivalent.

Also I agree, I'm not sure that it would be all subs have been abused in the past. like you say, there are certainly people who are just made that way anyway or, like me, have a specialist kink that brings me/them into (sorta kinda maybe!) the scene or makes them attracted to dominant men or women.

my original suggestion was based on the stories I've read on here of women who have described being abused from an early age and who are now in relationships that to the non-bdsm world, seem extreme and prohibitive.

 

[chy_girl]

I was thinking about people who were abused as kids, either physically or emotionally, but the bit about them then confusing dominant and abusive I understand. after all, it is seen by many (including the OP it would seem) as equivalent.
*snip*

For quite a while I wondered if the submissive nature was an effect of the abuse I suffered as a kid and if it was some kind of attempt to re-write history so to speak...

Then one night as I was getting ready for bed I was looking at all the pretty bruises that my People had gifted me with. About half-way through rating how good the bruises were I realized that it was the same rating system I'd used when I was as young as 3 or 4 - before the abuse happened.

It was an eyeopener and got me thinking about when I played as a kid. Things like how awesome bruises were - how they were a badge of pride, how it was a good game if someone took a not too serious spill but it was an awesome game if I took a hard spill and got back up to keep playing.

I still play like that, only now it's a different sort of game. Some of the components are different. And in a way it's much safer now than when I was a kid because I have two people who recognize what a stubborn, willful girl I can be. They recognize the value of letting me push my limits, but they also know that when I get in a certain head space they have to be the one to call done - and have a number of times.

One could say that there is a correlation between BDSM and having a history of child abuse but frankly there are so many people who do have some history of child abuse that I don't think it would be an accurate correlation.

 

[graceanne]

This.

--



My take on this, and this is from being in relationships with more than one woman who'd been abused in a previous relationship, is that it is kind of the other way around. It is not the former abuse that causes them to be attracted to a dominant partner. It is their own internal make-up that caused them to be attracted to a potential abuser in the first place.

I think it's the other way, abusers are attracted to submissives.

I said to myself that I wouldn't bring this up. But You have forced me.
.
.
.


I want my fucking butterfly wings back.

LOL!!

I thought you said you were gonna post a spew alert in your sig line.

 

[00Syd]

One could say that there is a correlation between BDSM and having a history of child abuse but frankly there are so many people who do have some history of child abuse that I don't think it would be an accurate correlation.

Not to mention the amount of people who do not have a history of child abuse who identify as submissive, or kinky, or whatever.

 

[midwestyankee]

Ooo, reminds me of that time I did mushrooms back in university.

Yes.....the bad ones.

 

[Keroin]

Yes.....the bad ones.

Maybe not so much the quality as the quantity.

 

[where]

One could say that there is a correlation between BDSM and having a history of child abuse but frankly there are so many people who do have some history of child abuse that I don't think it would be an accurate correlation.

well like I said, it was a bit of a musing, there is, as far as I know, no research which would suggest anything either way. I wasn't abused as a kid and I'm kinda subbish.
I still think it would be an interesting area of academic research though.

 

[Netzach]

I'm not normally a tl;dr kinda gal, but it's kind of hot now that I've tried it.

 

[Homburg]

I'm not normally a tl;dr kinda gal, but it's kind of hot now that I've tried it.

I generally despise tl;dr, but it is as appropriate here as dry anal is for a serious grudgefuck.

 

[graceanne]

I've been waiting patiently for something that will tell me what tl;dr stands for, and I'm tired of being patient.

What does tl;dr stand for?

 

[Etoile]

http://www.kimag.es/share/33836103.jpg

 

[Etoile]

I've been waiting patiently for something that will tell me what tl;dr stands for, and I'm tired of being patient.

What does tl;dr stand for?

too long; didn't read

 

[BiBunny]

too long; didn't read

Wow. I didn't actually know it stood for something. I thought it was just supposed to symbolize that the post was so long that the reader fell asleep face-first into the keyboard, and "tl;dr" is what the nosedive resulted in. Learn something new every day. Thanks, Etoile!

 

[graceanne]

too long; didn't read

Oh, ok.

Very fitting for anything this dude posts.

 

[ultramarineblue]

Wow. I didn't actually know it stood for something. I thought it was just supposed to symbolize that the post was so long that the reader fell asleep face-first into the keyboard, and "tl;dr" is what the nosedive resulted in. Learn something new every day. Thanks, Etoile!

You were much closer to figuring it out than I was. I kept drawing a complete blank on it.

 

[WhiteWalled]

BLoved, you do not accept direct messages.

A year ago, maybe more, I read through a collection of the more intelligent, in-depth BDSM essays on this site. Only one of them stuck with me. It included a comparison of the two types of people in this world, the dog-eat-dog variety who take what they want because they don't believe anyone else will look out for them, and caregivers. The latter being the type who look to bring more positive into the world and trust that the favor will be returned. I've thought about the issue a lot since then, even more in the past few months, and its context in a healthy give/take relationship. So much so, that I came back and read every single essay on literotica that may have been the one I was searching for. I even created this silly screen name. I've spent most of the day on my laptop thinking that it was probably just on the next page, and I've come up short.

As a last resort I came to search out the forums and discovered a post by CutieMouse mentioning one of your compositions. Given your familiar name, your recent burned book post and the title "Casual BDSM and Emotional Abuse", I believe I may have finally found it. If it was yours, please tell me that these guys haven't convinced you to delete the entire essay out of existence and/or that you're not willing to send me a copy. Thank you!

 

[00Syd]

And the plot thickens!

 

[Etoile]

BLoved, you do not accept direct messages.

A year ago, maybe more, I read through a collection of the more intelligent, in-depth BDSM essays on this site. Only one of them stuck with me. It included a comparison of the two types of people in this world, the dog-eat-dog variety who take what they want because they don't believe anyone else will look out for them, and caregivers. The latter being the type who look to bring more positive into the world and trust that the favor will be returned. I've thought about the issue a lot since then, even more in the past few months, and its context in a healthy give/take relationship. So much so, that I came back and read every single essay on literotica that may have been the one I was searching for. I even created this silly screen name. I've spent most of the day on my laptop thinking that it was probably just on the next page, and I've come up short.

As a last resort I came to search out the forums and discovered a post by CutieMouse mentioning one of your compositions. Given your familiar name, your recent burned book post and the title "Casual BDSM and Emotional Abuse", I believe I may have finally found it. If it was yours, please tell me that these guys haven't convinced you to delete the entire essay out of existence and/or that you're not willing to send me a copy. Thank you!

He doesn't accept PMs, so we're all subjected to it. Awesomesauce.