cloudy
Alabama Slammer
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2004
- Posts
- 37,997
yeah, I realize this will bring the haters out in full force, but I really don't give a shit. This isn't for them, it's for me.
Here's mine:
Hey girl, I'm a little worried about you. You're just so....angry, all the time, filled with a rage, almost, that stays bottled up inside you only to erupt at some unknown moment, and directed at someone who usually doesn't deserve even a tenth of it.
I realize the move from Santa Barbara to Bunny Kill Tennessee right in the middle of your senior year of high school was about as inconsiderate as your parents could possibly be. I know now that they really, really thought that they were doing the best they could, but even your mom admits now that it was a complete and total catastrophe.
Don't be so hard on her...or on your dad, either. If you think about it for a minute, and can admit it to yourself, Dad never did anything that wasn't done with a thought for your welfare, and that of the rest of the family. You won't have him for much longer, you know.
It's so hard to accept that one of your parents, the one you thought was invincible and infallible won't be around to see you graduate from college, see you get married, or even see the three grandchildren you will eventually give him (don't faint....here, sit down. I know that kind of news should have been delivered a little more tactfully. Sorry).
You have exactly five years left with the man that was always there, that always talked so tough and so strict, but always did what you wanted in the end. He did that because his joy in life was to see you smile.
Mom told me later, after Dad had died that the reason he's so hard on you now is that he quite literally thinks you're perfect. If we follow that, no guy will ever be good enough for you to date (much less marry), and the reason that he stays on your back so hard about school and your acceptable-to-any-other-parent A/B average is that if you're perfect, then you must not be trying very hard, or those grades would be perfect A's all the way across the board.
Don't try to convince him that you're human, and that you're not anywhere close to perfect. He won't believe you, and more than that, he doesn't want to believe that. You're his baby girl, the youngest girl of three, and, for him, you did more than hang the moon - you created the universe to spin around you when you were born.
It's a heavy load to carry, I realize that now, but do something for me, please: don't work so hard at disillusioning him. You really can try much harder at school, and it wouldn't kill you to actually be home by the curfew that he gives you once in awhile. It kills him to think of his perfect baby girl out so late at night, where he doesn't know where you are, and probably won't be able to ride to your rescue if you needed him to. His health isn't good enough for him to walk from the porch to the car, much less save you if you needed it.
That knowledge right there I think hurts him more than anything, more than knowing that he'll be leaving you soon...and he does know. He knows already, and is struggling so hard to leave you with everything you could possibly need: all the advice, all the smiles, all the rules, so don't throw them back in his face with such gusto.
He needs some reassurance that you're going to be okay, and you know...sometimes late at night, after everyone's gone to bed, he cries. Yep, that man that stands six foot six, weighs two hundred and fifty lbs, so tall that he has to duck to go through doorways in a standard house cries because he wants so badly to be able to see you through the things that he knows are coming, and knows that his time is running out too fast.
Take it easy on him. Tell him you love him more often. Hug him, maybe sit in his lap and lay your head on his shoulder like you once did when you were six or seven, and let him know that you appreciate every single minute that God is giving you with him. I know he's a little awkward about physical affection, but do it anyway. You'll be glad later on.
Your mom has her hands full right now, too. I don't think this is what she signed up for, and on top of worrying about Dad, she wonders where you are and when you're going to snap and go off again. And then there's your younger brother - a boy/young man who looks for trouble as if it doesn't find him on it's own fast enough. Just like you're your father's baby, Andrew is your mom's baby. Maybe you could chill, slow your roll, quit being such a diva just for a little while. She could use a little less pressure right now.
You'll finish college, at least you have the sense to follow through with it, but consider staying with your original major. You'll enjoy the work more, make more money, and be able to stand just as tall as your older brother - pretentious ass that he is.
Don't marry Curt. Yeah, he's nice looking, and he's from a decent family, but his mother is a nightmare, and she'll inject herself into every little thing you do as a couple until it become unbearable to you, and you have to choose between leaving your soul mate, or putting up with the psycho mother-in-law from hell. It's just years of heartbreak that you don't need. Someone else will come along. Wait for him.
Don't marry your second husband, either. You did that on the rebound, knew exactly what was going on even through the actual ceremony, and still went through with it. You were sorry as hell the next day, but it was already done. Just don't, okay?
Don't buy that Camaro Z28. It's a hot car, looks great, sounds even greater, but it only gets eight miles to the gallon and it will break down so many times that you'd be better off with a bicycle. I know this is the kind of advice you hate, but buy something just a tad more sensible. Resist the temptation. You'll be glad you did.
When you meet Ernie the first time, tell him he's a dickwad and walk away. That is all. Whatever you do, DO NOT LOOK AT THOSE BIG BROWN EYES.
Quit that job at BB before the company goes bankrupt. I know you'll love the job, but it's going away no matter what you do, and it's easier to find a job when you're already employed.
Move back to Tennessee the first chance you get. I know it sounds weird since you hate it so much right now that you could scream, but Julia will be the best friend you'll ever have, and she'll be there with you through every damn thing you go through, and you will absolutely have to deal with a lot.
Love those kids you're going to have. They're all gorgeous, intelligent, and sensitive. Remember that.
Above all, work hard, but stop being your own worst critic. Sometimes the best you can do is just the best you can do, and there's no sense looking back with regret on the things you can't change, and probably wouldn't even if you could.
Use those last years with your father. Learn from him. Let him know that you'll carry on, and that his efforts haven't been in vain.
Hold up your mother from time to time. I know she's the strongest woman you've ever known, but even she needs a hand, a shoulder, an ear from time to time. You might be surprised at the relationship that develops if you do.
Do the things you've always wanted to do. Don't reach my age, and wish. It's sad.
Love you, little hellion. Take care, and I'll see you on the other side.
Here's mine:
Hey girl, I'm a little worried about you. You're just so....angry, all the time, filled with a rage, almost, that stays bottled up inside you only to erupt at some unknown moment, and directed at someone who usually doesn't deserve even a tenth of it.
I realize the move from Santa Barbara to Bunny Kill Tennessee right in the middle of your senior year of high school was about as inconsiderate as your parents could possibly be. I know now that they really, really thought that they were doing the best they could, but even your mom admits now that it was a complete and total catastrophe.
Don't be so hard on her...or on your dad, either. If you think about it for a minute, and can admit it to yourself, Dad never did anything that wasn't done with a thought for your welfare, and that of the rest of the family. You won't have him for much longer, you know.
It's so hard to accept that one of your parents, the one you thought was invincible and infallible won't be around to see you graduate from college, see you get married, or even see the three grandchildren you will eventually give him (don't faint....here, sit down. I know that kind of news should have been delivered a little more tactfully. Sorry).
You have exactly five years left with the man that was always there, that always talked so tough and so strict, but always did what you wanted in the end. He did that because his joy in life was to see you smile.
Mom told me later, after Dad had died that the reason he's so hard on you now is that he quite literally thinks you're perfect. If we follow that, no guy will ever be good enough for you to date (much less marry), and the reason that he stays on your back so hard about school and your acceptable-to-any-other-parent A/B average is that if you're perfect, then you must not be trying very hard, or those grades would be perfect A's all the way across the board.
Don't try to convince him that you're human, and that you're not anywhere close to perfect. He won't believe you, and more than that, he doesn't want to believe that. You're his baby girl, the youngest girl of three, and, for him, you did more than hang the moon - you created the universe to spin around you when you were born.
It's a heavy load to carry, I realize that now, but do something for me, please: don't work so hard at disillusioning him. You really can try much harder at school, and it wouldn't kill you to actually be home by the curfew that he gives you once in awhile. It kills him to think of his perfect baby girl out so late at night, where he doesn't know where you are, and probably won't be able to ride to your rescue if you needed him to. His health isn't good enough for him to walk from the porch to the car, much less save you if you needed it.
That knowledge right there I think hurts him more than anything, more than knowing that he'll be leaving you soon...and he does know. He knows already, and is struggling so hard to leave you with everything you could possibly need: all the advice, all the smiles, all the rules, so don't throw them back in his face with such gusto.
He needs some reassurance that you're going to be okay, and you know...sometimes late at night, after everyone's gone to bed, he cries. Yep, that man that stands six foot six, weighs two hundred and fifty lbs, so tall that he has to duck to go through doorways in a standard house cries because he wants so badly to be able to see you through the things that he knows are coming, and knows that his time is running out too fast.
Take it easy on him. Tell him you love him more often. Hug him, maybe sit in his lap and lay your head on his shoulder like you once did when you were six or seven, and let him know that you appreciate every single minute that God is giving you with him. I know he's a little awkward about physical affection, but do it anyway. You'll be glad later on.
Your mom has her hands full right now, too. I don't think this is what she signed up for, and on top of worrying about Dad, she wonders where you are and when you're going to snap and go off again. And then there's your younger brother - a boy/young man who looks for trouble as if it doesn't find him on it's own fast enough. Just like you're your father's baby, Andrew is your mom's baby. Maybe you could chill, slow your roll, quit being such a diva just for a little while. She could use a little less pressure right now.
You'll finish college, at least you have the sense to follow through with it, but consider staying with your original major. You'll enjoy the work more, make more money, and be able to stand just as tall as your older brother - pretentious ass that he is.
Don't marry Curt. Yeah, he's nice looking, and he's from a decent family, but his mother is a nightmare, and she'll inject herself into every little thing you do as a couple until it become unbearable to you, and you have to choose between leaving your soul mate, or putting up with the psycho mother-in-law from hell. It's just years of heartbreak that you don't need. Someone else will come along. Wait for him.
Don't marry your second husband, either. You did that on the rebound, knew exactly what was going on even through the actual ceremony, and still went through with it. You were sorry as hell the next day, but it was already done. Just don't, okay?
Don't buy that Camaro Z28. It's a hot car, looks great, sounds even greater, but it only gets eight miles to the gallon and it will break down so many times that you'd be better off with a bicycle. I know this is the kind of advice you hate, but buy something just a tad more sensible. Resist the temptation. You'll be glad you did.
When you meet Ernie the first time, tell him he's a dickwad and walk away. That is all. Whatever you do, DO NOT LOOK AT THOSE BIG BROWN EYES.
Quit that job at BB before the company goes bankrupt. I know you'll love the job, but it's going away no matter what you do, and it's easier to find a job when you're already employed.
Move back to Tennessee the first chance you get. I know it sounds weird since you hate it so much right now that you could scream, but Julia will be the best friend you'll ever have, and she'll be there with you through every damn thing you go through, and you will absolutely have to deal with a lot.
Love those kids you're going to have. They're all gorgeous, intelligent, and sensitive. Remember that.
Above all, work hard, but stop being your own worst critic. Sometimes the best you can do is just the best you can do, and there's no sense looking back with regret on the things you can't change, and probably wouldn't even if you could.
Use those last years with your father. Learn from him. Let him know that you'll carry on, and that his efforts haven't been in vain.
Hold up your mother from time to time. I know she's the strongest woman you've ever known, but even she needs a hand, a shoulder, an ear from time to time. You might be surprised at the relationship that develops if you do.
Do the things you've always wanted to do. Don't reach my age, and wish. It's sad.
Love you, little hellion. Take care, and I'll see you on the other side.
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And I love the letter you wrote. Very moving.
