Why do men do the silly things they do?

[Firmhanded_Daddy]

There has been a lot of times in my life I have felt the bridge between myself and the opposite sex as being small, and many times I have felt like it is miles across. As of late I have been feeling the later quite a bit. Conflicting with people close to me.

Sometimes it's good to step back and evaluate things, so that is what I'm doing here.

Women, feel free to read these things and take them to heart in dealing with the men in your life, it may just help you avoid a nasty fight or two.

Men, feel free to chime in with me, I think we need to explain why it is we tend to put our foot in our mouth from time to time.

 

[landingstrip]

http://funnyjunk.com/youtube/24247/Sexy+nerd+on+a+friday+night/

 

[Ahren1]

Speak for yourself...

 

[Firmhanded_Daddy]

The first thing to keep in mind is that every day is a struggle against our nature. Our society, and our body chemistry are at war. Men respond to almost every situation with some varying degree of aggression. It's all that testosterone, it makes us aggressive. Yet society says it is not acceptable to release it in the natural course of events. So it builds, and it builds, and every time we encounter a new stressful situation, it adds to it.

Second.

No man will ever be as good for you as we are. Bottom line, no argument on this one. Every man feels this way, they know better than any other just what you need. Be it your daughter, your girl friend, your mom, your great aunt. Doesn't matter. We want to wrap you up in a bubble and protect you from the world. This is a big one, because it drives a lot of our responses to you.

Third

Most of us were raised to believe that we have to treat you like a fragile piece of glass, though I think this is a dying ritual, there are still those of us who try extremely hard to live up to the ideal that it is our job to keep you safe, to treat you like a delicate flower, and sacrifice anything nessicary to adhere to this belief.

Now for some basics.

1. Our emotions are intense, often, violent, and hard to contain. Society raises men to believe we are not allowed to express emotion, not allowed to cry, not allowed to feel moments of weakness at all. We are all supposed to be unfalteringly strong and able to tackle any challenge despite how we feel. But when we come closer to a woman they want those barriers to come down. It's hard to reverse a life time of conditioning, even for you.

2. Our instincts tell us to protect you, to wrap you up and keep you safe from harm. Sometimes we will just take control and tell you what to do, tell you what is the best course of action and totally discount what you have to say because "We know what is best for you" Well the best intentions do not always excuse the end result. Still, we only do it because you are important to us, and our heart is in the right place.

3. We will go to great lengths just to see something as small as a smile from your lips. Your satisfaction, your happiness is so pivotal to our own self worth we will do things well above and beyond our own character and comfort level just to please you. Sometimes this can lead to bad choices, so try not to be so hard on us when we spent the rent money on a piece of jewelry for you... we just wanted to make you happy

4. Men are very simple. There are some great ways to change our mood without a whole lot of effort. This one may not be true for all, I'm just giving my personal stance on the matter here. A great way to pull me out of a dark mood is just touch me. It doesn't have to be sexual. There are few things that lift a man up out of a dark situation better than the intimate closeness of the woman he cares about.

5. If we feel emotionally distant it is more than likely because we are feeling out of control emotionally, and we are trying to protect you from an outburst. Some women like to be yelled at, some don't. We have all yelled at a woman we have cared about and seen her crumple before our eyes. It's heart breaking. So we are trying to keep that from happening. We don't want to hurt you, we want to fix whatever the problem is and move on.

6. Men feel the overwhelming need to fix anything that is "Broken" It's how we cope. Women vent, they cry, they do various other things. Men throw themselves into something, and try to break down the problem, then solve it. This is true for the car that has been sitting on the jack for six months, this is true for your fight with your best friend. It's hard not to try and "Fix" your problem, even when all you want is someone to listen.

7. we hate to see a woman cry. This ties in strongly to number 6. A woman crying evokes a strong emotional response from us. The overwhelming desire to fix the problem and stop those tears. Most of the time we can't fix it, and it makes us feel terrible. The feeling of being helpless to soothe your pain only leads to frustration. Whatever it is that is making you cry, we want to punch it/heal it/keep it away from you, and we cannot always do that. So sometimes we are going to freak out when you cry. It's not because we don't love you, it's because we care so much, and there is nothing that we can do to fix it.

8. There are few things worse than the feeling that we have let you down or dissapointed you. One of those things that is worse? Failing to live up to our own standards of what we -think- you deserve. When we care about you, we plan, we analyze, we build up everything around the fact that we think you deserve the world and we are going to give it to you! Because we want to, very very much. So you may be hard on us for dropping the ball, forgetting your birthday. I can promise you we are much harder on ourselves when we see that you didn't like what we got you for christmas, that you fussed over the price instead of taking pleasure in the gift. We would have given more if we could.

 

[Alana_]

J I'm sorry you feel like this, and I hope it passes for you soon..I also hope it wasn't the actions of a woman that has laid all of this on you. I think that if you are feeling all of this, then you're doing something that my own husband woudn't do ( in my experience in being married to a guy) and that's that you're prepared to talk about it.
I know my husband, and I absolutely adore him, but he'd never talk about his feelings, good or bad, as he sees it as being weak. But I do hope you find a bit of solace, cause it reads as a pretty lonely place to be in.


Also, please dont think that men are the only ones that ''do silly things''. I know quite a few, RL and online, that do things I as a woman find embarrassing to see them doing, read about, or indeed do myself. So being silly isn't confined to the guys..Just I think women talk more about this kind of thing.

And of course I know there'll be some that will argue we talk too much, or that men talk too...Im simply expressing myself from what I personally know and deal with.

 

[Veroe]

This thread topic is a can of worms. But who am I to spoil the wriggly fun

Why do men do silly things, the same reason women do silly things of their own. Humanity no matter what gender is generally irrational, divisive, and self-disruptive. That typically is the rule, but here's the really silly thing that just proves my point-individually we are all exceptions to the rule. All of us man or woman have very good reasons based on our previous experiences to do the silly things that we do or the crazy things we say to eachother that makes perfect sense from our own specific point of view-unfortunately unless you take the time to see the world through their eyes know the previous experiences whatever someone else does generally will prove either irrational or just plain stupid.

 

[chronicle_tenko]

Huh. I'm actually a little shocked that it's a member of my fellow gender who wrote this question, and words are failing. It's very touching, true, (to me) and quite brave. If you're suffering feel free to lay some burden on me, Brother, my back is strong today.

We all have issues. And it gets hard dealing with things. I had a slough of stuff hit me in High school Just problems with everything..... I was going to talk about them but this isn't the time or place.

It was bad, and in stress, I used to toy with my fingers or crack my knuckles, and I broke two of my own fingers in 5 places. Before realising I was trying to break a third. In math class. While someone screamed at me.

Men are curious beasts, and very simple. I had a joke about it, I'll tell it anyway. Th male thought pattern goes like this.

Can I fuck it? > No
Then I'm Hungry.
Can I eat it? > No
Then I'll kill it.
... Repeat line of questioning.
Until the answer equals yes. There after Man Sleeps. All pursuit or action is a plan to get to yes to one of these questions.

But what you've said Mister Daddy. I's quite true. We are hard on ourselves and society is kind of cruel in how they raise us. I told my stepfather once I was scared because I'd beaten up an older kid and he'd said he'd press charges. And when I cried HE beat me. It was a long time before I figured out how scared my step dad was and how little choice he felt he had, Like his dad used to feel.

I guess I agree with you a lot. I'm used to feeling strong, capable, and stoic. I hide behind many screens of logic secure in my ability to solve problems through wit or force. And It's very easy for me to admit being wrong, or that I don't know. But it's almost impossible to admit I can't. And that's bad for a lot of us. And for most men admitting the first two is less preferable than snapping one of your own teeth.

I'm rambling. I'll close by saying thanks for getting some of this out into the open.

But you realise for divulging Man Secrets, Man Law says I must find and Kill you right?

 

[Firmhanded_Daddy]

Alana,

Know that while some of what drove me to this was my own friction, that was not the whole of my decision. Yes, I have conflicted with some close friends as of late over things that in reality led down to miscommunication, and it caused a large amount of stress for both of us.

However the larger focus was that I know a few people dear to my heart right now who are struggling with situations with others, and I feel that a little mutual wisdom and understanding of just how the unique male perspective works would do them good, and in truth this is for all the women out there who find males, and the strange thought process we have boggling. I'm hoping that this will help grant understanding, so perhaps that bridge might be a little shorter for them when they deal with men.

I understand what you are saying with your husband, and that is just one of the things I am talking about. My dad was the same way. Showing any emotion but anger is seen as a weakness. When in truth it is so much easier to hide your emotions, rather than to display them and leave yourself vulnerable to others. It's one of those dated belief systems, on par with "Women should be seen and not heard" However unlike that particular one, men showing emotion is still fairly unacceptable, especially around other males.

Veroe, you are correct, this could turn into a disaster of a thread, but that's only if people take it out of control. This is supposed to be a helpful tool for sharing. You are also correct in saying that each individual is different. What I have said will not apply to every man, and what others say may not apply to you or me, again it is just a general statement to try and help bridge the gap of communication. Men are not known for their ability to communicate emotions well

Mr. Tenko, your offer is much appreciated, though I can honestly say at this point I am doing much better than I have been. I had a long conversation with someone very near and dear to me last evening and I think it put right a lot of wrongs. It was in that conversation that I realized just how many things I had said to her in the past which were misunderstood, that my attempts to be so starkly open with her, were taken with a different meaning. Even someone who is as introspective as I am, can find himself dropping the ball when it comes to communicating my thoughts.

I cannot say I have ever broken bones because of stress, though I have dislocated a shoulder because of it!

I can totally relate to what you were saying about your father, without making this a melodramatic hatred of the parents thread, my dad would barely even hug my mother until I was about 15. He was so practiced at suppressing everything but rage, it took him YEARS to figure out it was ok to show his family members he cared about them. I had several conflicts with him when I was younger, and he thought I was being too emotional, and the idea just never made any sense to me. I came to understand it as I grew older, that guys were just not expected to be emotional.

And if you must kill me for breaking the "Guy code" then I accept my fate willingly. I would call it a worthy sacrifice if what I have done today helps other people in communicating more effectively with each other. it's really only with understanding how another person views the world, that you can truly understand what they are saying.

If your going to do it, I prefer something elaborate and stylish. I have a rather morbid sense of humor at times!

 

[xOxCherryxOx]

J,

Women do things just as silly only with a feminine touch. My views on your touchy subject..

1. Our emotions are a rollercoaster of everything that has happened to us, past and present not necessarily by any fault of yours. Don't take it to heart when we sometimes claw at your barriers and try to get inside..it's only because we long to be closer to you, know you and love you. Sometimes we may seem too needy, intrusive or other times distant. We feel everything just as intensely as you do only we express it more often.

2. Don't sweat the small stuff. We cry, sometimes we don't even know why so if we can't explain it just bear with us, it will pass. We don't expect you to "fix" or "mend" everything that has scarred us be it mentally or physically simply understanding the best you can works miracles. A simple kiss or your hand in our hair can sooth the tenderest of souls.

3. Just because we cry or misunderstand things due to past relationships, hurts and heartbreaks doesn't mean we hold it against you, it just means we have things to work through and maybe aren't used to having someone we can actually depend on that is strong, goodhearted, loving and honest. We don't mean misinturpret your actions but when we've had a lifetime of lies, hurt and deceit we have an armor around us that's hard to break down and trust again. Again, this is no fault of yours but when you care for someone you have to take the good with the bad and be patient for walls to come down. Try not to hold it against us.

4. Women are complex in some ways, simple in others. In my own personal heart its an undying need to please. When we feel we've disappointed you or not pleased you or lived up to your expectations of us its crushing. We don't want to see you cry anymore than you want to see us cry. The thought of causing you undue grief because of someone in the past that hurt us is heartbreaking. We try to be perfect for you and fit on the pedestal you put us on but we falter just as much and at times fall off. Those are the times its great to wrap us up in one of those overprotective bear hugs that make us feel safe and perfect in your eyes even though we are no where near close to being so. You complete us...

5. You may always think you know whats best for us and very well sometimes you do, but other times its better to step back and give us breathing room and listen to us, let us make our own decision. Sometimes we are actually right and know whats best. Sometimes we like to be in control, it makes us feel strong to fix things on our own. It doesn't mean we don't need you, it just means we sometimes need to stand on our own two feet and make you proud to call us your woman. After all if we can't be proud of ourselves or love ourselves how can we expect we deserve your love?

6. We know you aren't perfect. We know that you have emotions and struggle to deal with them. We know you want to protect, claim us, and fix everything for us. We love you even more for it. You are the strength when we are weak, your the glue that makes all wrongs somehow right again. You are the reason we want to be beautiful, loved and cherished. You have an amazing amount of power over your woman. One simple look from your eyes can make us soar or make us crater. It's not easy having someone close to you with that kind of power over your emotions.

7. We have faults. We aren't perfect. But we love you to infinity and would bust down the gates of hell to give you the heaven you deserve. We hurt when we see how hard you are on yourself. We know how hard you try. That means the world to us that you do.

8. You are perfect to me, I would not change anything about you.

 

[Last_Rider]

Forgive me if this is slightly off topic, but I believe it has bearing on your initial query. People do silly things in large part because of lack of understanding. You're assesment of men is very accurate, though I have other reasons besides my up bringing for my emotional issues, it is generally believed that an emotional male isn't a strong one.

This reasoning is flawed, but persists because people seem to be incapable of acknowledging that things may be different than they believe them to be. We see two types of men, generally speaking: the strong who show few emotions, or the weak who show many. Neither of these are fair assesments, but that remains the way we see things.

The problem is that we, as a race it seems, can't realize that something different may be equally valid. Instead we revert to an "either or" mentality, failing to recognize that our greatest ability as humans is to adapt, to consider beyond the basics. We seem to propogate rigid thinking, one is either this or that, when reality shows we can be both.

Perhaps a situation that arises frequently with me will help my point. I know a few gay people, and have no issue with them. I am also religious in many ways, and consequently believe that homosexuality is a sin. Those two points of view are not opposing, my issue with a philosophy doesn't stop me from enjoying someone as a person, and I accepted that I cannot pass judgment on others, only God can. Yet frequently I am criticized on both sides to one degree or another because I take a rational approach to something.

Ok, now I know I'm rambling, and I apologize for that. People do silly things because we have inheriently rigid thought patterns, and that includes me, I am far from perfect when it comes to this. I apologize if that is hugely off topic and will happily delete it if requested to.

 

[monique_minx]

In response to Rider:

I don't think it was off topic at all, I value an opinion even if I don't agree with it - sad thing is some people don't know how to approach something they don't agree with very well and take it to heart at times.

Cherry:

I think your explanation of how a female works, thinks and feels is accurate for the most part though I'm probably not the best woman to ask considering often or not; I tend to think like a male

As for being protected...for me that's a tough one because while I am a submissive at heart and love to please...I'm also pretty independent and have had to stand on my own for a very long time. I had to become something akin to a surrogate mother to my two little sisters at the age of 17 and I still take care of them and feel a great deal of responsibility to them...even though I'm seen as a bitch on occasion!

I know I'm probably getting a bit personal but as I see it, this thread would make it difficult not to be personal.

FD:

Thanks for pointing me in this direction, I appreciate your support and that of all my friends here on Lit, you've all been wonderful to me!

It certainly gives me some perspective though I tend to feel my feelings rather than think them and often or not; it means I have extreme difficulty explaining my emotions to another. I'm also pretty bottled up generally, I can tell you my opinion on something but describing how I feel about it is another things entirely.

I hope this isn't off topic either!

 

[Firmhanded_Daddy]

To my Cherry Blossom:

Thank you for returning the gesture and helping all of us silly boys understand women better. It will certainly help us make better choices in the future.. at least I hope it will! Hope you gents are taking notes here!

You are wonderful, thank you for everything, I think your pretty damn perfect myself

To Ryder:

Sorry brother, your not getting a kiss ^.~

Everyone is driven by different motivation, I am glad that you agree with my fairly general assessment, I tried to keep it general enough so that most could relate to it, otherwise it wouldn't be of much help to the ladies out there.

You are right, strength is not measured by how easily, or how little you express your inner workings. So there is no puritanical way to just say a man is strong or weak based on how he expresses himself.

I can relate to your position with the homosexual community, almost anyway. In sort of a convoluted way at least. I've had several homosexual friends, it doesn't bother me. Live and let live! I am not to here to judge em. Just as long as they don't project their beliefs on to me, I won't do the same! That goes for anyone really. I've had just about as many knock down drag out fights with religious hard edge people.

The truth is we all have rigid unbending thoughts in certain area's. The key is to try and recognize them, and do your best to receive another side with an open mind and heart!

-Gives Ryder an akward guy hug, then just grins- Awww fuck it.

-Hugs him tight and winks- I don't give it up on the first date, so don't expect anything!

Minxy:

Anytime sugar. I hope desperately that even some small fiber of this will be of some use to you in the future. I'm here for ya doll if you need a shoulder, or just someone to vent at. Us men are a frustrating bunch!


So far no one has gone far off topic, and to be honest even if y'all do I don't mind much, as long as this remains a safe place for people to be open and honest about things then it's all good in my book!

 

[xOxCherryxOx]

To my Cherry Blossom:

You are wonderful, thank you for everything, I think your pretty damn perfect myself

The feeling is mutual Daddy I adore you and your sweet honesty.

 

[naughty4Daddy]

J,

Women do things just as silly only with a feminine touch. My views on your touchy subject..

1. Our emotions are a rollercoaster of everything that has happened to us, past and present not necessarily by any fault of yours. Don't take it to heart when we sometimes claw at your barriers and try to get inside..it's only because we long to be closer to you, know you and love you. Sometimes we may seem too needy, intrusive or other times distant. We feel everything just as intensely as you do only we express it more often.

2. Don't sweat the small stuff. We cry, sometimes we don't even know why so if we can't explain it just bear with us, it will pass. We don't expect you to "fix" or "mend" everything that has scarred us be it mentally or physically simply understanding the best you can works miracles. A simple kiss or your hand in our hair can sooth the tenderest of souls.

3. Just because we cry or misunderstand things due to past relationships, hurts and heartbreaks doesn't mean we hold it against you, it just means we have things to work through and maybe aren't used to having someone we can actually depend on that is strong, goodhearted, loving and honest. We don't mean misinturpret your actions but when we've had a lifetime of lies, hurt and deceit we have an armor around us that's hard to break down and trust again. Again, this is no fault of yours but when you care for someone you have to take the good with the bad and be patient for walls to come down. Try not to hold it against us.

4. Women are complex in some ways, simple in others. In my own personal heart its an undying need to please. When we feel we've disappointed you or not pleased you or lived up to your expectations of us its crushing. We don't want to see you cry anymore than you want to see us cry. The thought of causing you undue grief because of someone in the past that hurt us is heartbreaking. We try to be perfect for you and fit on the pedestal you put us on but we falter just as much and at times fall off. Those are the times its great to wrap us up in one of those overprotective bear hugs that make us feel safe and perfect in your eyes even though we are no where near close to being so. You complete us...

5. You may always think you know whats best for us and very well sometimes you do, but other times its better to step back and give us breathing room and listen to us, let us make our own decision. Sometimes we are actually right and know whats best. Sometimes we like to be in control, it makes us feel strong to fix things on our own. It doesn't mean we don't need you, it just means we sometimes need to stand on our own two feet and make you proud to call us your woman. After all if we can't be proud of ourselves or love ourselves how can we expect we deserve your love?

6. We know you aren't perfect. We know that you have emotions and struggle to deal with them. We know you want to protect, claim us, and fix everything for us. We love you even more for it. You are the strength when we are weak, your the glue that makes all wrongs somehow right again. You are the reason we want to be beautiful, loved and cherished. You have an amazing amount of power over your woman. One simple look from your eyes can make us soar or make us crater. It's not easy having someone close to you with that kind of power over your emotions.

7. We have faults. We aren't perfect. But we love you to infinity and would bust down the gates of hell to give you the heaven you deserve. We hurt when we see how hard you are on yourself. We know how hard you try. That means the world to us that you do.

8. You are perfect to me, I would not change anything about you.

Couldn't agree more with xOxCherryxOx there. And like mentioned by Rider, I think it's mostly about communication. At the end of the day, no amount of musing or deliberation on this issue will get you anywhere if you don't share it and tell her. Sometimes we also try to distance ourselves, because we know we are always (well, at least for me) on an emotional roller coaster and we don't want all the ups and downs to throw you off course or repulse you because you can't handle how much we need you. I personally crave the personal connection and the ability to you know, move things beyond sex, but there's a lot of insecurity there in relation to my own personality, and so it reaches a point where physical compatibility no longer becomes an issue, but personality compatibility. Therefore, whenever I sense that he distances off, for whatever reason, I try not to pursue. I don't want him to get the impression or feeling that I'm clinging onto him way more than he wants me to, but I also don't want to give myself the cause to think that way, and either feel pathetic or sorry about myself. And you know why all this mess and confusion and unnecessary drama comes about?

Miscommunication, or rather, a lack thereof. If you love her and you care, and you want to protect her, be the center of her world; if you desire her and need her; if you want to wipe away her tears and get into her mind, talk. I admire people who know each other so well they don't need words, but sometimes only words can do it - she needs to know and be reassured that all your 'silly' acts are out of love, that it's not because she's not good enough, but because you love her too much - and that's very heart-warming to hear. A lack of communication leaves a person to try to explain the situation based on her own imagination - if she tends to be a pessimist, compulsive worrier and most importantly, severely insecure like me hehe, that's not good, not to mention, it's your job to make her feel secure. (and so is it hers to make you feel the same!)

Talk. We need to understand each other.

 

[Light Ice]

Did not read timestamp.

 

[Light Ice]

Did not read timestamp.

 

[Light Ice]

Did not read the timestamp.

 

[Josu_T]

Light Ice, while I agree with most of what you said, and believe that not all guys are that way, you could have said so with a little more tact. Even more so if you believe that he is having troubles in his real life. People need help, not confrontation. He also does make a few decent points hidden within the long mix of various overstatements and generalizations. One of which is that men are trained and taught from a young age that "big boys don't cry", they also don't discuss their emotions. This may be overcome when in a good relationship, but it can create issues. Anyway, my main reason for saying anything is that confrontation is not the best way of dealing with things like this.

Also, if you look at the time stamps of the old posts, this thread is from over a year ago and wasn't posted in for a very long time. Not sure why it was even brought back to life. It is a little pointless because while there are some similarities between men, every man is different. No man does anything because of general laws of male behaviour. I think we should just let this thread die again.

 

[Veroe]

resuscitates this thread just to prove that men do silly things

 

[zydrate]

What a silly question....

It's because they're men....

It's like asking why is water wet

 

[Veroe]

What a silly question....

It's because they're men....

It's like asking why is water wet

Water's isn't wet, everything else is just really really really dry in comparison.

 

[zydrate]

Water's isn't wet, everything else is just really really really dry in comparison.

lol, brat hugs