Here are two sets of poems, give an opinion on which set you think is better.
Narcissus:
She shared his dreams year after year,
and loved him, even flaws and warts.
She left his side like wind blown straw,
now life is bleak without her there.
He heard the news without a tear,
and did not rage against a God,
nor neighbors nor a passing dog.
Each was spared the brunt of his fear;
All that's left a memory's spear,
a photograph sorrows emit
seeks each nuance and gaze each time
upon the face he holds so dear.
A flower frozen gaunt with fear
deafened by ego, blind to doom
he thirsts what was, to sate his mood
but only tastes the chasm near.
His consciousness will disappear
as life recedes to silent deeps
He comprehends with frightening speed
it is his face he sees so clear.
Echo:
A ghostly witness consciously
ignoring all his vain hubris
while looking over life’s debris
she longs to feel his touch once more.
Shadowed weavers leave off their loom,
and come to give an answer fair,
"Persuade him, you must show you care,
if you would both find joy again."
She whispers words into his dreams
but still he consciously evades her,
a crying heart now grows weaker
an eponym from far away.
He falls then grasps one final breath
She roars, 'Come love, life, come hither!'
His glance ablaze, her hopes on prayer
'Here', he echoes, his arm outstretched.
And finally it ends in death,
for the man whose soul is blinded,
trusting only hubris of mind,
for the unsought, is never found.
------------------------------------------ Second Set
Narcissus:
I longed for Love, a path to Bliss
And she became my sight, my pride;
I'm lonely now, she is no more
Than a fragrance as I reminisce.
If memory should fail and miss
No glass ball will lift the veils,
Instead I'll stare at my own eyes,
Pretend I'm her so we may kiss.
Some loss turns gain. Some terrors, this:
A purified love's memory
Fogged gracefully with age. But death
That's merely Death forms Hell's abyss.
Daffodil drops—flower phone, hear a hiss
No voice, no word, only waves of woe.
Reflect regret, silent stare, she's not there.
Recollect, bounce back, dismay dismiss.
Pussywillow soft! She left me like this?
My Perfection? A subtle hue gone gray.
Now knocked from center, my orbit sways
Alone, a cross without his criss.
Echo:
As I sought you I seek you still
Between purple petal and waterfall mist.
If wish were will then I am wisp,
Shadow of an echo nearly missed.
You kneel and stare in empty pool.
Eyes blank, no glisten; gaze on glass.
I am here, listen—mind our tryst.
Sense me still, see not only self.
The Dead live perfect recall, dream
Without resentment, unrepressed.
Their love lost history—entranced,
Pristine, long free of mystery.
Your Nemesis refuses me,
So bind your words upon my lips,
Speak that I might speak your wish,
Hear me! find me! Come, let us meet.
I had the choice to stay or leave,
I chose to stay as time permits,
Perchance your ear might pass my lips,
And lift your spirits as you grieve.
Narcissus:
She shared his dreams year after year,
and loved him, even flaws and warts.
She left his side like wind blown straw,
now life is bleak without her there.
He heard the news without a tear,
and did not rage against a God,
nor neighbors nor a passing dog.
Each was spared the brunt of his fear;
All that's left a memory's spear,
a photograph sorrows emit
seeks each nuance and gaze each time
upon the face he holds so dear.
A flower frozen gaunt with fear
deafened by ego, blind to doom
he thirsts what was, to sate his mood
but only tastes the chasm near.
His consciousness will disappear
as life recedes to silent deeps
He comprehends with frightening speed
it is his face he sees so clear.
Echo:
A ghostly witness consciously
ignoring all his vain hubris
while looking over life’s debris
she longs to feel his touch once more.
Shadowed weavers leave off their loom,
and come to give an answer fair,
"Persuade him, you must show you care,
if you would both find joy again."
She whispers words into his dreams
but still he consciously evades her,
a crying heart now grows weaker
an eponym from far away.
He falls then grasps one final breath
She roars, 'Come love, life, come hither!'
His glance ablaze, her hopes on prayer
'Here', he echoes, his arm outstretched.
And finally it ends in death,
for the man whose soul is blinded,
trusting only hubris of mind,
for the unsought, is never found.
------------------------------------------ Second Set
Narcissus:
I longed for Love, a path to Bliss
And she became my sight, my pride;
I'm lonely now, she is no more
Than a fragrance as I reminisce.
If memory should fail and miss
No glass ball will lift the veils,
Instead I'll stare at my own eyes,
Pretend I'm her so we may kiss.
Some loss turns gain. Some terrors, this:
A purified love's memory
Fogged gracefully with age. But death
That's merely Death forms Hell's abyss.
Daffodil drops—flower phone, hear a hiss
No voice, no word, only waves of woe.
Reflect regret, silent stare, she's not there.
Recollect, bounce back, dismay dismiss.
Pussywillow soft! She left me like this?
My Perfection? A subtle hue gone gray.
Now knocked from center, my orbit sways
Alone, a cross without his criss.
Echo:
As I sought you I seek you still
Between purple petal and waterfall mist.
If wish were will then I am wisp,
Shadow of an echo nearly missed.
You kneel and stare in empty pool.
Eyes blank, no glisten; gaze on glass.
I am here, listen—mind our tryst.
Sense me still, see not only self.
The Dead live perfect recall, dream
Without resentment, unrepressed.
Their love lost history—entranced,
Pristine, long free of mystery.
Your Nemesis refuses me,
So bind your words upon my lips,
Speak that I might speak your wish,
Hear me! find me! Come, let us meet.
I had the choice to stay or leave,
I chose to stay as time permits,
Perchance your ear might pass my lips,
And lift your spirits as you grieve.
