A new beginner

[HiveMind]

Hello everyone!

I would like to share with you not only the first erotic story that I've written but also the first story that I've written in English. Literotica opened up a whole new experience to me and hopefully you'll enjoy this short story. I would also appreciate any kind of feedback.

The story is in the "Exhibitionist & Voyeur" section. Here's the link: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=464788

 

[driphoney]

Well, it sure beats being an old beginner!

Good luck with your story.

 

[HiveMind]

Well, it sure beats being an old beginner!

Good luck with your story.

Thank you, I'll really need it.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Well, it sure beats being an old beginner!

Good luck with your story.

Picky You can actually be an old beginner though, or is it 'late'?. More conundrums of English.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Hive, welcome, and for a non-native speaker I think you write in English very well.

My comments are about story style, which applies to any language.

I know you're writing a 'stroke' story but you give no explanation why this woman wants to have sex and no plot. You go against porn films and then use one of the most stereotyped descriptions, MILF, to describe your woman.

The early paragraphs are just filler and you don't spend any time fleshing out the relationship between th young guy and the older woman.

Sorry, but you need a storyline and some tension.

 

[HiveMind]

Wow quite some time passed since I uploaded the first part. Well I've been too busy to continue the story... Fortunately part 2 is up: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=490748

Hopefully this one is better than the last one. I did try to use all the advice I received and I hope my grammar has improved.

elfin_odalisque you were completely right, thank you. I tried giving the characters more depth and will continue to try and build a better story line.