Read this passage...

[Aggressive One]

Some of you may know this Author but please do not spoil it.. for those who don't please feel free to critique the passage or point out anything that you notice.


In the late summer of that year we lived in a house in a village that looked across the river and the plain to the mountains. In the bed of the river there were pebbles and boulders, dry and white in the sun, and the water was clear and swiftly moving and blue in the channels. Troops went by the house and down the road and the dust they raised powdered the leaves of the trees. The trunks of the trees too were dusty and the leaves fell early that year and we saw the troops marching along the road and the dust rising and leaves, stirred by the breeze, falling and the soldiers marching and afterward the road bare and white except for the leaves.

 

[MMWarr]

I know exactly what this is from. I find this to be some of his better writing actually. He's not actually a favorite.

 

[3113]

Is there a reason you're quoting this passage and asking for critiques? It's actually pretty obvious who it is and I'm sure most of us here will recognize it by style even if we haven't read the story it's from.

What is the aim of this exercise?

 

[sr71plt]

Quoting a passage from a famous author as an indication that he/she shouldn't be a best-selling author and you, in your brilliance, should is such a lame game.

 

[Aggressive One]

Why is it people are always so snarky? Shall I order "stay off the law" signs for you people now? Such bitterness lately...

The reason I quoted this opening paragraph is I am amazed and the use of the word 'and' 14 times in a mere 4 sentences.

Granted he does not do this through the entire novel, but what was his purpose in doing it in the opening?

 

[3113]

Quoting a passage from a famous author as an indication that he/she shouldn't be a best-selling author and you, in your brilliance, should is such a lame game.

Is that's what going on? Because, honestly, it's one of that author's better passages and shows why said author achieved fame and greatness. Ah, what the hell. I'll analyze it...

In the late summer of that year we lived in a house in a village that looked across the river and the plain to the mountains. In the bed of the river there were pebbles and boulders, dry and white in the sun, and the water was clear and swiftly moving and blue in the channels. Troops went by the house and down the road and the dust they raised powdered the leaves of the trees. The trunks of the trees too were dusty and the leaves fell early that year and we saw the troops marching along the road and the dust rising and leaves, stirred by the breeze, falling and the soldiers marching and afterward the road bare and white except for the leaves.

This is a terrific passage. The focus of this passage is the contrast between the river--wet, blue, and moving swiftly, vs. the soldiers raise dust and killing off the leaves. The soldiers rush along like the water, and both suggest a passage of time as well as movement, which we also see in the leaves falling "early." Summer is giving way to fall too quickly for our narrator.

Likewise, there is the repetition of certain words like the "white" of dry stones and bare road, and "dust." We get an indication of death in both--the suggestion of dry, white bleached bones, and dust-to-dust. Even though death isn't mentioned, it is evident in the description, and, of course, the fallen leaves which, like the young soldiers, are going to be dead before their time and lying in the dust.

This is an excellent example of great writing.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Why is it people are always so snarky? Shall I order "stay off the law" signs for you people now? Such bitterness lately...

The reason I quoted this opening paragraph is I am amazed and the use of the word 'and' 14 times in a mere 4 sentences.

Granted he does not do this through the entire novel, but what was his purpose in doing it in the opening?

For the rhythmic effect, I would think. It's very meditative, and gets me, at least, into the mood to settle down and read. Like a drum beat.

 

[The_Fool]

If I wanted to get too deep I would say significant foreshadowing and extended metaphors. Lyrical, but the language is not to my taste.

 

[3113]

The reason I quoted this opening paragraph is I am amazed and the use of the word 'and' 14 times in a mere 4 sentences.

Oh, is that all. Actually, his usual style is short sentences. But the use of "and" in this passage is to keep things moving along, like the river, like the soldiers, like the seasons, like the road, and like time itself. 14 "ands" makes the sentences seem to flow and pass by.

Thus, they make the sentences echo the movement we see. Put periods in and you get stops and starts. No flow. Also no connection between soldiers, dust, leaves. The "and" connect the soldiers to nature and makes them a force of nature.

 

[JamesSD]

Not really my favorite author. Honestly, this is the way your boring co-worker tells a story. But I read for plot and character, not really for setting or style.

 

[Handley_Page]

This is a terrific passage. The focus of this passage is the contrast between the river--wet, blue, and moving swiftly, vs. the soldiers raise dust and killing off the leaves. The soldiers rush along like the water, and both suggest a passage of time as well as movement, which we also see in the leaves falling "early." Summer is giving way to fall too quickly for our narrator.

Likewise, there is the repetition of certain words like the "white" of dry stones and bare road, and "dust." We get an indication of death in both--the suggestion of dry, white bleached bones, and dust-to-dust. Even though death isn't mentioned, it is evident in the description, and, of course, the fallen leaves which, like the young soldiers, are going to be dead before their time and lying in the dust.

This is an excellent example of great writing.

I wish I could understand analysis like that. When I read the passage, I did not see it in that way at all (in common with most other books I read).

 

[RunningJib]

Spot On

Oh, is that all. Actually, his usual style is short sentences. But the use of "and" in this passage is to keep things moving along, like the river, like the soldiers, like the seasons, like the road, and like time itself. 14 "ands" makes the sentences seem to flow and pass by.

Thus, they make the sentences echo the movement we see. Put periods in and you get stops and starts. No flow. Also no connection between soldiers, dust, leaves. The "and" connect the soldiers to nature and makes them a force of nature.

Dear 3113,

I think all of your analysis is spot on.

The question is, what would happen if someone was to submit in freshman writing class?

Aggressive One, I'm enjoying your thread

 

[Stella_Omega]

Dear 3113,

I think all of your analysis is spot on.

The question is, what would happen if someone was to submit in freshman writing class?

Aggressive One, I'm enjoying your thread

They'd get dinged for plagiarism.

But-- years ago, a boy asked me to write his creative writing assignment for him. I did-- it was a ghost story, in my very best Ray Bradbury pastiche. He got a C on it.

The next year, I submitted the same story to the same teacher for the same assignment and got an A+...

 

[Edward Teach]

Why is it people are always so snarky? Shall I order "stay off the law" signs for you people now? Such bitterness lately...

The reason I quoted this opening paragraph is I am amazed and the use of the word 'and' 14 times in a mere 4 sentences.

Granted he does not do this through the entire novel, but what was his purpose in doing it in the opening?

Onomatopoeia is my guess. When he describes the water you can hear it moving and then the description of soldiers marching takes on a cadence.

I doubt that anyone knows.

 

[sr71plt]

They'd get dinged for plagiarism.

But-- years ago, a boy asked me to write his creative writing assignment for him. I did-- it was a ghost story, in my very best Ray Bradbury pastiche. He got a C on it.

The next year, I submitted the same story to the same teacher for the same assignment and got an A+...

Just goes to support my contention that most of it is a personality vote.

 

[RunningJib]

I'm guessing

They'd get dinged for plagiarism.

But-- years ago, a boy asked me to write his creative writing assignment for him. I did-- it was a ghost story, in my very best Ray Bradbury pastiche. He got a C on it.

The next year, I submitted the same story to the same teacher for the same assignment and got an A+...

That prof thought he might have a chance with you.

Same thing happen in one of my chemistry labs. The chick I worked with always got an A. I was pissed . . .

 

[Boxlicker101]

I wonder why the boulders and pebbles in the river are dry.

 

[Stella_Omega]

That prof thought he might have a chance with you.

Same thing happen in one of my chemistry labs. The chick I worked with always got an A. I was pissed . . .

He knew that that guy couldn't have possibly written the story, and he knew that I was completely capable of it.

I hate to speculate about your situation. But it's a pretty common thing for men who have been shown up by a woman, to claim that she only got the grade because of her sex.

 

[3113]

I wonder why the boulders and pebbles in the river are dry.

I presumed that the boulders that are dry are the one rising up from the river--hence, they are half in the water (wet) but mostly up out of the water (dry). The pebbles might be those on the edges of the river, meaning that the water has gotten shallow during the summer and left behind dry river pebbles.

With this writer, however, it's hard to say. He forces you to either make these assumptions or assume he blew it, which he might have. Maybe he meant that the river was dry or had gone dry? His desire to keep the writing uber-spare meant that he left out of a lot of details that might have cleared up such questions.

 

[Boxlicker101]

I presumed that the boulders that are dry are the one rising up from the river--hence, they are half in the water (wet) but mostly up out of the water (dry). The pebbles might be those on the edges of the river, meaning that the water has gotten shallow during the summer and left behind dry river pebbles.

With this writer, however, it's hard to say. He forces you to either make these assumptions or assume he blew it, which he might have. Maybe he meant that the river was dry or had gone dry? His desire to keep the writing uber-spare meant that he left out of a lot of details that might have cleared up such questions.

The river isn't dry, because he mentions the water flowing. He referred to the river bed, so maybe he meant that part of the boulders that were not submerged and the pebbles near the water's edge.

 

[3113]

so maybe he meant that part of the boulders that were not submerged and the pebbles near the water's edge.

Um, I think that's what I said.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Um, I think that's what I said.

It was, more or less. I am agreeing with you.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

This author often expressed contempt for analyses of his prose...he said something along the lines of WHEN I WRITE ABOUT A FISH, ITS JUST A FUCKING FISH.

Most literary analyses exist to dust pencil-necked, mullet coiffed perfessers with a patina of relevance.

 

[jomar]

Just goes to support my contention that most of it is a personality vote.

That prof thought he might have a chance with you.

Same thing happen in one of my chemistry labs. The chick I worked with always got an A. I was pissed . . .

No kidding. Freshman year in college I was behind a female who asked the lecherous prof if she could take her final early because her ride was leaving for holiday. My circumstances were exactly the same and he refused my request. I reported the fucker.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

In the late summer of that year we lived in a house in a village that looked across the river and the plain to the mountains. In the bed of the river there were pebbles and boulders, dry and white in the sun, and the water was clear and swiftly moving and blue in the channels. Troops went by the house and down the road and the dust they raised powdered the leaves of the trees. The trunks of the trees too were dusty and the leaves fell early that year and we saw the troops marching along the road and the dust rising and leaves, stirred by the breeze, falling and the soldiers marching and afterward the road bare and white except for the leaves.

I am a fan though I don't recognize this.

As 3113 says, this is a deliberate attempt, against the writer's normal style, to write as the flow of the river. You need to differentiate between conjunctions between nouns and those between clauses. Doesn't the paragraph contrast rather symbolically the blue river moving on leaving the dead stones behind with the deaths of soldiers. The conjunctions are a literary device to convey the flow of time.

Very effective.