Curiousity has gotten the better of me...

[MrMentor7]

I dont think it depends on your personality- nor your preferred sexual positions. I find that it depends on how horny you are and how horny ur partner is. If u are more interested than he/she is at the time then you are in the position of power- ur dominant. If he/ she is the one pushing u against the wall- u are the submissive.

other than that u are just balanced...

If it were that easy!

The learning never ends and that is what makes it so much fun and interesting.

Kind of sappy, but I think it is true.

 

[intothewoods]

Thanks for answering, but - Jesus. I mean really, FUCK.

Is the 'face your fear' thing working?

hijack - There was a PBS special recently - The Emotional Life ... I think that's what it was called. One bit on overcoming phobias showed a woman undergoing therapy for a severe fear of flying. The treatment? You guessed it - she went on a plane repeatedly. And talked through it with her therapist, of course, but still, they threw her on a plane. Now, you won't see me playing with spiders anytime soon, but I gather the treatment would involve some such horrible thing. Luckily a fear of spiders doesn't interfere with your life as much as a fear of flying does.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

In response:

I am in fact a shy person.

I also am intelligent, despite your presumptions.

I was not informed that there was a direct correlation between shyness and intelligence.

If you prefer that I leave all personality out, I can do that.

It was not not an attempt to "dumb down" or "misrepresent" myself.

Just making that known.

Welcome to Beat the Personality out of the Shy Girl night. Jesus. A couple of "ums" to express her reticence, and suddenly she's disingenuous – or needs to ride the fucking short bus.--

 

[~Haze~]

hijack - There was a PBS special recently - The Emotional Life ... I think that's what it was called. One bit on overcoming phobias showed a woman undergoing therapy for a severe fear of flying. The treatment? You guessed it - she went on a plane repeatedly. And talked through it with her therapist, of course, but still, they threw her on a plane. Now, you won't see me playing with spiders anytime soon, but I gather the treatment would involve some such horrible thing. Luckily a fear of spiders doesn't interfere with your life as much as a fear of flying does.

Hijack continued...

Fear of spiders is the most common fear/phobia. Second is socialphobia - specifically, public speaking. I always thought that was an interesting fact/statistic.

 

[JMohegan]

People tend to think too much sometimes..and I believe this is the case with the OP. You don't need to set a trajectory for your sex life at the ripe old age of 19. Just have fun, date a bit, and learn about what makes you tick. It will all start to make more sense to you with a little more "living" under your belt.

Yes. As I've already said!

Shy, 19-year-old, blushing female virgins have no business wandering alone on the internet. They should find nice 19 or 20 year old males to experiment with instead. Preferably males who are friends of friends, or somehow otherwise known to be trustworthy.

This is my avuncular commentary for the evening.

ETA - ITW & Haze, I'm off to start a new thread.

 

[intothewoods]

Hijack continued...

Fear of spiders is the most common fear/phobia. Second is socialphobia - specifically, public speaking. I always thought that was an interesting fact/statistic.

Really? Huh.

 

[BiBunny]

Moving to the other thread, sorry.

 

[intothewoods]

People tend to think too much sometimes..and I believe this is the case with the OP. You don't need to set a trajectory for your sex life at the ripe old age of 19. Just have fun, date a bit, and learn about what makes you tick. It will all start to make more sense to you with a little more "living" under your belt.

Also, while for some people "submissive" or "dominant" will be a fixed identity, for many others sexual identity will be relatively fluid. Another reason to 'go with the flow.'

 

[~Haze~]

Welcome to Beat the Personality out of the Shy Girl night. Jesus. A couple of "ums" to express her reticence, and suddenly she's disingenuous – or needs to ride the fucking short bus.--

I don't think they're unfair evaluations. She came here asking for advice. My advice is always going to be laced with my opinion. That's just the way it is.

I also think too many people focused on my opinion and not enough on my advice. Which was - as I read - that she likes to "play" the shy, unsuspecting girl. I think she'll have better luck expressing what she wants rather then coming in here with a "role-play" laced post. Simple as that.

 

[callinectes2]

Yes. As I've already said!

Okay, Okay, dang! I hadn't read all the reponses when I posted so I missed your sage advice. I wasn't trying to steal your thunder.

 

[JMohegan]

Okay, Okay, dang! I hadn't read all the reponses when I posted so I missed your sage advice. I wasn't trying to steal your thunder.

You put it much more politely. Welcome back, by the way.

 

[Netzach]

Disclosure: I'm predominantly Dominant, I've been active for about (revised) 13 years. Christ, that long?

Honestly if it all sounds kind of appealing and you honestly truly have NO IDEA which turns you on more, I advise starting out on the bottom. Just for starters. I had a pretty clear idea of my own orientation, but I also knew the limits of my experience and age, and I thought predominantly bottoming for about 1 or two years would be good for me. It was a good decision for me.

I can't imagine you have NO idea which sounds slightly, if only slightly more appealing. Maybe it's bottoming, maybe not. You don't have to tell us, just hold onto the thought.

There's nothing wrong with being shy and 19 and knowing that you really like the idea of riding your guy's face and telling him exactly what to do, if that's what turns you on, shy and submissive are not necessarily foregone conclusions. I'd describe myself as at least very introverted, if not shy, and my thought patterns were pretty well established in my teens. I just certainly didn't have a grasp on those patterns at 19, I was first all "yay, sex."

If you're not meant to be on the bottom it will become apparent pretty quickly. Probably immediately. If it's interesting but you find yourself wondering what it's like for your partner, that's a hint that you might like both, at least.

Either way, you won't have the craptastic experience of trying to run the whole show the first time you have sex with some kink in it, to find out that the person you are with is telling you "no not like that, what I want is this" and having the control wrested out of your hands before you even know what you're doing.

Just my two cents, as uncharacteristic as the advice may seem.

The less of an asshole the person you're trying new stuff out with is, the better. For someone who has a clear idea of what they want, I'd say look for the corresponding orientation in a partner, for someone who's kind of 50/50 on it, and just knows "I want kink in my life" I'd say look for a switch who is very balanced in his/her orientation.

 

[YourCaptor]

I really can't believe that I am doing this...and don't do this type of thing, so this is very out of character for me, but the um...curiousity I have has gotten the best of me, and I feel it is time to take a step. Simply because one can only discover so much on their own without direction. So um...I guess her I am...
I kind of stumbled over this lifestyle...and I have expressed an interest in the D/s lifestyle and found myself drawn to it. I was wondering if I might be able to find someone to um...help me in this...quest I suppose. I'm incredibly shy....painfully so actually...so this is probably going to be a little...hard. I also have um...zero experience. *blushes*

I am just...curious.
How can you tell whether or not you are meant to be in the D/s lifestyle, and which role you play? Are there signs that tell you, do you simply know, or is it more of a trial and error experience?

I am not looking to this in a purely sexual sense, so please, do not waste your time or mine with questions that are rude or irrelevent. I am not interested whatsoever in any form on cyber, so plesae check elsewhere.
Thank you for reading this, and I hope you have a good day.....

I assume people just know their role. Whichever you are thinking about, or have your eye on it, just go with it. Or possibly you may be a switch, dom or sub at different times.

To know if the lifestyle is right for you. Possibly, if it is satisfying to you.

Anyway its not like your buying a car or something. Don't get into some dramatic, long term dedication thing right off the bat. Just explore first.