Light Domination/Loving Authority

[Rembrandt500]

As opposed to hardcore? Both have their merits.

 

[ataxia.girl]

A lot of Dominants it seems, think they have to push a sub up to their "limits." i find that whole way of thinking a little silly now. Just because i WILL do something doesn't mean you need to push me there for me to know you are in charge. There are other ways to get that message across.

Daddy said pretty early on that it was clear i would do "anything" to please him and he stopped pushing. Except for a handful of encounters over the last year he has been very gentle with me. The only time he isn't now is when i throw a fit and even then all he does is give me a couple of swats and fuck me or if he doesn't feel like fucking me he'll brush my hair (i'm pretty sure he has conditioned drunk ataxia to be calmed down by this).

So here he is with a girl who has basically given him blanket consent to do whatever he feels like and he is less extreme with me than with other women he sees who articulate and negotiate their limits. Whether he does what he does with them more for them or for himself i am sure i will never be allowed to know. He would never intentionally allow me to think someone else was meeting his needs better than me. In fact, he won't really even articulate what they are except to say he needs to own a little girl.

i have more "limits" now than i did when i met Daddy mostly because the lack of limits i had before were coming from an unhealthy lack of self regard and not from a genuine desire for extreme humiliation\pain.

 

[GoddessHathor]

I am a switch, but in either role, humiliation, abuse and torture are just that and not something I need or give. Being a Dominant doesn't mean you have the license to abuse anyone in any form. Being a Dominant means you have the control. A good Dom/Domme knows how to use that control for the pleasure and benefit of BOTH parties.

I know there are some out there who need the abuse and humiliation, and to each his/her own...just not my style.

 

[subish2009]

I definitely fall into this category. In fact, it's really nice to see this thread started because I often find myself feeling...marginalized? No, because that implies someone is marginalizing me and I'm quite sure it's my own doing; no one here has been at all rude to me...but in some way not in "the cool kids' club" because I'm not as extreme on the BDSM spectrum as many here seem to be.

I enjoy pain, but only so far as it feels good to me...not for the sake of being hurt, if that makes any sense. I enjoy humiliation, but only so far as it makes me acknowledge my own kink and sexuality, which I tend to try to repress from years of Catholic conditioning...not for the sake of being made to feel bad about myself.

My Doms both have utter control over me, probably more than either of them know, mainly because I am so emotionally vulnerable to them. Luckily, neither of them is remotely interested in making me do anything I truly, deep down, don't want to do...but our kinks all line up anyway, so that's kind of a non-issue. And their sadism streaks are intense, but narrow, if that makes sense...they very much have deeply running sadism streaks, but their desire to cause "pain" runs a very shallow gamut of light pain/discomfort, torture along the lines of orgasm denial, making me say things that humiliate me...that kind of thing.

I get that other people have needs for much more extreme play, but it's nice to hear it acknowledged (outside my own head) that you don't need to be that kind of sub to still definitely be a sub.

 

[Rembrandt500]

I know there are some out there who need the abuse and humiliation, and to each his/her own...just not my style.

Glad to hear others feel this way.

To me, the idea of being under complete control and dominated by a loving, kind Goddess is just the HOTTEST concept in the world. Being told what to do and hearing moans of pleasure and cries of encouragement and happiness from her ("Mmmm such a good slave", "You're making Goddess feel soooo good", etc.)....nothing better.

in some way not in "the cool kids' club" because I'm not as extreme on the BDSM spectrum as many here seem to be.

Same here. Let's start our own club

I enjoy pain, but only so far as it feels good to me...not for the sake of being hurt, if that makes any sense. I enjoy humiliation, but only so far as it makes me acknowledge my own kink and sexuality, which I tend to try to repress from years of Catholic conditioning...not for the sake of being made to feel bad about myself.

That's exactly how I feel. I'm not as much into the pain factor, but I still enjoy it to an extent in the same way you do.

I get that other people have needs for much more extreme play, but it's nice to hear it acknowledged (outside my own head) that you don't need to be that kind of sub to still definitely be a sub.

I too am glad to see others on here who agree with me.

 

[kaycee217]

I consider myself a switch (or maybe a submissive with toppish tendencies), and I am not turned on by the thought of abuse, humiliation, unwanted pain, or degradation - either receiving it or giving it.

If I'm being submissive, I am often turned on by two things: knowing I must accept what has been asked of me (whatever it might be) and pleasing the person of authority. I might enjoy something painful because I know I am satisfying the person dominating me, I will learn something by doing what has been asked of me, or because I enjoy the "helpless" feeling.

If I'm being dominant, I am aroused knowing what I am asking of the submissive is turning them on or helping them grow and learn about themselves.

 

[subish2009]

<snip>

If I'm being submissive, I am often turned on by two things: knowing I must accept what has been asked of me (whatever it might be) and pleasing the person of authority. I might enjoy something painful because I know I am satisfying the person dominating me, I will learn something by doing what has been asked of me, or because I enjoy the "helpless" feeling.<snip>.

YES! Exactly. I get such a high from pleasing my Ds. And that helpless feeling...Mmmmm....can't get enough.

 

[Bandit58]

Who else here is a definite submissive but does not get turned on by excessive humiliation, abuse, torture, etc?

Me. I'm a service sub who is only slightly masochistic and does not enjoy humiliation in the slightest (apart from some gentle teasing ).

I'm a survivor of emotional abuse and any form of humiliation/degradation is a hard limit to me. My pain threshold seems to have diminished over the last couple of years - not sure if that is due to age (bloody menopause!) or because we don't indulge in that sort of play very often.

We seem to be content to muddle along with me serving Him in other more practical ways

 

[BiBunny]

I like pain and humiliation and degradation. But I have no use for anybody who throws his/her "authority" around just for the hell of it. Like ataxia said, I can get the message of who's in charge without you being an asshole about it.

 

[Netzach]

Who else here is a definite submissive but does not get turned on by excessive humiliation, abuse, torture, etc? I don't think there is anything wrong with those things, I'm just not into them whatsoever.

I like the idea of being in total submission to a Goddess who will certainly punish me if she sees fit, but who will also reward me for my service to her, or using kinder words instead of slut, bitch, etc. if that makes any sense.

This is actually probably way way hotter to a larger number of women than the extreme weird shit that works well for me. A lot more women than show up at SM events are tickled by having an adoring sexually attentive guy - the packaging is the issue. If you package yourself in a way that's NOT a cliche, you should find yourself not lacking for interaction at all. The problem emerges when men are in search of cartoons and becoming cartoons themselves in a weird mating ritual that doesn't satisfy fetishes, but the demands of an industry. An industry I happen to even BE in, but definitely find has severe limitations to it.

 

[AbiNormyl]

I am also a switch who would has complete switch personalities.

As a sub, you call me a name it is probably not going to degrade me in the least to be honest, it just doesn't bother me. I had one top call me slut, that is all he called me and i finally had to tell him look you do realize you aren't calling me anything insulting. But, no I refuse to be put into a humilating situation, i still occasionally relive humilating things I did when I was 12 so why in the world would I do that to myself. As for pain, with sex I like a little but I don't enjoy pain just for the sake of pain.

As a Dom, well I am a bit different. I have found I love to put my subs into humilating situations to watch them squirm. I will only do this though if that is something that turns them on, because well if it doesn't then I feel I am harming them in the long run. (this is just me not how i feel about the situation in general) The same goes for giving pain or anything else for that matter.

 

[celticsunspiral]

Glad to hear others feel this way.

To me, the idea of being under complete control and dominated by a loving, kind Goddess is just the HOTTEST concept in the world. Being told what to do and hearing moans of pleasure and cries of encouragement and happiness from her ("Mmmm such a good slave", "You're making Goddess feel soooo good", etc.)....nothing better.

That's exactly how I feel. I'm not as much into the pain factor, but I still enjoy it to an extent in the same way you do.

I have to agree with Rembrandt. But on occasion I would not be adverse to some dirty talk but not major humilation. ("Your such a good slut" would be awesome). The pain for me flips a switch, and it really doesn't have to be a major hurt, in fact that will completly shut me down.

 

[Etoile]

Loving Authority, Taken In Hand, Christian Domination...all essentially the same thing, aren't they?

 

[ecstaticsub]

I loving feeling "in my place" . My PYL is not into breast torture, needles, severe pain, waxing etc etc. He wants my obedience and loyalty. I do get into surrendering power, submitting to his desires and whims no matter if they are simple --like setting my alarm for 3am so I can give him a 3:05 wake up call to something more emotionally or physically difficult. Our relationship is more like strict D/s with a dash of pain play.

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

Who else here is a definite submissive but does not get turned on by excessive humiliation, abuse, torture, etc? I don't think there is anything wrong with those things, I'm just not into them whatsoever.

I like the idea of being in total submission to a Goddess who will certainly punish me if she sees fit, but who will also reward me for my service to her, or using kinder words instead of slut, bitch, etc. if that makes any sense.

Sounds like me, excessive pain would def not float my boat and having come out of an emotionally abusive relationship that took me years to heal from, humiliation would do nothing but make me want to run...fast!

My relationship with Sir is still in its early days, we are learning about each other, I want to know what pleases him and do it.
Communication is constant and I think essential
He is of the opinion that punishments should be given so that I learn, not for the gratuitous infliction of pain & although I enjoy some degree of pain wouldnt class myself as a pain slut.
It suits both of us and at the end of the day that is what matters that both D & s are happy and getting something from the relationship and are happy.

 

[Ancilla1968]

I go back and forth on this a LOT ..... how can you claim you love someone if you hit them. i tolerate spanking, paddling etc etc etc. At best it is mildly pleasant .. not really worth the pain. But I'll let em do it if it gets their ya yas off.

As to name calling .. that has its moments. My former master even called me his "nigger slut" (I am African American) .....

 

[kaycee217]

I go back and forth on this a LOT ..... how can you claim you love someone if you hit them. i tolerate spanking, paddling etc etc etc. At best it is mildly pleasant .. not really worth the pain. But I'll let em do it if it gets their ya yas off.

As to name calling .. that has its moments. My former master even called me his "nigger slut" (I am African American) .....

But on the flip-side, how can you claim to love someone by denying them something they want and not having a "good" reason for such denial?

 

[Ancilla1968]

But on the flip-side, how can you claim to love someone by denying them something they want and not having a "good" reason for such denial?

*chuckles*

"I don't want to commit the felony of assault." is not a good reason?

 

[kaycee217]

*chuckles*

"I don't want to commit the felony of assault." is not a good reason?

Is it felony assault if the "victim" wants to be hit?

 

[Ancilla1968]

Is it felony assault if the "victim" wants to be hit?

In the United States ... yes. I have a friend who is a Daddy Dom and we have spend HOURS talking about this. The crime is against the state .. not against the victim .... so it hardly matters how much they scream about how much they consented .. *shrugs*

 

[kaycee217]

In the United States ... yes. I have a friend who is a Daddy Dom and we have spend HOURS talking about this. The crime is against the state .. not against the victim .... so it hardly matters how much they scream about how much they consented .. *shrugs*

I find that hard to believe. Take the game of football. That's a very violent game, but no felony assault, right? How about boxing and mixed martial arts? I'm pretty sure consent is a defense in the United States.

Or is there some exception I'm not aware of?

 

[Ancilla1968]

I find that hard to believe. Take the game of football. That's a very violent game, but no felony assault, right? How about boxing and mixed martial arts? I'm pretty sure consent is a defense in the United States.

Or is there some exception I'm not aware of?

Depends .... football doesn't have the reputation that BDSM does, does it? All I know is when i called the cops oin a Gorean master .. she went to jail for assaulting her slave with a deadly weapon when she carved her intitils into her chest.

Guess it depends on the county your in.

 

[kaycee217]

Depends .... football doesn't have the reputation that BDSM does, does it? All I know is when i called the cops oin a Gorean master .. she went to jail for assaulting her slave with a deadly weapon when she carved her intitils into her chest.

Guess it depends on the county your in.

Yeah, I guess it's all about jurisdiction.

Federalism can be annoying sometimes...

 

[Ancilla1968]

Yeah, I guess it's all about jurisdiction.

Federalism can be annoying sometimes...

Alas ... too true @@

 

[ownedsubgal]

I'm pretty sure consent is a defense in the United States.

Or is there some exception I'm not aware of?

while i believe the laws may vary somewhat state to state, in most states consent is NOT a valid defense against domestic violence. the reason being, many victims of DV will choose not to press charges or even speak a word against their abuser, for obvious reasons of fear. therefore laws are set in place so that police, medical staff and other professionals can take it upon themselves to press those charges of assault, battery, whatever, against the perceived abuser.

my Master and i have narrowly freed ourselves from some hairy run-ins with police and doctors, due to this law.