The Age Factor

[fireman91]

In my studies of the BDSM lifestyle I have often found the more dominant persons to be older while younger ones tend to submit. I'm just curious if others find this accurate, or if they have any insight into why this is. Being eighteen years old I find myself to be a "switch" personally.

 

[MisterSir]

Nope, and that's a stupid, unhelpful idea to have. Good talk.

 

[Adakgirl]

I have not found that to be true in my studies.

 

[miaction69]

For me, it's personality not age inspired....
I prefer my own age or a little older, I like rough play - but gently so (not sadistic)....and only with someone whose up for a little rough play - having said that though - not had too much experience as a giver...but I can be a taker and a giver - depending on the man I'm with and how our personalitites and desires fit together.

 

[PatchIsMe]

I could see this being true if you are mainly looking at the daddy/ mommy roles but I think it is pretty even across the rest of the spectrum.

 

[Guest]

age

I love contrast in role play...age, penis size, breast size, social standing. In chat I prefer to be sub to guys but since subs seem to greatly outnumber doms I have been coaxed into playing the dom and found that I get off on that too. Younger doming older is an exciting twist for me.

 

[gigi1968]

I have known those who are extremely dominant at a young age and those who are submissive at an older age. Age is not the factor in my mind but the persons personality, but their life experiences may also play a part in what role they feel they belong in as well.

 

[~Haze~]

Sure, people have age preferences, but this happens in all aspects of social interaction and 'dating'.

Any sample 'you study' from a D/s perspective is probably going be similar to age preferences in any other social or romantic relationships. I'd bet that the statistics are no different in D/s relationships than they are in 'traditional' or 'vanilla' relationships.




Meaning, some men/women prefer older, some prefer younger, some prefer similar age, and some consider "beauty" over age (as long as they're good looking), some are attracted to social standing.

 

[Netzach]

Some people are all "I was born Dom in the cradle blah blah" and some people are more experiential in their approach to knowing themselves. When I got into things at 23 I was pretty certain I was primarily Dominant, but played primarily on the other side until I had strategized more about what kinds of things I liked and liked the idea of doing. I don't think it hurt. I do think it helped.

I am one of the last remaining humans anywhere, from my own experience, who thinks that it's generally better for a Dominant party to start out on the bottom. I guess at some point people who thought this became a kind of snotty hegemony, so the baby went with the bathwater.

At a point in history this was the common wisdom, and at some point it became consensus that making people go outside themselves into an empathic positions as a way to EARN the right to control and use other people wasn't needed. I think that owning and controlling other humans is a privileged position and one I wasn't magically entitled to at that stage in my life merely because it made me hot. I had no skills, minimal self-awareness, and no experience. I knew what I wanted very clearly and definitely, but I had no idea how you get from A to B.

I think it's VERY healthy to go in as a switch, and you may remain one the rest of your life. You may fall to one side or the other and back again. For some people these concepts are completely immutably fixed and for other people who you are and where you are at coincide more.

 

[where]

I am one of the last remaining humans anywhere, from my own experience, who thinks that it's generally better for a Dominant party to start out on the bottom. I guess at some point people who thought this became a kind of snotty hegemony, so the baby went with the bathwater.

is it not common for dominants to experience what it's like to submit? I mean either as part of their 'training' or to be honest just in life.

 

[Netzach]

is it not common for dominants to experience what it's like to submit? I mean either as part of their 'training' or to be honest just in life.

I most people are part of a hierarchy they're not on top of at some point, but that's a completely different kind of disenfranchisement to what goes on between two people entering into it on agreement.

 

[Harmony_1985]

is it not common for dominants to experience what it's like to submit? I mean either as part of their 'training' or to be honest just in life.

My Master started his journey in the lifestyle as a submissive, decided it wasn't for him and changed to Dominant and never looked back lol.

 

[Bandit58]

Somehow I can't see Sir as a submissive.... Although He does jokingly call me Mistress from time to time if I've been a bit bossy....

Back to the original topic - I believe I've been submissive my whole life but only joined the "lifestyle" six years ago when I was 45 and met Sir. He became active Himself around the age of 40.

 

[Etoile]

I am one of the last remaining humans anywhere, from my own experience, who thinks that it's generally better for a Dominant party to start out on the bottom. I guess at some point people who thought this became a kind of snotty hegemony, so the baby went with the bathwater.

is it not common for dominants to experience what it's like to submit? I mean either as part of their 'training' or to be honest just in life.

Two words: Old Guard.

 

[where]

.....

 

[Etoile]

is that good or bad?

People have varying opinions on Old Guard. I think it's an important part of history and the theories are worth studying.

 

[where]

.....

 

[Netzach]

yes, I get that, but do you think it a good or bad thing?

Personally? I think it's a very good thing. My experiences with other people in the community jives with yours - the people who instinctively "get it" best usually have the biggest breadth of experience. There are certainly talented tops who haven't gone this route, but for me it boiled down to "why would I make this a really counterintuitive and onerous process when I have a learning method that works directly and quickly for me?" and the only answer I could come back to myself with was "because I'm too pussy." Not valid.

The counter argument is that someone wired as I am can never experience submission as a pleasureable state, or so rarely that the sort of superficial bottom experiences I've had don't translate into what my sub is experiencing and therefore they're not valid in terms of empathy-building or anything anyway.

I think that's a kind of cynical view of what it takes for MOST people to go vulnerable in this culture, even if they want to. I don't think the hurdles are less significant for a lot of people who *are* submissive. If I expect other people to buck up and shut up in any capacity, I'd like to be able to demand that from my own point of capability.

 

[where]

.....

 

[~Haze~]

Personally? I think it's a very good thing. My experiences with other people in the community jives with yours - the people who instinctively "get it" best usually have the biggest breadth of experience. There are certainly talented tops who haven't gone this route, but for me it boiled down to "why would I make this a really counterintuitive and onerous process when I have a learning method that works directly and quickly for me?" and the only answer I could come back to myself with was "because I'm too pussy." Not valid.

The counter argument is that someone wired as I am can never experience submission as a pleasureable state, or so rarely that the sort of superficial bottom experiences I've had don't translate into what my sub is experiencing and therefore they're not valid in terms of empathy-building or anything anyway.

I think that's a kind of cynical view of what it takes for MOST people to go vulnerable in this culture, even if they want to. I don't think the hurdles are less significant for a lot of people who *are* submissive. If I expect other people to buck up and shut up in any capacity, I'd like to be able to demand that from my own point of capability.

I think you mean 'jibe'.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Some people are all "I was born Dom in the cradle blah blah"

I was.

 

[where]

I was.

most likely.

 

[rosco rathbone]

most likely.

Swallow.

 

[CutieMouse]

I was.

Swallow.

I so needed that after the day I've had today.

Thank you.

 

[Netzach]

I think you mean 'jibe'.

I do. Particularly since B and V sit nicely together on the QWERTY board, but thanks.