Sub drop

[gigi1968]

How do you handle these feelings? I am not in a permanent relationship but played hard at a party this past weekend. (Me and my masochistic tendencies ) I know part of my anxiety today may be subdrop. I just don't know what to do to get through this. Any suggestions?

 

[chy_girl]

How do you handle these feelings? I am not in a permanent relationship but played hard at a party this past weekend. (Me and my masochistic tendencies ) I know part of my anxiety today may be subdrop. I just don't know what to do to get through this. Any suggestions?

What's subdrop?

 

[CutieMouse]

What's subdrop?

The emotional/physical crash after engaging in D/s. It can lead to feelings of fragility, depression, etc.

 

[chy_girl]

The emotional/physical crash after engaging in D/s. It can lead to feelings of fragility, depression, etc.

Kind of like a very weepy PMS on crack but without the cravings?

 

[candyshellcomet]

I would imagine the same kinds of things you do to alleviate a regular funk/bad mood would alleviate that... I don't think your emotions and body would know the difference

 

[00Syd]

I don't really know how to deal with it either, so I'm sorry I don't have any fool-proof advice for you. I've only gotten (what I think was) subdrop a few times, and the best antidote that I've found is to just be connected with my PYL in some way. Cuddling is awesome, holding hands at a movie, even just talking on the phone can help me.

But sometimes its not always possible to be connected with your PYL, right? That's when its really bad.

For example, my boyfriend came up to visit me at school just this past weekend, and we had a really heavy scene, and I found myself dropping pretty hard the next day. Unfortunately, he had to leave that day to go back to work, and we didn't get a chance to really talk or anything the whole day. It was a bummer. In those sorts of situations I just try to distract myself as best I can by watching a movie, surfing the web, reading, whatever, and hope that I start feeling better soon.

 

[DVS]

I once had a girlfriend who almost always dealt with sub drop after a session. The more intense the session, the more intense the sub drop. She would cower and shiver and be pretty much a basket case for several minutes afterward.

Keeping her warm, holding her, talking softly to her, reassuring her, caressing her and just being there for her are what seemed to work best. Of course, she was the only one I have experienced sub drop with so I'm sure it depends on the person and how they deal with it, mentally.

 

[insert____here]

i mentioned this to mine early on and i'm lucky, He now spends a few minutes bringing my focus back to Him in a non "play" role as soon as He's done.

for the days when this just isn't an option for whatever reason...one of the lovely ladies in the LDD Support thread recommended excercise.
that works really really well. a gentle increasing to brisk walk is ideal (depending on physical limits after session of course). flushes out and evens up all those hormones and endorphins nicely. the sooner you do it when you feel the drop, the better.

we all get it to varying degrees, and how you deal with it depends very much on your personal preferences. it's been suggested to me numerous times that i deal with it like i would pms, so you could try that too.

good luck and hope you feel better soon.

 

[chy_girl]

So this can happen with online D/s?

 

[insert____here]

So this can happen with online D/s?

heck yes...and quite badly too (at least in my case) depending on the task or play you are both involved in....also, because the other person can't physically be there to help you, if you don't learn to self manage to a certain degree it snowballs.

 

[eastern sun]

for the days when this just isn't an option for whatever reason...one of the lovely ladies in the LDD Support thread recommended excercise.
that works really really well. a gentle increasing to brisk walk is ideal (depending on physical limits after session of course). flushes out and evens up all those hormones and endorphins nicely. the sooner you do it when you feel the drop, the better.

Ditto. I have developed a regular walk in our local park for times like these, and it is really lovely to revisit it through the changing seasons. It adds another dimension to the whole emotional landscape, and one that usually takes me out of myself and whatever feeling I'm struggling with.

If the feelings are very intense, and you don't have anyone with you, a brisk walk up a steep hill helps.

 

[chy_girl]

heck yes...and quite badly too (at least in my case) depending on the task or play you are both involved in....also, because the other person can't physically be there to help you, if you don't learn to self manage to a certain degree it snowballs.

Damn. I missed that part of the welcome pamphlet.

Would defiantly explain a few things though. Quite a few.


Thank you. I honestly had no clue about this.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Damn. I missed that part of the welcome pamphlet.

Would defiantly explain a few things though. Quite a few.


Thank you. I honestly had no clue about this.

For me, when I was playing online/on the phone, it would definitely happen a fair bit, depending on the emotional intensity of the play.

With the physical I'll space out for a fair while afterwards, in my happy place, and if I'm yanked back from that, I'll drop. With the mental, it'll often happen regardless... and often hit me the next day.

To deal with it, I like the physical presence, but often not touching, just to know they're there. Stock up on some carbs, and then some chocolate, and then snuggle up on the couch with my favourite book or movie.

 

[insert____here]

snip With the mental, it'll often happen regardless... and often hit me the next day.

mine was always the next morning when i woke up so i sympathise. i've worked out that if i do something physical before i sleep or as soon as i wake up, problem solvered.

originally posted by eastern sun -
Ditto. I have developed a regular walk in our local park for times like these, and it is really lovely to revisit it through the changing seasons. It adds another dimension to the whole emotional landscape, and one that usually takes me out of myself and whatever feeling I'm struggling with.

and there's the voice of eloquence and experience...ms sun lady, i must not be paying attention because i haven't seen you round much lately.

 

[Belle966]

I've never experienced sub drop myself... to be honest, I don't quite understand it/why it happens, but I guess everyone's different. I'm not a very emotional person at all.

I'd treat it just the same as any other bad mood or sad feelings... eat your favourite food, read a book or write in your diary, go out and meet friends or do some exercise. Do something fun to take your mind off things, and i'm sure you'll feel better.

 

[gigi1968]

Thanks for the advise. I guess I need to watch how hard I play until I find someone to help with the aftercare a bit more. It seems I drop a couple of days later from what I am noticing. Nothing I did this morning was right and the tears were there all day.

 

[human_male]

What causes it? I mean, is it like you regret what you did?

 

[gigi1968]

What causes it? I mean, is it like you regret what you did?

No I have absolutely no regrets for playing, and I trust the person I played with, it is just we are not in a permanent relationship in any way shape or form. I was on a "high" for the past couple of days and today I crashed is the best way I can describe it. As a matter of fact it was another Dom that I know who realized that was what I was going through. But he could not offer any suggestions on how to get through it.

 

[insert____here]

What causes it? I mean, is it like you regret what you did?

no, it's not regrets.
it's just that it's fairly intense both emotionally and physically. it creates a huge rush of hormones, adrenalin, things like that. especially if there's pain or you've been under a while.

evening back out or re-surfacing can be hard...like coming of an e trip (so i'm told, not a drug user myself). hence the sub drop.

it's sometimes not the easiest thing to deal with, but a good master will recognise when it happens and try to help you back. other subs are the best source of info about how to really deal with it though.

maybe one of the other ladies can explain better.

 

[CutieMouse]

What causes it? I mean, is it like you regret what you did?

It's usually assumed to be linked to an endorphin drop leading to a minor short term chemical imbalance. BDSM can also involve situations in which one feels very vulnerable emotionally - sometimes stirring up the psychological pot can lead to issues with sub drop, as well.

Personal [probably unpopular] opinion - yes it [drop] exists, but I sometimes wonder if people associate perfectly normal emotional ebbs and flows with Sub Drop. I was reading a post of FetLife a few weeks ago, and some girl was trying to assign the label "sub drop" to her feelings because she'd spent the weekend with her boyfriend, then he went back to his college. IMO - no, that's being upset because you'll miss him. If I do something intense and wake up the next day tired, cranky, scattered... maybe it isn't sub drop - maybe I just stayed up too late and spread myself too thin.

I'm also not 100% on board that it is the PYL's job to help you "back" from dropping... lovely if it happens, ideally it would be nice, but (again IMO, probably unpopular opinion) if you're going to play hard enough to drop, figure out how to push through deal with it.

 

[sb2009]

sometimes I kind of think of it as the way a rubber band has to bounce back hard when it's been stretched...though that may not be accurate, it helps me deal LOL

I try to be gentle with myself. However, if I am so busy that I have to push the feelings down and don't deal with it, it hits me harder a few days later...so for me I kind of go with the feeling for a while and experience it and it resolves itself.

i'm kind of mood-swingy anyway, though.

 

[Hisbeauty]

i know that every time i have been able to see Sir, when i leave, i seem to have tears, etc...the first time it was scary to me, but now i know what it is. The more intense the time, the harder i want to cry later.

i guess it could be that i would miss Him and not be sure when i will see Him again...but the same thing happens every time too.

Now i know that there are some things that help me...Sir recommends chocolate (that helps) and i have found sunshine and exercise help, and things like just being gentle on yourself too helps. For example, the last time, He told me to go take a long bubble bath and have some chocolate...it did help.

Hope this helps.

 

[eastern sun]

I'm also not 100% on board that it is the PYL's job to help you "back" from dropping... lovely if it happens, ideally it would be nice, but (again IMO, probably unpopular opinion) if you're going to play hard enough to drop, figure out how to push through deal with it.

I agree with this. And often want to be alone because it's easier to work through my feelings without having to interact with other people. I can get volatile in the aftermath of an intense release and suddenly burst into tears or lash out at whoever's around me for no apparent reason, and then I'm ashamed and apologizing for my behavior, which pisses me off even more . . . so it's better if I spend some time on my own.

It's also been very important for me to recognize the chemical nature of the experience so I don't attribute too much importance to the thoughts I might be having (like how "bad" everything is now in comparison to that other place, that other experience, that I can't wait to get back to).

Since we have children, it's also been important for us to know when to refrain, to protect them from the after-effects of my volatile emotions.

If you're going to play with your mind and body in this way, I believe you have to learn how to manage it in order to take responsibility for your own behavior.

 

[00Syd]

I'm also not 100% on board that it is the PYL's job to help you "back" from dropping... lovely if it happens, ideally it would be nice, but (again IMO, probably unpopular opinion) if you're going to play hard enough to drop, figure out how to push through deal with it.

I don't think its the PYLs job, necessarily, but it is what helps me, and helps a lot of other pyls through it. Helping with subdrop just sort of comes w/ the territory, and PYLs should be prepared for it.

 

[Netzach]

I'm also not 100% on board that it is the PYL's job to help you "back" from dropping... lovely if it happens, ideally it would be nice, but (again IMO, probably unpopular opinion) if you're going to play hard enough to drop, figure out how to push through deal with it.