Sub drop

[human_male]

It must be an incredibly intense experience (I mean whatever it is you do in the first place that brings about the sub drop). I don't think I can even begin to imagine feeling anything that intense.

 

[androgEros]

if you're going to play hard enough to drop, figure out how to push through deal with it.

Assuming, inaccurately, that one must “play hard” to experience sub drop, would indicate that a sub must be roughed up to be mastered. WRONG. Even if J is extraordinarily delicate with me, the simple act of her touching me sexually, reinforces every confidence in my mind that my heart, body and soul belong to her. When we make love, we can be so quiet that we don't disturb the others in the house, but J's gaze can be so intense looking into my eyes, that my senses are overcome, and I am completely psychologically altered. When she brings me to orgasm, I geyser in utter silence, with her hand (or any portion thereof) inside me, gently swirling and caressing, no rough play engaged. The orgasm is achieved, but the servitude still needs to be enforced.

If we're home in bed, she holds me close, and tells me I'm her's, and she loves me, and I'm a good girl, and we sleep, I in her servitude. I wake feeling like a newlywed!!!

If we have to part ways, immediately after, I usually spend the entire day sitting at the computer playing puzzle games or cleaning house, and crying uncontrollably. I used to think it was merely separation anxiety, until I realized this only happens after we make love and she leaves. In those instances, I get through, by her texting me sporadically, to tell me that she loves me, and I am HERS. Sometimes.... If you really want the drop to end, it helps to take a bath, or do something to utterly pamper yourself. Tell yourself, you are doing this for your Sir or Madam. You are making yourself [beautiful] for your next encounter. Then you can satisfy the need to be subservient, even in solitude.

It must be an incredibly intense experience (I mean whatever it is you do in the first place that brings about the sub drop). I don't think I can even begin to imagine feeling anything that intense.

Totally completely absolutely surrender your entire will to your lover. Relinquish all control and discretion, and allow yourself to be manipulated like a marionette. When you are utterly incensed and you can no longer fabricate your own thoughts, you know that you are then, truly owned. After you have succumbed to the will of your lover, you feel like they are your Pandora's Box. You want to stay in your box, safe forever, If Pandora leaves you though...... all your evils will surface.

 

[Bustymagoo]

I just wanted to say thank you for posting and discussing this.
While in a relationship, my boyfriend and I explored many fantasys, and I noticed some of the same reactions as discribed here. Both of us were completly unaware of how our "play" could effect us so much.
Unfortionatly, him not understanding (or I either for that matter) lead to a lot of problems for us, though obviously not the full cause of our split.

Truthfully, I thought I was a little batty for having those strange feelings after sex.

 

[where]

.....

 

[gigi1968]

Well for me, I have noticed the pattern that I feel the highs for a couple of days, then when I drop, it is normally a couple of days later. Typically after my partner is away. Since I am new to this, I know I need to find ways to deal with it, but alas when something is new, it does take time to figure that out. I now know what I need to look for in the future...plan for let letdown a couple of days later.

 

[where]

Well for me, I have noticed the pattern that I feel the highs for a couple of days, then when I drop, it is normally a couple of days later. Typically after my partner is away. Since I am new to this, I know I need to find ways to deal with it, but alas when something is new, it does take time to figure that out. I now know what I need to look for in the future...plan for let letdown a couple of days later.

I get quite down a two or three days later as well, but I'm pretty sure that with me it's because we have gone our separate ways again and I just feel lost and alone.

 

[Imahavah]

It is funny, but I have a friend who says that after "sub drop" she claims to feel mentally refreshed and renewed and clear as long as she has had after care provided to her by her Master and she makes sure to provide her own the 12-48 hours later.

She has an emotional barrier though. Its hard to explain, it took her a while to get me to understand it, but she says she has a problem actually feeling the total extent of an emotion at any given time, and that hard play then the sub drop (properly cared for) actually allows her to FEEL something the rest of the week.

Anyone else heard of this?

 

[neci]

thank you so much for this thread. about two weeks ago, immediately after an intense session, i had a huge turmoil in my life. The drop left me completely shut down for several days. i felt paralyzed and freaked out. my normal reaction to dealing with stress is to retreat and refocus in private - working out my emotions through painting, writing or just crying. i am a high "I" (Meyers Briggs), and being around people or noise following sessions or intense play can really aggravate the feelings and emotions. sometimes i like to take long drives through the country. windows down. just listening to the road. i knew that there was some sort of name for this, but i didn't realize that i was going through it at the time. it can be scary and lonely when your PYL is not able to be there with you. a lot of the things i do to bring me back are the same things i did when dealing with my previous job when it got very emotionally intense.

i am a firm believer in learning about yourself, and finding an outlet to recharge your soul. sometimes, He thinks that i am pulling away from Him following play, when i am just trying to recollect myself. it is not personal at all. it is simply how i cope and deal with being a sensitive, emotional, submissive person.

 

[subish2009]

Hmmm...I don't think I've ever experienced this...I'm wondering if that's because, of my two Doms, one is my husband, so I'm never without him after play. The other is online only so I never get to have him close, period. While I get a lot of the achey/needy/depressed feeling occasionally regarding my online Dom, it's definitely not sub-drop, it's just missing him and longing for physical contact.

I wonder if I've also never experienced sub-drop because my kinks lie much more toward D/s than S & M play...am I right in assuming it's more of a reaction to recovery from more extreme physical play than a more heavily mental-fuck? Or is that an incorrect assumption?

I AM a VERY sensitive, emotional person, so I appreciate you all sharing your experiences in coping with this phenomenon because I wouldn't be surprised if I DO find myself experiencing sub-drop someday...

 

[CutieMouse]

Assuming, inaccurately, that one must “play hard” to experience sub drop, would indicate that a sub must be roughed up to be mastered. WRONG.

actually, you are the one making assumptions about what I meant by "play hard". My personal proclivities re: BDSM lean towards mundfucks, humiliation and objectification. I can drop hard without a lover even laying a finger on me... And I take responsibility for my part init as best I can.

Totally completely absolutely surrender your entire will to your lover. Relinquish all control and discretion, and allow yourself to be manipulated like a marionette. When you are utterly incensed and you can no longer fabricate your own thoughts, you know that you are then, truly owned. After you have succumbed to the will of your lover, you feel like they are your Pandora's Box. You want to stay in your box, safe forever, If Pandora leaves you though...... all your evils will surface.

lovely for you, but mmmm... Yeah not so much.

 

[Imahavah]

Hmmm...I don't think I've ever experienced this...I'm wondering if that's because, of my two Doms, one is my husband, so I'm never without him after play. The other is online only so I never get to have him close, period. While I get a lot of the achey/needy/depressed feeling occasionally regarding my online Dom, it's definitely not sub-drop, it's just missing him and longing for physical contact.

I wonder if I've also never experienced sub-drop because my kinks lie much more toward D/s than S & M play...am I right in assuming it's more of a reaction to recovery from more extreme physical play than a more heavily mental-fuck? Or is that an incorrect assumption?

I AM a VERY sensitive, emotional person, so I appreciate you all sharing your experiences in coping with this phenomenon because I wouldn't be surprised if I DO find myself experiencing sub-drop someday...

Oooh Good question! I'd like to hear more about this.

 

[Netzach]

Assuming, inaccurately, that one must “play hard” to experience sub drop, would indicate that a sub must be roughed up to be mastered. WRONG. Even if J is extraordinarily delicate with me, the simple act of her touching me sexually, reinforces every confidence in my mind that my heart, body and soul belong to her. When we make love, we can be so quiet that we don't disturb the others in the house, but J's gaze can be so intense looking into my eyes, that my senses are overcome, and I am completely psychologically altered. When she brings me to orgasm, I geyser in utter silence, with her hand (or any portion thereof) inside me, gently swirling and caressing, no rough play engaged. The orgasm is achieved, but the servitude still needs to be enforced.

If we're home in bed, she holds me close, and tells me I'm her's, and she loves me, and I'm a good girl, and we sleep, I in her servitude. I wake feeling like a newlywed!!!

If we have to part ways, immediately after, I usually spend the entire day sitting at the computer playing puzzle games or cleaning house, and crying uncontrollably. I used to think it was merely separation anxiety, until I realized this only happens after we make love and she leaves. In those instances, I get through, by her texting me sporadically, to tell me that she loves me, and I am HERS. Sometimes.... If you really want the drop to end, it helps to take a bath, or do something to utterly pamper yourself. Tell yourself, you are doing this for your Sir or Madam. You are making yourself [beautiful] for your next encounter. Then you can satisfy the need to be subservient, even in solitude.



Totally completely absolutely surrender your entire will to your lover. Relinquish all control and discretion, and allow yourself to be manipulated like a marionette. When you are utterly incensed and you can no longer fabricate your own thoughts, you know that you are then, truly owned. After you have succumbed to the will of your lover, you feel like they are your Pandora's Box. You want to stay in your box, safe forever, If Pandora leaves you though...... all your evils will surface.

If I own someone and I tell them "that was lovely darling. I am putting you back into the mundane world now, be a good girl and knock 'em dead for me" I expect within reason that that should be enough. I have done due diligence in acknowledging a difference between time spent with me in intense bonding and time elsewhere. A certain degree of down-ness or the blues is normal and natural - but in regard to separation, I find that the person you are sad to be separated from is NOT the person to make things right in you. They can't.

Being sensitive and having compatible needs is one thing - being made culpable every time someone *feels neediness* is not OK and I think that it's subtly encouraged sometimes by the community.

 

[candyshellcomet]

If I own someone and I tell them "that was lovely darling. I am putting you back into the mundane world now, be a good girl and knock 'em dead for me" I expect within reason that that should be enough. I have done due diligence in acknowledging a difference between time spent with me in intense bonding and time elsewhere. A certain degree of down-ness or the blues is normal and natural - but in regard to separation, I find that the person you are sad to be separated from is NOT the person to make things right in you. They can't.

Being sensitive and having compatible needs is one thing - being made culpable every time someone *feels neediness* is not OK and I think that it's subtly encouraged sometimes by the community.

I must concur... I can appreciate the change in endorphin levels and all, but these responses sound a lot like codependency to me.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I have sometimes wondered if what I do is really good for my mental health.

I know what you mean. I've often wondered the same thing.

My peaking and then bottoming out cycle surrounding play closely mirrors my anxiety/crash cycles when I'm having a rough patch in that regard. There's the immense build up, and the somewhat numb ebb of the cycle before I ramp up again.

Yet, it's different. Even during a droppy phase, it never feels *bad*.. it's just the yin to the yang that is buzzing really highly for a while. It's just my brain levelling itself out again, recouperating. I think it's a natural thing.

 

[insert____here]

i can understand the whole "deal with it yourself" attitude. especially for those of us in LDR. but if i'm honest, i need to be guided back to reality, not left hanging in sub mode. i can deal with my own drop the next day these days thanks to the wonderful advice from the ladies here, but it's alot easier to do if D brings me back to normality before leaving.

i can also distinguish between the hurt of not having D's company and sub drop. the difference between needing / craving to hear from Him and the slow glaciers of sub drop are significant, and it takes practise to recognise it.

it's just alot harder for new people because they don't understand what's going on yet. so yes, it's very very good if the more experienced PYL can be of assitance with the whole sub drop thing.

 

[gigi1968]

it's just alot harder for new people because they don't understand what's going on yet. so yes, it's very very good if the more experienced PYL can be of assitance with the whole sub drop thing.

This part is so true. I am still new and have a hard time realizing that I am in space. But I am getting to recognize it more. I guess next step is to learn how to deal from there.

 

[auslit]

i don't know whether to sympathise about the fragile emotional stage or be jealous that you're experience such a joyful high to allow such a low

 

[gigi1968]

Well I was asked a few weeks ago by a play partner why I did not just "let go". Well, the answer I gave him was that until I know I will get the after care I require, I will not let myself "go".

I now have a Dom in my life who cares about me. He will allow me to continue to play with my old partners, no penetration, but impact play. I know I will be cared for no matter what the play, so I can go back to playing as hard as I wish and know I will be cared for.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

R went through some horrible sub drop when I had to leave after the first visit. We had played hard and the power exchange had been complete... Unfortunately, I had to come back here.

Her feelings were like a massive depression. Fortunately, I had been able to help her through it despite there being a long distance. She also had help from a special mutual friend.