My first story

[onlytruestories]

Hey everyone,
I am new here and posted my first story (which was finally approved today) and would really appreciate any feedback anyone can give to me about it - I am unsure whether to continue the story and so any feedback would be really appreciated.

The name of the story is: Secret Life of a Slut
Authors Name: OnlyTrueStories
Section: Gay Male
Link to work: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=452505

Thank you for your time.

 

[yunggun65]

I really enjoyed the story. Kept me hard throughout. Loved every bit of it.

 

[onlytruestories]

Thanks for your reply and comments, although the time frame is not accurate the true time frame would have put you to sleep but apart from that everything else is true.

I am working on my next edition however didn't want to spend all of the time if it was not liked. Thanks for the reply.

 

[onlytruestories]

Thanks for all of the comments everyone it was a little nerve wracking considering it was my first story - I was going to type this all up to get published but some places wanted me to pay them to publish it and then take a cut from it - while others didn't have time to publish it until late next year.

If only I could find the right place to publish it now haha.

 

[driphoney]

All right, I took a peek only because I like the occasional gay male story and I was impressed that you were looking for a publisher, and by publisher, I'm assuming you mean hard copy or places in which you profit. Most newbies here aren't so ambitious. Me included. I'm just an amateur for-fun-only reader, and a hack writer, and it's from this position only that I look at your story.

You do have some good feedback which I didn't want to interrupt, feedback is hard to come by and I try to never give negative thoughts on the story page, so I'll give you some here, for what they're worth.

Writers Note:- All of the stories in which I write are true stories unless otherwise stated. I have undertaken many sexual encounters and I hope that this series – The Secret Life of a Slut! Allows me to get my story out in the open. Please feel free to vote on this story and leave feedback.

This is just me personally, as a reader, but I really don't want to know if your story is true or not. Now, I see that true stories is you schtick, and it apparently attracts readers who are into that. As SR often says, there all sorts of readers looking for all sorts of different material here. However, you might want to keep just a little mystery about it all. I back click when I see an author use their own name or say it's true because so many of those stories to me are poorly written and dull. Just my opinion, one reader, that's all.

My name is Mark Andrews, I am 25 years of age and stand six foot two inches tool and have an average body – it used to be an athletic body however injuries playing sport growing up has resulted in me putting on weight while recovering from all the injuries.

Hi, Mark. I'm DH. Nice to meet you. Sorry you got so beat up. Why don't you try reading this How to:

Creative Construction of Character

Whether you're writing a biographical story or complete fiction, it's still a story and your lead protagonist, whether in fact he is you are not, is still a character in the minds of the reader.

Growing up at school I was far from a "chick magnet" however had my fair share of summer romances, one night stands and semi-serious relationships – however it wasn't until I turned 19 that my life changed forever and turned me into the type of person I am today.

My best friend Scott and I had known each other since we were about three or four and went to pre-school together, Scott was slightly shorter than me about six foot but everything else about him was almost identical to me.

Our families had grown close together over the years as we became best of friends, we would spend nights and even whole weekends staying at each other's house, Christmas normally saw our families getting together on Christmas morning to have breakfast – in a way it was one big extended family.

One Saturday, shortly after my 19th birthday Scott and I made the trek to the local sports oval where we were players on the football team and took part in our match, after we headed back to Scott's house where we were going to prepare for a night of drinking.

Scott had recently moved back in with his father Stephen after his mother Louise had left Stephen after 22 years of marriage to be with another man, Scott's father was not coping that well and so to look after him Scott had moved back in.

After a number of quiet drinks at home Scott and I decided that we wouldn't head out to a night on the town clubbing, both of our bodies were aching after a hard fought football match earlier in the day and instead opted to have showers, and watch a couple movies in his room falling asleep whenever we wanted.

After watching the first movie the second one started and I dozed off to sleep, awaking several hours later with the desperate need to go to the bathroom to relieve myself – emptying the tank from the beers we had had earlier in the night.

On the way to the bathroom I saw that the lounge room light was off, however there was a blue and white flicker meaning that something was on the television.

After washing my hands I made my way to the lounge room – I walked quietly in case Stephen had fallen asleep, I didn't want to wake him.

This is a whole, whole lot of background information, plus a minute-by-minute account of events. Now, sometimes I've deliberately done this when starting a chapter, then I will try to pull all those factoids out and sprinkle them into the unfolding story, if I feel those facts add to the story, which serves to pull the buried action to the top of the chapter. Maybe or maybe not your background info is important, but you need to evaluate that. If you're just an average guy, that's fine, but let us get that gist as you move through the real story, not the set up. That's what I attempt to do, anyway by my final product. Somewhere recently, I read someone mention going back after writing a story and chopping off the beginning, the first page, just ignore all that background. In doing this you jump right into the action which is usually more interesting to the reader, especially in a short story. I like to read stories--though it's not a hard and fast rule--where the story starts right in the scene, so I think in terms of that when writing, too. What do you think your readers would prefer?

"I... I... I'm so sorry" I stammered as Stephen looked at me with a blank look.

"No need to apologize at all" Stephen said. "Come join me" he said patting the couch seat next to him.

You have a small grammar issue here, and an editor will teach you how to punctuate dialogue correctly. I still mess-up grammar (always will), so I have a lot of sympathy here.

Just for grins, here are a couple more writing How To's I like:

End Goaling in Writing Erotica
Also check out his stories, he writes a lot of gay male erotica and he's very good--and published!

Easy Guide to Better Writing

Good luck, and don't let all this advice (good from the real writers, suspect from me), overwhelm you like it does me!

 

[_Lynn_]

This is just me personally, as a reader, but I really don't want to know if your story is true or not. Now, I see that true stories is you schtick, and it apparently attracts readers who are into that. As SR often says, there all sorts of readers looking for all sorts of different material here. However, you might want to keep just a little mystery about it all. I back click when I see an author use their own name or say it's true because so many of those stories to me are poorly written and dull. Just my opinion, one reader, that's all.

Make that two readers with the same opinion.

 

[onlytruestories]

Fair enough I will take your comments on board thanks for the suggestions I really appreciate it and will work on making them better.

The story is all jumbled across the place because I actually originally wrote this as a 200 page novel/erotic read and have tried to cut it down to suit in the mix of this website.

In regards to the "boring bits" which is all the background information it actually all comes into play through out the series - I wouldn't have put it there otherwise. I guess my story is better suited to those who will actually read the entire series (4-5 stories) instead of just wanting something quick to wank over.

I also do not use any real names throughout the series infact my name isn't Mark Andrews, isn't AM or anything like that infact far from it I just read some where that the audience/readers connect with the story more if they feel they know you, if you paint the picture that they are there with you - this story was never, and will never be intended as a quick click just to read four paragraphs of having sex and finishing with the cum shot - I am writing lit. erotica not a porn scene.

I will endevor to do better for my next story (Part 3) and thank you once again for your replies it is much appreciated.

 

[driphoney]

Fair enough I will take your comments on board thanks for the suggestions I really appreciate it and will work on making them better.

The story is all jumbled across the place because I actually originally wrote this as a 200 page novel/erotic read and have tried to cut it down to suit in the mix of this website.

In regards to the "boring bits" which is all the background information it actually all comes into play through out the series - I wouldn't have put it there otherwise. I guess my story is better suited to those who will actually read the entire series (4-5 stories) instead of just wanting something quick to wank over.

I also do not use any real names throughout the series infact my name isn't Mark Andrews, isn't AM or anything like that infact far from it I just read some where that the audience/readers connect with the story more if they feel they know you, if you paint the picture that they are there with you - this story was never, and will never be intended as a quick click just to read four paragraphs of having sex and finishing with the cum shot - I am writing lit. erotica not a porn scene.

I will endevor to do better for my next story (Part 3) and thank you once again for your replies it is much appreciated.

Long version or short, most of the information still holds. If you give all the set-up info throughout the piece, then there is no need to mention it in the beginning. It becomes redundant. You also need to find a hook to keep the reader interested.

I do hope you read the How To's I attached, and look over sr71plt's stories. He knows what he's doing in the genre. Though his stories here are short, he might write longer pieces.

Also, I'd hoped MA wasn't your name, I was doing a bad job of trying to make a point. Guess I failed miserably.

Again, good luck.

 

[onlytruestories]

hihgly appreciate your comments, I have already submitted my second story but will take all of this on board for the future stories etc.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Hey everyone,
I am new here and posted my first story (which was finally approved today) and would really appreciate any feedback anyone can give to me about it - I am unsure whether to continue the story and so any feedback would be really appreciated.

The name of the story is: Secret Life of a Slut
Authors Name: OnlyTrueStories
Section: Gay Male
Link to work: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=452505

Thank you for your time.

Make that three readers who don't like 'true stories' which this clearly isn't as all my my gay friends would run a mile before doing the crossdressing bit. It just jars.

I like gay stories but you seem to take the emotion out of this. Start with action, not tedious biography - I really don't need to know you have a 'six foot two inches tool'. Give us some believable characters to emote with, and give it more of a purpose than a simple stroke story.

This begins a bit like a high school essay and I would guess a lot of readers click back before you even start your story.

Lit is a fiction site.