First Submission - Seeking Feedback

[Ginger_Girl]

Hello All... I just posted my first story. I entered it in the Winter Contest... "Mountain Make-Out... Or More?!" link below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=453037

Really would love constructive feedback... I've always wanted to write, and this was my first attempt.

Looking forward to your comments.

 

[pellso27]

I like the way you write, like the descriptive words and not unbelievable. Look forward to more from you.

Jeff

 

[Boxlicker101]

I RCVed the story. It was good stroke, but I am surprised that it was in the Romance category. Usually those are longer stories about developing relationships. I would have thought it belonged in E/C.

ETA: By the way, welcome to Lit. and to the AH in particular.

 

[Ginger_Girl]

Thanks!

Box... I honestly had no idea where to post it. Still new to all this. I'll remember that for next time.

Since I posted it in the Winter Contest, should I repost it there as well? Is there any sort of ettiquette to follow?

 

[Guest]

I really liked it. Honestly. The only problem I had was the same problem that I am having with my own story. When you speak in the first person, and are addressing your audience directly (i.e.: I, and YOU), you wind up saying "You did", "I did" all the time. there's really no way around that, and I have found (on my second story) that writing in the third person creates a much easier read. The problem is that third person removes the intimacy. Your story was intimate and touching while being sexy at the same time.

Very well done.

 

[Ginger_Girl]

Thanks for all the comments so far... I'm seeing that its getting quite a few more views, and my rating has dropped but not as much feedback as I'd like.

If you like it, please be sure to rate it well! Thanks again!

 

[Boxlicker101]

I really liked it. Honestly. The only problem I had was the same problem that I am having with my own story. When you speak in the first person, and are addressing your audience directly (i.e.: I, and YOU), you wind up saying "You did", "I did" all the time. there's really no way around that, and I have found (on my second story) that writing in the third person creates a much easier read. The problem is that third person removes the intimacy. Your story was intimate and touching while being sexy at the same time.

Very well done.

I liked it too, and it was written in the second person, present tense. This is hard to do, unless it is about a very intimate encounter, such as this one is. Personally, I have never written a story in second person or in present tense.

Third person would be using the names of the persons involved and/or referring to them in third person pronouns, such as he, she, they, etc. First person pronouns are not used during the narrative, unless the narrator steps out of the character of a story teller and adds a personal aside.

First person stories use first person pronouns, such as I or me, etc. They generally use third person pronouns also, but not usually second person ones. If they use the latter, they are usually going to be second person stories, but that depends on what is done and said.

 

[Ginger_Girl]

Dear Mr. Licker of boxes.... please teach me your ways... thanks!

 

[Boxlicker101]

Dear Mr. Licker of boxes.... please teach me your ways... thanks!

Okay. Here: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=257132

There are quite a few things like this available in the Authors' Resources.

 

[geronimo_appleby]

I liked it too, and it was written in the second person, present tense. This is hard to do, unless it is about a very intimate encounter, such as this one is. Personally, I have never written a story in second person or in present tense.

Third person would be using the names of the persons involved and/or referring to them in third person pronouns, such as he, she, they, etc. First person pronouns are not used during the narrative, unless the narrator steps out of the character of a story teller and adds a personal aside.

First person stories use first person pronouns, such as I or me, etc. They generally use third person pronouns also, but not usually second person ones. If they use the latter, they are usually going to be second person stories, but that depends on what is done and said.

i've heard said that second POV puts some people off because it is intimate with the writer. horses for courses i'd have to say. some don't like the first POV either, so we can't win!

i haven't read the piece ... yet, and i'm off to do so now.

good luck with the winter contest, Ginger.