My Mid-summer Rain

[cutestguy]

My Mid-summer Rain

Clouds have gone and sky is clear
Time to express the feelings dear
Life is short and love so near
I would ask you come out here.

The downpour has made me wet
I thought it might be some sweat
Top to toe, this cool spray jet
Love this feeling, and you, i bet

You came as my midsummer rain
You swept away all my pain
I wonder if i deserve this gain
You have to tell, once again

Serene and placid, your mind remains
Through sad patches, you regained
Time has made you win through strains
Clear and composed, no more stains.

Open textbook, let me learn from you
No more lies, i have an open view
Step by step, we have to grow
Wish to live and let me die in you.

Threads across and words apart
You sleep there in a distant part
I have changed and got my start
My midsummer rain, where thou art ?

 

[cutestguy]

Yet another poem for you..and you know it is for you.

 

[sereneone4u]

You are so sweet. Thank you.

 

[Epmd607]

My Mid-summer Rain

Clouds have gone and sky is clear
Time to express the feelings dear
Life is short and love so near
I would ask you come out here.

The downpour has made me wet
I thought it might be some sweat
Top to toe, this cool spray jet
Love this feeling, and you, i bet

You came as my midsummer rain
You swept away all my pain
I wonder if i deserve this gain
You have to tell, once again

Serene and placid, your mind remains
Through sad patches, you regained
Time has made you win through strains
Clear and composed, no more stains.

Open textbook, let me learn from you
No more lies, i have an open view
Step by step, we have to grow
Wish to live and let me die in you.

Threads across and words apart
You sleep there in a distant part
I have changed and got my start
My midsummer rain, where thou art ?

Very beach boys, would work better for me in song form. Good job, though.

 

[sereneone4u]

Very beach boys, would work better for me in song form. Good job, though.

He does write music too. Maybe that is why...

 

[cutestguy]

Very beach boys, would work better for me in song form. Good job, though.

im working on it pal...thanks again !

 

[cutestguy]

He does write music too. Maybe that is why...

yea..you know it honey...lol !

 

[sereneone4u]

yea..you know it honey...lol !

 

[UnderYourSpell]

No offence but if you're going to rhyme it's easier to read if not too many of them are the same and if you don't force them in just for the sake of it

 

[cutestguy]

No offence but if you're going to rhyme it's easier to read if not too many of them are the same and if you don't force them in just for the sake of it

Yes..i accept and i will try my best to write something without a Rhyme...and thanks for your guidance Madame. You really helps me a lot.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Yes..i accept and i will try my best to write something without a Rhyme...and thanks for your guidance Madame. You really helps me a lot.

I'm not saying don't rhyme try having a look at the form poetry which is offtimes rhymes except the dreaded sestina! I'm just saying that with this one you have a great many with the same rhyme and when you 'force' a word in for the sake of it well it doesn't read terribly well. When you read it through think to yourself does anyone actually speak like that?

 

[cutestguy]

Accept it wholly and trying something which should have some more essence and sense.

 

[sereneone4u]

Accept it wholly and trying something which should have some more essence and sense.

I personally appreciated the thought and meaning behind it. Thank you again

 

[cutestguy]

I personally appreciated the thought and meaning behind it. Thank you again

I understand and so happy for that and on cloud nine since it did serve the purpose !

 

[sereneone4u]

I understand and so happy for that and on cloud nine since it did serve the purpose !

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