First Submission - Feedback Requested

penandpaper

Literotica Guru
Joined
Jun 27, 2009
Posts
524
I would greatly appreciate any feedback, especially constructive criticism, on my first Lit post. Cheers and happy reading. :D
 
I would greatly appreciate any feedback, especially constructive criticism, on my first Lit post. Cheers and happy reading. :D

I like what I have read - have to go, but will read the rest latter.

Good concept and character development. Only suggestion at this point is the verb transitions do not flow well in the beginning paragraphs.
Ples
 
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