The Hegemony Of Kink

[rosco rathbone]

Something just came to me while I was perving profiles @ Collarme and noticing how many normals were there.

In the not-too-distant future, ALL people from our society (the English-speaking, Internet West) will define themselves along some psychosexual continuum.

From the butcher, to the baker, to the schoolteacher to the sergeant on second deployment in Afghanistan.

Kink has taken over and redefined all in its path.

Discuss.

 

[KellysCrack]

Just because you have a kink why would that make you not normal?
Everyone has a certain something that revs them up more then others. I just look at from the point of does it feel good? Are the consenting...(well all parties agreed to the activities.) If so then enjoy.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Just because you have a kink why would that make you not normal?
Everyone has a certain something that revs them up more then others. I just look at from the point of does it feel good? Are the consenting...(well all parties agreed to the activities.) If so then enjoy.

Kink wasn't always normal.

Trust me.

 

[BiBunny]

I'm abnormal and proud, dammit!

 

[KellysCrack]

Kink wasn't always normal.

Trust me.

Things that we no longer consider kink were not even considered a proper act for most women let alone if it was your wife.

Maybe just evolution of sex or greater acceptance.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Things that we no longer consider kink were not even considered a proper act for most women let alone if it was your wife.

Maybe just evolution of sex or greater acceptance.

I agree, sped up by inet.

I think that everyone, soon, will identify themselves as "dom", "switch" or "sub".

 

[intothewoods]

Kink wasn't always normal.

Trust me.

Someone called into Dan Savage's podcast recently and asked something like, so I don't have any wild fantasies, what can I do to get some? And Dan Savage commented on how kink has become so widespread that the "normal" types feel a little self-conscious about it.

I don't know how I feel about it. Most of the time I feel normal in the kink world. Sometimes I feel like a freak in the regular world. I play normal fairly convincingly though.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Someone called into Dan Savage's podcast recently and asked something like, so I don't have any wild fantasies, what can I do to get some? And Dan Savage commented on how kink has become so widespread that the "normal" types feel a little self-conscious about it.

I don't know how I feel about it. Most of the time I feel normal in the kink world. Sometimes I feel like a freak in the regular world. I play normal fairly convincingly though.

MY guess is, what's going to happen is that "normal" will come to be redefined in kinky terms. If you have even a slight tendency towards wanting to be on top, etc, you'll be a dom. If a mix, then you'll be a "switch". Etc.

 

[eastern sun]

I agree, sped up by inet.

I think that everyone, soon, will identify themselves as "dom", "switch" or "sub".

I totally agree with you.

And it might make relationships less confusing in the long run, because power interests will be out in the open and negotiable. Perhaps too there will be mild to extreme subsets as well to identify what type of sexual activities you're into.

Of course, there will be a lot more "experimentation" going on, and that could lead to greater confusion if you think you have to pretend to like something that you don't really like.

Do you think bringing all this out into the open will fundamentally change human behavior?

 

[rosco rathbone]

I totally agree with you.

And it might make relationships less confusing in the long run, because power interests will be out in the open and negotiable. Perhaps too there will be mild to extreme subsets as well to identify what type of sexual activities you're into.

Of course, there will be a lot more "experimentation" going on, and that could lead to greater confusion if you think you have to pretend to like something that you don't really like.

Do you think bringing all this out into the open will fundamentally change human behavior?

GOod question.I think a change in definitions and framings must lead to other changes in real reality.

 

[WriterDom]

I don't see any signs of bdsm being acceptable. I think the day will come when we do get rights.

 

[Netzach]

I agree with WD.

I think, no, I KNOW that it's very easy to be lulled into a kind of echo chamber of sexual progress.

But honestly, significant portions of the West are people still freaked out by assplay, premarital sex, bisexuality, and strippers, just about anything to do with sex.

At the same time as being oversexed.

Until what we do and what we say we do gets a little more in step, I don't think there's anything approaching calm about this kind of stuff.

 

[ecstaticsub]

For the most part in the circles of friends I hang out with everyone is purely vanilla. They might once a year add a little whipped cream to their sex but that's about it.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

For the most part in the circles of friends I hang out with everyone is purely vanilla. They might once a year add a little whipped cream to their sex but that's about it.

Same here. Most people I know are very intolerant and could not conceive of a healthy, consensual power-exchange dynamic. When some politician or celeb winds up in the papers getting their ass tanned by Miss Whiplash and lead around on a collar and leash, they're scandalised and appalled. People I know generally have no understanding of why anyone would pay good money to be treated like that.

I know people are usually wary of expressing any kind of positivity about kink but I think I know my own friends well enough to be fairly sure there's no latent ambiguity or desire.

 

[minx1]

I don't see a 'watering down' to the degree where everyone will identify themselves as being Dom, sub or switch. I think there will always be people who identify with vanilla and to whom kink has no appeal whatsoever.

But I do see a time when kink will become more acceptable to the masses, just like being gay is generally accepted more these days. I think more people will experiment in what they see as the ''softer'' end of the kink spectrum and perhaps describe themselves as kink curious lol

 

[Homburg]

Everyone does belong on a psychosexual continuum. We just have to accept that there is a shallow end of the pool, and that those shallows get so shallow that they are effectively nil.

I see it kind of like how I see politics. I prefer a two-axis model there comparing statist-libertarian, and liberal-conservative. In this case, the axis might run submissive-dominant, and prudish-kinky.

 

[Recidiva]

As long as shame is hot (and socially effective) people will hide their sexuality and claim publicly to be "absolutely normal" (whatever that is, don't ask me, I wouldn't know) and not display any kink.

It's very hard to say how many kinky people there are and who is honest about it with their friends.

The same way lots of people not open to homosexuality claim to "know no gay people."

There's lots of passing and lots of denial, but I think there's lots and lots of unreported kink.

 

[myinnerslut]

kink isnt normal. maybe more people are getting into it as a whole, but the relationship that you hold as a submissive or a slave or a dominant or a ponygirl is not normal and most people dont accept it.

i recently had to find a new therapist because i moved to a new state. it took phone call after phone call to find somebody that would agree to talk with me. i was told by one therapist that she doesnt support "abusive relationships". kudos to her for telling me upfront, but the point being it is not common enough that those paid to be understanding and to listen can accept it.

and for that matter, i tried explaining the relationship to my current therapist, and i recognized that it doesnt sound like a normal relationship. its normal to me, as it is my life, but its not normal. not yet.

"my boyfriend if my Master, and i am his slave. i would do anything for him, he is in control. he beats me with implements, spanks me with his hand, pees on me in the shower, and carved his initial into my leg. my other leg is also branded with a symbol of him, and i wear his initial on my naval ring. i wear a collar every day as a symbol of being owned. refusing him isnt an option. he owns me, heart, soul, body, and mind"

 

[Recidiva]

kink isnt normal. maybe more people are getting into it as a whole, but the relationship that you hold as a submissive or a slave or a dominant or a ponygirl is not normal and most people dont accept it.

i recently had to find a new therapist because i moved to a new state. it took phone call after phone call to find somebody that would agree to talk with me. i was told by one therapist that she doesnt support "abusive relationships". kudos to her for telling me upfront, but the point being it is not common enough that those paid to be understanding and to listen can accept it.

and for that matter, i tried explaining the relationship to my current therapist, and i recognized that it doesnt sound like a normal relationship. its normal to me, as it is my life, but its not normal. not yet.

"my boyfriend if my Master, and i am his slave. i would do anything for him, he is in control. he beats me with implements, spanks me with his hand, pees on me in the shower, and carved his initial into my leg. my other leg is also branded with a symbol of him, and i wear his initial on my naval ring. i wear a collar every day as a symbol of being owned. refusing him isnt an option. he owns me, heart, soul, body, and mind"

I don't think there's such a thing as an absolute normal. But my definition of "abnormal" really has to do more with whether or not something is nonconsensual.

You consenting to not have consent...I think that qualifies as consent. If you're happy and you are fulfilled and this is what you want, I think that's better than normal. That's more than lots of people can get in a life.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Ok.

Maybe I'm like a merry gay man in 1975 going "in the future, EVERYONE will be gay!".

 

[Recidiva]

Ok.

Maybe I'm like a merry gay man in 1975 going "in the future, EVERYONE will be gay!".

LOL

Well, I think to a certain extent now's the future.

I just think kinky is a great deal more common than reported. I've certainly noticed during my time here that it's the shame and the breaking of taboos that makes it hot for some.

If there was no shame and no taboos, that'd be the saddest damned day in sex history for lots of people who would have to make up rules to break just so they could get off.

 

[rosco rathbone]

LOL

Well, I think to a certain extent now's the future.

I just think kinky is a great deal more common than reported. I've certainly noticed during my time here that it's the shame and the breaking of taboos that makes it hot for some.

If there was no shame and no taboos, that'd be the saddest damned day in sex history for lots of people who would have to make up rules to break just so they could get off.

No jet-packs=not the future.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I personally don't want kinky to be more normal. There will always be people who want to get more extreme than what society decides is normal. If kinky becomes normal, how extreme will people go to try to be not normal?

I want kink to stay in the privacy of people's home or clubs. We need to make sure consensual impact play is legal all over (which it is not) and work on marriage laws, etc but other than that I don't want it to become normal and expected of every relationship. It needs to still be ok to be vanilla.

 

[popcorn2721]

I totally agree with you.

And it might make relationships less confusing in the long run, because power interests will be out in the open and negotiable. Perhaps too there will be mild to extreme subsets as well to identify what type of sexual activities you're into.

Of course, there will be a lot more "experimentation" going on, and that could lead to greater confusion if you think you have to pretend to like something that you don't really like.

Do you think bringing all this out into the open will fundamentally change human behavior?

I think that what were seeing is people the world over being exposed to things they never imagined possible. Many of them finding that something new aroused them, say "I would like to try that". Some of them make life changes to go along with whatever brand of kink they are into, some keep it closed up and perve only in private... others get a guilty conscience and go back to church over it.
Will all this access change human behavior? I don't think it will. We in our nature do whatever fills the needs of the moment. In doing so were allowing the indulgence of the mental aspect of the id... but that is nothing new for us. I don't think everyone will prescribe to the idea of being open to their desires either. We have laws creeping up everywhere trying to tell you what is in good taste and what is not acceptable.
I know thats not the question that was originally ask by Rosco, but I think that its important to acknowledge where the interest in deviant behavior is coming from. Ive seen many sheltered people that would have never imagined that there was another way to express love, other than missionary with the lights off (to be quite frank, much of the population lacks the imagination to do better without being shown first).
Before the internet and HBOs real sex, there were few avenues available to most people to experiment with to get their kink on... I think that in itself has made a huge difference in the openness were seeing in friends who are like minded.

 

[Homburg]

No jet-packs=not the future.

Don't I know it. It's the Twenty-First Century. I want my goddamned flying car.

Now.