I have a MOLE???

[NoJo]

That's kind of a pathetic attitude, isn't it? I feel even more guilty.

Shereads told me that it wasn't the mole's fault it wasn't born cute.

She said it probably wanted to be born a puppy.

The best it can hope for is cross-dressing until species-realignment surgery becomes an option

 

[Saucy_Sage]

The European mole, which is the only kind we get here in Britain is very common. Moles are rather sweet little black velvety things:

http://www.arkive.org/media/B6/B6472F29-22F3-4486-9920-DB3064A703A4/Presentation.Large/photo.jpg

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sceptred isle, other Eden, demi-paradise. This is 'merica, pal. Where even the moles have concealed carry permits.

 

[john-the-author]

I just wish the mole would expire due to - natural causes. I don't wish ill will on the things, but they are making our back yard treacherous.

Natural causes. Like if one of these feral cats we always have roaming through our yard could dig it up, pull it out, break its little neck and eat it. I'm sure mole would taste good to a feral cat.

Or a raccoon. They're omnivorous. They'd eat mole.

Or maybe I could get it hooked on cigarettes. I could leave little packs out by the multiple mounds of earth. Smoking is sure to be disastrous to a mole's health.

I'm reaching, here.

I like the image of moles hanging out smoking. Kind of like the younger, smaller version of raccoons in cheap double-breasted pinstripe suits and bad fedoras smoking on street corners making insulting remarks in a bad Edward G. Robinson voice or something. My ex-wife and I used to call this image "The Invasion of the Snotty Badgers."

 

[Guest]

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[Austin8]

So

all this mole talk has made me curious about how to get rid of them?

any sign of new activity sarah?

so I've asked several people around my area for suggestions .

Here's a couple of the more interesting ones.

A popular method seems to be to place a few weather vanes with propellers on sticks around the garden; the vibration caused by the propellers will often drive the moles away.

An old farmer told me two methods. Use aspirin down each hole or if you have a long haired cat, keep the fur and stuff it down the holes.

 

[Guest]

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[voluptuary_manque]

That's kind of a pathetic attitude, isn't it? I feel even more guilty.

Shereads told me that it wasn't the mole's fault it wasn't born cute.

She said it probably wanted to be born a puppy.

Heck, I'd like to have been born a puppy, probably a prized field-trial Springer Spaniel. Being born a cub was cute to begin with but it didn't last. It's kind of a pain having to go through life constantly trying to not frighten people. It's why I wear the hat. It makes me less intimidating, I've been told.

Springers are always lovable and well-beloved. *does best Marlin Brando imitation* I couldah been a springah!

 

[Austin8]

Cat hair - that's along the same lines as using carnivore urine, actually. That's a good idea.

I wonder if I could take a few scoops from the clumping litter boxes and toss 'em down the holes?

It could be a deterrent.

I think it would deter them since they can't see. I guess they operate on sound waves and smell.

For some reason I have this mental image of you in the back yard, stuffing all kinds of odd things into the ground ...

 

[Guest]

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[Guest]

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[Saucy_Sage]

So

all this mole talk has made me curious about how to get rid of them?

any sign of new activity sarah?

so I've asked several people around my area for suggestions .

Here's a couple of the more interesting ones.

A popular method seems to be to place a few weather vanes with propellers on sticks around the garden; the vibration caused by the propellers will often drive the moles away.

An old farmer told me two methods. Use aspirin down each hole or if you have a long haired cat, keep the fur and stuff it down the holes.

If you have a short-haired cat, just stuff the cat down the hole. All (the "whole mole") will be eaten except the giblets, which will be deposited at your door for you to use in making gravy. Cats are soooo nice that way.

 

[3113]

One story is about the honeybee nest I discovered in a window well when redoing the dryer duct work.

You mean you found actual honeybees? (meaning it'd be a hive--or was this the nest of some strange bird referred to as a "honeybee"?)

I ask because with honeybees vanishing, a hive of such would be rare and precious. I hope you gave it to a loving bee keeper.

 

[Austin8]

Actually, I've been the one having to do all of the outside chores this summer.

I have a dozen stories. I'm thinking of writing them all up, either in article form for another forum or starting them here as goofy posts.

One story is about the honeybee nest I discovered in a window well when redoing the dryer duct work.

One story is about the maggots - um - ick - that I discovered when taking out the trash to the street.

Another story is about bleaching the vinyl siding, which is so bright now it outshines the sun.

Another one has to do with my husband's recently discovered fetish of Lara Croft and Tomb Raider, from when I mowed the lawn a few days ago in a black tank, my weight-lifting fingerless gloves and sunglasses.

I'd better get to writing.

I know it's been a very busy summer for you, still a while before school starts again too!

I enjoy hearing about women's outdoor stories, I hear a lot from my customers as well.

maggots... yuck...

I can't wait to hear about some of them

Start with that Laura croft fetish one!

 

[voluptuary_manque]

You mean you found actual honeybees? (meaning it'd be a hive--or was this the nest of some strange bird referred to as a "honeybee"?)

I ask because with honeybees vanishing, a hive of such would be rare and precious. I hope you gave it to a loving bee keeper.

I believe the actual situation is that commercial hives are suffering a strange die-off, though that has decreased this year. The problem seems to be related to monoculture ag. Feral bees, like the ones that keep my garden productive, seem to be doing quite well, at least in this neighborhood. It's the varied diet, methinks.

Therefore, eat more different colors!

 

[Guest]

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[Saucy_Sage]

We usually get the fur and tail left from the mouse.

A little compressed pellet of yuck.

The cat is making an allusion to bullfighting. How clever.

 

[Guest]

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[Guest]

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[Saucy_Sage]

Whenever they share their captured prey I think it's an implied threat.

See what I did to this mouse? Guess what will happen to you if I don't get my Friskies on time.

This is a very cynical view of cats. I prefer to think of it as your reward (the choicest parts, the sweetbreads, the fur used for clothing, etc.). I'm quite certain it's not true; I just prefer to think of it that way.

Although one cat of mine, apparently angered that he did not receive an invitation to the party I was giving, did leave a dead bird at the door to greet the guests.

 

[3113]

They are either deceased (perhaps drowned by the flash floods we had yesterday)

Nooo! Go honeybees! Survive and prosper!

This is a very cynical view of cats. I prefer to think of it as your reward (the choicest parts, the sweetbreads, the fur used for clothing, etc.). I'm quite certain it's not true

Actually, I pretty certain it is true. Cats do have affection for us. We share our food with them (even if it is Friskies), so when they get a yummie kill, they want to graciously share it with us. Besides, they have to show it off and display to us what great and mighty hunters they are.

Cats are the sportsmen of the animal kingdom. They'd take photographs of themselves and the mouse then stuff the heads and mount 'em on the walls, if they could.

 

[Guest]

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[Handley_Page]

If I didn't know how busy & married you were, I'd let you tickle my tummy any time. . . . . .

The thought of Lara Croft . . . . . . . . (I think I need a cold shower)

 

[oggbashan]

Here are some Mole Control suggestions: Mole Control

Og

 

[Guest]

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[Austin8]

Okay, maybe I'll take a picture.

She's thinner than me, however.

yeah, but she ain't got them cute bunnies!