Ropework (long - sorry)

[Cattypuss]

So.

The guy I've been seeing lately loves ropework. He is a sailor and a mountaineer and so he knows how to handle rope.

He has not as far as I'm aware had a lot of opportunity before he met me to spend time tying women up.

He's not a dom, but he LOVES tying me up and hurting me.

Anyway, back to the ropes. He will decide to tie me up and it seems he gets quite absorbed in his work. So I can be standing or lying for (I haven't timed it but...) what seems like maybe 10-15-20 mins while he does his rope thing. His only interaction with me during this time will be to quietly say "is that too tight?" periodically or "are you okay?", and to occasionally stroke my back/bum/something in a sort of distractedly affectionate/reassuring way.

It's as if while he's doing the tying (which can be extremly complex) he is so absorbed in his work that he forgets about sex. And then he will typically either stand me in front of a mirror to make me look at it, at which point he gets very overtly horny again, or he will stand back and look at me tied on the bed and either take a photo or tell me how good I look, at which point he gets overtly horny again....

Of course when he's tying me I am often blindfolded or he's behind me, so I can't see whether he still has his erection or not.

But clearly he LOVES tying me and seeing/feeling me tied, and loves to fig, spank me, mouth-fuck me, fuck me etc when I am tied.

Me, being tied up? For me it's more the mindfuck for knowing I can't run away or fight back, so elaborate rope-patterns etc don't do a lot for me sexually (although I am totally appreciative of the aesthetic beauty and symmetry etc). So for me in the heat of the moment I like being tied quickly and in a non-nonsense, means-to-an-end way. This guy's ropework is, I think, to an extent, an end in itself.

So. To get to the point. I find that the second before he starts tying me up I can be horny as hell, dripping wet etc. But during the tying, I find I just feel very calm and patient and I lose my mojo a bit. This means that when he's finished tying me I am starting almost from square one again on arousal. Which is fine cos he can get me fully aroused very quickly.

But I guess my question is does anyone identify and, if they do, have they found a way to stay aroused during the tying (just to make it more fun)!?

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Can you kick your brain into fantasy mode? Think of something really hot?

During interim periods of inactivty like that, I tend to get fidgety and frustrated, because my brain needs some sort of engagement, something to concentrate on and process, it can't just shut up and be happy.

So I let it wander, think of some really hot stuff, while also letting those sensations filter through.

And then, there'sa a bit of teasing in the "so, what got you dripping so much, huh? do tell" kind of way...

It's fun.

 

[Cattypuss]

Oddly I'm not sure I have tried that. There is such an infectious sense of utter, all-ecompassing calm that descends.... that I honestly don't think it has occurred to me to do that.

Worth a try!

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Oddly I'm not sure I have tried that. There is such an infectious sense of utter, all-ecompassing calm that descends.... that I honestly don't think it has occurred to me to do that.

Worth a try!

I wish for the calm!

*sighs wistfully*

 

[OzoneRed]

How about asking him to stand you in front of the TV while he does his ropework, so you can watch your favorite programs while he's otherwise occupied?

 

[Sir_Winston54]

<snippage>So. To get to the point. I find that the second before he starts tying me up I can be horny as hell, dripping wet etc. But during the tying, I find I just feel very calm and patient and I lose my mojo a bit. This means that when he's finished tying me I am starting almost from square one again on arousal. Which is fine cos he can get me fully aroused very quickly.

But I guess my question is does anyone identify and, if they do, have they found a way to stay aroused during the tying (just to make it more fun)!?

And the problem with feeling "very calm and patient" is ... what, exactly? I'm not a rope guru - check with Homburg for info in that arena - but when I'm performing certain types of percussion play (e.g., extending flogging sessions), the preparation period (getting out and laying out floggers, bunny-fur glove, etc., starting the music [if used for the scene], getting her set in a comfortable position, and *calming and settling* her before beginning) is important for both us. It helps clear the mind of extraneous details so we can both focus on the scene. And if re-arousal is not an extended, complex process afterward... what's the problem? Truly, I am

How about asking him to stand you in front of the TV while he does his ropework, so you can watch your favorite programs while he's otherwise occupied?

Someone PLEASE quote this post to the "Things NOT to say to one's PYL!" LMAO!

 

[myinnerslut]

i usually zoom in and out of subspace the entire time. unless its a demo or suspension. in the case of a demo, i still go in and out but i also feel off of the energy of the people. in a suspension, going into subspace can be dangerous is i am balanced on something prior to being hoisted into the air. i still do but not as heavily.

personally, the experience of being bound is arousing and exciting enough to keep me aroused.

 

[Homburg]

When I am tying, and I haven't been doing much of it lately, I am not erect either. Frankly, that is a good thing. A long tie can take quite a while, and a serious erection will start to ache after a while.

The calm that you are describing is part and parcel to the experience for me, and, yes, the tying is an end in itself. The intricate ropework is a method of adornment, of beautification if you will. Yes, she is lovely before and after, but during, she is my canvass, and I work my will in my way. Some forms are more active than others, and some more quiet. I've tied fast and slow, but almost always have that quiet calm when I am doing it.

Be quiet, be still, and be art.

 

[Cattypuss]

And the problem with feeling "very calm and patient" is ... what, exactly? I'm not a rope guru - check with Homburg for info in that arena - but when I'm performing certain types of percussion play (e.g., extending flogging sessions), the preparation period (getting out and laying out floggers, bunny-fur glove, etc., starting the music [if used for the scene], getting her set in a comfortable position, and *calming and settling* her before beginning) is important for both us. It helps clear the mind of extraneous details so we can both focus on the scene. And if re-arousal is not an extended, complex process afterward... what's the problem? Truly, I am

Well, the "problem" (although calling it a "problem" is overstating it a smidge) is that for me the tying part is a bit of a longueur in an otherwise consistently delightful session. He gets me all aroused and then I get a come-down... which lasts for a long time. Yes, I get aroused after as well, but I would get more total pleasure if I stayed aroused during the tying instead of just lying/standing there waiting for him to finish.

These are not "scenes" we are having. I don't need to be "calmed and settled". I don't need to clear my mind of extraneous thought - my mind is 100% already on what we are doing (at least when he starts... towards the end I might be wondering what to cook for dinner). He is not at all dominant, as I mentioned.

Like I say, it's not really a "problem". However it's something where there is room for my experience to be improved.

 

[Cattypuss]

Be quiet, be still, and be art.

I am quiet, and I am still, and I am cognisant that to him this is art and meaningful. Which is why I'm quiet and why I'm still and why the whole thing is not a "problem"and why I would never ever raise it with him.

My point was one about arousal. For me.

Interesting though - seems you and he have the same attititude to rope.

 

[Netzach]

I am quiet, and I am still, and I am cognisant that to him this is art and meaningful. Which is why I'm quiet and why I'm still and why the whole thing is not a "problem"and why I would never ever raise it with him.

My point was one about arousal. For me.

Interesting though - seems you and he have the same attititude to rope.

This isn't your thing. It's not a bad thing, but it's not YOUR thing.

Personally, I like the mental vacation aspect of bondage and when someone has to go fucking with my genitals I'm liable to kick them or not do it again with them ever. I find being tied down and sexed terrible sex and sore next day to the point of useless, while I find someone working on me like an orb spider to be the best zen ever.

So continue to do it as a favor to your lover and make sure you get reciprocation if you're not D/s. There's nothing wrong with that. Surely there's something that sends you over the moon but not him and if he's that good with rope he can intersperse it with spontaneously cuffing you to the radiator sex.

 

[Cattypuss]

This isn't your thing. It's not a bad thing, but it's not YOUR thing.

Personally, I like the mental vacation aspect of bondage and when someone has to go fucking with my genitals I'm liable to kick them or not do it again with them ever. I find being tied down and sexed terrible sex and sore next day to the point of useless, while I find someone working on me like an orb spider to be the best zen ever.

So continue to do it as a favor to your lover and make sure you get reciprocation if you're not D/s. There's nothing wrong with that. Surely there's something that sends you over the moon but not him and if he's that good with rope he can intersperse it with spontaneously cuffing you to the radiator sex.

You know, I don't even need the "pay-back" of radiator sex or whatever. I co-operate with his doing this to me because he IS my lover and because he loves doing it. Fine by me.

I'll try Lizzie's suggestion of fantasising and if that doesn't work I'll just accept that it is what it is.

Thanks guys.

 

[Homburg]

I am quiet, and I am still, and I am cognisant that to him this is art and meaningful. Which is why I'm quiet and why I'm still and why the whole thing is not a "problem"and why I would never ever raise it with him.

My point was one about arousal. For me.

Interesting though - seems you and he have the same attititude to rope.

This is why I wasn't really giving you advice. I figured it was better to just explain my perspective.

As to arousal, well, honestly, I've not really had a problem with that with my bottoms, and friends who've bottomed for me. Most were highly interested in the activity, and found rope to be a Very Good Thing. As Netz said, it doesn't sound like it's your thing. Nothing wrong with that.

 

[Cattypuss]

Yeah, it's not my thing (in terms of arousal, anyway). I guess if I thought it was arousing to him then it would be a little bit arousing to me because of that, but I'm pretty sure it's not.

Ho hum. Worse things happen LOL.

 

[Homburg]

Yeah, it's not my thing (in terms of arousal, anyway). I guess if I thought it was arousing to him then it would be a little bit arousing to me because of that, but I'm pretty sure it's not.

Ho hum. Worse things happen LOL.

There are different forms of arousal. Not everything that excites a man causes his dick to stand up too.

In other words, he's getting something out of it, else he'd not be doing it.

 

[Cattypuss]

Yes, I take your point.

 

[00Syd]

My guy is a rope guy. Luckily, I'm also really into rope.

For me, the feeling of being bound is arousing, but the act of being tied is not actively arousing. There are other attractive feelings, though. The calm that you describe could be a sort of "rope-space" which I've heard described by many rope bottoms. I don't know if I would call it "rope-space" specifically, but there is a certain head space I get into while being tied that is really very nice. I wouldn't be able to begin to describe it acurately, though. The most I could say is that its very calming, very relaxing and very, very internal. Somtimes I go so into myself that I just don't want to talk, I can talk, but I really don't want to and it becomes difficult to do so. Seb will ask me if everything is alright and I have to force myself to respond, because all I want to do is languish in the feeling of the rope moving over my skin, becoming tighter and more restrictive. If I'm suspended, all I want to do is sink into the rope. I want to feel it pulling againt me and holding me.

That's all just me, though. Like Homburg, thought you might appreciate if some people into rope tried to explain some of the appeal. Like other people have said, rope could just not be your thing. Maybe try to find something about it you like, or fantasize, or just sink into the calm. I find that being constantly aroused can sometimes be a little exhausting, and I sort of think of the act of being tied as the calm before the storm. Its a really good way to get relaxed and happy before all the super duper sexy or painful whatever that's on the way.

/2cents

 

[Cattypuss]

Another interesting view, Syd, thanks.

I had established before I started this thread that spending ages being tied isn't "me". The fantasising idea is one I can't believe it hadn't occurred to me to try til Lizzie mentined it lol.

I am one for drifting off into a trance at the drop of a hat many times a day... in the shower, on the bus, when walking the dog, often (blush) when at my desk etc etc etc. I'm one of those people that can find themselves having been staring at the wallpaper for half an hour for no good reason.

I guess I don't feel any beneft from having that vacancy bang in the middle of what is an otherwise engaging and arousing session.

 

[bakedbeams]

I have found that the long tying sessions are my favourites, its the building of the anticipation that gets me excited. Not knowing what he will do when he's finished.

Perhaps if you focus/fantasise on that, could that help?

 

[BiBunny]

I'm like you, Cattypuss. Bondage is just a means to an end for me. I could not care less about the rope and the tying and the method. Can we please get to the good part?

Luckily, my people hardly ever want to get elaborate with bondage. Every now and then, Master will get a wild hair up his ass and decide that he wants to try something he's found somewhere or made up in his head or something. I try to be patient, but really, sitting there while he tries to figure out exactly how he wants to do it is, well...boring.

I wish I could get this awesome Zen space that rope bottoms get into. But no. I get bored and fidgety and, after awhile, irritated. My mind wanders. Parts of my body that I can't reach start to itch. And I WILL try to untie myself if I get too bored. (I've never done this with Master and Mistress, but I have with other play partners in the past.)

So I don't really have any advice. I just wanted you to know you aren't the only one. I marvel at people who get off on rope and being tied. I just can't do it.

 

[Cattypuss]

LOL Bunny at the thought of someone working with rope on one part of you while you start untying the rope on another part of you

Could be a never-ending job.

 

[ownedsubgal]

another one who's not a fan of rope bondage, or any type of bondage really. significant/"extreme" bondage takes me back to a very dark place in my past so whenever i am subjected to it i automatically view it as either some kind of punishment or trial, and i will completely zone out for the purposes of psychological self-defense. thankfully i have never been bound by anyone who wanted me to be aroused by it.

 

[Cattypuss]

Oh I love being bound tight and helpless. I just wish he'd hurry the feck up!

 

[00Syd]

Parts of my body that I can't reach start to itch.

Oh man, me too. It's like, I'll be fine fine fine, no itches anywhere, totally comfortable and then JUST as soon as I can't move I get itchy EVERYWHERE all at once. It's like my body is conspiring against me to pull me out of my rope bottom zen. Thankfully, I've gotten really, really good at scratching my nose with my knee and Seb is always willing to lend me his shoulder to scratch myself on if my knee is otherwise pre-occupied. We also do a lot of Bondage at parties and such where I have friends who are almost always willing to give me a good scratch or lend a shoulder or whatever.

But, f'real. What's with the itchiness?