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Must read just in case this happens to you or to someone close to you.
I've put this off long enough. Today I saw a bit on ABC News about a mother who refused to give up on her child's condition that a dozen doctors said that there was nothing to be done about. She did internet research, and found a doctor that had something vaguely similar, at least in medication. She contacted him, and he seemed to want to say no, but didn't. Now the lady's son walks, and went to school.
That reminded me that enough time has passed, and I must say what happened to me, to let you all know just in case it happens to you, or someone close to you.
No, I didn't do extensive research, I just got serendipitously--doubly so--lucky. Very lucky!
Please read this, then file it away where you will find it later. In all honesty, I've never heard of this happening before, but that doesn't mean it's all that rare--I have no idea.
From sometime in early February to about St. Patty's day, I had three panic attacks (that's the only thing I can think of to call them).
I woke up feeling stark terror--panic--in a way I'd never felt it before. I had no idea what was happening. It was as if I sensed my life was ending, but I felt nothing physically wrong. No heart pain, etc, just shear panic.
Quickly, I tried to meditate. That has often worked wonders in me in various situations, and even held it for a long time. Didn't' work.
It was as if the world had disappeared--I had disappeared as I've always known me to be, and now I was just a terrorized entity, that there was no light, no anything but utter terror--the weirdest feeling of being alone and maybe to feel as if I was to die, but never die. As I said, I didn't understand it, so please forgive my silly attempts to try to explain it.
I got up, walked, then sat, then couldn't even cry--not that I wanted to. That horrible state was with me the rest of the night, and the whole day. I couldn't eat. When it was time to go to sleep again, I was so scared, and tried to meditate again.
I was lucky. I did sleep, but can I say "cautiously?" That's what it seemed like. I didn't get enough sleep, and tried to nap, but it threatened to come back and I sat up suddenly, the panicky fear coming again.
That night I did sleep, and hoped it was over--whatever "it" was. Needless to say, I tried to meditate, and did succeed to some extent. I also tried to understand what had happened. I had no luck, but decided that at least I knew what happened wasn't permanent, and since I was alive, it wasn't truly life threatening. I also decided that if it happened again, I would try to "grasp" it with my mind and look at it, or as I like to think, enter into it to "examine" it. I have done such at various times, but never on something like this. Still, I was very optimistic now that I had looked at it objectively. I was suddenly full of bravado; I had something to work with.
Nothing happened for some time, perhaps a couple of weeks or so, then it hit me again. Instantly, I tried to do as I had thought to do, to enter it and know it, examine it. Yeah, right!
The fear was so sudden and complete, suffused my whole being as it did before, and like the first time, threatened to send me into a different panic than I already was, but the first panic held me too tightly. Again, I went through more time than I could ever imagine in such a state. It was worse than knowing you were captive and were destined to die at any moment, and slowly, perhaps be roasted alive, or something like it, or worse, but the moment of that happening kept stretching out.
Once more, I got through it, and knew I couldn't "enter" into it, and spent the rest of the day in fear of it returning (it always kept threatening to return, and that kept me on edge).
As in the first time, I slept, but "cautiously." It didn't happen again, and as before, it didn't come again for some time.
Then it hit me again. I could only console myself that I had managed to get by the other times, but it wasn't much consolation. I was desperate to know what was happening, but everything escaped me.
In order to give myself something to do to try to distract myself, I went on the internet. Someone had mentioned "aiukii," and I wondered what it was, and looked it up. There was less that a full page of items listed, and I made myself call them up, those that weren't in a foreign language, which seemed to be half of them.
One was long, a research paper from the 1950s, and I scanned it, hoping my eye would see something--anything--that might give me something to concentrate on. I didn't see anything that had "aiukii," however --
Serendipity! Maybe.
It said there was a relationship of calcium and potassium that shot the nerves into orbit, or at least I read it that way.
I was taking the usual calcium tablets (500 mgs each) with Vitamin D. I was also taking a multi-vitamin that had 200 mgs of calcium plus 80 mgs of potassium. I wondered...
Yes, I was too desperate, but this was at least something that might be the answer. Was it possible that I had stumbled onto something? I had determined to go to my doctor, but now I wondered too much. I couldn't be so lucky, could I?
Maybe I was. As I said, enough time has passed, and since I quit taking the Calcium tablets (I needed what was in the multi vitamins too much).
Bottom line: Horray! No more attacks.
What I had been feeling must have been my nerves going into orbit and staying there for much too long. Why they didn't stay there continuously (I did have those breaks for several weeks after each attack), I had no idea. When I go to the doctor this fall for my yearly, I will ask him (but I'm guessing he won't know).
Okay, so what's so important about this to you? It may never affect you, or anyone you are close to or love, but one never knows, and I can tell you from personal experience that it is worse that pure hell to feel that you're about to probably die and never know why, and to keep feeling that way.
Here's the url for what I found: http://www.jgp.org/cgi/reprint/30/6/493.pdf
Just for the heck of it, please keep this somewhere that you can find it just in case of... May it never happen to you or yours.
Thank you for reading, and please feel free to pass this on, or to PM me if you have any questions, or wonder about it.
I wish you all peace, and I wish everyone love.![]()