Is this REALLY how a female led relationshp works?

[neophyte4ever]

My husband had suggested that we try male chastity and entering a female led relationship last year because of my complaints about how infrequently we had sex. This has been a complete failure. I thought I had done enough research on this but I don't think we were on the same page. I agreed to do this because my libido exceeds his by quite a bit. Maybe we could keep him in the mood so he'd be ready more than just once every other six weeks or so.

This did not happen. He was interested non-stop but not in any activities that I wanted. Is it possible to top from the bottom with male chastity? He would make a big deal of getting locked up, dressing up in his sissy clothes, and then constant whining about what my plans were for him. I work Tuesday through Saturday and he works Monday through Friday. I'm in a very high stress job with tons of responsibilities and as soon as I would get home from work on Saturday after he's had all day to prepare himself mentally, he'd be all over me with demands. I didn't even get to put my purse down. Nothing pisses me off more than when he demands that I plan out how to execute HIS fantasy without any work on his part other than his cleaning/dressing rituals. He doesn't get that this completely drains me emotionally and I get NOTHING out of it. If I tell him, he bursts into tears and sulks for weeks and doesn't understand why I get "weird."

I never felt any interest in me, just that I was an accessory. He would beg to be allowed to worship my feet, breasts (something he has no real interest in), or perform oral sex (something I have no interest in). If I said yes (often just to shut him up), he went away into his own little happy place and I just felt like I was being slobbered on. I finally gave up trying to enjoy myself and just endured. He constantly wanted prostate massage, constant teasing, being taken with the strap on. All of it was demands. I'd ask him to do something I was interested in...like say just sitting there and making out... and he'd tell me "We're not ready for that." What??? He wanted to use a strap-on on me and that was a physically painful failure. Not only was I unable to orgasm, but he hurt me. And didn't notice because he was away in his happy place.

Everything became a big ordeal. Everything. He needs all this constant prep work. Constant maintenance. And if I wanted to have sex with him, he had all these rituals to do before coming back to me but he is always someplace else mentally and often had a hard time having an erection even after being locked up for 48 or more hours unless he was on the receiving end of anal sex. Does it really take a guy 3 hours in the shower when they have someone waiting in bed? I'd fall asleep and he'd get mad at me. So he's had all weekend or longer being stimulated and I've been bored and doing this because maybe, just maybe he'd have an erection for me and not just himself to be milked or have an interrupted orgasm. If I fell asleep while waiting for him, that was it. I lost my chance until NEXT weekend.

In August of 2008, I wanted to just have simple vanilla sex one Sunday morning. Just meet me on the couch. An hour later, he finally comes down wearing his favorite outfit, having showered, and then refuses because he can't because he's dirty. I can't just expect to have sex with him after he's been locked in the CB3000 for 2 days. Well, I can't ever have sex with him when he's not in it either because he refuses to have sex with me on any day but Sunday and only if I'm in bed, waiting for him when he wakes up. He will never go back to bed after he's gotten up, won't have sex in another room of the house, and won't have sex at night. I have no idea why.

That completely put me out of the mood and I told him forget about it. And I unlocked him and told him very bluntly that if he wanted this activity, plan it all out yourself, give me a script, I'll play my part, but I am tired of being responsible for making his fantasies come true. Let me state that in the 12 years we've been together, he's successfully fulfilled one of mine zero times and has attempted to zero times. He swears he doesn't know what my interests are. From the moment I moved in 10 years ago, it seems that sex is being used a tool to control me and he's always got the upper hand.

We have had sex once since August. I'm not doing well emotionally and feel completely rejected. To make matters worse, I've gained about 75 lbs now, overeating. I know that's not going to make anything better. I don't know how to talk to him about this because he says all that I do is beat him up with past failed experiences and that i don't want to talk.

I'm at a loss. I've started to get the feeling from reading blogs of men who are into male chastity that they really are topping from the bottom. Besides not communicating effectively, where else have I gone wrong??

 

[Netzach]

My husband had suggested that we try male chastity and entering a female led relationship last year because of my complaints about how infrequently we had sex. This has been a complete failure. I thought I had done enough research on this but I don't think we were on the same page. I agreed to do this because my libido exceeds his by quite a bit. Maybe we could keep him in the mood so he'd be ready more than just once every other six weeks or so.

This did not happen. He was interested non-stop but not in any activities that I wanted. Is it possible to top from the bottom with male chastity? He would make a big deal of getting locked up, dressing up in his sissy clothes, and then constant whining about what my plans were for him. I work Tuesday through Saturday and he works Monday through Friday. I'm in a very high stress job with tons of responsibilities and as soon as I would get home from work on Saturday after he's had all day to prepare himself mentally, he'd be all over me with demands. I didn't even get to put my purse down. Nothing pisses me off more than when he demands that I plan out how to execute HIS fantasy without any work on his part other than his cleaning/dressing rituals. He doesn't get that this completely drains me emotionally and I get NOTHING out of it. If I tell him, he bursts into tears and sulks for weeks and doesn't understand why I get "weird."

I never felt any interest in me, just that I was an accessory. He would beg to be allowed to worship my feet, breasts (something he has no real interest in), or perform oral sex (something I have no interest in). If I said yes (often just to shut him up), he went away into his own little happy place and I just felt like I was being slobbered on. I finally gave up trying to enjoy myself and just endured. He constantly wanted prostate massage, constant teasing, being taken with the strap on. All of it was demands. I'd ask him to do something I was interested in...like say just sitting there and making out... and he'd tell me "We're not ready for that." What??? He wanted to use a strap-on on me and that was a physically painful failure. Not only was I unable to orgasm, but he hurt me. And didn't notice because he was away in his happy place.

Everything became a big ordeal. Everything. He needs all this constant prep work. Constant maintenance. And if I wanted to have sex with him, he had all these rituals to do before coming back to me but he is always someplace else mentally and often had a hard time having an erection even after being locked up for 48 or more hours unless he was on the receiving end of anal sex. Does it really take a guy 3 hours in the shower when they have someone waiting in bed? I'd fall asleep and he'd get mad at me. So he's had all weekend or longer being stimulated and I've been bored and doing this because maybe, just maybe he'd have an erection for me and not just himself to be milked or have an interrupted orgasm. If I fell asleep while waiting for him, that was it. I lost my chance until NEXT weekend.

In August of 2008, I wanted to just have simple vanilla sex one Sunday morning. Just meet me on the couch. An hour later, he finally comes down wearing his favorite outfit, having showered, and then refuses because he can't because he's dirty. I can't just expect to have sex with him after he's been locked in the CB3000 for 2 days. Well, I can't ever have sex with him when he's not in it either because he refuses to have sex with me on any day but Sunday and only if I'm in bed, waiting for him when he wakes up. He will never go back to bed after he's gotten up, won't have sex in another room of the house, and won't have sex at night. I have no idea why.

That completely put me out of the mood and I told him forget about it. And I unlocked him and told him very bluntly that if he wanted this activity, plan it all out yourself, give me a script, I'll play my part, but I am tired of being responsible for making his fantasies come true. Let me state that in the 12 years we've been together, he's successfully fulfilled one of mine zero times and has attempted to zero times. He swears he doesn't know what my interests are. From the moment I moved in 10 years ago, it seems that sex is being used a tool to control me and he's always got the upper hand.

We have had sex once since August. I'm not doing well emotionally and feel completely rejected. To make matters worse, I've gained about 75 lbs now, overeating. I know that's not going to make anything better. I don't know how to talk to him about this because he says all that I do is beat him up with past failed experiences and that i don't want to talk.

I'm at a loss. I've started to get the feeling from reading blogs of men who are into male chastity that they really are topping from the bottom. Besides not communicating effectively, where else have I gone wrong??

This is horrendous, and no.

No it is not how ANY female-led relationship works.

Where else you've gone wrong is simply in even allowing this to go on this long. Ugh.

 

[myinnerslut]

i hate to disillusion you, but you are NOT leading this relationship.

talk to him about it. sit him down and make it clear that this is not working for you.

and if that doesn't work, print your post out and leave it on his pillow.

ETA: has he ever been checked for OCD?

 

[YourCaptor]

What the fuck is this?

I’m sorry just… no thats not at all how it goes

Step 1, slap the crap out him

Step 2, get a bottle of viagra and feed him one when you are in the mood

Step 3, give him a script of whatever you want to do and if he disappoints find someone who won’t, you wont be looking long

Bonus points, drop him off at a dungeon for a few hours of extreme torture, would make me feel a lot better

 

[ZRT]

Yeah, this is like a top from the bottom story from hell.

He in no way wants a domme, he wants a fantasy woman to 'dominate' him to order.

 

[Mansa Musa]

My husband had suggested that we try male chastity and entering a female led relationship last year because of my complaints about how infrequently we had sex. This has been a complete failure. I thought I had done enough research on this but I don't think we were on the same page. I agreed to do this because my libido exceeds his by quite a bit. Maybe we could keep him in the mood so he'd be ready more than just once every other six weeks or so.

This did not happen. He was interested non-stop but not in any activities that I wanted. Is it possible to top from the bottom with male chastity? He would make a big deal of getting locked up, dressing up in his sissy clothes, and then constant whining about what my plans were for him. I work Tuesday through Saturday and he works Monday through Friday. I'm in a very high stress job with tons of responsibilities and as soon as I would get home from work on Saturday after he's had all day to prepare himself mentally, he'd be all over me with demands. I didn't even get to put my purse down. Nothing pisses me off more than when he demands that I plan out how to execute HIS fantasy without any work on his part other than his cleaning/dressing rituals. He doesn't get that this completely drains me emotionally and I get NOTHING out of it. If I tell him, he bursts into tears and sulks for weeks and doesn't understand why I get "weird."

I never felt any interest in me, just that I was an accessory. He would beg to be allowed to worship my feet, breasts (something he has no real interest in), or perform oral sex (something I have no interest in). If I said yes (often just to shut him up), he went away into his own little happy place and I just felt like I was being slobbered on. I finally gave up trying to enjoy myself and just endured. He constantly wanted prostate massage, constant teasing, being taken with the strap on. All of it was demands. I'd ask him to do something I was interested in...like say just sitting there and making out... and he'd tell me "We're not ready for that." What??? He wanted to use a strap-on on me and that was a physically painful failure. Not only was I unable to orgasm, but he hurt me. And didn't notice because he was away in his happy place.

Everything became a big ordeal. Everything. He needs all this constant prep work. Constant maintenance. And if I wanted to have sex with him, he had all these rituals to do before coming back to me but he is always someplace else mentally and often had a hard time having an erection even after being locked up for 48 or more hours unless he was on the receiving end of anal sex. Does it really take a guy 3 hours in the shower when they have someone waiting in bed? I'd fall asleep and he'd get mad at me. So he's had all weekend or longer being stimulated and I've been bored and doing this because maybe, just maybe he'd have an erection for me and not just himself to be milked or have an interrupted orgasm. If I fell asleep while waiting for him, that was it. I lost my chance until NEXT weekend.

In August of 2008, I wanted to just have simple vanilla sex one Sunday morning. Just meet me on the couch. An hour later, he finally comes down wearing his favorite outfit, having showered, and then refuses because he can't because he's dirty. I can't just expect to have sex with him after he's been locked in the CB3000 for 2 days. Well, I can't ever have sex with him when he's not in it either because he refuses to have sex with me on any day but Sunday and only if I'm in bed, waiting for him when he wakes up. He will never go back to bed after he's gotten up, won't have sex in another room of the house, and won't have sex at night. I have no idea why.

That completely put me out of the mood and I told him forget about it. And I unlocked him and told him very bluntly that if he wanted this activity, plan it all out yourself, give me a script, I'll play my part, but I am tired of being responsible for making his fantasies come true. Let me state that in the 12 years we've been together, he's successfully fulfilled one of mine zero times and has attempted to zero times. He swears he doesn't know what my interests are. From the moment I moved in 10 years ago, it seems that sex is being used a tool to control me and he's always got the upper hand.

We have had sex once since August. I'm not doing well emotionally and feel completely rejected. To make matters worse, I've gained about 75 lbs now, overeating. I know that's not going to make anything better. I don't know how to talk to him about this because he says all that I do is beat him up with past failed experiences and that i don't want to talk.

I'm at a loss. I've started to get the feeling from reading blogs of men who are into male chastity that they really are topping from the bottom. Besides not communicating effectively, where else have I gone wrong??

You didn't finish the job. Woman with high libido, sissy husband with a chastity cage, copious amounts of Internet consumption...(I'll assume that he did a lot of Internet research because I've never met a man who chatted about his life of enforced chastity at a pub. Or a ballgame. Or, for that matter, anywhere on the planet. Only on the Internet.)

To be blunt, he wants to come home to the sight of your legs wrapped around a strange man's plunging buttocks and back. If the chastity cage and crossdressing weren't hints, I would have assumed that your disparity in libidos, his lack of interest in breasts combined with his increased amount of cunnilingus delivery, his newfound interest in prostate milking/masage and his unwillingness to penetrate you with his own penis would be red flags.

 

[Netzach]

You didn't finish the job. Woman with high libido, sissy husband with a chastity cage, copious amounts of Internet consumption...(I'll assume that he did a lot of Internet research because I've never met a man who chatted about his life of enforced chastity at a pub. Or a ballgame. Or, for that matter, anywhere on the planet. Only on the Internet.)

To be blunt, he wants to come home to the sight of your legs wrapped around a strange man's plunging buttocks and back. If the chastity cage and crossdressing weren't hints, I would have assumed that your disparity in libidos, his lack of interest in breasts combined with his increased amount of cunnilingus delivery, his newfound interest in prostate milking/masage and his unwillingness to penetrate you with his own penis would be red flags.

Absolutely.

However she should care what he wants why at this point? His interest in cuckolding is secondary to his interest in controlling her and pushing her and making her miserable. This seems to be a perpetual anti hot for her and a form of bizarre sexual slavery.

She could be enjoying teasing and denial with a good giving and game gent who really wants to be let out when she wants for whatever duration she wants who can't wait to fuck her and likes fucking her with the added surprise of it being up to her. The moment he started the head games it became about his fantasy fulfillment, her own be damned.

Screw that shit, especially having the balls to couch it in terms of her being Dominant. That's some twisted abusive shit.

 

[Mansa Musa]

Absolutely.

However she should care what he wants why at this point? His interest in cuckolding is secondary to his interest in controlling her and pushing her and making her miserable.

I could use the work? Seriously, I've grown accustomed to fucking horny housewives in front of their sissy cuck husbands. Don't ruin this for me, please.

Damn your quick editing skills! I agree with you, but I still want to get laid while a sissy cuck is watching.

 

[Netzach]

I could use the work? Seriously, I've grown accustomed to fucking horny housewives in front of their sissy cuck husbands. Don't ruin this for me, please.

Damn your quick editing skills! I agree with you, but I still want to get laid while a sissy cuck is watching.

Oh, well damn. I fully support that kind of thing.

 

[Mansa Musa]

Oh, well damn. I fully support that kind of thing.

Your sarcasm is duly noted.

However, there's nothing as cock-hardening as seeing the look on a woman's face when she sees me for the first time, then compares me to her husband. When she grasps our cocks and notices that mine becomes erect and his stays limp. When her eyes begin to shine as I begin to overflow her hand, and when she realizes that it won't fully fit into her mouth.. When her hands embrace my buttocks as she tries to force more of it into her mouth, her tongue whipping around my frenelum. When I finger and lick her to a squirting orgasm, and her hubby stares in amazement. When I lay her back and enter her, and she moans "Oh, it's going so deep! More, please, more!!!" When I slowly stroke inwards, and she realizes that her normally dry pussy is becoming wetter and wetter. When I look over and see the shame in his eyes as she reaches her climax, because he's never been able to last more than 3 minutes inside of her regardless of how many creams, lotions or almost tantric masturbation sessions he's done. When her legs wrap around my waist and pull me in deeper, and she starts begging for me to fuck her harder, and I do. When I finally come, and her nails dig into my back and she comes with me. when she motions for her finally erect cuck to walk over to the bed, and she holds our cocks beside each other and says to him in an icy tone, "Well, this explains a lot, doesn't it, Honey?" Yeah, I kinda like that.

 

[neophyte4ever]

You didn't finish the job. Woman with high libido, sissy husband with a chastity cage, copious amounts of Internet consumption...(I'll assume that he did a lot of Internet research because I've never met a man who chatted about his life of enforced chastity at a pub. Or a ballgame. Or, for that matter, anywhere on the planet. Only on the Internet.)

To be blunt, he wants to come home to the sight of your legs wrapped around a strange man's plunging buttocks and back. If the chastity cage and crossdressing weren't hints, I would have assumed that your disparity in libidos, his lack of interest in breasts combined with his increased amount of cunnilingus delivery, his newfound interest in prostate milking/masage and his unwillingness to penetrate you with his own penis would be red flags.

Actually, no. He wants me to force him to be with a man. Hell, if he wanted to watch me be with other guys, don't you think I'd have taken him up on it already?? Part of the fantasy is that all of this is something that turns me on and that he's not into any of this but I am forcing him. I've considered that maybe he has ED but since he has no problems getting an erection from anal sex, doesn't appear to actually be the case. Discussed that with a sex therapist who agreed with me on that point. Didn't talk to an MD. And yes, I do wonder if he's gay and just afraid to admit it.

At this point, I don't even care about getting any of my kinks taken care of, I just want to get laid. And well. Its been far too long since I can say that I really enjoyed myself in bed . There is almost no way to not engage in his fantasy. He'll either need to wear stockings to bed OR I have to talk him through a fantasy because he just can't have an orgasm any other way. Although I enjoy marathon sex, its different when your partner just isn't that into you and can't have an orgasm after 90 minutes or more. I've tried to explain to him that I feel completely rejected by him and he just doesn't get it.

I keep telling myself, there has to be more to life than this.

 

[Mansa Musa]

Actually, no. He wants me to force him to be with a man. Hell, if he wanted to watch me be with other guys, don't you think I'd have taken him up on it already?? Part of the fantasy is that all of this is something that turns me on and that he's not into any of this but I am forcing him. I've considered that maybe he has ED but since he has no problems getting an erection from anal sex, doesn't appear to actually be the case. Discussed that with a sex therapist who agreed with me on that point. Didn't talk to an MD. And yes, I do wonder if he's gay and just afraid to admit it.

At this point, I don't even care about getting any of my kinks taken care of, I just want to get laid. And well. Its been far too long since I can say that I really enjoyed myself in bed . There is almost no way to not engage in his fantasy. He'll either need to wear stockings to bed OR I have to talk him through a fantasy because he just can't have an orgasm any other way. Although I enjoy marathon sex, its different when your partner just isn't that into you and can't have an orgasm after 90 minutes or more. I've tried to explain to him that I feel completely rejected by him and he just doesn't get it.

I keep telling myself, there has to be more to life than this.

I think that you have your answer. Do you have any children, because that bombshell is going to hit hard if his closeted homosexuality is going to be brought to the surface.

 

[neophyte4ever]

I think that you have your answer. Do you have any children, because that bombshell is going to hit hard if his closeted homosexuality is going to be brought to the surface.

No kids. You'd actually have to be sexually active for that or I'd have some explaining to do.

 

[Mansa Musa]

No kids. You'd actually have to be sexually active for that or I'd have some explaining to do.

Mansa-sense, tingling!

I mean, so what is it like in your part of North Carolina? *reaches for bowl of strawberries*

 

[infinity706]

Actually, no. He wants me to force him to be with a man. Hell, if he wanted to watch me be with other guys, don't you think I'd have taken him up on it already?? Part of the fantasy is that all of this is something that turns me on and that he's not into any of this but I am forcing him. I've considered that maybe he has ED but since he has no problems getting an erection from anal sex, doesn't appear to actually be the case. Discussed that with a sex therapist who agreed with me on that point. Didn't talk to an MD. And yes, I do wonder if he's gay and just afraid to admit it.

At this point, I don't even care about getting any of my kinks taken care of, I just want to get laid. And well. Its been far too long since I can say that I really enjoyed myself in bed . There is almost no way to not engage in his fantasy. He'll either need to wear stockings to bed OR I have to talk him through a fantasy because he just can't have an orgasm any other way. Although I enjoy marathon sex, its different when your partner just isn't that into you and can't have an orgasm after 90 minutes or more. I've tried to explain to him that I feel completely rejected by him and he just doesn't get it.

I keep telling myself, there has to be more to life than this.

Well, you could always do the forcing him to fuck a guy thing on the condition that you get to fuck the guy, too.

 

[twiggy_the_spider]

goodness, you have no children, this situation seems to be making you very unhappy, why are you still there? It sound like this man is very manipulative sexually, I mean quite apart from the BDSM side you say you feel like you're being used and controlled, that for the entire relationship he hasn't really shown interest in sexually pleasing you (except for in the context of his fantasy and with little care as to whether it is actually pleasing to you or not) 10 years is a long time to be feeling like this. Before you start introducing other activities you need to talk to him quite seriously (which im sure you've already tried) and if he won't try to get some couples therapy http://www.ncsfreedom.org/index.php?option=com_wrapper&Itemid=75
Has a list of kink aware professionals you could try. Because honestly, no, this is not how any relationship should feel.

Edit, just to clarify, im advocating a leave now approach, I just wanted to give the information about KAP in case she wants to go that route.

 

[Etoile]

Man, I feel like there should be some punishment for this. Like, not just making things better for neophyte, but making him suffer for being an insensitive prick.

He's basically getting free pro-Domme services, it sounds like. I wouldn't keep it up.

 

[ChainedEros]

Maybe it's just me, but the guy sounds gay to me. Just gay. I don't know about all of this "manipulative" and "insensitive" stuff. He likes being fucked in the ass more than he likes pussy. I don't know if anything she does is going to change that at this point.

Then again, maybe I'm wrong.

 

[infinity706]

Man, I feel like there should be some punishment for this. Like, not just making things better for neophyte, but making him suffer for being an insensitive prick.

He's basically getting free pro-Domme services, it sounds like. I wouldn't keep it up.

Well, they're entirely mismatched, but I'm not sure if it would really take a pro domme. It sounds like either one of them would fit right into my kinks, for example. Maybe the best thing would just be to find someone else that they are compatable with.

 

[Netzach]

Your sarcasm is duly noted.

However, there's nothing as cock-hardening as seeing the look on a woman's face when she sees me for the first time, then compares me to her husband. When she grasps our cocks and notices that mine becomes erect and his stays limp. When her eyes begin to shine as I begin to overflow her hand, and when she realizes that it won't fully fit into her mouth.. When her hands embrace my buttocks as she tries to force more of it into her mouth, her tongue whipping around my frenelum. When I finger and lick her to a squirting orgasm, and her hubby stares in amazement. When I lay her back and enter her, and she moans "Oh, it's going so deep! More, please, more!!!" When I slowly stroke inwards, and she realizes that her normally dry pussy is becoming wetter and wetter. When I look over and see the shame in his eyes as she reaches her climax, because he's never been able to last more than 3 minutes inside of her regardless of how many creams, lotions or almost tantric masturbation sessions he's done. When her legs wrap around my waist and pull me in deeper, and she starts begging for me to fuck her harder, and I do. When I finally come, and her nails dig into my back and she comes with me. when she motions for her finally erect cuck to walk over to the bed, and she holds our cocks beside each other and says to him in an icy tone, "Well, this explains a lot, doesn't it, Honey?" Yeah, I kinda like that.

No, you are incorrect in picking up sarcasm.

I really fully support that kind of thing. Got a bull, got a humiliated sexually deprived slave. It's good stuff.

 

[Netzach]

Note to board:

if someone is going out of his way to make a woman fuck him in the ass and driving her batshit insane rather than just going out and sucking some cock or getting it up the ass from guys he's not "gay."

Please for the love of God. "Gay" is not merely "shit I'm not into." At some point expressing an interest in some man on man action is integral to the definition, and this guy is spending a lot more time making the OP nuts than he is thinking about cock other than his own.

A sexually controlling asshole into shit you're not into is not default "gay."

Wow.

OP: I'm usually slow to pronounce anything on relationships I'm not in but I will now. Just go, go far far away and then get laid. This person needs so much therapy on his own that you can wait another 10 years or just live your life. Have some fun and maybe someday after you detox, playing with control and topping will be fun again. I know I had to detox a lot after going from professional back to for me only, and I didn't go through half of what you're describing. It will be fun again with a compatible person who appreciates you AND your kinks.

Don't even therapy with this person, just leave. I know you must have a lot invested, but honestly, this is no way to live. The degree of limitation and control on you and sexual obsessiveness with his own fantasy world sounds vaguely dangerous. I met guys like this when I was pro and they were the ones I declined sessions with and I was getting *paid.* Even being paid, I'm a person, I'm not a life support system for your masturbation. It's icksome and smells of unhealth and I think limiting my exposure to it I did myself big favors. Honestly, this is abusive or at least red flag and unhealthy behavior - witholding sex and then blaming you for it. No wonder you feel undesireable, no wonder you feel crazy - and you're not even supposed to have outlets of your own because your needs don't matter one bit.

It's not the kinks that are red flags, it's the complete lack of interest in playing and negotiating with and working WITH another live human being with her own things to bring to the table. It's funny, because my husband and I do a lot of the same things that are being talked about, but it's fun, it's for me, it's for US, it's engaged. Sure there are times things don't work - he imagined it one way and I imagined it one way and the other person is all "wth?" But we troubleshoot together. He definitely knows what I like, inasmuch as I know what I like, and lately I don't, I'm figuring it out.

I can't imagine doing this another way.

 

[Etoile]

Well, they're entirely mismatched, but I'm not sure if it would really take a pro domme. It sounds like either one of them would fit right into my kinks, for example. Maybe the best thing would just be to find someone else that they are compatable with.

I just meant it about how demanding he's being. With a pro, the bottom still runs the show and requests certain kinks/fantasies fulfilled. In a relationship, you're supposed to consider the other person's needs; with a pro, you're paying to not have to. (As I understand it anyway.)

 

[Netzach]

I just meant it about how demanding he's being. With a pro, the bottom still runs the show and requests certain kinks/fantasies fulfilled. In a relationship, you're supposed to consider the other person's needs; with a pro, you're paying to not have to. (As I understand it anyway.)

Depends how cash strapped that pro is. No one likes a total pain in the ass client, and they find it very hard to get phone calls returned. Wanting some stuff and being fun and easygoing about getting it is a normal client. Wanting a laundry list and expecting it crammed into 2 hours and complaining because she didn't unlock your balls in the right order and arguing about the price is going to be blacklisted all across the east coast in a minute.

 

[Betticus]

12 years????

Get yourself a fuck buddy asap. Also, cut that husband completely off. No outfits, no long showers, no quasi-homoerotic fantasies...

Cuckolding sounds like something he'd be into but not from the humiliation. I'd bet he would be more into fantasizing that it was him getting fucked by the guy.

I'd equate 12 years of this kind of activity to mental/emotional abuse.

Are you even a Domme in real life or is it just a role you play to cater to his fantasies?

 

[Netzach]

If you have to be introduced to Female-Led anything BY your male, I question the need for it.

If one is really cut out for it, I think you figure that out internally, I think you know by the time you are 13 and fantasizing about standing on Arnold's pecs in high heels when other people are mooning over Kiefer Sutherland. If you are honest with yourself and there's no tip off in this direction, it's probably not your bag.