the marks of a slave

[Homburg]

That's a good analogy. (Even down to the risk factors of dehydration and muscle cramping )

Yup, I thought it was pretty clean.

Dehydration is something I worry about. Both viv and MIS have standing instructions to get a certain amount of "good liquids" each day. It's not a hard rule that I'm going to punish for, but they know that I want a certain amount of water, unsweet tea, etc to be taken each day.

It may sound petty, but, hey, I want them healthy. After all, I sometimes ask for a lot.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I am finally reminded today how simple it is to be a "good slave." Not easy. But simple.

"It's simple. But not easy," is a way that I described slavery to MIS once.

It's like a marathon. What could be simpler? Just run the course as your told, right? 26.2 miles later...

I needed to read this today. I often equate simple with easy even though I know they are very different.

 

[eastern sun]

Me: That's what I like about slavery. . . you don't have to like it.

Him: That's why it's slavery.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I've spent way too much time trying to figure out who I am, what I want, and where I fit in in the grand scheme of things. You know what? I'm not a sub, and I'm not a slave, either. And I'm ok with that. I think. Maybe. Possibly. I hope.

Hey, BiBunny. I don't know where you fit in, either. But there's one thing I'm certain of . . . you are much, much more than just a sub or a slave, too.

If you are pretty much everything that you are required to be and you have two happy PYLs, does it really matter which label you stick to yourself?

'That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet.' ~ Shakespeare.

 

[Bandit58]

If you are pretty much everything that you are required to be and you have two happy PYLs, does it really matter which label you stick to yourself?

'That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet.' ~ Shakespeare.

If I were to label myself, I would be "a sub with slave tendencies" I'm not comfortable with the terms "owned" or "property", or both of those together. Sir would probably say I am too cheeky to be a slave

Yet, for all His joking that "a good sub would" do this or that sometimes impossible task, He is happy with me the way I am. And for the record so am I happy with Him. So that's all that matters, right?

 

[intothewoods]

Me: That's what I like about slavery. . . you don't have to like it.

Him: That's why it's slavery.

I've gained a lot of contentment from the commitment to follow his rules. Funny, I wonder about monogamy like it's some sort of puzzle to be solved but the lifelong commitment to his rules, leadership, authority, dominance, whatever you want to call it -- feels very secure and comforting.

 

[bethpage]

Me: That's what I like about slavery. . . you don't have to like it.

Him: That's why it's slavery.

That seems to be another expression of "I don't like you right now. I love you, but I'm not required to like you."

Totally random connections perhaps, but I'm realizing more and more how much of how I view the world could be considered kinky. Its like those pictures that depending on what you look for is what you see--the maiden or the crone, the vase or the kissing lovers....

My brain is like a bowl of spagetti--its all connected.

 

[eastern sun]

I've been thinking a lot about security.

I chose this relationship because I wanted security. Specifically, physical, financial and emotional security.

But I have not always felt secure. Even though he never broke a single promise, nor actively tried to harm me.

I have been shaken to the roots. In ways he couldn't begin to understand. In ways he couldn't rescue me. In ways he inadvertently set in motion.

I have thought he would lead me to an early death.
I have thought he would drink the best of me and leave the dregs.
I have thought I would give up cherished aspects of myself.
I have thought I would become something I'm not.

And today, I can say with great certainty, that the resulting insecurity only strengthened the relationship. And me within it.

But we had to begin with the unbreakable commitment to stay. No matter what.

And I had to accept that I don't exist outside of this relationship. I am woven into the lives of my husband, and now my children, in such a way that to think of myself as independent of them is untrue.

And, funny, it's the interweaving of our lives that makes me feel the security or lack thereof all the more acutely.

 

[eastern sun]

That seems to be another expression of "I don't like you right now. I love you, but I'm not required to like you."

I think it's perfectly reasonable and not at all uncommon not to like the person you love. For limited periods of time.

If you fixate on the "not liking," and start blinding yourself to the parts you do like, then it becomes a problem.

One reason I like the whole structure of "slavery" is the lack of romantic pretense. Well, actually, I can be accused of romanticizing it sometimes , but it holds both the good and the bad with equal weight. The bad isn't cause for running for the door.

 

[bethpage]

One reason I like the whole structure of "slavery" is the lack of romantic pretense. Well, actually, I can be accused of romanticizing it sometimes , but it holds both the good and the bad with equal weight. The bad isn't cause for running for the door.

My parents blew my mind when I was about 11 with two seemingly contradicting statements:

Mom: I decide every morning to choose to stay married.

and

Dad and Mom joking but also serious: We have a 99 year renewable contract--we'll see how its going in, oh, 74 years.

They will celebrate their 35th anniversary this summer. Not going to say that they didn't have trying times, because that would be stupid, but they both chose to not run for the door.

This acknowledgment of a conscious choice reaffirming a decision already made--and knowing that "like" and the reality of love are different--are some of the truths that saturate their lives--and mine. I see these truths also in what you write, yes with a different flavor, but your words resonate when I read them.

I think I'm just finding words for things I know. I feel half a step off from the rythym of the drums.

 

[Adakgirl]

Originally Posted by BiBunny
I've spent way too much time trying to figure out who I am, what I want, and where I fit in in the grand scheme of things. You know what? I'm not a sub, and I'm not a slave, either. And I'm ok with that. I think. Maybe. Possibly. I hope.

The question of who I am, has rarely occurred to me. When I have questioned myself about who I am, I always have an answer for myself, it goes something like this
"I am who I am, that's who I am. There's no one else on earth who's exactly like me. I'm a unique, individual. I'm a evolving human being , that's who I am." and I might go into:
"I'm a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a great aunt, an x-wife, a friend...that's who I know I am for sure."
That explanation, of who I am has always been good enough for me. Most people (not all) change so much during their lives, sometimes quite quickly, sometimes very slowly and sometimes both simultaneously. Who I am today may not be who I am tomorrow or who I am in a year or 10yrs or 20yrs from now. By the time I figure it out, I've changed in some way.

It's the same with what I want. What I want at the time might not be what I really wanted at all but I don't realize that until I get it. What I want is mercurial, I have never been able to get a grip on it because it changes all the time. So I don't think about what I want, I just take steps towards my desires.

Quote VelvetDarkness: If you are pretty much everything that you are required to be and you have two happy PYLs, does it really matter which label you stick to yourself?

Oh and everything she is not required to be as well. As eastern sun said, she is much more than just a sub or a slave.

 

[eastern sun]

At the dinner table, my husband usually leads the conversation, trying to draw my children into discussions of politics, ethics and morality. And the kids enjoy these forays into a more adult world.

Last night, the topic turned to questions of God, evil and the afterlife. Though I am not as well read as he when it comes to politics, I spend many hours a day thinking about God, religion and spirituality, and putting into practice my relatively limited understanding. I wanted to share my experience. I wanted to teach. I wanted to preach. I wanted to talk.

And I was not allowed to. I spent the entire conversation mutely listening. And the force of emotion that filled me was overpowering. They all got up and left the table, moving on to other activities, while I sat there completely immobile.

The emotion I felt started looking for an outlet in thoughts of "hey, what about me?" and would have taken me through a full-blown angry tirade if I'd fed it. And it was hungry. The pure power of its force was seductive.

But the longer I sat there, refusing to engage in internal dialogues, refusing to give myself evidence that I'd been wronged, all that energy began crystallizing into a single statement. I sat there for 20 minutes before I had a thought I was willing to express.

And when it finally came, I put on my sweater and went outside.

"There is no God separate from us."

 

[eastern sun]

As long as I sit in judgement of myself, I will sit in judgement of you. And it's not fair to you.

 

[BiBunny]

It's been a rough several weeks.

I think we've finally made it over the hump, though.

Yesterday, he and I were standing in the living room, and he was stroking my hair. "The mark of a true Master," he said, "is the undying devotion of his slave." That brief sentence struck me deeply, for some reason I did not understand.

A short while later, as we waited for Mistress to arrive home from work, I sat in the floor, rubbing his feet, my head resting against his legs. The last few weeks have been so hard, so trying, and a few times, none of us were sure we were going to make it. I was so overwhelmed with a sense of peace and contentment that the tears slowly began to leak from my closed eyes, down my cheeks and onto his legs.

It was then I realized what being a slave really is.

It has nothing to do with outer trappings or the way they treat me or who's responsible for whose happiness or whether or not I'm allowed to say no to them or whether I'm devoid of rights or not or any of those other things that many people bring up in the "What makes a slave?" discussions.

No, slavery has nothing to do with any of that. That's the reason there are so many different people in so many different M/s relationships.

The true mark of a slave is the inability to throw up one's hands and walk away.

They haven't taken away my physical ability to leave. I'm not chained up in the basement 24/7. They don't control my finances. I live alone and could easily continue to do so without them. In fact, it would be cheaper if I did because I wouldn't have to buy gas for my regular visits over here. They wouldn't shoot me if I left because they hadn't given me "permission" to go. It's nothing like that.

Ownership, Mastery, slavery...these things are not created through rules and regulations. M/s is the inextricable bond between Master/Mistress and slave. Everything else is just details.

The bond is much stronger than I am. I have tried many, many times in the past several years to walk away from this man. We feed off one another and cannot seem to extract our energies from the other. I have been through hell for him so, so, so many times.

And yet I remain.

Most people would think I'm crazy. Most people do, in fact. But I will love and follow him (and Mistress) as long as they desire for no other reason than they want me to. I could not leave, even if I wanted to, and God knows, I've tried. There is a force much stronger than the three of us that holds us together.

And that is what makes this spoiled, pampered, probably overly-indulged pet girl a slave.

My existence is much different than that of many slaves I know, but reality does not always have to be harsh. I am a slave simply because I know I could no more walk away from my Owners than I could sprout wings and fly. And I'm ok with that.

 

[Homburg]

Most people would think I'm crazy. Most people do, in fact.

I don't

Beautiful post

 

[BiBunny]

I don't

Beautiful post

Thank you.

 

[DiscusDave]

My existence is much different than that of many slaves I know, but reality does not always have to be harsh. I am a slave simply because I know I could no more walk away from my Owners than I could sprout wings and fly. And I'm ok with that.

I'm so happy you've come to this realization finally.

Most people would think I'm crazy. Most people do, in fact

I'm with Homburg, you're the farthest thing from crazy.

Cheers to you and your Master and Mistress. They're lucky to have you.

 

[ultramarineblue]

It has nothing to do with outer trappings or the way they treat me or who's responsible for whose happiness or whether or not I'm allowed to say no to them or whether I'm devoid of rights or not or any of those other things that many people bring up in the "What makes a slave?" discussions.

No, slavery has nothing to do with any of that. That's the reason there are so many different people in so many different M/s relationships.

The true mark of a slave is the inability to throw up one's hands and walk away.

Ownership, Mastery, slavery...these things are not created through rules and regulations. M/s is the inextricable bond between Master/Mistress and slave. Everything else is just details.


My existence is much different than that of many slaves I know, but reality does not always have to be harsh. I am a slave simply because I know I could no more walk away from my Owners than I could sprout wings and fly. And I'm ok with that.

This resonates very deeply with me. I'm even like this with many of my close friendships.

 

[ataxia.girl]

The true mark of a slave is the inability to throw up one's hands and walk away.

i keep try to run away. It keeps not working.

 

[myinnerslut]

I am a slave simply because I know I could no more walk away from my Owners than I could sprout wings and fly.

yes. this.

 

[Netzach]

I hate to be all pee in the cereal bowls, but I'm unsure of the difference between this particular definition of slavery and the experience of your garden variety lover unable to tear himself or herself away, through thick and thin. We're a particularly love-retarded bunch of people, so usually people give up the moment they don't get what they want from the other person, but some people are attuned to acceptance.

T would rather slice off a finger than walk away from me. I've been through absolute hell with my spouse and would traipse right back into it any moment and can't fathom anything else. Slavery? I don't believe I'm their slave, or them mine. Just an average periodically codependent human being.

I'm perfectly fine with people getting dewy eyed about *their relationships* and that's great. But I'm equally as sensitive to the notion that M/s has a sense of loyalty that mere vanilla doesn't and can't.

Are parents thus slaves to their children?

Slavery for me is in his objectification. Period. If he gets romantic jollies off me, fine, but they're not necessarily reciprocated and they're not that interesting to me. Kind of like slave orgasm.

 

[intothewoods]

There are so many romantic vanilla uses of D/s vocab, like slave, and ownership descriptives like mine, he belongs to me, etc. Kind of hard for me to figure out what a slave is at the end of the day.

 

[BiBunny]

I hate to be all pee in the cereal bowls, but I'm unsure of the difference between this particular definition of slavery and the experience of your garden variety lover unable to tear himself or herself away, through thick and thin. We're a particularly love-retarded bunch of people, so usually people give up the moment they don't get what they want from the other person, but some people are attuned to acceptance.

T would rather slice off a finger than walk away from me. I've been through absolute hell with my spouse and would traipse right back into it any moment and can't fathom anything else. Slavery? I don't believe I'm their slave, or them mine. Just an average periodically codependent human being.

I'm perfectly fine with people getting dewy eyed about *their relationships* and that's great. But I'm equally as sensitive to the notion that M/s has a sense of loyalty that mere vanilla doesn't and can't.

Are parents thus slaves to their children?

Slavery for me is in his objectification. Period. If he gets romantic jollies off me, fine, but they're not necessarily reciprocated and they're not that interesting to me. Kind of like slave orgasm.

I didn't really mean to generalize that everyone feels as I do, or that non-slave-type people don't feel the same sorts of things.

I'm almost certain I've seen you say before that H. would not leave you, not unless you told him to. There are as many different reasons that people feel that way as there are relationships, I know. But I think the root is similar, though not necessarily for the same reasons.

Meh, I don't know. I don't explain things worth a shit sometimes.

 

[Netzach]

I didn't really mean to generalize that everyone feels as I do, or that non-slave-type people don't feel the same sorts of things.

I'm almost certain I've seen you say before that H. would not leave you, not unless you told him to. There are as many different reasons that people feel that way as there are relationships, I know. But I think the root is similar, though not necessarily for the same reasons.

Meh, I don't know. I don't explain things worth a shit sometimes.

I don't mean to dis a perfectly lovely post, either. It's just something I read a lot around these parts, and I always kind of wonder about it., it often does carry the implication that feeling this way is something you need a slave orientation for. I think some people are very compelling and adhesive to other people, period. And that's some good shit.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I am a slave simply because I know I could no more walk away from my Owners than I could sprout wings and fly. And I'm ok with that.

I think this is a very insightful thing to acknowledge. Sheesh, I am 51 in a matter of days, and I have had my more than fair share of deep and meaningful relationships where I thought I would stay forever. Difference with this one is I know I will stay forever for the very reason you state...even thinking of if I could walk away comes up with a blank, nope, feeling whereas in vanilla days it was always possible if x,y, z happened or changed...now those things may make me unhappy, but do not influence whether I leave or stay. All that being said, I think for many, unless they have felt/experienced it themselves, it is difficult to comprehend and believe.

Catalina