Addictions

[Eve_of_destruction]

Censored

 

[Adakgirl]

Well of course it is going to change the dynamics of your friendship. Because you are equals now, meaning neither one of you has control over the other, neither one of you has the reins, You don't have to obey him now, you would have to if you decide to try this.
I'm not sure if you fully realize what you might be getting yourself into. I suggest you try it on a trial basis for a set amount of time and see how it goes. That way if you find you can't submit to his control, you can still remain friends.
If you submit to him, you can't have things your way, and that might be hard for you. Like anything else in a D/s, you can cheat and lie to him and chew gum behind his back, you will have the same temptations you have now. But he may be able to teach you some self control. It depends on how he Dominates. He may not be forceful enough, he may be too forceful.

What's in it for him? You can't expect to just use him to control or stop your addiction. These relationships are much more complex than that.

 

[FurryFury]

No, a Dom is not the magic fix to everything nor does one have to be "bullying" which, frankly is not my vision of a Dom or anyone else I'd like to have in my life.

Addictions are things you actually have to recognize as a problem and the problem be so bad you are willing to work hard to overcome. Only you can do that but there are programs and techniques that can help.

 

[Netzach]

You're putting a huge amount of pressure on a friend, if the other things you've tried have not worked.

It sounds more like you need a sponsor?

 

[eastern sun]

Ok, I'm going to go out on a limb here. . . my experience is that doms actually tend to trigger addictive behavior. Because you're putting the locus of control outside yourself, and believing that that "something" will bring you the comfort you're seeking.

My experience in changing addictive behavior is that you need to find the willingness to deal with the discomfort within yourself and then use the support of people who have experienced the same cravings you have and successfully refrained from acting on them.

If your Dom friend has had the same gum/Djarum habit, his input may be valuable. But if you're just using him to be accountable to, or to frighten you into changing, I can't imagine the addict in you not figuring out a way to bypass his inauthentic authority.

You know best why you want to ask him. Maybe the idea of replacing the gum/Djarum habit with a kinky and possibly sexual relationship seems like a good solution. And it might be. I definitely used sex to develop better housekeeping skills. Just be careful you don't develop a sexual addiction to replace the substance addictions. I've done that too.

There's no way to avoid the discomfort of quitting.

 

[Eve_of_destruction]

Sigh...

Laterr

 

[ultramarineblue]

Ok, I'm going to go out on a limb here. . . my experience is that doms actually tend to trigger addictive behavior. Because you're putting the locus of control outside yourself, and believing that that "something" will bring you the comfort you're seeking.

My experience in changing addictive behavior is that you need to find the willingness to deal with the discomfort within yourself and then use the support of people who have experienced the same cravings you have and successfully refrained from acting on them.

If your Dom friend has had the same gum/Djarum habit, his input may be valuable. But if you're just using him to be accountable to, or to frighten you into changing, I can't imagine the addict in you not figuring out a way to bypass his inauthentic authority.

You know best why you want to ask him. Maybe the idea of replacing the gum/Djarum habit with a kinky and possibly sexual relationship seems like a good solution. And it might be. I definitely used sex to develop better housekeeping skills. Just be careful you don't develop a sexual addiction to replace the substance addictions. I've done that too.

There's no way to avoid the discomfort of quitting.

This is exactly right. The more submissive I feel; the more addicted I feel to certain things. This post just really hit home with me. It made several conversations with a good dom friend make more sense. I wish I could explain it more eloquently but words fail me here.

 

[bethpage]

Can't help you with the whole accountability friend thing--I tried it for something else and it worked for a week--then really started to annoy me and sort of backfired.

Anyway, but for quitting smoking (I've never, but there are a couple of things I've had several friends use and quit with)--

Accupuncture--but with a little thing left in the ear. When you get a craving, you rub the stud thing, it puts pressure on the nerves, the craving lessens/goes away.

Shot--there is an injection, makes smoking totally unsatisfying. Effects last for several months, by then you should have some new habits. And make them!!!! Or you're going to be craving cigarettes with your coffee for the rest of your life....(or whatever habits you have now.) Unfortunately, I don't have the name of the injection.

NoNic--its like a filter that you stick on the end of your cigarette. It captures most of the tar and nicotene, so lessen both the damage and physical dependency. You can actually buy it from one of those catalogs in the mail......I just threw it out, or I'd give you the name Its not fingerhut.... Its like $5 a box (which filters about 300 cigarettes) so its the cheapest option.

Anyway, best of luck.

 

[YourCaptor]

I really appreciate all the answers (lol, I can't believe no men chimed in on this one!). I'm glad I ran this by you guys before I approached him with the idea... you all have very valid points about why something like this probably wouldn't work. I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and quit on my own... somehow! And yes, Eastern Sun, the current lack of sex in my life probably made the idea more appealing... must do something about that before I make a complete fool out of myself! Thank you all again.

What you can do is create layers of support. Make it so that in order to indulge your addiction, you must first go through several people.

Like for example have someone throw out your stash if that applies, or have them limit your decreases amount of exposure to it, as in them giving allowances.

Have someone on the phone to talk to when you go buy that store on your way home, or to work, etc.

Have people to call when you are having trouble. You can make a text list to let them all know at once so someone will help you out of the urge.

Those sort of things will help.

But most of all I would consult an expert. Behavior modification is a key word to look for.

Good luck

 

[Adakgirl]

I never knew the Dom side of him, and, in no small part due to his loquacious telephone monologues, a huge part of me just can't imagine him in that way

If you have known him for two years and you two are good friends as you say, it surprises me that you never knew anything before now about his Dom side. One would think he would have said something it to you by now or at least hinted of it. Or you might have felt Dominant vibes from him or something.

 

[satindesire]

I think being in a D/s relationship wouldn't have helped me quit my addiction, but it certainly has helped me keep sober.

I can't obey Mister if he wants me to stay clean and healthy for my sake, his sake and our baby's sake. I can't risk my family for the thrill of one 'last' high.

It's been a few years since I've been sober, so most of the cravings are gone...occasionally I'll get a really strong desire but I DO have the willpower to stay clean for the rest of my life.

Oddly enough...Watching that TV show "Intervention" helps. Makes me really take a good look at what could have happened to me.