gay-bi relations

[Little Bird]

This might be a little bit controversial topic, but once more I hope that intelligent people can have a civilized conversation.

At times, you hear that "some gay people" "have said" that bisexuals are just gay people who don't accept their homosexuality. And as we know that being queer doesn't make you a bad person, it's also true that it doesn't make you a good person by itself, so there may actually be people who may completely uncalled for comments like that.
But that's not really the thing I'm up for here. It just made me wonder about relations between the homosexual and bisexual "camps". Of course, we can all be friends, and if not, treat each other in civilized ways. That's no question.

But do you, as homosexual or bisexual people, actually feel like we are alike in our "non-heterosexuality"?
I really have no problem having a male partner who is not attracted to women. But I often heard that most gay men are not attracted to bisexual men. Is it really so?

I always thought myself very open about such things, but to tell the truth, I really hope that when I get into a relationship with another person, that person will be bisexual as well. Heterosexual women or homosexual men would probably "work" as well. But if possible, I really would prefer a bisexual partner, even if it would be a strictly monogamous relationship.
Somehow, bisexual women seem a lot "cooler" to me. And though I have to admit I personally know very few gay men, I don't find either of them or all common images of gay men attractive at all. They are all so... well, "gay!" ^^
That's okay, I really don't think that's a bad thing. But I'm not at all attracted to it.

Again, because this is the internet here, I don't want to promote any negative images of homosexual people. But I'd like to hear what other peoples personal views on this are. Do you _perceive_ a distinct difference between homosexual and bisexual people?

 

[gloriann]

As a lesbian, I can say this: would never and have never been involved with a bi woman. The reason: there would always be a nagging fear that I couldn't supply her with something I didn't have.

As people, I have no problem with bi's. Don't really get it, but I don't have a problem with it. Whatever gets you through the night...

 

[Safe_Bet]

As a lesbian, I can say this: would never and have never been involved with a bi woman. The reason: there would always be a nagging fear that I couldn't supply her with something I didn't have.

As people, I have no problem with bi's. Don't really get it, but I don't have a problem with it. Whatever gets you through the night...

I'm pretty much right there with you. I admit that I don't get the sexuality side of being Bi. To me either you like the same sex or you don't. 'Course I'm also about a 6 1/2 on the Kinsey Scale, so that's just for me.

As people go, I really don't give a damn about their sexuality. Nice is nice, assholes are assholes regardless of sexual orientation. That prolly why the only Bi chicks that I do find attractive / would even consider are the ones whom I trust and who were my friends first.

 

[Essene]

This is my first post over here, and being who I am, this is a topic that elicits a lot of thought in my head.

I'm a bisexual female. I'm pretty much an equal opportunity sexual being. I think there's a lot of stereotyping that goes on in the heads of all people concerning bisexuals. Usually my concern when telling people that I'm bi is that they don't take my sexuality seriously.

Especially these days when hetero college girls who want to seem "naughty", or "experiment" by awkwardly kissing their fellow classmates in a drunken haze in front of large groups of people...

Well, it doesn't really help my case, especially with asshat-like hetero men whose eyes light up at the thought of a menag a tois.

I also have a lot of gay and queer friends, and I actively support the community, but I always feel weird as identifying as being queer in any way. It's weird. You get those acronyms that include the "B" for bi, and I kind of remind myself, and have to go "oh yeah, they're talking about me". In some ways I think it's sad that I've been conditioned not to take my sexuality seriously.

I actually started out dating women strictly until college - when I came to the self realization that some guys aren't so horrible, and that I found the sex to be pretty enjoyable too. ( I'm 27 and when in high school started what was called at the time the GLBT "club", where all the questioning girls came out of the wood work, and I think I dated all of them.*laugh*)

I recall going to work shops, reading everything on anything to do with lesbianism, and watching every program with lesbian characters. Music, culture, knowledge, anything! I recall a set of short stories where the protagonist claimed that she would never date a bi woman - because bi women are all experimenting and can never be taken seriously.

That's always stuck with me.

I've loved women dearly who I've wanted to marry and spend the rest of my life with, as well as a man or two.

I've also had the experience of having my ex girlfriend's current girlfriend tell me that I'm the worst kind of lesbian because I've only re-closeted myself. I'm really gay and not accepting myself. I'm in denial, etc etc.

It's easier to find people to date when we're talking hetero, but I personally find it more difficult to find respectful people who accept boundaries. *shrug*

I'm just going to do whatever, but for me, it isn't about genitals, or anything. I've never missed a penis when I've been with a woman. It's always been about the human connection regardless of gender.

 

[cf23430]

I must admit that as a male I go through the same thing. I enjoy the company of both. I enjoy the sexual relations with both male and female. I never, ever thought it was a bad thing to be bi, until recently. Why do you have to commit to one or the other. Why cant people stay married? I think that there is a time and place for everything. So at a period in my life if I am "attached" to either a woman or a man, isnt it because of the person. Not because they are gay, bi or hetero?

C

This is my first post over here, and being who I am, this is a topic that elicits a lot of thought in my head.

I'm a bisexual female. I'm pretty much an equal opportunity sexual being. I think there's a lot of stereotyping that goes on in the heads of all people concerning bisexuals. Usually my concern when telling people that I'm bi is that they don't take my sexuality seriously.

Especially these days when hetero college girls who want to seem "naughty", or "experiment" by awkwardly kissing their fellow classmates in a drunken haze in front of large groups of people...

Well, it doesn't really help my case, especially with asshat-like hetero men whose eyes light up at the thought of a menag a tois.

I also have a lot of gay and queer friends, and I actively support the community, but I always feel weird as identifying as being queer in any way. It's weird. You get those acronyms that include the "B" for bi, and I kind of remind myself, and have to go "oh yeah, they're talking about me". In some ways I think it's sad that I've been conditioned not to take my sexuality seriously.

I actually started out dating women strictly until college - when I came to the self realization that some guys aren't so horrible, and that I found the sex to be pretty enjoyable too. ( I'm 27 and when in high school started what was called at the time the GLBT "club", where all the questioning girls came out of the wood work, and I think I dated all of them.*laugh*)

I recall going to work shops, reading everything on anything to do with lesbianism, and watching every program with lesbian characters. Music, culture, knowledge, anything! I recall a set of short stories where the protagonist claimed that she would never date a bi woman - because bi women are all experimenting and can never be taken seriously.

That's always stuck with me.

I've loved women dearly who I've wanted to marry and spend the rest of my life with, as well as a man or two.

I've also had the experience of having my ex girlfriend's current girlfriend tell me that I'm the worst kind of lesbian because I've only re-closeted myself. I'm really gay and not accepting myself. I'm in denial, etc etc.

It's easier to find people to date when we're talking hetero, but I personally find it more difficult to find respectful people who accept boundaries. *shrug*

I'm just going to do whatever, but for me, it isn't about genitals, or anything. I've never missed a penis when I've been with a woman. It's always been about the human connection regardless of gender.

 

[Etoile]

Yeah, it's not usually a 50/50 split. It is for some people, but some bisexuals strongly prefer one or the other. A friend of mine recently came out as bisexual and he's having so much fun dating guys, he seems like he might never date a woman again! I don't think this means he's gay, just that he never realized how much he loved guys. He enjoys relationships and sex with women, but he enjoys them with men MORE.

Then again, for others it is 50/50. I don't have a problem with it, personally. I can even understand it. It's not for me, but obviously many people like it. The only ones I can't understand are straight women...how can you not love sex with females?!

 

[emap]

Eh they just haven't had naughty thoughts of gorgeous Etoile.

If you peruse the personals ads you will notice that the stranger people, specifically ask for gay or straight, and include a no bi's. I could I suppose go on about how it's probably just the alienness of bisexuality to people who are on the far end of the spectrum sexually, but nah, ya'll know that anyway. I'm just gonna mention it.

Now personally, I don't understand straight and gay, I can see the appeal, sex is lovely with men and women, but i just don't understnad the whole limiting yourself to one. I'm primarily a guy loving gal, I don't have much experience with women, though I can tell you right now, if we opened up our relationship to allow others I'm so giving him the two gals threesome, after I sampled her alot of course.

Ah heck why not let's talk about the whole gay versus bi nonsense. To a certain degree it's playing it safe, if she or he is not attracted to the sex you're not your cutting your competition in half. It's also for some odd reason looked down on as not knowing so some think that a bisexual will just up and decide they like the sex your not better and leave you. Which honestly comes from straight married persons deciding they are actually gay and leaving their wife/husband which is totally a different thingy.

Not to mention the rampant gayness found in elderly communities which is nothing more than the person finding themselves spouseless and still having desires of a sexual nature or just wanting someone to be with to talk to in a loving manner. There isn't actually anything to the fears, or well anything else that makes a person go no bi's in their personal ads. It's nothing more than fears of something different.

 

[gaymm]

I dont have any issues with men or women who are bisexual. I am in agreement with those who have already said it though, I just don't understand the attraction. I am gay, I am happily gay, and if it were a choice, I would choose to be gay. I am emotionally and physically attracted to only men, but not all men. I do know that all my sexual partners are other gay men, some of whom have had relations with women, but as said on an Epstein Sexual Orientation Inventory, they would be 12+ (almost exclusively homosexual)

Most of my friends are other gay men, but I do have many straight friends, and I would guess several, that I don't know about, bisexual friends. My criteria is that you are honest, nice, helpful, and have an open mind. I don't like jerks of any persuasion, gay, bi or straight.

I guess to answer your questions directly: My attraction is to men, but it is difficult when the other man is not gay and does not feel the same way. Intimacy is important to me, and it's just not gonna happen with a straight man. With bi men, well I just dont understand the attraction (but that is my issue, not theirs) and I have found that many bi men like to immediately label themselves as "not gay" or "bi." Does it make me feel any different? Sometimes, it depends on many things that are very fluid in human interactions.
Secondly, I am most comfortable being with other gay men, either socially or sexually. I guess not by choice, it just seems to work out that way.

chris

 

[Shadowann2]

I identify my self as bi. I do not think I could ever feel completly sexually fulfilled by one gender or the other, but if I HAD to choose one over the other, I would choose men, but there would always be something missing. I love being pounded by a hairy, sweaty man and feeling him shoot his load into me, but I also love the feel of soft breasts and smooth skin and the way a woman knows how to touch me. I couldn't choose one or the other as being better.
I don't feel like I am some closeted gay, or somehow repressing a part of me. I simply like both sexes, and that's who I am. Not admiting that to myself, and my partners would be repressing my base sexual self.
I prefer to be involved with women who are bi, because they know where I'm coming from and can relate to me on emotional level about the ups and downs of being a bi woman. I have never been involved with a bi man, so I can't speak from experience on my preference there.

 

[sugaredwalls]

Hi, female bisexual here, totally new to Literotica and this thread caught my eye as a good way to make a first post!

I have found that many bi men like to immediately label themselves as "not gay" or "bi." Does it make me feel any different? Sometimes, it depends on many things that are very fluid in human interactions.

gaymm posted that and he sure did hit the nail on the head. Women do the same thing. Another mb I posted on, half the women I encountered said they "were not gay or bi or anything but they liked having sex with women.

I can only guess it's some way to somehow validate what they are doing is in no way remotely gay or even close to it. Whatever they want to call it or not call it, they are still having sex with their own gender.

I'm somewhat of a shy person until you get to know me but amongst friends/like minded people and especially in intimate relationships, I have no issues with identifying myself as bisexual.

 

[touchy_miss]

Hi, female bisexual here, totally new to Literotica and this thread caught my eye as a good way to make a first post!



gaymm posted that and he sure did hit the nail on the head. Women do the same thing. Another mb I posted on, half the women I encountered said they "were not gay or bi or anything but they liked having sex with women.

I can only guess it's some way to somehow validate what they are doing is in no way remotely gay or even close to it. Whatever they want to call it or not call it, they are still having sex with their own gender.

I'm somewhat of a shy person until you get to know me but amongst friends/like minded people and especially in intimate relationships, I have no issues with identifying myself as bisexual.

hmmmm...It's interesting isnt it. Ive never called myself bi..or hetero for that matter...I am against all labels because it is against my personal philisophy of human sexuality, which I believe to be very fluid in nature....I know, I kow, very zen. I don't really think about it. I am just attracted to whoever I am attracted to. Though if someone asked if I was bi...in order to make it easy on them I will always answer yes. I think that I don't like the judgement that comes with the term in some cases
peace
X

 

[infinity706]

Yeah, it's not usually a 50/50 split. It is for some people, but some bisexuals strongly prefer one or the other. A friend of mine recently came out as bisexual and he's having so much fun dating guys, he seems like he might never date a woman again! I don't think this means he's gay, just that he never realized how much he loved guys. He enjoys relationships and sex with women, but he enjoys them with men MORE.

Then again, for others it is 50/50. I don't have a problem with it, personally. I can even understand it. It's not for me, but obviously many people like it. The only ones I can't understand are straight women...how can you not love sex with females?!

Well, I do sort of do the 50/50 thing. I've had something like 5 times as many guys, but that's just because guys tend to be easier in general. Of course, since I've gotten my reputation, I've had serveral guys throw themselves at me, which has upped the number quite a bit since I'm not one to say no to a free fuck. I just keep condoms on me for just such an occasion. I have had a couple women throw themselves at me as well, but they've just been less numerous.

Oh, I think there's plenty of straight women that couple be persuaded. Another woman consistantly ranks very highly on any list of top womens' fantasies.

 

[tribalwomon]

Bisexuals

When I was younger..i'm 54, now...I dated bisexual women....each and everyone of them cheated...with men and women...I got deeply hurt..it seemed that their relationship with men..was on a higher level...more serious... girls were for fun...a plaything...sex....I am a lesbian...I love wimmin.... everything about them...as friends as lovers.. as my life partner...and maybe someday as a wife....when it is a given.. LEGAL RIGHT... She will always come FIRST...in my life...

 

[Safe_Bet]

When I was younger..i'm 54, now...I dated bisexual women....each and everyone of them cheated...with men and women...I got deeply hurt..it seemed that their relationship with men..was on a higher level...more serious... girls were for fun...a plaything...sex....I am a lesbian...I love wimmin.... everything about them...as friends as lovers.. as my life partner...and maybe someday as a wife....when it is a given.. LEGAL RIGHT... She will always come FIRST...in my life...

I guess that is sort of where I'm coming from. When I think Bi, I think of "them" (gross generalization here) saying things like "I do sort of do the 50/50 thing". To me that would indicate a lack of commitment to ME. If a person can switch back and forth between the genders that easily, I don't see how they would be able to ever find me to be their "one and only" because I am missing some of the "plumbing" that they desire and enjoy. That is why I'm so happy to be married to a K6+ chick who is 110% into me!

 

[Little Bird]

I don't really think about it. I am just attracted to whoever I am attracted to. Though if someone asked if I was bi...in order to make it easy on them I will always answer yes. I think that I don't like the judgement that comes with the term in some cases

A common kind of trouble.
"Bisexual" may not be accurate for many people, but at least people will get a general idea when you use the word. If you use other, less well established terms like pansexual, you have to explain the word first, and probably also what it means specifically in your case.
But on the other hand, you never get people edjucated and get the terms established, if you don't use them.

 

[Essene]

I guess that is sort of where I'm coming from. When I think Bi, I think of "them" (gross generalization here) saying things like "I do sort of do the 50/50 thing". To me that would indicate a lack of commitment to ME. If a person can switch back and forth between the genders that easily, I don't see how they would be able to ever find me to be their "one and only" because I am missing some of the "plumbing" that they desire and enjoy. That is why I'm so happy to be married to a K6+ chick who is 110% into me!

Just to clarify as a "50/50" person, it has nothing to do with not being into my respective partner because I get tired of their gender. Just as people date and then break up for lack of being compatible for personal reasons, so have I gone through break ups with men and women. I've never gone through a break up because of a particular kind of "plumbing".

If I date someone, it's because I like who they are as a person. I'd like nothing more than to find someone whom I can enjoy the rest of my life with. The brunt of my initial post was trying to explain that it has nothing to do with gender.

I've never cheated on a woman with a man. I don't think it's fair to assume that I will just because when I'm looking for a partner, I look to be attracted to the person rather than being focused on the "plumbing."