Problem!!

[GregWood]

I was with my girlfriend, six months running, and I asked if I could tie her up. And she turned me down. Now, my old girlfriend loved to be tied up. And I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't get to see my lovely blonde tied up and gagged for me to have fun with.

What should I do?

She seemed really turned off by the idea. And we've been fairly open with all other aspects, including using handcuffs. So it's not a trust issue.

 

[unregistered]

 

[Netzach]

Figure this out in the future before you are six months screwed.

Sorry, speaking from experience here.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I imagine that she saw handcuffs as ok for occasional spice. Now it's becoming clear that your interest in dominance runs deeper than she thought and your girl is scared shitless. She probably feels a little betrayed that you're only pushing this issue and making your desires clear six months in and she has a point. I also imagine she's wondering where this will end and whether your desire to tie her up and tease her has darker motivations such as a desire to hurt her. People can be very skittish about kink if they've never tried it and upping the ante is only going to make that worse.

Have you talked to her about it or just asked for things when sex is imminent? Your best tack here is to sit her down in a non-sexual setting and talk about where you're going with this. Reassure her that you're not grooming her for a power based relationship that she doesn't want and can't handle. Reassure her that you would never do anything she wasn't comfortable with or hurt her. Make it clear where your interest in this ends so she knows she won't be pressured further once she yields and goes along with your ideas.

If she really dislikes the games you want to play, you may have to admit defeat. She has a perfect right to refuse you. Playing your requests like a broken record will make her more defensive so after you have your heart to heart, leave the issue on the shelf for a bit.

It sounds to me like you're not after anything too outrageous so set her mind at rest and give her time to trust you.

 

[ControlandDom]

Sit her down and talk to her. Tell her why you want to do it and find out why she doesn't.

If at the end of the conversation she is still not into it then either forget and move on in the relationship or break up and find someone else that will let you.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Bail now, before you end up like me----7 years.

What could be more useless than a beautiful female who hates BDSM?

Ug.

 

[midwestyankee]

Bail now, before you end up like me----7 years.

What could be more useless than a beautiful female who hates BDSM?

Ug.

Oh, I dunno....maybe a pig-headed asshole who thinks that he's a dom and won't give up until his partner gives up all semblance of her dignity in submitting to his idiotic ideas of domliness garnered from begging-for-info threads here?

 

[HarlotMinx]

Oh, I dunno....maybe a pig-headed asshole who thinks that he's a dom and won't give up until his partner gives up all semblance of her dignity in submitting to his idiotic ideas of domliness garnered from begging-for-info threads here?

*snickers* excellent good point.

 

[JMohegan]

I was with my girlfriend, six months running, and I asked if I could tie her up. And she turned me down. Now, my old girlfriend loved to be tied up. And I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't get to see my lovely blonde tied up and gagged for me to have fun with.

What should I do?

She seemed really turned off by the idea. And we've been fairly open with all other aspects, including using handcuffs. So it's not a trust issue.

Just to clarify - are you saying that she lets you handcuff her and do other kinky stuff, but not tie her up with rope?

 

[GregWood]

That's right, I've talked to her about it but she doesn't seem to want to tell me why. I won't push it but it's really sexually frustrating to not know why. We have a good sex life but this would be the icing on the cake for me.

We've done handcuffs, blindfolds and some small time gagging.

 

[Etoile]

She won't tell you why? How much have you talked about it - was it just when she refused, you asked why, and she said she didn't know? Or have you actually sat down in a non-sexual environment and asked about it? If she is asked in a non-pressured way she might be more willing to think about it and find a reason.

 

[GregWood]

It was actually after I made her breakfast in bed, with a flower in a small vase actually. I let her eat and got ready for work, and then sat down with her when she had finished and took the tray and we talked for about half an hour, but whenever I got to waiting for an answer it never came. She would talk about how she liked other sexual things we do, maybe she really isn't into it.

 

[HarlotMinx]

It was actually after I made her breakfast in bed, with a flower in a small vase actually. I let her eat and got ready for work, and then sat down with her when she had finished and took the tray and we talked for about half an hour, but whenever I got to waiting for an answer it never came. She would talk about how she liked other sexual things we do, maybe she really isn't into it.

Actually hon, this sounds like it might be a different problem. She doesn't like rope yet fine with other bondage implements, she wont explain her reasons, and she consciously avoids explaining why in conversations.... this very well might be a trigger for her. She could have experienced something in her life that makes this particular subject a issue that she's extremely uncomfortable with for some psychological reason. It's something you also might have to just face. It can really risky pushing someone's triggers.

 

[ms_sub_liminal]

also, bringing up a conversation when there's a deadline like walking out the door for work is never a good idea. i agree with harlot though. most likely the rope itself is some sort of negative trigger for her. i'd make sure she's completely ok with the other bondage you do as well. it could be the restraint itself makes her nervous and she's just been trying to be a good sport. worth exploring.

 

[esales]

When I first started along the road of sin, I too had a woman who craved mild pain IE: pins, whips. candles etc. However, when it came to ropes she flat refused. I could use anything I wanted, but no ropes. It was some time before she told me why. The rope itself dreged up memories of her childhood when her parents would leave her brother to babysit while they went out drinking. It seems that her brother would tie her up in a closet and then leave with his friends. The mind can play horribal tricks on a person so my advice would be to let it lay for a bit. Enjoy what you do have and when she is ready she will tell you why. A fantasy is always better when there are two people taking part.

 

[DormantEvil]

Okay, I wasn't even close to posting this in the right spot. Wrong thread, and wrong sub-forum.

((Reason: to many literotica threads open, and too many post's in the middle of getting written))

 

[satindesire]

Bail now, before you end up like me----7 years.

What could be more useless than a beautiful female who hates BDSM?

Ug.

A beautiful man who hates BDSM.

When I first started along the road of sin, I too had a woman who craved mild pain IE: pins, whips. candles etc. However, when it came to ropes she flat refused. I could use anything I wanted, but no ropes. It was some time before she told me why. The rope itself dreged up memories of her childhood when her parents would leave her brother to babysit while they went out drinking. It seems that her brother would tie her up in a closet and then leave with his friends. The mind can play horribal tricks on a person so my advice would be to let it lay for a bit. Enjoy what you do have and when she is ready she will tell you why. A fantasy is always better when there are two people taking part.

Shit!