The SCOURIES reader – for both fans and serious scholars…

[michchick98]

Oh hi again, it’s Gabby,

I just saw the post by the sweet, kind witch (not that awful sour one thank god!) and seeing her question I thought I'd help her out with an answer.

In the court of LITEROTICA, in the court of

[size=+2]

HER MAJESTY QUEEN LAUREL III

​

[/size]

there has only been one instance where the honorific "Esquire" has been bestowed. And I'm sure you can figure out who it was bestowed upon.

OK, maybe i'll give you a little hint - he's LITEROTICA'S #1 ROYALTY earner and best seller...

Gabrielle L.

Aww, isn't that sweet. The dickless wonder has to have is vinyl fucktoy answer for him, yet again.

 

[sr71plt]

Because I kept wondering how much you were paying her to occupy that position. All the profits from your books is what I was thinking.

Yep, as you've been told before, all of my eXcessica e-book profits go directly back into eXcessica. Boggles your mind, doesn't it? Makes my accounting simple, I'm rolling in money and don't need it, and, like Freddie claims for himself, I write these for the fun of it. (I really wonder about that claim of Freddie's though, seeing as how he ended his whole e-publishing experience because he was afraid he wasn't getting all of his profits from that and because, although he claims he writes just for the fun of it, he hasn't posted a single story to this site since he lost first place in the survivor's contest for the second time; methinks the money means more to Freddie than he's letting on).

 

[sr71plt]

This is the REAL world? Is this the REAL world you fly above? Are you making another joke, Ace? I am laughing right out loud.

Welcome to the AH once again, bsergi1. Got any more lies to tell us about your background and writing? Your earlier attempts at that--including your last good-bye--certainly rang hollow.

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

Hi [size=+2]freddie[/size], it's great to see you again!

How's my little Polo ?

Speaking of whom I've got a question, in fact it's a little favor to ask. Seeing you dropped Polo as your Avatar I wonder if you could make one like sarahhh did. You know, make a scouries best selling book cover your av.

Maybe we could have an AHland scouries best selling book cover avatar week. Wouldn't that be fun!

your friend the gabster XOXOXO

I prefer to be avatar free. Too many people around here believe their avatars and act accordingly.

Selena thinks she's pregnant. Drone thinks he's a super sonic pilot. MichChick thinks she's a chick. She's not. He's not. And she's not.

The only realistic avatars are anything that Sarahhh posts, Gabby, of course, and new one of the Queen of Hearts. I suspect there is a message in that avatar. I don't think that was just chosen.

Okay, instead of all the mystery. I mentioned long ago that Queen Elizabeth was a fan of Literotica and no one believed me. Well, here she is in the flesh. Yes, I dare say that bsergi1 is not only the Queen of Hearts but also the Queen of Englan. Oh, go ahead and laugh if you want, but I have proof that I am unable to post at the present time but will post in good time.

Welcome Your Majesty to Literotica.

 

[sr71plt]

I Drone thinks he's a super sonic pilot.

As usual, you've missed the boat. I don't have an Avatar either. (And I haven't driven a jet in forty years, so I've never claimed I'm currently a jet pilot.)

But it's good to see that you're still living in the fantasy fog with your ScouriesWorld friends.

 

[slyc_willie]

So, we have the Queen of Hearts (bsergi), the Queen of Diamonds (Freddie), the Queen of Spades (scouries), and the Queen of Clubs (sarahhh).

Looks like the gang's all here.

 

[sr71plt]

So, we have the Queen of Hearts (bsergi), the Queen of Diamonds (Freddie), the Queen of Spades (scouries), and the Queen of Clubs (sarahhh).

Looks like the gang's all here.

That's an interesting way of looking at it. Doesn't the ace trump the queens in all known card games? Hmmmmm.

 

[slyc_willie]

That's an interesting way of looking at it. Doesn't the ace trump the queens in all known card games? Hmmmmm.

I believe so.

Uh-oh . . . someone's gonna get into another tizzy now . . . .

 

[michchick98]

blah, blah, blah, blah, yammer, snort, drool, fart, gurgle, burp, yammer.

All hail (Drag) Queen Freddie.

 

[bsergi1]

That's an interesting way of looking at it. Doesn't the ace trump the queens in all known card games? Hmmmmm.

I can see, now, that you are not an expert in everything. An Ace will beat a Queen every time. :caning:

Trumping in is when I ask somebody else a question and you answer it.

 

[bsergi1]

So, we have the Queen of Hearts (bsergi), the Queen of Diamonds (Freddie), the Queen of Spades (scouries), and the Queen of Clubs (sarahhh).

Looks like the gang's all here.

And, Scouries would win this hand: Spades are higher than Clubs, Diamonds and Hearts. Jim, wear your crown proudly!

 

[freshface]

I can see, now, that you are not an expert in everything. An Ace will beat a Queen every time. :caning:

Trumping in is when I ask somebody else a question and you answer it.

It's called a Discussion Board for a reason. You want a private answer from someone in particular, feel free to send that someone a PM. Post in the Forums and expect us to respond as we choose.

 

[bsergi1]

As usual, you've missed the boat. I don't have an Avatar either. (And I haven't driven a jet in forty years, so I've never claimed I'm currently a jet pilot.)

But it's good to see that you're still living in the fantasy fog with your ScouriesWorld friends.

40 YEARS? How the hell old are you, Ace? Are you writing from memory, or still working on fantasies? Gees. Has there been nothing else in your life in the past 40 years that you would like to claim as an avatar? C'mon, Ace, give us something to look at besides letters and numbers. At least, Sarrahh tries to shake it up a bit by inventing a new one every couple of days. The chick from Michigan is in her sports mode. Freddie and Polo are off pouting in a corner. You can see the two of them right up in the top left hand corner of his avatar if you look closely. Even Laurel changed hers.

 

[bsergi1]

I prefer to be avatar free. Too many people around here believe their avatars and act accordingly.

Selena thinks she's pregnant. Drone thinks he's a super sonic pilot. MichChick thinks she's a chick. She's not. He's not. And she's not.

The only realistic avatars are anything that Sarahhh posts, Gabby, of course, and new one of the Queen of Hearts. I suspect there is a message in that avatar. I don't think that was just chosen.

Okay, instead of all the mystery. I mentioned long ago that Queen Elizabeth was a fan of Literotica and no one believed me. Well, here she is in the flesh. Yes, I dare say that bsergi1 is not only the Queen of Hearts but also the Queen of Englan. Oh, go ahead and laugh if you want, but I have proof that I am unable to post at the present time but will post in good time.

Welcome Your Majesty to Literotica.

Ahh, gees, Freddie, thank you for that welcome. Here's a curtsy right back atcha.

 

[sarahhh]

But I've got a question for you. How many books have you seen with the title and author's name obscuring, I mean COMPLETELY obscuring the background? Other than yours, of course.

Like who can't tell that's Dolphins cheerleaders in the background of my avatar.

Actually, I learned the technique from the graphic arts genius who designed James Michener's book covers like this one . . .

http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t82/sarahhh_023/1mexico.jpg

Oh dagnabbit, I forgot to put #1 BESTSELLER at the top! I won't make that mistake again.

 

[slyc_willie]

Like who can't tell that's Dolphins cheerleaders in the background of my avatar.

Actually, I learned the technique from the graphic arts genius who designed James Michener's book covers like this one . . .

Oh dagnabbit, I forgot to put #1 BESTSELLER at the top! I won't make that mistake again.

Your cover is still too busy, scouries, um, sarahhh. The lettering is lost in the picture behind it. Either make it more bold, or block the picture. You need to make the title, at least, stand out.

 

[scouries]

QUOTE the QUEEN Oh, Gabby! I don't think I want to be on your list. I'm really much more brilliant than my looks. I'm really much more mean than my looks, too. Please don't cross me.

QUOTE Freddie Okay, instead of all the mystery. I mentioned long ago that Queen Elizabeth was a fan of Literotica and no one believed me. Well, here she is in the flesh. Yes, I dare say that bsergi1 is not only the Queen of Hearts but also the Queen of Englan. Oh, go ahead and laugh if you want, but I have proof that I am unable to post at the present time but will post in good time.

Dear QUEEN , I’m sorry your making the “Mentally Challenged” list as an ALT of robyn aka ace bothered you. However it wasn’t the lovely Gabby’s fault.

No, the blame must fall directly on the ScouriesWorldComputer and its programmer the famous mathematician and University of Miami professor, Dr. Suleiman Haterat. Dr. Haterat has embedded a program into our computers that analyses every post made on the Scouries thread and then advises us when a likely ALT is identified and gives us a probability quotient (PQ)of who the ALT really is.

We have of course already identified various ALTS of the evil, mud slinging poser known as the pilot . lloyd_5 was found (he had a PQ of 93.6%). Similarly ennuye was identified (a 87.2% PQ) as was freshface (a 83.4% PQ).

While your pilot/bsergil PQ was only 48.2% (a borderline identification figure) our computer also noticed the name – bsergil – and being trained in anagram identification quickly realized that bsergil is an anagram of ”gerbils” and most of us remember that the pilot often referred to himself (as did many others) as a desert rat.

Et voila, our computer decided!

However, after reading our good friend freddies posts I now believe our computer was too hasty. That there is something to this QUEEN story.

But the QUEEN of ENGLAND? Elizabeth herself? I think not!

Instead I decided to have Dr. Haterat run bsergil’s posts through his program and compare them to the thousands and thousands of posts of another QUEEN. A more likely candidate.

And we found a match (a 99.45% PQ)!

The poster known as bsergil is none other than

[size=+3]

*L*A*U*R*E*L*

​

[/size]

Welcome my lady!

I’m james r scouries and I welcome our QUEEN to LITEROTICAS #1 thread…

[size=+2]Dolphins are wondering if MANU is going to show up next…[/size]

 

[michchick98]

Like who can't tell that's Dolphins cheerleaders in the background of my avatar.

Actually, I learned the technique from the graphic arts genius who designed James Michener's book covers like this one . . .

http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t82/sarahhh_023/1mexico.jpg

Oh dagnabbit, I forgot to put #1 BESTSELLER at the top! I won't make that mistake again.

You see, there's a difference in that cover and yours. First off, the color combinations are pleasing to the eye. Second, the little Aztec circle thing in the middle being covered is different than lettering being scrawled across someone's face on a cover.

Perhaps I should've worded things different for your pea-brain. When there are people on the cover, the title and author's name shouldn't cover them. Those cheerleaders on your cover look like their heads were cut off. So no, the team the cheerleaders represent is not clear to anyone looking at that cover.

And you were gone for a day looking for that, huh? Only found one? One out of millions and millions of books. I mean you're so knowledgeable about books and everything, so I figured you'd come up with tons of examples.

In any case, let's keep you busy for another day...go find a book cover where the PEOPLE on the cover are obscured by the title and author's name.

 

[michchick98]

bsergil’s[/b] posts through his program and compare them to the thousands and thousands of posts of another QUEEN. A more likely candidate.

And we found a match (a 99.45% PQ)!

The poster known as bsergil is none other than

[size=+3]

*L*A*U*R*E*L*

​

[/size]

Welcome my lady!

I’m james r scouries and I welcome our QUEEN to LITEROTICAS #1 thread…

[size=+2]Dolphins are wondering if MANU is going to show up next…[/size]

Hey! Queen Scourahh? Don't trip over your skirts while you're primping and preening for Laurel huh?

Bserg is Laurel? What a hoot!

That's almost as priceless as Freddie calling me a man. I mean he tries to insult me by telling everyone I'm a man and not a woman when he came out for all the world to see in his last story:

"As a BBW, it was always more difficult, a challenge really, for me to write my stories from a man's point of view, but I did that to become a better writer. It is befitting that I write this last story in my own voice, albeit through my beloved character, Freddie, (the name of my deceased husband), Bostonfictionwriter. I write this story to honor all those women who put up with discrimination and heartache daily, due to their weight issues."

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=399133

So when he calls everyone else a fat and ugly woman, he's really talking about himself. Such a hypocrite.

 

[bsergi1]

You see, there's a difference in that cover and yours. First off, the color combinations are pleasing to the eye. Second, the little Aztec circle thing in the middle being covered is different than lettering being scrawled across someone's face on a cover.

Perhaps I should've worded things different for your pea-brain. When there are people on the cover, the title and author's name shouldn't cover them. Those cheerleaders on your cover look like their heads were cut off. So no, the team the cheerleaders represent is not clear to anyone looking at that cover.

And you were gone for a day looking for that, huh? Only found one? One out of millions and millions of books. I mean you're so knowledgeable about books and everything, so I figured you'd come up with tons of examples.

In any case, let's keep you busy for another day...go find a book cover where the PEOPLE on the cover are obscured by the title and author's name.

Did you ever think that Sarahhh wanted to chop off the heads? I can understand that. Some people almost deserve it. Sarahhh might have been trying to show off the beautiful breasts on that lovely dolphin in the front row.

 

[sarahhh]

Your cover is still too busy, scouries, um, sarahhh. The lettering is lost in the picture behind it. Either make it more bold, or block the picture. You need to make the title, at least, stand out.

Obviously you do not understand the esoteric elements of book cover design.

The colors of the Miami Dolphins are coral and aqua. Therefore, the lettering of the title accordingly is far more important than making the title stand out, for example, in fluorescent green.

 

[michchick98]

Did you ever think that Sarahhh wanted to chop off the heads? I can understand that. Some people almost deserve it. Sarahhh might have been trying to show off the beautiful breasts on that lovely dolphin in the front row.

Yeah, I figured that was scourahh's intent cuz s/he hates women so much and all. I just hope no one besides himself is stupid enough to think that book cover is good.

 

[Darkniciad]

Must be the same "genius" who wrote your alt identification program that coded your vote and view bots, scouries. Here's a hint -- he/she is a hack who's fleecing you of your part time fryer scraper paycheck.

At least sarahhh will accept your Monopoly money royalty payments for her so-called covers, so you should still be able to afford Vaseline and tire patching kits for Gabby.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Esq.? According to Google, an esquire is a title given to a member of the English gentry, ranking just below a knight, or an honorific used to indicate licensed attorneys. Which do you suppose he is?

Wiki is a bit wrong here. An esquire ( think squire) was the servant of a gentleman or a member of the aristocracy. He polished brasses, combed horses and slept in the stables as he was not worthy to enter the great house - and was whiffy as he didn't give a lot for personal hygiene.

As the blow-up doll says, just the title to be given to Scouries uniquely amongst all authors here as he is not fit to be admitted to civilized society.

 

[slyc_willie]

Obviously you do not understand the esoteric elements of book cover design.

The colors of the Miami Dolphins are coral and aqua. Therefore, the lettering of the title accordingly is far more important than making the title stand out, for example, in fluorescent green.

Then you should make the cover less busy, the lettering more bold. What you offered looks like a freshman effort at book cover design. Keep it more simple. You know, like your plots.