Distance Domination-Support Thread

[Adakgirl]

The rest of the uses, no offence meant, who do NOT meet eye to eye, can walk across our fence to the next thread/forum!

Oh, so I guess this answers clearly the question I posed a few pages back. If this thread was intended to include those who have never met. Even though is says no offense meant, it is offensive to me... now I know what the thread maker original intended for this thread.

 

[the captians wench]

Oh, so I guess this answers clearly the question I posed a few pages back. If this thread was intended to include those who have never met. Even though is says no offense meant, it is offensive to me... now I know what the thread maker original intended for this thread.

The OP is long gone....along with his original intention for the thread.

The Op was only interested in Online Domination where the participants did not intend to meet at any point. That didnt last long.

It started over one of the many discussions on how "online BDSM can never be compaired to real life BDSM" And while many of us were on the same side as the OP of this thread...well we kind of took it over.

If I remember correctly, he was only interested in the BDSM part, and not a relationship. Nothing wrong with that, nothing wrong with never wanting to meet the other side of the exchange if you don't feel like it. What was wrong is that he didn't like where the thread headed as all of us who do meet/want to meet and are in relationships that go beyond BDSM looked for support from others.

So Fook the wanker and his intentions. Those who use this thread most often answered your question. Ya see, we can be a friendly lot.

 

[Adakgirl]

I see now thank you very much wench, yes the people who frequent this thread are friendly and accepting. I do appreciate that so much.

 

[EVILSLAVE]

So Excited

I Am Thrilled To Have Found This Nook, My Master And I Live Just A Few Hours Apart. Closer Then Some Of You Are To Your Close At Heart. Thank You So Much For Your Openness. I Have Found A Place To Research , Learn As Well As Laugh. I Have My First Story Pending Here. My Master Is So Proud Of Me, Again Thank You!! Evilslave

 

[EVILSLAVE]

Taking a moment to whine myself because I have to: Master's orders.

I am feeling super needy for Master and feeling very ashamed for it. Because I am so ashamed, Master wanted me to share how I am feeling here so that hopefully I will see that others can relate and I won't feel so bad about how I feel.

So here's the issue:

I have NEVER felt like this before. This needy, clingy, whiny state where all I want to do is be near Master or garner some sort of attention from him even if it's just to have him say "I know cunt" because he knows that I am needy for him.

This is just not me. Not a minute goes by where I don't send Master a text about curling around his legs and snuggling him, or kneeling by him with my head on his lap, or even sending him my infamous 'needy pet alert' which basically tells him that I need his attention.

He loves that I am like this and tells me that every time I whine about hating being so needy (in between whining about needing to be near him of course ). I feel like I need Needy Pet's Anonymous- "Hi my name is Nala and I'm a needy pet." Grrrrr.

So yeah, I'm whining about whining and being needy and my dear friend Unca Hommy will probably tell me that this is another sign of emotional committment Yep I'm emotional and I need to be committed.

PLEASE DO NOT BE ASHAMED , YOUR NEED FOR YOUR MASTER IS THE TRUE BASIS FOR A DOM/SUB RELATIONSHIP. IM AN EDUCATED PROFESSIONAL, I HAVE RAISED CHILDREN,BEEN MARRIED, I AM VERY SENSIBLE, BUT I ASSURE YOU MY NEED FOR MY MASTER IS EITHER WEAK OR NEEDY. I CRAVE HIM, I CRAVE HIS TOUCH , I CRAVE TO BE NEAR HIM. EMBRACE YOUR FEELINGS, ACCEPT THEM, FOR ONE TO BE A TRUE SUB TO SOMEONE, IT TAKES GREAT STRENGTH. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP. LOVE YOUR MASTER WITH PRIDE !!!!!!!!! EVILSLAVE

 

[EVILSLAVE]

hello, i'm new to this thread and this forum really (just posted an introduction post in the new faces thread) but i'm also in a long distance D/s relationship so i'm excited to have a thread with so many people in the same position as me!

neither sir or i have been in this sort of relationship before so we're still kind of working things out and finding out what works best for us and one thing thats been on my mind recently is that i kind of wish he was a bit stricter with me and a little more consistent with discipline. If he's lax with punishing me when i mess up, i find myself breaking even more rules because i can and also to draw attention to the issue so he puts me back in line.

however, it also makes me guilty because i know all of that takes a lot of time and energy and i don't want to burden him with my needs.

i feel so much happier and secure when the rules are consequences are clearly defined and enforced though!

anyone else with this problem?

IN A TRUE SUB/DOM RELATIONSHIP, IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO YOUR MASTER TO ADDRESS ALL ISSUES YOU MAY BE HAVING WITH HIM, HOW CAN HE FIX IT IF HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW YOU FEEL? GOOD LUCK EVILSLAVE

 

[twiggy_the_spider]

EVILSLAVE- there's no need to shout!
Im seeing my boy at the end of the week, at the moment we're very new and averaging seeing each other once or twice a month. Its, not enough really but hes becoming really very special to me and I've never found anyone who treats me this way before so its kind of worth it. (oh, and hello everyone. )

 

[tawny_strix]

EVILSLAVE- there's no need to shout!
Im seeing my boy at the end of the week, at the moment we're very new and averaging seeing each other once or twice a month. Its, not enough really but hes becoming really very special to me and I've never found anyone who treats me this way before so its kind of worth it. (oh, and hello everyone. )

hello i'm new too but your post made me smile cause i call sir my/the boy as well hehe. he's actually my fiance but calling him that on a regular basis sounds weird to me.

i won't see him again till august but after that we'll never be apart again

 

[Adakgirl]

I'd like to address a few things that you have posted rhet,

neither sir or i have been in this sort of relationship before so we're still kind of working things out and finding out what works best for us and one thing thats been on my mind recently is that i kind of wish he was a bit stricter with me and a little more consistent with discipline. If he's lax with punishing me when i mess up, i find myself breaking even more rules because i can and also to draw attention to the issue so he puts me back in line.
however, it also makes me guilty because i know all of that takes a lot of time and energy and i don't want to burden him with my needs.
i feel so much happier and secure when the rules are consequences are clearly defined and enforced though!

It is obvious from your first post that this later statement is not necessary true:

no, im not really doing it for attention because i don't want him to be displeased with me

I think that indeed you are disobeying him in order to get attention and discipline. I think this is fairly normal in that you have never been in this type of relationship before and you need to test his boundaries. Or you need him to set clearly defined boundaries and rules of behavior so you know what is expected of you.

You should not feel guilty for expecting him to put in some time and energy to back up his own rules and be consistent with you in doing so. If you have to draw his attention to your little missteps, then as mentioned by others here, then the rules are to many. These little rules are not that important to him. Perhaps they were made in order to please you and not him. Those rules are then your burden to bare and not his.

i tell him every time i break a rule/disobey him and we've discussed it. he said he'd try to be more consistent and strict but he just doesnt have the energy to chastise me for every little missed 'sir' sometimes..

Who would? That would drive most Dominants insane to have to do. I am not expected to include a "Sir", "yes Sir" in every reply nor do I address my Dom formally each and every time I say something to him. A simple "yes" or "k" or "I understand" or "Hiya's how ya doing" is perfectly acceptable to him. We are human beings not robots, not parrots.
Some Dominants just aren't that strict, you can't make them be something they are not. Also many feel that they should not have to discipline you for simple things that should go without saying. Things that you are expected to do and you know you are expected to do.

no, im not really doing it for attention because i don't want him to be displeased with me but sometimes i just don't feel like following a certain rule or something so i think to myself 'i'll skip it this time and if he cares or notices i'll just deal with the punishment'

If sometimes you "just don't feel like it" then you are not acting in a submissive manner at all. You are thinking of pleasing yourself and acting on what you want to do at the time...you are not thinking about being obedient or pleasing him. That is not the way this works.

1st you say you want him to notice when you disobey so point it out to him.... Yet when he doesn't really care or react like you want him too, you disobey more and point it out to him...in order to bring HIM in line with what you want. Again that is not the way these relationships work.

 

[gypsy*seer]

Thanks for pointing that out. It makes perfect sense.

 

[kittenartist]

Oh my goodness I feel like a dramatic angst ridden teen again...

So. After getting comfortable with the idea of being single and without my bunny boy... We get back together

I am, of course, thrilled. But I feel all lame. Like I should have known that we would fix things and kept quiet about the break up... Which I did, actually, for awhile. But, of course, the day I suck in my pride and admit to my family that I am single, is the night we get back together... Ugh.

But now we are in a place of trying to heal all that pain. All that loss of trust. And trying to do it at a distance. At a time where a hug would mean everything, you know? How to rebuild that relationship while so far apart?

 

[myinnerslut]

But now we are in a place of trying to heal all that pain. All that loss of trust. And trying to do it at a distance. At a time where a hug would mean everything, you know? How to rebuild that relationship while so far apart?

slowly. one step at a time. with lots of patience and understanding.

 

[kittenartist]

slowly. one step at a time. with lots of patience and understanding.

You have no idea how hard it is for my to follow that advice! Heh. It is weird. I can sit around and mediate for hours, just waiting, enjoying the moment, living calm... But patience is not my strong point. I am a fan of instant gratification.

But I will try to keep that in mind.

 

[Homburg]

You have no idea how hard it is for my to follow that advice! Heh. It is weird. I can sit around and mediate for hours, just waiting, enjoying the moment, living calm... But patience is not my strong point. I am a fan of instant gratification.

But I will try to keep that in mind.

Instant gratification and LDR do not go hand in hand

 

[kittenartist]

Instant gratification and LDR do not go hand in hand

Not even if I pout and stomp my foot? Are you sure?


Yeah, I know. But there are some things that can be done despite the distance... the emotional connection parts, you know? I want that back where it was now.

But, perhaps, with patience and work it will get to a place even better than before, eh?

 

[Homburg]

Not even if I pout and stomp my foot? Are you sure?

Didn't work for me *grumble*

Yeah, I know. But there are some things that can be done despite the distance... the emotional connection parts, you know? I want that back where it was now.

But, perhaps, with patience and work it will get to a place even better than before, eh?

That's the goal. Honestly, if you work at it, you can get there.

 

[kittenartist]

Didn't work for me *grumble*

Maybe you did not have enough pouty lip... Did you try adding puppy dog eyes? *chuckles*

That's the goal. Honestly, if you work at it, you can get there.

Well, I am optimistic. I would not have stepped back into it if I did not think we had the ability to be even better than before... Otherwise we would run a greater risk of losing it again. And that is no fun.

 

[ResAris]

The Op was only interested in Online Domination where the participants did not intend to meet at any point. That didnt last long.

I could not find a thread relevant to my specific situation, which involves a D/s relationship via an online game, but have been able to identify with some of the issues others have expressed in this thread. Neither of us is interested in meeting in RL, and aside from the occasional email, our contact is restricted to the times we are online together. Are there others here in a similar situation?

 

[NALA CAYENNE]

PLEASE DO NOT BE ASHAMED , YOUR NEED FOR YOUR MASTER IS THE TRUE BASIS FOR A DOM/SUB RELATIONSHIP. IM AN EDUCATED PROFESSIONAL, I HAVE RAISED CHILDREN,BEEN MARRIED, I AM VERY SENSIBLE, BUT I ASSURE YOU MY NEED FOR MY MASTER IS EITHER WEAK OR NEEDY. I CRAVE HIM, I CRAVE HIS TOUCH , I CRAVE TO BE NEAR HIM. EMBRACE YOUR FEELINGS, ACCEPT THEM, FOR ONE TO BE A TRUE SUB TO SOMEONE, IT TAKES GREAT STRENGTH. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP. LOVE YOUR MASTER WITH PRIDE !!!!!!!!! EVILSLAVE

Thank you for this bit of advice, EVILSLAVE. I do crave everything about my Master, even just his voice in my ear. Thanks to him making me throw my feelings out there and seeing all the wonderful support, I do feel a lot better in my accepting my neediness, which I know was his goal.

I am a definitely a slave that loves my Master with pride...have no doubt about that

 

[Adakgirl]

AS I told you earlier..after disappearing for 4 days he e-mailed me telling me he had been called away, saying he would be home in a few days, even named the days and he would chat with me then.
On the 1st of the month he gave me a task to accomplish while he was away.
Then he said he was going to be longer than expected.
and his is the most recient e-mail I got from him on the 9th.

"I am still here, and i am sorry for that, I know this isnt easy nor fair to you. I really have no idea how long i will be."

I am starting to doubt him now. Why is he not saying more than a sentence or two to me when he e-mails me now? Is he telling me the truth about being called away suddenly on a family emergency? It's been two weeks. I can't imagine him staying away from his job two weeks, this man works all the time. But yet I know what it is like when someone is terminally ill and close to passing away, the waiting can be a long time and it is excruciating.

I have tried to give him my emotional support even though he hasn't chosen to tell me what's going on. I have given him and his family sympathy about whatever may have happened. I have encouraged him to hang in there, that I am sending him my positive energy....He has not said thank's I can use all the support I can get ...or words in response towards any of that at all.

Why won't he give me some idea of what he is going through?

Does anyone think that this may be his way of letting this relationship slide...of making me go away without having to tell me? Giving me a way out? Testing my loyalty perhaps? We made a solemn oath with each other that if one of us were going to end the relationship, we would be straight up about it and tell the other and not just disappear.

Tell me it is just my overactive imagination, tell me I am making something out of nothing, tell me I am doubting him for no good reason. I am at a loss and helpless to do anything but wait. How humiliating that would be if he never comes "home".
Am I making a big deal of this in my mind because I miss him so much?

 

[kittenartist]

AS I told you earlier..after disappearing for 4 days he e-mailed me telling me he had been called away, saying he would be home in a few days, even named the days and he would chat with me then.
On the 1st of the month he gave me a task to accomplish while he was away.
Then he said he was going to be longer than expected.
and his is the most recient e-mail I got from him on the 9th.

"I am still here, and i am sorry for that, I know this isnt easy nor fair to you. I really have no idea how long i will be."

I am starting to doubt him now. Why is he not saying more than a sentence or two to me when he e-mails me now? Is he telling me the truth about being called away suddenly on a family emergency? It's been two weeks. I can't imagine him staying away from his job two weeks, this man works all the time. But yet I know what it is like when someone is terminally ill and close to passing away, the waiting can be a long time and it is excruciating.

I have tried to give him my emotional support even though he hasn't chosen to tell me what's going on. I have given him and his family sympathy about whatever may have happened. I have encouraged him to hang in there, that I am sending him my positive energy....He has not said thank's I can use all the support I can get ...or words in response towards any of that at all.

Why won't he give me some idea of what he is going through?

Does anyone think that this may be his way of letting this relationship slide...of making me go away without having to tell me? Giving me a way out? Testing my loyalty perhaps? We made a solemn oath with each other that if one of us were going to end the relationship, we would be straight up about it and tell the other and not just disappear.

Tell me it is just my overactive imagination, tell me I am making something out of nothing, tell me I am doubting him for no good reason. I am at a loss and helpless to do anything but wait. How humiliating that would be if he never comes "home".
Am I making a big deal of this in my mind because I miss him so much?

Could you just ask him? I mean, explain to him where the doubt creeps in (the short messages, the lack of detail, etc) and just ask for a little reassurance. That's what I would do... well, no, I would be more demanding because I am the demanding type. But is there any harm in just communicating this insecure feeling?

 

[the captians wench]

Oh my goodness I feel like a dramatic angst ridden teen again...

So. After getting comfortable with the idea of being single and without my bunny boy... We get back together

I am, of course, thrilled. But I feel all lame. Like I should have known that we would fix things and kept quiet about the break up... Which I did, actually, for awhile. But, of course, the day I suck in my pride and admit to my family that I am single, is the night we get back together... Ugh.

But now we are in a place of trying to heal all that pain. All that loss of trust. And trying to do it at a distance. At a time where a hug would mean everything, you know? How to rebuild that relationship while so far apart?

*huggles* Been there. It is very difficult, but if you can rebuild from a distance, I think, it just strengthens things that much more.

I could not find a thread relevant to my specific situation, which involves a D/s relationship via an online game, but have been able to identify with some of the issues others have expressed in this thread. Neither of us is interested in meeting in RL, and aside from the occasional email, our contact is restricted to the times we are online together. Are there others here in a similar situation?

While i can't say that I know of any regular posters here in that situation, I can say that if you have a question I know this crowd will be as supportive and helpful as possible. If you neven intend to take your relationship offline, that's cool, and we won't judge you for that.

AS I told you earlier..after disappearing for 4 days he e-mailed me telling me he had been called away, saying he would be home in a few days, even named the days and he would chat with me then.
On the 1st of the month he gave me a task to accomplish while he was away.
Then he said he was going to be longer than expected.
and his is the most recient e-mail I got from him on the 9th.

"I am still here, and i am sorry for that, I know this isnt easy nor fair to you. I really have no idea how long i will be."

I am starting to doubt him now. Why is he not saying more than a sentence or two to me when he e-mails me now? Is he telling me the truth about being called away suddenly on a family emergency? It's been two weeks. I can't imagine him staying away from his job two weeks, this man works all the time. But yet I know what it is like when someone is terminally ill and close to passing away, the waiting can be a long time and it is excruciating.

I have tried to give him my emotional support even though he hasn't chosen to tell me what's going on. I have given him and his family sympathy about whatever may have happened. I have encouraged him to hang in there, that I am sending him my positive energy....He has not said thank's I can use all the support I can get ...or words in response towards any of that at all.

Why won't he give me some idea of what he is going through?

Does anyone think that this may be his way of letting this relationship slide...of making me go away without having to tell me? Giving me a way out? Testing my loyalty perhaps? We made a solemn oath with each other that if one of us were going to end the relationship, we would be straight up about it and tell the other and not just disappear.

Tell me it is just my overactive imagination, tell me I am making something out of nothing, tell me I am doubting him for no good reason. I am at a loss and helpless to do anything but wait. How humiliating that would be if he never comes "home".
Am I making a big deal of this in my mind because I miss him so much?

This sounds very familure to me too, and was one of the very few major fights Jounar and i had. Nearly broke us up in a fairly early stage of our relationship.

Insted of trusting him and what he told me, I trusted one of the many other online personalities who wanted me as thier own play thing. Of course I didn't realize two things at the time, 1) they just wanted a toy to play with when they wanted it and really didn't care about me at all, and 2) I didn't realize how attached I really was to Jounar even at that early stage.

many people, online and off, have tried to get me to let go of him by playing with my confidence and my own overactive imagination. In the end, he's just too much a center of my world for me to cut him out, so I cut the others out.

No one can tell you what this person's intentions are, nor what they are doing. What I can tell you is that it's up to you how long you decide is long enough before the relationship is not worth the weight. It can be a hard thing to do, but your time is valuable. Me being the blabber mouth that I am, I would write a long email telling him how I am feeling about this, and mentioning my conserns with his story. Though I can't honestly tell you how I would react if he did not respond, or ignored the questions, or even to his answers.

I do wish you all my best, and I hope your questions are answered soon, one way or another.

 

[NALA CAYENNE]

Sending you hugs Adakgirl. I understand being insecure about the relationship, though I'm not familiar with not being given enough information. The distance is hard enough on it's own but when you feel insecure, it makes it seem so much worse- I speak personally on this.

I would ask or let him know how you feel. Perhaps as has been said, send him an email. I set up an online diary as a place to go if there is just something that I'm not ready to say directly to Master or ask him, but lingers in my head. He has the password and login for the diary and can get into it whenever he wants.

When I post something, I send him the link and he goes to read and comments from there. To me it makes it easier in some cases because I'm not actually talking to him, but am talking to an 'imaginary friend' so to speak, sorta like talking to your teddy bear.

You'll be surprised how well it works, even gives him a chance to comment directly there if he wishes. And surprisingly enough, even as I write this response to you, I realize that I haven't written in my diary in several days because it's gotten much easier to talk to him about those things that I had a hard time saying to him before.

Hope some of this helps, along with the support from the rest of the crew here and what's in your heart and mind

AS I told you earlier..after disappearing for 4 days he e-mailed me telling me he had been called away, saying he would be home in a few days, even named the days and he would chat with me then.
On the 1st of the month he gave me a task to accomplish while he was away.
Then he said he was going to be longer than expected.
and his is the most recient e-mail I got from him on the 9th.

"I am still here, and i am sorry for that, I know this isnt easy nor fair to you. I really have no idea how long i will be."

I am starting to doubt him now. Why is he not saying more than a sentence or two to me when he e-mails me now? Is he telling me the truth about being called away suddenly on a family emergency? It's been two weeks. I can't imagine him staying away from his job two weeks, this man works all the time. But yet I know what it is like when someone is terminally ill and close to passing away, the waiting can be a long time and it is excruciating.

I have tried to give him my emotional support even though he hasn't chosen to tell me what's going on. I have given him and his family sympathy about whatever may have happened. I have encouraged him to hang in there, that I am sending him my positive energy....He has not said thank's I can use all the support I can get ...or words in response towards any of that at all.

Why won't he give me some idea of what he is going through?

Does anyone think that this may be his way of letting this relationship slide...of making me go away without having to tell me? Giving me a way out? Testing my loyalty perhaps? We made a solemn oath with each other that if one of us were going to end the relationship, we would be straight up about it and tell the other and not just disappear.

Tell me it is just my overactive imagination, tell me I am making something out of nothing, tell me I am doubting him for no good reason. I am at a loss and helpless to do anything but wait. How humiliating that would be if he never comes "home".
Am I making a big deal of this in my mind because I miss him so much?

 

[kittenartist]

*huggles* Been there. It is very difficult, but if you can rebuild from a distance, I think, it just strengthens things that much more.

Thank you. I am trying to think of it like a broke bone... Once it heals it will be stronger than it was originally.

 

[myinnerslut]

i see him tommorrow!

so excited, im almost frantic trying to get everything together.