Internal Struggle

[SexehShay]

I am looking to see if any of you have some advice for me. I am the sub of which I am proud of, but I have run into a lil snag recently that is kind of leaving me feeling rather aimless, confused and to be honest, scared.

I am very selfconcious about my looks, and it is in the eyes of my D that I feel beautiful, I know I am to him and thus always dress to my best to make him proud of the woman he is married to as well as master of.

We are very much in love...yada yada and on, so now to the issue.


He wants a threesom or couple...or whatever, is rather obsessed with it actually and I am utterly terrified. I am scared of rejection, of someone taking a look at me without the sexy clothes on and reacting negatively...and just in general scared. I have had negative experiences with sex and all that before I met my master and it just makes my heart race every time he brings it up, and yet I also feel nausious and all that because I am saying no...

I am utterly confused what to do and am ending up in an utter mess of emotions, any advice, how to deal with it and even how does one get past one's fears in this regards?


Thanks guys

 

[eastern sun]

Do you trust your D?

If you do, then trust that he won't put you in a situation you can't handle. Focus on him and the service you're providing him, and the acceptance he offers. You might be given an opportunity for growth, and possibly greater self-acceptance, even if you feel a bit uncomfortable.

If you don't trust your D, then don't do it. And reconsider the nature of the relationship.

 

[WickedEve]

Most women are insecure about thier looks.
I'm sure if you're in a situation like that, the other person will be so turned on by what's happening that he/she will not be taking the time to be very critical of your looks. Chances are that he/she will be just as nervous about being with a new person.
By the way, I bet you're just fine. If your Master loves you the way you are, then you know that you must be pretty darn okay.

 

[Netzach]

I would make this internal struggle less internal. Does he know how you feel about it? Not that that should make him stop or anything, but if he doesn't know it's bothering you he can't give you any tools to perform the feat.

 

[SexehShay]

He does know about it, and I know that he is starting to get frustrated because it seems so easy to him and well...he doesn't know what to try to make me stop being afraid.


I didn't think about the other people being really excited and not noticing...maybe...I just kinda...its hard to really put it in words, I don't like how I look, just he makes me forget that, but adding someone else in and suddenly I am hyper insecure again. Is there like maybe babysteps that could be taken to ease my nerves?

Its a little funny cause just about any other thing you can think of I am ok with...just this one came up and bam...I am lost.

 

[eastern sun]

He does know about it, and I know that he is starting to get frustrated because it seems so easy to him and well...he doesn't know what to try to make me stop being afraid.


I didn't think about the other people being really excited and not noticing...maybe...I just kinda...its hard to really put it in words, I don't like how I look, just he makes me forget that, but adding someone else in and suddenly I am hyper insecure again. Is there like maybe babysteps that could be taken to ease my nerves?

Its a little funny cause just about any other thing you can think of I am ok with...just this one came up and bam...I am lost.

Try taking pictures together. And sharing them. You have more control of your image, which can help you feel more comfortable, and might feel more confident as you see other people respond positively.

Take a look too at the Amateur Pics Forum. I have rarely seen anyone whose pictures have not found a loyal following. . . .

 

[BiBunny]

Being blindfolded or hooded helps me. Especially the hood. That way, you don't have to look at people looking at you, so it seems to be easier.

 

[eastern sun]

Being blindfolded or hooded helps me. Especially the hood. That way, you don't have to look at people looking at you, so it seems to be easier.

That's a great idea. And blindfolds are just fun, anyway!

 

[Netzach]

Try taking pictures together. And sharing them. You have more control of your image, which can help you feel more comfortable, and might feel more confident as you see other people respond positively.

Take a look too at the Amateur Pics Forum. I have rarely seen anyone whose pictures have not found a loyal following. . . .

Love this idea.

 

[00Syd]

Blindfolds help me when I'm nervous about things like that, and they make everything hotter. Double plus good.

 

[Adakgirl]

I agree excellent suggestion Bunny. That will work for sure.

But even with that solution, you still need to address the underlying problem eventually. The problem is your own self image. It is so very important to your emotional well being that you work on accepting your body as it is right now, just as your Master accepts it and likes it.
Not only is it important for your own sexual expression and satisfaction but it is vital for your growth as well. It helps keep your self esteem, your self respect intact.
Having a good self image, learning to like accept and enjoy the body you live in, will affect every aspect of your life in a positive way.

Try it you'll like it.

 

[catalina_francisco]

What you are going through is very real, and I would in no way minimise its reality or legitimacy, or question your trust in your PYL, nor your commitment to the relationship dynamic you have entered into. It is something many people would experience in similar or even less stressful situations, D/s and non-D/s. As to how to get past it, perhaps try focusing on something I have in the past....what really matters? What others think of you, or what he thinks of you? It takes a while to get it to some level of working, but reality is it is more about his view of you that matters....others are only a transitory or secondary part of your life and experiences... at the end of the day, you are both still a unit whether they approve, feel you or he are gorgeous, or not. Hope that helps on some practical level.

Catalina

 

[eastern sun]

What you are going through is very real, and I would in no way minimise its reality or legitimacy, or question your trust in your PYL, nor your commitment to the relationship dynamic you have entered into. It is something many people would experience in similar or even less stressful situations, D/s and non-D/s. As to how to get past it, perhaps try focusing on something I have in the past....what really matters? What others think of you, or what he thinks of you? It takes a while to get it to some level of working, but reality is it is more about his view of you that matters....others are only a transitory or secondary part of your life and experiences... at the end of the day, you are both still a unit whether they approve, feel you or he are gorgeous, or not. Hope that helps on some practical level.

Catalina

I agree, Catalina. Though the tone of my first post was blithe, I wanted to express a similar sentiment.

I have found that when I'm frightened by something he's asking me to do, I start questioning whether I can trust him or not. Sometimes I believe in my own doubts, and my resistance is palpable and painful.

Often then if I can think back on the real experiences we've had together, on the relationship that already exists, I can find courage by focussing on the love and trust that we already share. (Even if I'm feeling like a "weakling" for being scared of something that he wants to do.)

I read in the opening post, Sexehshay, that your relationship was loving. I assumed you trusted your Master, and never intended to make you doubt your relationship.

I wrote the second statement for people in casual relationships, facing similar internal struggles. I have, on occasion, tried to do things that scared me with people I didn't know well enough to trust, and ended up in serious pain, because of my internal reaction to what was happening. No one hurt me. I just couldn't handle my own fear.

In those cases, I've been lucky to be able to return to my primary relationship and find refuge in its safe haven. I need to know there's a safe port in the storm, in order to take some of the more frightening journeys.

 

[rida]

He does know about it, and I know that he is starting to get frustrated because it seems so easy to him and well...he doesn't know what to try to make me stop being afraid.


I didn't think about the other people being really excited and not noticing...maybe...I just kinda...its hard to really put it in words, I don't like how I look, just he makes me forget that, but adding someone else in and suddenly I am hyper insecure again. Is there like maybe babysteps that could be taken to ease my nerves?

Its a little funny cause just about any other thing you can think of I am ok with...just this one came up and bam...I am lost.

Try taking pictures together. And sharing them. You have more control of your image, which can help you feel more comfortable, and might feel more confident as you see other people respond positively.

Take a look too at the Amateur Pics Forum. I have rarely seen anyone whose pictures have not found a loyal following. . . .

What Easter Sun said.
Many time we as women we are much more critical of ourselves than anybody else could be. And even once you got comfortable with people looking at your pictures, you'll still feel self-conscious when the reality of being with another person/couple will realize itself.
Just remember that they are feeling as self-conscious as you are.

 

[SexehShay]

Thanks guys...I feel actually a lot better now...the blindfold thing I think is more then perfect for me, I love those...and they would be almost like a security blanket...just a kinky one

Also the posting pictures, I never thought about that, but I guess seeing that other people other then my Master thinks that I am not ermm horrible or whatever it is in my head, might help to break through that self-conciousness about how I look naked and things.


I think I will try the pictures first, see if I feel braver then approach him about the blindfolds. I will keep you updated I am sure, even if the first time is horribly embarassing or something.

 

[catalina_francisco]

A word of boring caution about the pics idea...while it might seem like a good idea at the time, please think carefully about possible future effects it could have for either you or your PYL (or family) if seen, saved, or heard about by the wrong people. There are many who have thought it as harmless fun in the moment, only to later lose employment opportunities, jobs, friends, and even their children over their momentary lapse in thinking first. And yes, you can blot out faces etc., but sometimes that is not enough to prevent identification or traceability in today's world, and once posted on the internet, you can be sure it remains in some form somewhere even after you delete it.

Catalina

 

[SexehShay]

I know that, but thank you for the reminder.


And now a silly question...how do I get an avatar up?

 

[catalina_francisco]

I know that, but thank you for the reminder.


And now a silly question...how do I get an avatar up?

You need to get to 100 postings first, then you can have an avatar.

Catalina