Online happiness, is it possible?

Keroin

aKwatic
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Jan 8, 2009
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This is a bit of a long read but I thought some might find it interesting. I had a few qualms about coming onto Lit and joining this forum because I prefer to spend most of my time in real life and I worried – because of my situation and lack of opportunity for intelligent, (or at least interesting), social interaction – that I would start spending too much time in non-reality. So far, I don’t think that has happened, though this has become my new form of procrastination when it’s time for month end accounting.


By Steve Mollman
For CNN

"(CNN) -- The question means little to millions living in poverty with neither electricity nor electronics. But there are also millions now weaving the Web 2.0 ever more tightly into their social fabric -- witness the booming popularity of Facebook and other social networking sites -- so the question seems worth asking.

Happiness can be found everywhere, including social networks and on blogs.

Enter the "Virtual Happiness Project" in the Netherlands, which explores the relationship between the Web 2.0 (in particular) and happiness.

Though the final report hasn't been released yet, the project's global survey results and experiments suggest something that a lot of Facebook users already sense: social interaction is a driver for happiness, and the Web 2.0 is a valid way to experience it.

Jim Stolze, a writer and researcher involved with the project, says the Internet has become our "new global campfire," the place where we gather to argue, laugh, talk, learn, love, turn strangers into friends, and to get a sense of belonging.

"We are a social species and we need to interact in order to feel alive," he says.

As happiness research over the past half century or so has shown, belonging is a strong a predictor of happiness.

Psychology courses introduce students to Maslow's "hierarchy of needs," a pyramid diagram created by the American psychologist Abraham Maslow.
The project suggests the pyramid's middle levels of "love/belonging" and "esteem" can be met by services like blogs, Facebook, Twitter and other elements of Web 2.0, like comments sections below news articles or YouTube posts.

But as with anything there are perils tempering the benefits of heavy Internet usage. Stolze warns the Internet can cause stress in users who don't take control of the experience.

"The attitude that they treat the medium with," he says, "defines the happiness they experience."

People who feel they "rule the Web" are happier than those who feel like "they are ruled by the Web," he says.

"The first group sees the long tail as a brilliant place to cherry pick for the best results, and the second group immediately experiences stress because they can't look at all the results."

Staying in control

At this month's TED conference in California, Stolze gave some light-hearted but probably sound advice for making sure you're in control of your Internet life.

Among the tidbits dispensed: Don't take your Blackberry into the bedroom. Accept that there is more information than you can possibly look at. Human filters of information (like your Twitter network) often beat machine filters (like Google). Know when to go online and when to go offline -- sometimes a face-to-face talk is needed.

Ignoring the latter is a possible sign of Internet addiction, a growing problem in many parts of the world.

At clinics like the Illinois Institute for Addiction Recovery at Proctor Hospital, patients (especially online gamers) are challenged to look at sacrificing some of the "high" they get out engaging in their addictive behavior (a boost in self-esteem, a sense of belonging, an ability to forget about real-world problems) because of the consequences of the negative aspects.

These can include loss of personal relationships, conflict with family members, and the threat of job loss. Of course it's important to distinguish between addicts and healthy users, which make up the vast majority.

"As far as people using networking sites such as Facebook or Twitter to derive happiness, that is not uncommon," says Shannon Chrismore, a clinical coordinator at the clinic.

"Many people can use these sites for their intended purpose -- to remain in contact with people and/or to develop personal relationships."
But perhaps even healthy Internet users get "addicted" -- and are aware of it -- to at least some degree.

As part of a playful experiment, Stolze, a blogger and Twitter user with hundreds of followers, decided to spend the month of December completely offline, during which time he worked on his upcoming book "How to Survive Your Inbox" (written in Dutch).

Feelings he experienced went from "phantom limb" strangeness in the first week to anger and regret in the second to peace of mind in the third. Without the online distractions, he says, "I had tons of energy and have never been more productive than in that single week."

In the fourth week there was anticipation but also a sense of growing anxiety about losing that sense of quietness and ability to focus.

Life without the Internet, he decided after the experiment, was not for him. Life without email, though, was a blessing.

A lot of us, not just Stolze, are wondering what it would be like to unplug for a while. That in itself is interesting. Twenty years ago the idea that millions would be so absorbed in the Internet might have seemed unlikely and bizarre.

A T-shirt of Stolze's reading "The Internet was closed so I thought I'd come outside today" wouldn't have struck a chord the way it does now. And virtual happiness -- and unhappiness -- wouldn't have been considered real. "
 
I met my husband online.

If the internet is not happiness in itself, it can be the source of it.
 
I met my soon-to-be-husband online. I think the internet is a great way to meet people and create RL relationships.
 
I met my soon-to-be-husband online. I think the internet is a great way to meet people and create RL relationships.

I consider my online relationships to be very real. I don't make much of a distinction.

It's a new media and it still has its detractors.

But to me it sounds like someone who makes their living as a storyteller afraid that nobody will listen to their stories because there are these newfangled things called "books" where people can just have a story whenever they want. Anarchy! (and loss of profits)
 
This is a topic that I find endlessly fascinating. I love seeing new ways that we interact online, ways the the Internet enhances our lives even after we get up from the computer (and now phone!), ways that internet culture begins to pervade "real" life and vice versa. I love it all.

I spend a lot or time online. A lot. Lots of people have told me that I'm wasting time, that I'm wasting my life, why spend so much time with virtual people when you could spend time with real people? But that's just the thing! Behind every screen name, behind every user ID, behind every avatar is a REAL person, with a REAL life. And how does that person translate their lives through the internet? How have they managed to reduce themselves to a facebook profile, or even more amazing, to a twitter profile (140 characters or less!). And how does that affect how they see themselves? How does that change the way they go through life? Does it change it at all?

How many user profiles have we all filled out? How many times have we had to sit for a moment and think of a way to describe ourselves to other people? Does this make us more self aware? What ate the implications of that? Do we think more about what makes us US?

Some people see the internet as yet another way to lose ourselves, but I think that its helping us find ourselves. The internet forces us to think about who we are, and who we are to other people, and who we want to be. So many people life out their fantasies online, and not just big outrageous ones, but more mundane ones like "I'd like to be more outgoing," or "I want to be more funny." and I think that this new level of self awareness of our "real" selves and our "internet" selves will cause them to start to merge.

SO FASCINATING.

Yummy intellectual topic!! MmmMMM GOOD!

P.S. I hope that that little stream of conscious rant relates in some way. I think it does. I guess my main point is that a lot of people see the internet as an evil soul sucker that cuts us off from the "real" world, and I don't see it that way. I don't see any of this as a bad thing, I see it increasingly as an extension of our lives. So interesting!
 
And Re: online relationships, and meeting people online.

I think that meeting people online now has the same stigma as meeting people in a bar once did. I think that the more common it becomes (and its becoming pretty common) the less of a stigma it will have and people will see it as just another way to meet people online.

I think that another thing that will help make meeting people online seem more normal is for more people to start realizing that what seem like all these millions of "virtual" people are actually REAL people, just like you and me sitting at our computers.
 
This is a topic that I find endlessly fascinating. I love seeing new ways that we interact online, ways the the Internet enhances our lives even after we get up from the computer (and now phone!), ways that internet culture begins to pervade "real" life and vice versa. I love it all.

I spend a lot or time online. A lot. Lots of people have told me that I'm wasting time, that I'm wasting my life, why spend so much time with virtual people when you could spend time with real people? But that's just the thing! Behind every screen name, behind every user ID, behind every avatar is a REAL person, with a REAL life. And how does that person translate their lives through the internet? How have they managed to reduce themselves to a facebook profile, or even more amazing, to a twitter profile (140 characters or less!). And how does that affect how they see themselves? How does that change the way they go through life? Does it change it at all?

How many user profiles have we all filled out? How many times have we had to sit for a moment and think of a way to describe ourselves to other people? Does this make us more self aware? What ate the implications of that? Do we think more about what makes us US?

Some people see the internet as yet another way to lose ourselves, but I think that its helping us find ourselves. The internet forces us to think about who we are, and who we are to other people, and who we want to be. So many people life out their fantasies online, and not just big outrageous ones, but more mundane ones like "I'd like to be more outgoing," or "I want to be more funny." and I think that this new level of self awareness of our "real" selves and our "internet" selves will cause them to start to merge.

SO FASCINATING.

Yummy intellectual topic!! MmmMMM GOOD!

P.S. I hope that that little stream of conscious rant relates in some way. I think it does. I guess my main point is that a lot of people see the internet as an evil soul sucker that cuts us off from the "real" world, and I don't see it that way. I don't see any of this as a bad thing, I see it increasingly as an extension of our lives. So interesting!

This is how I feel as well.

Look, I'm not sorry the internet is putting newspapers out of business. I'm not.

There are all these apparently "brain rotting" and "socially stunting" things that I do online and my kids do that I think enhance creativity and social possibility.

Playing games, trading ideas devoid of form and responsibility - these all give insight into who we are and how we expect things to be - and how they're not.
 
This is a topic that I find endlessly fascinating. I love seeing new ways that we interact online, ways the the Internet enhances our lives even after we get up from the computer (and now phone!), ways that internet culture begins to pervade "real" life and vice versa. I love it all.

I spend a lot or time online. A lot. Lots of people have told me that I'm wasting time, that I'm wasting my life, why spend so much time with virtual people when you could spend time with real people? But that's just the thing! Behind every screen name, behind every user ID, behind every avatar is a REAL person, with a REAL life. And how does that person translate their lives through the internet? How have they managed to reduce themselves to a facebook profile, or even more amazing, to a twitter profile (140 characters or less!). And how does that affect how they see themselves? How does that change the way they go through life? Does it change it at all?

How many user profiles have we all filled out? How many times have we had to sit for a moment and think of a way to describe ourselves to other people? Does this make us more self aware? What ate the implications of that? Do we think more about what makes us US?

Some people see the internet as yet another way to lose ourselves, but I think that its helping us find ourselves. The internet forces us to think about who we are, and who we are to other people, and who we want to be. So many people life out their fantasies online, and not just big outrageous ones, but more mundane ones like "I'd like to be more outgoing," or "I want to be more funny." and I think that this new level of self awareness of our "real" selves and our "internet" selves will cause them to start to merge.

SO FASCINATING.

Yummy intellectual topic!! MmmMMM GOOD!

P.S. I hope that that little stream of conscious rant relates in some way. I think it does. I guess my main point is that a lot of people see the internet as an evil soul sucker that cuts us off from the "real" world, and I don't see it that way. I don't see any of this as a bad thing, I see it increasingly as an extension of our lives. So interesting!

That was beautifully put, 00Syd! I have some opinions of my own but I thought I'd let everyone else have a go before I ramble.

However, I will say, I am fascinated with the way the internet is shaping our lives.
 
That was beautifully put, 00Syd! I have some opinions of my own but I thought I'd let everyone else have a go before I ramble.

However, I will say, I am fascinated with the way the internet is shaping our lives.

I've done a lot of travel (and so has my daughter, who recently visited a lot of bloggers she met on MySpace) and been greatly enriched by my experiences online.

Not to mention all the people with social or physical problems that allow them to explore at least one world, free.
 
This is how I feel as well.

Look, I'm not sorry the internet is putting newspapers out of business. I'm not.

There are all these apparently "brain rotting" and "socially stunting" things that I do online and my kids do that I think enhance creativity and social possibility.

Playing games, trading ideas devoid of form and responsibility - these all give insight into who we are and how we expect things to be - and how they're not.

I totally agree! Even in school its impossible to speak your true mind at all times without implication, and there is absolutely no way in school to hear more then a few different opinions. Online there is a MASSIVE range of opinions to think about and to learn from and endless topics to discuss.

That was beautifully put, 00Syd! I have some opinions of my own but I thought I'd let everyone else have a go before I ramble.

However, I will say, I am fascinated with the way the internet is shaping our lives.

Me too! If I haven't already made that perfectly clear.
 
I've done a lot of travel (and so has my daughter, who recently visited a lot of bloggers she met on MySpace) and been greatly enriched by my experiences online.

Not to mention all the people with social or physical problems that allow them to explore at least one world, free.

Yes! And shy people! I'm very shy, but the internet has allowed me a way to meet real people in my community who I would never have had the guts to talk to in any other way. And then when I meet them "for real" there is little shyness because I've already spent so much time talking to them. Its fabulous!
 
Yes! And shy people! I'm very shy, but the internet has allowed me a way to meet real people in my community who I would never have had the guts to talk to in any other way. And then when I meet them "for real" there is little shyness because I've already spent so much time talking to them. Its fabulous!

I have debilitating migraines if I go out much...smoke is out...bright lights are out...a night out in a hot spot or bar sounds like a nightmare.

My son is autistic, but he can go online and play games.

My daughter can fend off cyber stalkers by sending them pictures of Eddie Izzard and saying "This is me!"

My husband can shoot at stuff that never dies and nobody gets hurt.
 
Is there anyone who DIDN'T meet their partner online these days?

Esp in the pervy world.

Good question! And especially for all the younger generations. Will this become the most common way of meeting people?
 
Good question! And especially for all the younger generations. Will this become the most common way of meeting people?

I think it will. People will still go to bars, parties, and meet people at work and so forth, but gradually, everyone will discover what we pervs have known for a while: it's good to be able to use the power of the computer to search for what you want.
 
I think it will. People will still go to bars, parties, and meet people at work and so forth, but gradually, everyone will discover what we pervs have known for a while: it's good to be able to use the power of the computer to search for what you want.

Well, I at least met him 15 years ago.

I'm a pioneer. *proud*
 
I think it will. People will still go to bars, parties, and meet people at work and so forth, but gradually, everyone will discover what we pervs have known for a while: it's good to be able to use the power of the computer to search for what you want.

Hell yeah. I wonder if this will lead to more people meeting people they are happy with and so increased happiness overall. Or at least contentedness. Probably not, but its an interesting thought.

I wonder how hollywood will show people meeting online? It's been done in movies before, but its always a little clunky. As it becomes more common in "real" life, hollywood will develop a way to streamline it and make it sexy, I'm sure. Hmmm.
 
Not even, really.

I was a gamer. We met in a game.

Fantasy enthusiast.

biiiiiiig difference

Hell yeah. I wonder if this will lead to more people meeting people they are happy with and so increased happiness overall. Or at least contentedness. Probably not, but its an interesting thought.

I wonder how hollywood will show people meeting online? It's been done in movies before, but its always a little clunky. As it becomes more common in "real" life, hollywood will develop a way to streamline it and make it sexy, I'm sure. Hmmm.

Now that's a good question. I suppose that worlds such as 2nd Life provide the sort of "three d" verisimilitude that people need. Hollywood will just have to wait for virtual technology to get very lifelike.
 
biiiiiiig difference

Yeah, but you cover the same ground eventually as a fantasy addict.

"I know! You be the girl and I'll be the guy but you're undead and I'm your slave...GO"

We spent years together as a naked barbarian warrior and a gnome mage.
 
biiiiiiig difference



Now that's a good question. I suppose that worlds such as 2nd Life provide the sort of "three d" verisimilitude that people need. Hollywood will just have to wait for virtual technology to get very lifelike.

That's a distinct possibility.
 
Yeah, but you cover the same ground eventually as a fantasy addict.

"I know! You be the girl and I'll be the guy but you're undead and I'm your slave...GO"

We spent years together as a naked barbarian warrior and a gnome mage.

My "big difference" was entirely sarcastic, I assure you.;)
 
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