Another "my first story ever" thread

[ellie_n_joe]

Haven't written a story since high school but this site (and my lovely wife Ellie) prompted me to try. Actually, it was Ellie that asked me to write a story for her and after reading she suggested I upload it to the site.

This story was based on an actual experience over this past summer.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=406638

Constructive cricitism greatly appreciated! One reader commented on the use of "cum" vs "come", guess I always thought they were kind of interchangeable...

 

[_Lynn_]

I read it for you.

It's a short scene, not a story, really. I'm sure it was sexy for those involved but it did nothing for me.

Adding dialogue helps a great deal.

There's nothing that tells us anything about these characters. I never got a feel for who they are except two people wanting sex.

I noticed some errors. Editing your work will make it a better piece. If you don't have one, you can check in the Editor's Forum before posting your next story for someone to help you.

Keep at it, expand the scenes to include a plot, give your characters personality . . . show some action and zing.

Not bad at all for a first attempt. I always keep in mind something I read here when I began writing -- a story is always more exciting when it's fantasy than when it's reality.


The reader is correct with their comment, btw.


Just my opinion.

 

[ellie_n_joe]

I read it for you.

It's a short scene, not a story, really. I'm sure it was sexy for those involved but it did nothing for me.

Adding dialogue helps a great deal.

There's nothing that tells us anything about these characters. I never got a feel for who they are except two people wanting sex.

I noticed some errors. Editing your work will make it a better piece. If you don't have one, you can check in the Editor's Forum before posting your next story for someone to help you.

Keep at it, expand the scenes to include a plot, give your characters personality . . . show some action and zing.

Not bad at all for a first attempt. I always keep in mind something I read here when I began writing -- a story is always more exciting when it's fantasy than when it's reality.


The reader is correct with their comment, btw.


Just my opinion.

Thank you for your input! As stated, my writing is VERY rusty and it was originally written for Ellie's eyes only.

I do have another story that's 100% fantasy I intend to submit. I'll use your feedback to improve it before submitting.

Thanks again!

 

[_Lynn_]

Thank you for your input! As stated, my writing is VERY rusty and it was originally written for Ellie's eyes only.

I do have another story that's 100% fantasy I intend to submit. I'll use your feedback to improve it before submitting.

Thanks again!

It's all about improving. Each story gets better if we continue to learn. They have less errors, the characters show more strength, the descriptions put the readers right into the scenes, and dialogue flows. Then we learn more so the next one is better yet.