Article: The Healthy Female Submissive

Hmm.

Have you talked to him about this? Does he know when, and how often, you get pissed?

Ah, haha, I don't really have a "he" at the moment. I'm really just wondering around by myself in the dark trying to figure everything out, because not knowing what I want/need is driving me absolutely crazy.
 
Ah, haha, I don't really have a "he" at the moment.

You know what Dan Savage says - all of your relationships will fail, until one doesn't! Seriously, maybe you need someone who is more relaxed/into micromanaging/stricter/less strict whatever.
 
It may not be a good match. If at the end of my day when I've dealt with work, and have tucked my kid into bed, my PYL tells me I did not report the details of my meal or some other mundane fact quickly enough and therefore should be punished, he is not the one for me, and vice versa. You may be better suited - at this point in your life at least - for someone who is more laid back. Or doesn't order you to do X, which is just the one thing that drives you crazy.

You know what Dan Savage says - all of your relationships will fail, until one doesn't! Seriously, maybe you need someone who is more relaxed/into micromanaging/stricter/less strict whatever.


That's very possible. Maybe I've just not yet met anyone that I click with in that way so I don't have anything to point to be be like "that! I like that!"

Sometimes I feel like I've got nothing. Like I open my hands, mind, mouth, heart, whatever, and there is just nothing there. Maybe my submissiveness is just non-existent unless there is someone there who it shows its face for, and since I haven't found that person yet, it just feels like I've got nothing.
 
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It may not be a good match. If at the end of my day when I've dealt with work, and have tucked my kid into bed, my PYL tells me I did not report the details of my meal or some other mundane fact quickly enough and therefore should be punished, he is not the one for me, and vice versa. You may be better suited - at this point in your life at least - for someone who is more laid back. Or doesn't order you to do X, which is just the one thing that drives you crazy.
I agree with this. But...

Some of us, back in the day, when we were young and cocky and high on the fact we could seemingly get females to do anything and everything that popped into our horny and brash young brains, would fail to recognize the fact that even the most lovely and compliant females can be pushed too far.

And in these situations, some of us found that a calm and respectfully delivered slap upside the head went a long way toward balancing our perspectives and keeping said lovely and compliant females from walking out the door.
 
Sometimes I feel like I've got nothing. Like I open my hands, mind, mouth, heart, whatever, and there is just nothing there. Maybe my submissiveness is just non-existent unless there is someone there who it shows its face for, and since I haven't found that person yet, it just feels like I've got nothing.
My dominance is nonexistent without the one who inspires it.

I can never relate to people who claim they were born dominating all the other kids in the sandbox, and worked their way up from there. Dominance is part of emotional attachment and arousal for me. Part of the construct that goes hand in hand with being in love.

Maybe this is part of why you find the article so alienating. Because it makes it sound as if submissives are people who've been deferring to every living soul in their path since birth.
 
I agree with this. But...

Some of us, back in the day, when we were young and cocky and high on the fact we could seemingly get females to do anything and everything that popped into our horny and brash young brains, would fail to recognize the fact that even the most lovely and compliant females can be pushed too far.

And in these situations, some of us found that a calm and respectfully delivered slap upside the head went a long way toward balancing our perspectives and keeping said lovely and compliant females from walking out the door.

Sounds plausible. I have never claimed to understand you all. It's a good day when I can figure out why he has to put the whole kitchen into the dishwasher.


That's very possible. Maybe I've just not yet met anyone that I click with in that way so I don't have anything to point to be be like "that! I like that!"

Sometimes I feel like I've got nothing. Like I open my hands, mind, mouth, heart, whatever, and there is just nothing there. Maybe my submissiveness is just non-existent unless there is someone there who it shows its face for, and since I haven't found that person yet, it just feels like I've got nothing.

I'm sorry you feel like you've got nothing. I really felt conflicted about what I wanted for some time, and bounced back and forth between big personality guys and very nice devoted types. It's a process.
 
My dominance is nonexistent without the one who inspires it.

I can never relate to people who claim they were born dominating all the other kids in the sandbox, and worked their way up from there. Dominance is part of emotional attachment and arousal for me. Part of the construct that goes hand in hand with being in love.

Maybe this is part of why you find the article so alienating. Because it makes it sound as if submissives are people who've been deferring to every living soul in their path since birth.

Yes, I think that's a big part of it. I did tie up barbie dolls, but I certainly wasn't a submissive child, and I'm not exactly the most "submissive" (using the articles definition here) person now.
 
That's very possible. Maybe I've just not yet met anyone that I click with in that way so I don't have anything to point to be be like "that! I like that!"

Sometimes I feel like I've got nothing. Like I open my hands, mind, mouth, heart, whatever, and there is just nothing there. Maybe my submissiveness is just non-existent unless there is someone there who it shows its face for, and since I haven't found that person yet, it just feels like I've got nothing.

I think I know where you’re coming from. If I had found a website like this when I was in my early twenties, (pretending for a moment that there was even internet way back then), I’m sure I would have been equally confused. Not confused because I was young but because who on earth would I have submitted to back then? I can only think of one man who brought that part of me to the surface and we were not compatible in any meaningful way.

When, many moons later, I met “Mr Right”, (yes, I hate that expression), it all fell into place. Everything felt natural. If I hadn’t met him, I’d still just be a vanilla woman with a deep, dark secret and a vaguely unfulfilled need.

Does this make sense?

But you don’t have nothing, you have you. Yes, I spent a lot of years waiting for the perfect sadistic bastard to cross my path but I didn’t spend them staring out the window and singing, “Some day my sadistic bastard prince will come.” I had a career I was passionate about and I poured all my energy into that. In a way, I’m glad I didn’t know anything about the BDSM lifestyle because I didn’t know I was missing out on anything.

You have something that drives you, let it drive you and forget all the rest. Sometimes the harder you look for something the more elusive it becomes.

And I could be totally wrong here.
 
I think I know where you’re coming from. If I had found a website like this when I was in my early twenties, (pretending for a moment that there was even internet way back then), I’m sure I would have been equally confused. Not confused because I was young but because who on earth would I have submitted to back then? I can only think of one man who brought that part of me to the surface and we were not compatible in any meaningful way.

When, many moons later, I met “Mr Right”, (yes, I hate that expression), it all fell into place. Everything felt natural. If I hadn’t met him, I’d still just be a vanilla woman with a deep, dark secret and a vaguely unfulfilled need.

Does this make sense?

But you don’t have nothing, you have you. Yes, I spent a lot of years waiting for the perfect sadistic bastard to cross my path but I didn’t spend them staring out the window and singing, “Some day my sadistic bastard prince will come.” I had a career I was passionate about and I poured all my energy into that. In a way, I’m glad I didn’t know anything about the BDSM lifestyle because I didn’t know I was missing out on anything.

You have something that drives you, let it drive you and forget all the rest. Sometimes the harder you look for something the more elusive it becomes.

And I could be totally wrong here.

I really appreciate this. What you say makes a lot of sense.

I guess now I should figure out what drives me :p

*begins new endless search*


:)
 
I really appreciate this. What you say makes a lot of sense.

I guess now I should figure out what drives me :p

*begins new endless search*



:)

This is the same girl who prances around for eight hours, without a coat on, on the coldest day of winter, to work on a friend's film, right?

Hmmmmm, I wonder what drives you?

*scratches chin*
 
This is the same girl who prances around for eight hours, without a coat on, on the coldest day of winter, to work on a friend's film, right?

Hmmmmm, I wonder what drives you?

*scratches chin*

Hahahaaa.

Well, I guess a simple answer would be "I like movies" and the more complicated answer would be much, much longer than I have the patience to type.
 
My dominance is nonexistent without the one who inspires it.

I can never relate to people who claim they were born dominating all the other kids in the sandbox, and worked their way up from there. Dominance is part of emotional attachment and arousal for me. Part of the construct that goes hand in hand with being in love.

Maybe this is part of why you find the article so alienating. Because it makes it sound as if submissives are people who've been deferring to every living soul in their path since birth.

Yes.

Competitive, contrary, not easily pushed around, sure, but Dominant? In a room full of normal folk? Hardly. More likely to be watching.
 
It does????

I think it just says women who are happy being submissive and get OFF on it are sick. I certainly think that the degree to which it tells women not to be submissive is vastly overrated by female submissives who are wrapped up in justifying their "health."

It sure the fuck didn't tell me I'm ok.

Hmm, well I don't have a female perspective.

But I don't see women being forced to take on a submissive role. Yes it is suggested, but nobody raises an eyebrow at a female masters, phd, etc.

As far as I can see women are even urged more then men to obtain an education.

And well I supose you have to asume here that an education while take you past a submissive role if you decide to do so.

Strong stereotypes still exist though, in that women aren't considered to be a capable physical force. However some truth does lie beneath that generalization and may just be a fact of life. Steeping past that I supose would be considered sick by society.
 
I can never relate to people who claim they were born dominating all the other kids in the sandbox, and worked their way up from there. .

This shit always makes me laugh. I don't think psychosexual domination has a damn thing to do with the sandbox, the parade ground, the gridiron, the boardroom, the trading floor or any of the other pecking orders we humanoids are prone to.
 
Hmm, well I don't have a female perspective.

But I don't see women being forced to take on a submissive role. Yes it is suggested, but nobody raises an eyebrow at a female masters, phd, etc.

As far as I can see women are even urged more then men to obtain an education.

And well I supose you have to asume here that an education while take you past a submissive role if you decide to do so.

Strong stereotypes still exist though, in that women aren't considered to be a capable physical force. However some truth does lie beneath that generalization and may just be a fact of life. Steeping past that I supose would be considered sick by society.

What does education have to do with this? I didn't say physically enslaved I said submissive.

Look cute, don't raise your voice, smile a lot and make sure everyone else is happy before you are.

Make sure any male egos in proximity are salved all the time. or else you're a bitch.

Being liked is much more important than being right, if you don't reproduce and give your life up for your kids you're just not ever going to be "really fulfilled" - did you think the messages somehow stopped?

As much as I feel bad that other women are made to feel freaky and damaged about their submissive sexuality the implication that a dominant sexuality is somehow more socially backed up is a giant HA.
 
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