the marks of a slave

[Homburg]

Some days I am aware that exogenous irritation and stress is influencing my irritation level at my own brats. And sometimes I don't mind.

There are some very interesting thoughts out there about carefully applied inconsistency in leadership positions. I figure if I keep it from being excessive, being a wee bit cranky here and there will have the effect I'm looking for. And, by and large, it does.

 

[Bandit58]

I'm still on orgasm denial. And though I'd like to say that I'm handling it well, in all honesty, I'm beginning to show signs of frustration.

This morning I had to sign a note in my son's school planner - "though I was given 3 weeks to do so, I did not finish the LA packet." Admittedly, he did not have time over the holiday break, but I watched him play computer games all Monday night after he told me he had no homework. I know he had time to write the required essay.

I lost it. I swore at him. I told him if I ever had a to sign a note like that again, he'd lose his Dungeons and Dragons books for a month. By the time I was done, he was in tears.

And I was still frustrated.

On the way home, after dropping him off at school, I thought about the celibacy of monks. Of nuns who had married Jesus. I felt momentary release in the idea of cumming with a deity. But, the solution to my problem isn't an orgasm.

This unfulfilled longing is muddying my thoughts. I'm keeping outright resentment at bay, but it sneaks its bitter spirit in when I'm not vigilant. I think things like "see what you've created. . . is this what you want?"

I must redirect this energy. I must clear the channel, tune out the static, open my heart. I must love. Sing. Move. Breathe.

When I remember, and try to breathe, my chest is constricted. I have succeeded in binding myself.

I once broke off with an online dom who put me on orgasm denial, and then forgot he'd done it. I figured it was a bad sign. But I don't have the luxury today of saying "no fair." Hell, for all I know, it is fair. Maybe, as they say, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

But, there is one thing I'm sure of, even in my confused state. It isn't fair to take my frustration out on my children. Even if they are goddamned spoiled brats.

I'm curious....just what does a Dominant get out of doing something like this?? I can understand during sex or a play session keeping a pyl on the edge for long periods (Sir does this as a matter of course ) but denying orgasm for days/weeks just seems counter productive.

The frustration and taking things out on others, particularly the children, just makes it seem all the more wrong. Is it something a Dom does "just because he can"? Does it help the pyl grow in their submission or any other part of their life?

Speaking for myself, I would find my body "turning off". It happened in the past during my first marriage, and has happened since being with Sir when we have gone through a "dry patch" when He has been ill or not up to playing.

I have always been orgasmic through masturbation, but only since being with Sir have I been able to climax with a partner. He sees no benefit in restricting me from having orgasms - it keeps the circuits connected

 

[intothewoods]

I'm still on orgasm denial. And though I'd like to say that I'm handling it well, in all honesty, I'm beginning to show signs of frustration.

This morning I had to sign a note in my son's school planner - "though I was given 3 weeks to do so, I did not finish the LA packet." Admittedly, he did not have time over the holiday break, but I watched him play computer games all Monday night after he told me he had no homework. I know he had time to write the required essay.

I lost it. I swore at him. I told him if I ever had a to sign a note like that again, he'd lose his Dungeons and Dragons books for a month. By the time I was done, he was in tears.

And I was still frustrated.

On the way home, after dropping him off at school, I thought about the celibacy of monks. Of nuns who had married Jesus. I felt momentary release in the idea of cumming with a deity. But, the solution to my problem isn't an orgasm.

This unfulfilled longing is muddying my thoughts. I'm keeping outright resentment at bay, but it sneaks its bitter spirit in when I'm not vigilant. I think things like "see what you've created. . . is this what you want?"

I must redirect this energy. I must clear the channel, tune out the static, open my heart. I must love. Sing. Move. Breathe.

When I remember, and try to breathe, my chest is constricted. I have succeeded in binding myself.

I once broke off with an online dom who put me on orgasm denial, and then forgot he'd done it. I figured it was a bad sign. But I don't have the luxury today of saying "no fair." Hell, for all I know, it is fair. Maybe, as they say, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

But, there is one thing I'm sure of, even in my confused state. It isn't fair to take my frustration out on my children. Even if they are goddamned spoiled brats.

Aw, speaking as a fellow mom (maybe I can't "help" as a slave, but I am a mother! ), I know how terrible it feels when you lose your temper. I have a really bad one (ok, perhaps I should add the disclaimer, not violent bad, but I would love to be cool as a cucumber 24/7), and I hate it when I lose it. When I do lose my temper, I apologize. I explain why I was upset, but apologize for my part. Lately, I have been working hard to not lose my temper, and to react calmly. I sorta have to with mine, since he's at the age where he models whatever I do. My yelling and carrying on comes back to bite me in the ass.

Anyway, your kids are older than mine, so I'm sure you know all this. I didn't mean to go on and on, just wanted to say that I've been there and don't be too hard on yourself. When you are under stress, it's easy to snap.

As to the orgasm denial, well - you want to do this for him, yes? Maybe you can find another way of "release." Yoga? Dance? Knitting? (yes, knitting)

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

I'm curious....just what does a Dominant get out of doing something like this?? I can understand during sex or a play session keeping a pyl on the edge for long periods (Sir does this as a matter of course ) but denying orgasm for days/weeks just seems counter productive.<snip>

For Me, it's all about power and control. It's controlling My slave's body, thoughts, desires, and pleasure.

I'm in a LDR with My slave and she is not allowed to masturbate or orgasm without Me. I feel it's selfish for her to do so without Me. What pleasure do I get hearing about her masturbating or about her orgasm after the fact?

I enjoy knowing that My slave can not do what she enjoys and used to do all the time in the past because of My order. It shows her that she has no control even when it comes to something so simple. And that she has no control over her own body. The body I own. When she is allowed to masturbate and orgasm it is for My pleasure and enjoyment as much as hers.

Plus, I love to get her horny knowing she can't do anything about it.

 

[eastern sun]

who wouldn't be spoiled, with a slave for a mother?

 

[eastern sun]

Some days I am aware that exogenous irritation and stress is influencing my irritation level at my own brats. And sometimes I don't mind.

There are some very interesting thoughts out there about carefully applied inconsistency in leadership positions. I figure if I keep it from being excessive, being a wee bit cranky here and there will have the effect I'm looking for. And, by and large, it does.

Yeah. But I was wrong. It helped a lot to come here and swear at the empty boards. I was able to return to them with a little more compassion and a little less frustration.

Probably my biggest concern in living this lifestyle is the effect it has on our kids. We've already taken the ropes off the bed, after I found my son tying up his sister. And stashed the toys. My daughter once picked up a buttplug and said "I know what this is!" "What?" I asked, not sure I wanted to hear her answer. "One of those chess pieces." "Oh, yeah," I smiled, "a bishop" and took it from her, burying it deep in one of my drawers.

My son can also be brutal towards his sister. I don't know if it's his natural state, or one learned from his father, or most probably, a mixture of both, that I have watered with my own reactions. And he treats me like . . . well . . . like a slave. He was probably more effective in his "training" of me than his father could dream of. Who can resist the cries of their first-born?

I decided some time back that I had to separate my relationship with my husband from my relationship with my kids. That I was his slave, not theirs. That they needed to witness my strength, my authority, my self-confidence, and not just my obedience.

I'm hoping today that they are able to see their mother as a strong, disciplined woman, whose authority is just and whose love is unconditional. That's a tall order, but it's what I aspire to with my children.

I have lived with women who took their frustration out on their children. It is too easy to do. Kids are frustrating.

And I agree with Homburg, that kids can take some inconsistencies without much harm. It's life. It's real.

I just can't allow myself to let this relationship of ours express itself in their emotional lives.

Maybe that's like trying to dam a waterfall. I hope not.

The jury is still out.

P.S. I'm curious, Homburg, about the thoughts you've come across on "inconsistency in leadership positions." Is there anywhere I can find them?

 

[eastern sun]

I'm curious....just what does a Dominant get out of doing something like this?? I can understand during sex or a play session keeping a pyl on the edge for long periods (Sir does this as a matter of course ) but denying orgasm for days/weeks just seems counter productive.

The frustration and taking things out on others, particularly the children, just makes it seem all the more wrong. Is it something a Dom does "just because he can"? Does it help the pyl grow in their submission or any other part of their life?

Speaking for myself, I would find my body "turning off". It happened in the past during my first marriage, and has happened since being with Sir when we have gone through a "dry patch" when He has been ill or not up to playing.

I have always been orgasmic through masturbation, but only since being with Sir have I been able to climax with a partner. He sees no benefit in restricting me from having orgasms - it keeps the circuits connected

I agree . . . my body turns off too. And/or gets racked with physical tension.

I have to work very consciously to keep it open and responsive. And it's not easy to do.

One great thing about pain during sex is that it's relatively short-lived. It spikes, the adrenalin/endorphins kick in, and if you're lucky, the orgasm lifts you right up and over any discomfort.

Without release, pain is a whole different creature. Constricting. Limiting. Grey. I don't even realize how much I love the spikes until it flattens out into a kind of concrete band of thick, dense, blocking tension. I've spent the last few days relaxing the muscles in my neck and shoulders, the secondary breathing muscles under my collarbones, catching a glimpse of a kind of spacious open freedom, only to discover the very next moment I'm bound once again.

The answer is still to continue on without buying into the story that this is "bad" and shouldn't be happening. It just is. And is uncomfortable.

I'm engaged in a creative workshop this weekend with artists I deeply respect. I'll be able to sing and dance and move and breathe. I'm a little frightened that I'm approaching it with such bound energy. That I'll be embarrassed when it finally releases and I'm over-the-top . . . what? . . . whatever I'm doing.

(and I think that's why he does it - to create that over-the-top release in a setting of his choice)

 

[eastern sun]

Aw, speaking as a fellow mom (maybe I can't "help" as a slave, but I am a mother! ), I know how terrible it feels when you lose your temper. I have a really bad one (ok, perhaps I should add the disclaimer, not violent bad, but I would love to be cool as a cucumber 24/7), and I hate it when I lose it. When I do lose my temper, I apologize. I explain why I was upset, but apologize for my part. Lately, I have been working hard to not lose my temper, and to react calmly. I sorta have to with mine, since he's at the age where he models whatever I do. My yelling and carrying on comes back to bite me in the ass.

Anyway, your kids are older than mine, so I'm sure you know all this. I didn't mean to go on and on, just wanted to say that I've been there and don't be too hard on yourself. When you are under stress, it's easy to snap.

Thank you. I appreciate your comments, always.

It's something else when you hear your own words coming out of your kids' mouths. (and they don't even realize they're doing it . . . I've asked. . . .)

It's kind of like the moments when you say something your own mother used to say, and you swore you'd never be like her. . . .

There's other moments too, though, when they say something that reflects an understanding of something you've been trying to share with them for years and years and years.

When my son was tiny, maybe four or five, he used to get wound up in his own thoughts right before he went to bed and couldn't fall asleep. I'd say softly "your mind is as empty as the big, blue sky. and all your thoughts are just clouds floating by" and breathe in and out and in and out, until he drifted off to sleep.

Last summer, I heard him saying it to his two-year old cousin, who was so wound up and exhausted, he was squirming and crying. Such wisdom, from an older cousin, stopped the little guy in his tracks. And my brother-in-law, a practicing Buddhist, wrote down the verse for future restless night-times.

We pour ourselves, good and bad, into these tiny vessels. I guess it's up to them to sort it all out.

As to the orgasm denial, well - you want to do this for him, yes? Maybe you can find another way of "release." Yoga? Dance? Knitting? (yes, knitting)

All week, I've been resisting doing things to release this energy. I'm not sure if that's because I want to feel uncomfortable at his hands. Or because I'm afraid of what will come out when I finally do release it.

(By the way, I love to knit. I knit for hours, complex patterns in multiple colors, and tell myself stories while my fingers move. . . Now, there's something. I haven't wanted to listen to my own stories lately. What's that about?)

 

[Homburg]

Yeah. But I was wrong. It helped a lot to come here and swear at the empty boards. I was able to return to them with a little more compassion and a little less frustration.

Probably my biggest concern in living this lifestyle is the effect it has on our kids. We've already taken the ropes off the bed, after I found my son tying up his sister. And stashed the toys. My daughter once picked up a buttplug and said "I know what this is!" "What?" I asked, not sure I wanted to hear her answer. "One of those chess pieces." "Oh, yeah," I smiled, "a bishop" and took it from her, burying it deep in one of my drawers.

We haven't quite had the "big reveal" moment like that, but have had an interesting conversation or two. Youngest daughter is very curious.

My son can also be brutal towards his sister. I don't know if it's his natural state, or one learned from his father, or most probably, a mixture of both, that I have watered with my own reactions. And he treats me like . . . well . . . like a slave. He was probably more effective in his "training" of me than his father could dream of. Who can resist the cries of their first-born?

Our first is so freaking dominant. She's pushy, mean, and Gets. Her. Way. Well, with the other kids. Okay, the middle two. The little one is the most stone cold absolute defiant thing I have ever seen. Every fibre of his little being says NO just as evenly as you can imagine. Anyway, eldest daughter is a mean girl, and can be just awful to eldest son and youngest daughter. And, wow, the battle of wills has begun in earnest with me. She is determined to defeat me, period. The teenage years are going to be interesting.

I decided some time back that I had to separate my relationship with my husband from my relationship with my kids. That I was his slave, not theirs. That they needed to witness my strength, my authority, my self-confidence, and not just my obedience.

I'm hoping today that they are able to see their mother as a strong, disciplined woman, whose authority is just and whose love is unconditional. That's a tall order, but it's what I aspire to with my children.

viv doesn't really have a problem with this for the most part. She is a pretty normal mom, doing for the kids, but not serving them. I think it is in part because Eldest Daughter came along before we got kinky. And I think it is just her. Her immersion into the M/s experience is not so deep that she can't pull herself out to be strong with the kids when needed. If anything, the need to do that so frequently makes it difficult to go back into slave mind.

*snip*
P.S. I'm curious, Homburg, about the thoughts you've come across on "inconsistency in leadership positions." Is there anywhere I can find them?

I would have to dig to find it, and it is a print source that, so far as I know, is far out of print. If I can find a pdf copy of it I can try to email it to you or something. The subject is rather esoteric, and the structure is interesting, but the lessons gleaned were fascinating.

 

[intothewoods]

I decided some time back that I had to separate my relationship with my husband from my relationship with my kids. That I was his slave, not theirs. That they needed to witness my strength, my authority, my self-confidence, and not just my obedience.

Do you mean that you hide the intimate, D/s relationship? Or that the interactions are separate? I can't do the latter. I think that is one hitch for me with D/s - when my partner (who is not my kid's dad, dad is my coparent) and my kid and I are together, we are all one group kinda. When I'm with my mom friends and their kids, it's like this too. Everyone kind of helps out everyone else, and of course the kids play together. I've always gravitated towards that, and found the separateness inherent in my relationship with my ex (h-w time, mommy-kid time, daddy-kid time - all separate - to be totally unnatural).

Of course I agree with you that no kid should treat his mother like a slave! Kidding about first borns aside (which I totally get), I'm the authority figure and my PYL would never mess with that. Of course, he is not my kid's dad, so if and when we have our own kids, I predict a perfectly smooth road without any bumps. Yeah, vanilla parents have power struggles with parenting and their kids - I'm sure it will come up.

And I agree with Homburg, that kids can take some inconsistencies without much harm. It's life. It's real.

Um, yes!

 

[myinnerslut]

Editted.

Nope, I don't want to give this one away. Better to watch it unfold.

You do well, ES.

grrr. this is driving me crazy

 

[sinnocence]

I'm curious....just what does a Dominant get out of doing something like this?? I can understand during sex or a play session keeping a pyl on the edge for long periods (Sir does this as a matter of course ) but denying orgasm for days/weeks just seems counter productive.

The frustration and taking things out on others, particularly the children, just makes it seem all the more wrong. Is it something a Dom does "just because he can"? Does it help the pyl grow in their submission or any other part of their life?

This is also going along with my Master's post.

First of all, i'd like to say that He would probably do it even if He wasn't my Master just because He's that evil.

But in all seriousness, at first, i thought i would die. When i first met Him, i was masturbating CONSTANTLY. Even though i was having sex with others, i still masturbated many times a day. What can i say? i guess i was addicted to it. i got to the point where i thought it was something i *needed* to do.

So, then He comes along and tells me that i am not allowed to have an orgasm without Him. Sure, it was hard in the beginning. It bothered me immensely and i was tempted many times. But the more i fell into my submission to Him, the easier it became. i must admit though that i did slip up once. But now, it's like i don't even think about it. It never crosses my mind. Sure, i get horny, but i never touch myself unless He gives me permission to do so. And the longest time He denied me an orgasm was around two weeks...but that was when we had almost no time together, not just His normal way of doing things. Then there was the day He made me orgasm 21 times in a few hours. It all depends on His mood. But i'm still not allowed without Him.

A very good friend of mine knows about my relationship with Master and asked why i am so committed to it because He would never know if i did it or not. While that is true, i can't even imagine now having an orgasm without Him. The thought actually turns me off. And i find that nothing really turns me on anymore except my Master or something that reminds me of Him. So, it's not a problem for me. When i do get to orgasm with Him, it is SO much better than when i used to do it all the time over a year ago.

It's just another way that i can be submissive to Him when we are apart.

i hope this explains a little more.

 

[intothewoods]

Thank you. I appreciate your comments, always.

It's something else when you hear your own words coming out of your kids' mouths. (and they don't even realize they're doing it . . . I've asked. . . .)

It's kind of like the moments when you say something your own mother used to say, and you swore you'd never be like her. . . .

There's other moments too, though, when they say something that reflects an understanding of something you've been trying to share with them for years and years and years.

When my son was tiny, maybe four or five, he used to get wound up in his own thoughts right before he went to bed and couldn't fall asleep. I'd say softly "your mind is as empty as the big, blue sky. and all your thoughts are just clouds floating by" and breathe in and out and in and out, until he drifted off to sleep.

Last summer, I heard him saying it to his two-year old cousin, who was so wound up and exhausted, he was squirming and crying. Such wisdom, from an older cousin, stopped the little guy in his tracks. And my brother-in-law, a practicing Buddhist, wrote down the verse for future restless night-times.

We pour ourselves, good and bad, into these tiny vessels. I guess it's up to them to sort it all out.



All week, I've been resisting doing things to release this energy. I'm not sure if that's because I want to feel uncomfortable at his hands. Or because I'm afraid of what will come out when I finally do release it.

(By the way, I love to knit. I knit for hours, complex patterns in multiple colors, and tell myself stories while my fingers move. . . Now, there's something. I haven't wanted to listen to my own stories lately. What's that about?)

Weird. I missed this before. Also, I feel compelled to add the disclaimer, I just have the one! And you must see this with your first, I take time to address things that I would not have time to address with two! Or more, ack.

You have been resisting doing things to release the energy. Don't hate me - this just popped into my head - because I would probably do this - are you doing this to get back at him? Like, fine, you want me like this??? Then here I am!

Just a thought. Don't hate me! Read this after you cum, maybe.

 

[intothewoods]

From the Not A Slave Files

Today I was driving with Mister Man, and we had this conversation, smiling though. Half kidding, half not.

He said, are you going to Event X?
Me: Maybe one night. In this year of fiscal responsibility. One night.
Him: Okay, we need to discuss what you can't do. Which is just about everything.
Me: What happened to impact play is ok?
Him: Well, the closer we get to marriage etcetera, I am no longer comfortable with all that.
Me: Okayyy. So you are changing your mind? Or you always felt that way?
Him: My feelings are changing. And YOU ARE MY PROPERTY.
Me: Property? Well, if I'm your property, then I think it's fair that you take a more active role in your property - more discipline, more D/s.
Him: My property should stop going out when I have free time for that.
Me: What? I so rarely go out!
Him: I think my property should be quiet and do as she is told!
Me: Hmph.

Heh heh. I liked it. And I think I am being extremely reasonable. But you see? I'm always negotiating. This is so not slave-like. But I liked being called his property all the same.

 

[sinnocence]

Today I was driving with Mister Man, and we had this conversation, smiling though. Half kidding, half not.

He said, are you going to Event X?
Me: Maybe one night. In this year of fiscal responsibility. One night.
Him: Okay, we need to discuss what you can't do. Which is just about everything.
Me: What happened to impact play is ok?
Him: Well, the closer we get to marriage etcetera, I am no longer comfortable with all that.
Me: Okayyy. So you are changing your mind? Or you always felt that way?
Him: My feelings are changing. And YOU ARE MY PROPERTY.
Me: Property? Well, if I'm your property, then I think it's fair that you take a more active role in your property - more discipline, more D/s.
Him: My property should stop going out when I have free time for that.
Me: What? I so rarely go out!
Him: I think my property should be quiet and do as she is told!
Me: Hmph.

Heh heh. I liked it. And I think I am being extremely reasonable. But you see? I'm always negotiating. This is so not slave-like. But I liked being called his property all the same.

Aw, that was cute. ^__^ i like being called that too.

 

[eastern sun]

My daughter has a snake. Last night, about 3:30 in the morning, I hear the clink of metal in her room, and I sleepily call out "no holding Sarok, honey." "Mom," she cries, "she's gone!"

I'm awake. "What?" "I can't find her." She's not a small snake. We search the bedding in the tank. My daughter's crying. I'm looking into corners, thinking of all the holes she might have found. It's clear we're not going to find her.

Apparently, after feeding her that afternoon, we didn't put all the clamps back in place that hold the lid on the tank. And I've always been surprised at the strength of even a small snake. They are pure muscle.

We check to make sure Sarok isn't in my son's bed. And after holding my daughter on my lap, and comforting her, and talking about responsibility and mistakes, how we all make them and then try to avoid them in the future, she and I read on the couch for about an hour before we finally fall back asleep. I realize as I drift off that I'm going to have to tell the neighbors. I really don't want to.

This morning, as my daughter is getting dressed, she calls out, "mom, she's here." "What?" I think she's found the snake in her closet. "She's in her cage. I see her head." "Really?" and I rush upstairs to see the tip of the snake's nose and two unmistakable orange eyes peering out of the bedding.

The relief is overwhelming. We hug each other and laugh. My daughter and I make sure the clamps are tight, and marvel at how well she hid herself.

What's interesting is that though my daughter and I are convinced the snake never left the tank, just hid herself extremely well in order to find a dark place to digest her mouse, my husband is equally convinced that, having tasted a bit of cold and confusing freedom, she found her way back to the warmth and security of her tank.

 

[nh23]

I'm curious about emotional masochism.

I've always painted my pain in spiritual colors, like 'it's important to be willing to feel pain so you don't shut down to your own or others' experiences' or 'only by fully experiencing your own truth, even in its most painful aspects, are you able to understand someone else's' etc. etc.

but my husband finds jealousy exciting, and wants to be taken deep into the core of its burning center. as his "slave," he knows he will never "lose" me. but the emotional risk of loosening my leash to the point where I discover in other people experiences I will never share with him - of witnessing that I might cum harder, quicker, longer with other men - of nurturing the idea that I will serve him but not necessarily be satisfied by him - triggers his deepest pleasure.

I don't fully understand his motives. I find emotional pain refreshingly liberating, but only when it leads to greater clarity of mind and ego-emptiness in its wake. He chooses instead to muddy the waters and darken the sky with stories of betrayal and loss in order to dance with demons in the shadows.

I'm not sure why I feel so free to speak of him today. Usually I try to avoid interpreting his actions (since I'm often wrong in the end, anyway). And ultimately it doesn't matter if I understand of not.

But it does make me curious.

And has tremendous impact on my life.

I've tried many times to explain it to people. The majority of the time, they don't get it and I can't find a way to articulate it so they do. Sounds like your hubby is cuckhold, which I do understand a bit more about. My ex was too.

I'm not an emotional masochist in that way, as far as him fucking other women etc.. more in I can't be treated too nicely all the time, I need to suffer, I need him to degrade me, etc. I need to find that thread and link you to it. It's early and my head isn't working yet.

 

[nh23]

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=29317324&postcount=30
Here's a post from the suffering thread. I know Bunny and I in particular have discussed being an emotional masochist on here somewhere several times. I just have no idea where at the present.

 

[myinnerslut]

i posted something over in the distance domination thread that i thought would go well here as well.

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=29784371&postcount=5306

 

[eastern sun]

Lest anyone ever get the wrong idea, know that I am a terrible slave. This week, I have disappointed him in nearly every way possible.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

i posted something over in the distance domination thread that i thought would go well here as well.

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=29784371&postcount=5306

That was really beautifully written. Eyebrows get raised at Master and I when we slip up and he looks like an overbearing asshole in public but that's nothing to what you're going through. I think that concerns like your family have are things that can only be healed with time and continued proof of your happiness with your choices. Every parent hates watching their child make what they consider to be a bad decision and it's a shame that your family are being so overtly hostile about your choices. I've done things in the past that my family have gone actively ballistic at for months at a time but I proved to them that their perception of things was wrong and that having a black sheep in the family isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Hugs and the best of luck to you, Homburg and Viv.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Lest anyone ever get the wrong idea, know that I am a terrible slave. This week, I have disappointed him in nearly every way possible.

Oops. Mind you, spectacular failure like that is usually quite impressive in its own way. What did you do?

http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q122/dmhearn/Im%20in%20Ur/1161969250-1139042817080.jpg

 

[eastern sun]

Oops. Mind you, spectacular failure like that is usually quite impressive in its own way. What did you do?

I stole an orgasm. I didn't get his laundry done. I cooked dinners he didn't like, and served them either too early or too late. We haven't had a conversation about anything, profound or mundane, in days. I haven't read the script he wanted me to read, and took great effort to procure while I was gone. I've fallen asleep hours before him, and we avoid touching each other when he finally does come to bed. I left him with the kids (for three days) while I went off on my own to participate in an artists' workshop. after just getting home from a vacation he didn't have. He bought tickets for me to take my son to a Broadway show, and I didn't go. The house looks like a hurricane passed through it. I told him to get off my computer. (Can you believe it? I think that was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. He became downright angry after that. . . .) I lost his last painkiller.

And now he has to work 8 or 9 consecutive days without a break.

I don't know why he's upset.



P.S. I did get the right soy sauce last Wednesday. And he made a special point to thank me.

(It was after that high point of the week that I stole the orgasm off my fist after reading a forced marriage sex scene in "A Thousand Splendid Suns." I was left screaming into my pillow, but it didn't do a thing for him.)

P.P.S. And I did make one good dinner - red snapper, delicious. But that was way back on Monday a week ago - a distant memory of times gone by.

P.P.P.S. I think the moral of the story is "don't let your slave take vacations"



Look at that, I'm still not taking responsibility! "He shouldn't have let me go!" she whines, "If he hadn't let me go, then I wouldn't have become such a brat!" Maybe I really am mad at him for not letting me cum when I got back from the trip. . . . I was so glad to see him. And so frustrated. . . . See, there I go again, pointing yet another finger . . . .

I have just been given the opportunities of a lifetime. I have visited remote corners of the earth where very few people have even set foot. I have worked with artists I have respected for twenty years, and never thought I'd have the chance to learn from.

I should be on my knees, thanking him for the chance to pursue these dreams of mine, which he readily supported.

I should be on my knees.

 

[Homburg]

I should be on my knees.

You might want to give that a shot. And I'm not being snide when I say that. That sort of earnest consternation and regret means something to me when it is shown. It may well mean something to him too.

 

[pussy_liquor]

I had marks around my neck a few weeks ago from the wife choking me with a belt while she was ramming my ass good! Ummm...