BDSM for the 'uninitiated' - (not a lecture)

[Slaashyish]

Hi, I Recently posted up what I hope to be just the first part of a story about the relationship between a first time master and slave. I've never really had the oprtunity to be in that exact situation myself, and I was hoping to get some feedback on it.

Title: Pretty Pink Pet Ch. 1
Link: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=395901

 

[ellynei]

Well, I liked it.

Not my usual cup of tea, (my fetish is in a somewhat different genre,) but the way the narration followed the man's motives, thoughts and emotions enabled me to fully follow the story and even get a certain 'kick' out of it.

Good job.


I had some trouble visualising most of the against wall and against staircase scenarios, maybe it's just me or maybe the descriptions there needs some adjustments.

I'm sad to see you've had to wait this long to get any kind of feedback on this thread. Maybe someone else will follow suit with this bump

Sometimes it seems people are slow to give feedback on certain categories on this forum. I'm assuming because people prefer to give feedback on their favorite categories/genres/kinks. I often do the same thing, especially when someone posts a BDSM story.

Old grudge, old prejudice, relating to an imaginary non-con vs BDSM war. (Old personal story, don't ask.)


Ahem. Right.

Well, I liked it, and am even curious what happens next. So wouldn't mind a PM with a link if you make a ch. 02.

 

[Guest]

Hi, I Recently posted up what I hope to be just the first part of a story about the relationship between a first time master and slave. I've never really had the oprtunity to be in that exact situation myself, and I was hoping to get some feedback on it.

Title: Pretty Pink Pet Ch. 1
Link: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=395901

Since you specified feedback about the situation and the relationship, I'll confine myself to that.

You've written an "idealized" BDSM story; in your world, would-be Doms find willing, compliant female slaves simply by virtue of a phone call. In fact, the slave is so compliant that she's willing to be struck across the face by a man she's only just met and about whom she knows nothing, to remove her clothing, and to (in essence) be molested without protest.

You'll find people who like your world and who will like your story, because it meshes with their fantasies. However, it's totally unrealistic. While this scenario has probably played out between some people, nothing could be further from the truth for most BDSM practitioners.

The hallmarks of BDSM in this day and age are "Safe, Sane, Consensual." Your story thus far depicts actions on both characters' parts that are neither safe nor sane.

Would you open your door to someone you've barely spoken to on the phone? Would you consent to having rough sex with someone you don't know, someone who might well turn out to be a psychopath, rapist, or murderer?

If you're the would-be Dom, would you risk striking a woman across the face without her permission, knowing that she could easily call the police and have you arrested for unlawful entry and assault, if not sexual assault for what follows after?

Granted, such "immediate" relationships have happened but you haven't given the reader enough background on the characters to make these events plausible.

Real-life BDSM relationships are almost always the result of careful first meetings, gradual development of trust, and a firm establishing of rules and limits. Because of the way your story develops from the beginning, this relationship can't be realistic unless you have one or both characters balk, forcing them to start things over again.

So--is it realistic? No. Is it hot? Yes, if the reader can suspend disbelief long enough and thoroughly enough. I couldn't.

If you'd like to learn more about the "rules" for developing a safe, sane and consensual BDSM relationship, Alt.com has quite a bit of information.


Good luck with your writing.

 

[ellynei]

Hope you don't mind if I object to your call to reason GnomeDePlume.


As far as realism goes:

An eighteen yo doing a stupid thing and giving a woman a slap on the face to see what happens...

Honestly most eighteen years old has done more dangerous things than this



Sure, it is unrealistic that two people who matches so completely in sexual fantasy, AND share the same lack of experience with the sexual community they think they belong to, AND both share a similar desperation and willingness to take risks. Yes, sure. That is unrealistic.

But, in my opinion most sex stories here on lit share that amount of unrealism, the convergence of many events, each of which may be likely, but the sum of which is unlikely.



On a note of personal experience, I would say, be careful when approaching the BDSM community with hopes of finding understanding for your fetishes of domination, forceplay and control. Keep a turtle shell ready to cuddle your emotions in, because sadly, in that community you will not find more "openness" and less "condemnation" than in the general population, regarding personal fetishes and fantasies.

Maybe it is the same, maybe it is less... Who knows? I don't believe a scientific statistic has been made.

Either way, if fantasy such as this one is presented to the BDSM-community expect cries of "this is SICK" same as you would if presenting it to any other random population.

People who are into BDSM are probably like people everywhere, the cries of intolerance from people in this crowd just hurts more, because the uninitiated approach them insecure, fragile, and believing in a myth of BDSMers being more evolved, insightful and tolerant than regular people.


Now, us non-coners on the other hand, we may be sickos but at least we are tolerant!

(Relax, I'm only kidding, im sure the non-con readers and writers are just as intolerant and narrowminded as everyone else.)


(Disclaimer: I wrote this in a hurry, and hence may have expressed an opinion too harshly, if you believe this to be the case please complain on this thread so I will have a chance to: 1. apologise. or 2. say, no, I actually meant that. or 3. clarify a point that was at first unclear. or 4. gawk at your comment with absolutely no clue whatsoever what the problem is.)

 

[Guest]

Hope you don't mind if I object to your call to reason GnomeDePlume.


As far as realism goes:

An eighteen yo doing a stupid thing and giving a woman a slap on the face to see what happens...

Honestly most eighteen years old has done more dangerous things than this



Sure, it is unrealistic that two people who matches so completely in sexual fantasy, AND share the same lack of experience with the sexual community they think they belong to, AND both share a similar desperation and willingness to take risks. Yes, sure. That is unrealistic.

But, in my opinion most sex stories here on lit share that amount of unrealism, the convergence of many events, each of which may be likely, but the sum of which is unlikely.

I won't dispute that; fiction is full of such unlikely events. This one strains my credulity as a reader, is all.

On a note of personal experience, I would say, be careful when approaching the BDSM community with hopes of finding understanding for your fetishes of domination, forceplay and control. Keep a turtle shell ready to cuddle your emotions in, because sadly, in that community you will not find more "openness" and less "condemnation" than in the general population, regarding personal fetishes and fantasies.

Maybe it is the same, maybe it is less... Who knows? I don't believe a scientific statistic has been made.

Either way, if fantasy such as this one is presented to the BDSM-community expect cries of "this is SICK" same as you would if presenting it to any other random population.

Depends which community; in mine, you'd get a LOT of people urging the involved parties to be FAR more careful. Condemnation, if any, would be for lack of appropriate caution and judgement.

People who are into BDSM are probably like people everywhere, the cries of intolerance from people in this crowd just hurts more, because the uninitiated approach them insecure, fragile, and believing in a myth of BDSMers being more evolved, insightful and tolerant than regular people.

Are you basing that on your experience? Doesn't match mine. We're extremely careful and supportive of newbies who are trying to figure things out. There's a certain amount of intolerance of various kinks (basically, the "ick" factor), but little or no outright condemnation; we're all aware that we're equally vulnerable to criticism. Personalities, and how one defines onself and acts within the role of Dominant, switch, submissive, or slave are of far greater importance than kink. Of course, my group, based in the Midwest, may be the exception.

Now, us non-coners on the other hand, we may be sickos but at least we are tolerant!

(Relax, I'm only kidding, im sure the non-con readers and writers are just as intolerant and narrowminded as everyone else.)

(Disclaimer: I wrote this in a hurry, and hence may have expressed an opinion too harshly, if you believe this to be the case please complain on this thread so I will have a chance to: 1. apologise. or 2. say, no, I actually meant that. or 3. clarify a point that was at first unclear. or 4. gawk at your comment with absolutely no clue whatsoever what the problem is.)

The author asked for feedback on the relationship, stating that she's never been in that situation, and I've provided that in the form of a reality check. I have absolutely no objection to the story as it's written; I've simply pointed out that, within the BDSM lifestyle as I've experienced it (over 8 years now), it's unrealistic. However, as I've also pointed out, it's likely that some readers will very much enjoy the fantasy. Others may take the author strongly to task.

So, I have no quarrrel with what you've posted.

 

[ellynei]

I thought that when he wrote 'it' he was referring to the story, which happens to be about a relationship

Didn't read 'it' as the relationship depicted in the story.

So I guess we entering this from completely different angles

Happens, especially for me. (Hence why I love the diagnosis schizotypal, gives a valid excuse for it! 'Xept not so valid now that WHO seems to have erased that silly thing from their list...)


P.S.

Yes, the painful cries of condemnation is speaking of personal experience.

(Regarding those cries I am NOT a submissive as pr the (written or unwritten?) BDSM-guidelines, but that does NOT make me an underdeveloped, ignorant, unintelligent being (Grrrr). )

But, I'm ok now, here on lit there is room for non-con fantasy enthusiasts!

(Ok, so I'm only ok as long as I stay far away from BDSM stuff to not be reminded of... yeah... all that. But still...)

Twenty-thousand roses to literotica for that

 

[ellynei]

I meant roses to lit for making room for non-con fantasy enthusiasts of course. Oops.

 

[Slaashyish]

Thanks for the feedback.

I have to say thank you to Gnome De Plume about the lack of realism in the story. I fully admit that I wasn't really thinking about realism when I wrote it. I didn't even go back through and think after I'd finished it.
As far as that goes though, this is nothing more than a fantasy, nothing of this kind has ever happened (to my knowledge) and it was just something that came into my head. Triggered by some of the other stuff I was reading at the time.

In relation to your question:
"Would you open your door to someone you've barely spoken to on the phone? Would you consent to having rough sex with someone you don't know, someone who might well turn out to be a psychopath, rapist, or murderer?"

Looking back I'm pretty sure Alex is the first of the list. I expect that in quite a few 1st person stories the narrating character is loosely based on part of the author. In this case it's certainly ture, but he's taken to a rediculous extreme.

It was never intended as anything more than an opportunity to get some of the wierd shit I come up with down and out of my head. I do have some ideas about how to make it a more realistic story however, so when I get the chance I'll see what I can really do about it.

Flip-flopping focus again; realism isn't something I care about too much when I write. Believability however... That's a whole different bath of mermaids.

 

[Guest]

Thanks for the feedback.

I have to say thank you to Gnome De Plume about the lack of realism in the story. I fully admit that I wasn't really thinking about realism when I wrote it. I didn't even go back through and think after I'd finished it.
As far as that goes though, this is nothing more than a fantasy, nothing of this kind has ever happened (to my knowledge) and it was just something that came into my head. Triggered by some of the other stuff I was reading at the time.

In relation to your question:
"Would you open your door to someone you've barely spoken to on the phone? Would you consent to having rough sex with someone you don't know, someone who might well turn out to be a psychopath, rapist, or murderer?"

Looking back I'm pretty sure Alex is the first of the list. I expect that in quite a few 1st person stories the narrating character is loosely based on part of the author. In this case it's certainly ture, but he's taken to a rediculous extreme.

It was never intended as anything more than an opportunity to get some of the wierd shit I come up with down and out of my head. I do have some ideas about how to make it a more realistic story however, so when I get the chance I'll see what I can really do about it.

Flip-flopping focus again; realism isn't something I care about too much when I write. Believability however... That's a whole different bath of mermaids.

You're most welcome, although I'm not sure I didn't overreact somewhat; I'd just received requested feedback on one of my stories and discovered I hadn't covered the "suspension of disbelief" issue well enough myself.

Apologies, if so.

"A whole different bath of mermaids" is cute; I typically use, "A horse of a different fire engine," myself.

Best of luck.

 

[Slaashyish]

'Bath of Mermaids' was just something I came up with. Normally that phrasing situation would call for a 'Kettle of Fish'.
To my mind fish aren't suitable for this site, whereas mermaid fantasies are rife (at least until you're old enough to have figured out that sex requires more than the top half); and of course, mermaids can't fit into kettles.

I Think I read the story you mentioned; the incest thing?
I'd have made a direct comment, but doing that so soon after seemed somewhat spiteful to me.

 

[Guest]

'Bath of Mermaids' was just something I came up with. Normally that phrasing situation would call for a 'Kettle of Fish'.
To my mind fish aren't suitable for this site, whereas mermaid fantasies are rife (at least until you're old enough to have figured out that sex requires more than the top half); and of course, mermaids can't fit into kettles.

I Think I read the story you mentioned; the incest thing?
I'd have made a direct comment, but doing that so soon after seemed somewhat spiteful to me.

You're obviously a gentleman in your online persona; feel free to comment.

 

[Slaashyish]

I'd like to think I was a gentleman in real life as well.
Besides; a) I would have nothing new to say; and b) I know as much about the world of active inscest as I do about BDSM, so it's far from my area of expertise.

 

[Guest]

I'd like to think I was a gentleman in real life as well.
Besides; a) I would have nothing new to say; and b) I know as much about the world of active inscest as I do about BDSM, so it's far from my area of expertise.

No offense was intended, believe me; I can only go by how you conduct yourself here, and I've seen all too often that the public and private personas don't match.

 

[Slaashyish]

That wasn't intended as a rebuke. More like a joke.

It's undeniable though that people are different in forums. Possibly something to do with the amount of time we get to think about things before people expect a response. It can allow people to remove comments that don't make as much sense as they thought, or would be offensive or something. It also allows the opposite. Those people (myself included) who always think before committing to a comment can get lag behind in the flow of a verbal conversation. So having the opportunity to write things out can be helpful.

 

[Guest]

That wasn't intended as a rebuke. More like a joke.

It's undeniable though that people are different in forums. Possibly something to do with the amount of time we get to think about things before people expect a response. It can allow people to remove comments that don't make as much sense as they thought, or would be offensive or something. It also allows the opposite. Those people (myself included) who always think before committing to a comment can get lag behind in the flow of a verbal conversation. So having the opportunity to write things out can be helpful.

I'm pretty much the same in both worlds, save that I tend to make even more horrific puns in real life. I'd say that I suffer from an inveterate love of puns, but the fact is that I don't suffer--other people do.

 

[Slaashyish]

Puns are under appreciated. They'll be met with a groan of dispair as often as a chuckle, and a knife in the throat as often as a resounding peal of laughter.

 

[Guest]

Puns are under appreciated. They'll be met with a groan of dispair as often as a chuckle, and a knife in the throat as often as a resounding peal of laughter.

Wow... tough crowd!

 

[Slaashyish]

I've just started reading your Origional Sins story, and I have to say that now I get it.
I fully understand what you meant about my attempt at imagining something in this genre. It's obvious to me what I did and what I should have done.
I SHOULD have read some proper BDSM stories first.
What I did was basically write a rape scene sans penetration.
I'd be worried about my mental wellbeing if the initial fantasy had been exactly what I put down, but the only thing I'd even thought about before was the actually actions involved. The Context is the problem and that can be remedied. It WILL be remedied.

 

[Guest]

I've just started reading your Origional Sins story, and I have to say that now I get it.
I fully understand what you meant about my attempt at imagining something in this genre. It's obvious to me what I did and what I should have done.
I SHOULD have read some proper BDSM stories first.
What I did was basically write a rape scene sans penetration.
I'd be worried about my mental wellbeing if the initial fantasy had been exactly what I put down, but the only thing I'd even thought about before was the actually actions involved. The Context is the problem and that can be remedied. It WILL be remedied.

You are indeed a gentleman, and I predict that you'll do very well, indeed.

Good luck.

 

[ellynei]

Love to see you two converse.

So civil and good-humoured it is poetic

(Makes a little barbarian like me feel like an unmannered unsophisticated beast, but I still love to read it )