I mulling over a new idea

[ApprenticeApril]

I usually post in the GB, and not that often here, so I'll start with a little about myself.

I am a stripper. I open with that to explain that yes I get naked and dance for a living, and yes I do have one or two customers I have become friends with over time, that I occasionally indulge in "extra" activities. I know a lot of people have the stereotype in mind that all strippers are hookers, so I feel the need to dispel that myth before I continue.

So, there is a guy, M, who comes in to the club fairly often. He's funny and sarcastic, so I'll sit with him for a few minutes. He doesn't get dances from me, he gets them from another girl, so I generally only give him about 10-15 minutes, but we have established a certain rapport.
Last week he came in with two friends, S and J. S is extremely nice and buys dances, but prefers them to be slow and sensual. J is a cocky, arrogant SOB who immediately caught my attention. We got onto the topic of BDSM, (I have a scarification piece of the symbol, I get asked about it a lot.) and he seemed very interested in Topping. Normally at work I let my Dom side show, and keep the sub stuff in my personal life, it's generally safer that way. But this guy got all kinds of subbie emotions stirring in me and I was immediately turned on. He was also very open about liking me as well. I didn't really think about it again after that night.
But this week, the three of them came in again. J and I got into a conversation about strap-ons. He asked me (and I was surprised he openly said all of this in front of his buddies) about fucking guys. I said I loved doing it, and did it regularly. Now he's talking about how he really wants to try it, but needs to find a girl to do it with. So, I took the bait. I found out his last name, and on my way home used my phone to do a facebook friend request. He hasn't accepted yet (it hasn't been that long), but I'm worried if that was a smart decision.
I do have a boyfriend, but we are in an open relationship. There are very specific rules of course, but I do have the option of sleeping with this man if I like. I'm turned on by the fact that I barely know him, which I reason away that I know his friend fairly well and I trust M's judgment, but that also scares me. I'm worried that barely knowing him and having met him at work is a bad idea. But... if I take the time to get to know him more and become friends with him it may spoil the whole fantasy.
Anyway, I'm going back and forth about what to do, I just thought maybe someone out there might have some advice or opinions. Sorry for the long post, but any responses would be appreciated greatly...

*PS, it's kind of annoying that my spell checker doesn't recognize BDSM, damn.

 

[ScottIzPerv]

Go for it!!!! And post some pics of yourself with the strap on!!!!!

 

[Betticus]

I'm going to have to say that you're treading on dangerous waters here. First of all, you don't know who these people are outside of a controlled environment. Lots of wannabe doms or perv fetish types hide bad tendencies very well. Also, consider their own thoughts of who you are and how you feel about relationships, safety, ethics, etc.... Lots of guys as you have mentioned view strippers as easy, kinky, cheap sluts and in their minds they devalue you as a person. Not trying to be a dick but it's just how it is.

For where I'm coming from in this, I dated a very wonderful girl who was a dancer and she did the same dom side in the club but was a sub for me. It was safer for her that way and guys seem to mostly be pushovers for a girl who will be more dominant toward them. Our situation was different as both my best friend and also my roommate danced at the same club so she got to know me and also had some very good reassurance that I wasn't going to hurt her.

Now, another factor to consider is that as far as getting together with this guy take a very hard look at who the men in your past who have raised these subbie feelings in you have been. Were any of them abusive in any way toward you? There is a lot of hard science backing up the fact that at younger ages girls get mixed up with assholes and they have developed neurological brain paths that almost instantly support developing a relationship again and again with the same kind of guy even though you know it's bad for you.

If he fits any of the things in your memory that remind you of or that stir the same feelings that someone abusive in your past did the you will not even consider anything with these guys, any of them for any reason unless they are paying you for a dance and it is in the club and you have your bouncers. It may not be what you want to hear but the outcome you already know would be bad. Worst case, they get you to meet them and they have fun raping you and don't care because they view you as a girl who was asking for it and who doesn't have the rep behind you to gain a conviction against them if you talk.

Another thing, how do you really feel about being in this open relationship? Who first brought it up? Do you ever feel that you are not enough for you bf and why? Is he not enough for you? Would you rather be with a dom who devotes all of himself to you and only you, not because he has to but because you're everything he wants and more?

One last thing. Since you are here asking for advice you have more than likely made up your mind on some of these things and you already know it is a bad idea. I'm betting that you have other things that you would like to talk about as well. Feel free to pm me, I'm not always this serious but when a sub is about to do something potentially harmful to herself it comes out.

Also, I've done the sharing a girl with another guy thing and would never, ever do that again. Young equals stupid as fuck in some cases and I was one of em.

 

[Betticus]

Go for it!!!! And post some pics of yourself with the strap on!!!!!

You must be the boyfriend.

 

[Lamont Cranston]

This is very wise counsel from Betticus. (Not surprising.) Please listen to what he's saying. Be very careful.
LC

I'm going to have to say that you're treading on dangerous waters here. First of all, you don't know who these people are outside of a controlled environment. Lots of wannabe doms or perv fetish types hide bad tendencies very well. Also, consider their own thoughts of who you are and how you feel about relationships, safety, ethics, etc.... Lots of guys as you have mentioned view strippers as easy, kinky, cheap sluts and in their minds they devalue you as a person. Not trying to be a dick but it's just how it is.

For where I'm coming from in this, I dated a very wonderful girl who was a dancer and she did the same dom side in the club but was a sub for me. It was safer for her that way and guys seem to mostly be pushovers for a girl who will be more dominant toward them. Our situation was different as both my best friend and also my roommate danced at the same club so she got to know me and also had some very good reassurance that I wasn't going to hurt her.

Now, another factor to consider is that as far as getting together with this guy take a very hard look at who the men in your past who have raised these subbie feelings in you have been. Were any of them abusive in any way toward you? There is a lot of hard science backing up the fact that at younger ages girls get mixed up with assholes and they have developed neurological brain paths that almost instantly support developing a relationship again and again with the same kind of guy even though you know it's bad for you.

If he fits any of the things in your memory that remind you of or that stir the same feelings that someone abusive in your past did the you will not even consider anything with these guys, any of them for any reason unless they are paying you for a dance and it is in the club and you have your bouncers. It may not be what you want to hear but the outcome you already know would be bad. Worst case, they get you to meet them and they have fun raping you and don't care because they view you as a girl who was asking for it and who doesn't have the rep behind you to gain a conviction against them if you talk.

Another thing, how do you really feel about being in this open relationship? Who first brought it up? Do you ever feel that you are not enough for you bf and why? Is he not enough for you? Would you rather be with a dom who devotes all of himself to you and only you, not because he has to but because you're everything he wants and more?

One last thing. Since you are here asking for advice you have more than likely made up your mind on some of these things and you already know it is a bad idea. I'm betting that you have other things that you would like to talk about as well. Feel free to pm me, I'm not always this serious but when a sub is about to do something potentially harmful to herself it comes out.

Also, I've done the sharing a girl with another guy thing and would never, ever do that again. Young equals stupid as fuck in some cases and I was one of em.

 

[minx1]

But this week, the three of them came in again. J and I got into a conversation about strap-ons. He asked me (and I was surprised he openly said all of this in front of his buddies) about fucking guys. I said I loved doing it, and did it regularly. Now he's talking about how he really wants to try it, but needs to find a girl to do it with. So, I took the bait. I found out his last name, and on my way home used my phone to do a facebook friend request. He hasn't accepted yet (it hasn't been that long), but I'm worried if that was a smart decision.
I do have a boyfriend, but we are in an open relationship. There are very specific rules of course, but I do have the option of sleeping with this man if I like. I'm turned on by the fact that I barely know him, which I reason away that I know his friend fairly well and I trust M's judgment, but that also scares me. I'm worried that barely knowing him and having met him at work is a bad idea.. But... if I take the time to get to know him more and become friends with him it may spoil the whole fantasy.
Anyway, I'm going back and forth about what to do, I just thought maybe someone out there might have some advice or opinions. Sorry for the long post, but any responses would be appreciated greatly...

*PS, it's kind of annoying that my spell checker doesn't recognize BDSM, damn.

The bits in bold are the parts I would be most concerned about.

Personally I would air on the side of caution. Yeah sure he feeds your subbie desires and it could be as hot as hell, but it could also be really dangerous.

Look I may be being overly paranoid but I think its good to try and predict potential hazards. He may just talk easily about it in front of his mates because they are all really open. But a large part of me worries that he and his mates think that you are up for pretty much anything and that you may find his mates wanting to get involved and turning up too. It concerns me that they think you are just a bit of a good time girl which is cool as long as you are a safe goodtime girl.

I think you are also right to be aware of the fact that you do hardly know him and yes, you met him at work.

Its a gamble...a risk. If you do decide to go ahead and do it, please make sure its a calculated risk. Do a risk assessment; identify what could go wrong and put measures in place to try and elimate them.

Best of luck

 

[SweetErika]

I'm sorry for being yet another wet blanket, but this doesn't sound good to me. At all. While even bad people can get around our intuition on occasion, the alarm bells are usually fairly evident and going off for some very good reasons. I'm getting the impression that yours are going off and you know you need to listen to that, but you're trying to talk yourself out of doing so.

The worst ones are often master manipulators and WILL get you to take their bait. This guy could be okay, but there's no reason to make yourself an easy target in general.

Just really pay attention to what your gut is telling you, and if anything feels off, take a pass. Missing one opportunity is far better than living (or not) with the results of a bad bet, you know? It's much easier to rationalize, 'He was probably a fine guy, but I wanted to play it safe,' than, 'I should have listened to myself on this one.'

If you do go through with it after cautiously getting to know him (remember that even a long friendship doesn't really protect you; the date and acquaintance/friend rape statistics are astronomical), definitely put all the safeguards you can in place, as others have suggested.

Take care of yourself, April!

 

[ApprenticeApril]

I think I may have just heard exactly what I needed to hear. I'm generally a "trust your gut" kind of person, so that fact that I even had to ask should have been my first sign.. I think I should spend more time with him, and really get to know him. If that spoiles the fantasy, then so be it, it probably wasn't meant to be. I hope getting to know him makes it better, but I am going to trust my gut on this one. Thank you everyone for talking some sense into me and reminding me of the realitiy.

 

[Kathykitten]

I think I may have just heard exactly what I needed to hear. I'm generally a "trust your gut" kind of person, so that fact that I even had to ask should have been my first sign.. I think I should spend more time with him, and really get to know him. If that spoiles the fantasy, then so be it, it probably wasn't meant to be. I hope getting to know him makes it better, but I am going to trust my gut on this one. Thank you everyone for talking some sense into me and reminding me of the realitiy.

Question is though; if it spoils the fantasy, is it really worth sleeping with him in the end (if he turns out to be a nice guy), and then slowly start to cause rifts between you and your bf even if you're in an open relationship?

Theres the saying that: "A kiss starts something, that a kiss can't finish". I think that goes for sex with strangers or others as well when in a relationship. It will always start something on your inside.

And glad you made a good choice about being cautious

 

[Hotch]

Good instinct April, glad you're listening.

 

[Betticus]

I think I may have just heard exactly what I needed to hear. I'm generally a "trust your gut" kind of person, so that fact that I even had to ask should have been my first sign.. I think I should spend more time with him, and really get to know him. If that spoiles the fantasy, then so be it, it probably wasn't meant to be. I hope getting to know him makes it better, but I am going to trust my gut on this one. Thank you everyone for talking some sense into me and reminding me of the realitiy.

You're doing it again. Who is this guy to you? Why do you need him so badly that it overrides your internal warning flags?

To steal from the sum total of the latest in psychological and philosophical data, we all form an internal fantasy through which we interpret the world around us and everything in it. It is supposed to be an exact replica of the world we live in but the human mind has a powerful ability to change our feelings and perceptions. So what is it in you that makes you want this?

Another take on it... what makes this guy so damn special that you will waste your precious time on him? Why enrich his life with your presence at all? What's in it for you?

I saw a hilarious thing in the onion today that illustrates the point here far better than I can so I'll link you. It's satire but the basic premise stands up to scrutiny. Also, it's worth a laugh.

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/its_okay_im_attractive

 

[ApprenticeApril]

Betticus -
That was pretty humorous.

What I was basically trying to say is the fantasy is he's the random, controlling jerk kind of guy. The red flag is he's the random, controlling jerk kind of guy.
I ultimitaly figured to err on the side of caution and not do anything with him now. He comes in the club anyway, so it wouldn't hurt to get to know him (plus him and his friend spend money on me). If it still turns out after a while I still want to do it, I'll reexamine and decide. Otherwise if I don't end up sleeping with him, so be it.

Kathykitten -
I see where your concern is coming from. Rarely have the people I've slept with outside of our relationship not been friends. Me going for a random person I hardly know actually almost never happens. I also don't make it a habit of sleeping with that person more than once. I'm aware the potential connections that can be made over time and I don't feel like dealing with all that drama. I do love my boyfriend dearly, as I know he does me. This "openness" has developed slowly over time and we are still constantly revising to make it work better for us.

 

[Betticus]

Betticus -
That was pretty humorous.

What I was basically trying to say is the fantasy is he's the random, controlling jerk kind of guy. The red flag is he's the random, controlling jerk kind of guy.
I ultimitaly figured to err on the side of caution and not do anything with him now. He comes in the club anyway, so it wouldn't hurt to get to know him (plus him and his friend spend money on me). If it still turns out after a while I still want to do it, I'll reexamine and decide. Otherwise if I don't end up sleeping with him, so be it.

Kathykitten -
I see where your concern is coming from. Rarely have the people I've slept with outside of our relationship not been friends. Me going for a random person I hardly know actually almost never happens. I also don't make it a habit of sleeping with that person more than once. I'm aware the potential connections that can be made over time and I don't feel like dealing with all that drama. I do love my boyfriend dearly, as I know he does me. This "openness" has developed slowly over time and we are still constantly revising to make it work better for us.

Why didn't you say so? If you want controlling jerk plus just pm me. If you have a sexy voice and a dirty mind you know how to send a message.

 

[Dreamliner]

As the saying goes....

..."be very careful out there"

I think Betticus has put it most appropriately.