Opinions Wanted.

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I've written a story that includes a scene where a Holy Roller girl gets her arm amputated after she's bit handling a rattlesnake and developes gangrene.

One version of the scene is very detailed in its depiction of the amputation, that is, the surgeon is instructing an apprentice how to amputate the arm, plus what to expect and be alert for. The 2nd version is very general.

I think the 1st version is more interesting, but the medical terminology and nomenclature may stump general readers.

Opinions?

 

[Verdad]

I wouldn't mind the terminology per se, but I'm rather squeamish and wouldn't enjoy the gory detail, with or it without its being dressed in appropriately accurate technical terms. Probably that makes me a bad audience for your story in the first place. Still, if you have a reason for dwelling on the details—if it helps you achieve the desired effects, fits well with the structure and pacing of the story, etc—I don't see where you should be shy about including the jargon. Most readers appreciate information, so long at it doesn't detract from the main thrust of the story.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

VERDAD

I try and avoid gratuitous violence...the gross-out. But I do like to add complications, to keep things interesting....like brawls keep sports events interesting. Few sports fans want anyone killed during a brawl, but they do like the energy. The question is: How much is enough? An amputation is, of course, controlled violence.

 

[cloudy]

If it helps to move the story forward, then include it. If it's just extraneous detail, then don't. When I come across passages like that in a book I'm reading, I usually skip them, but that's just me. I don't read for medical terminology, but for enjoyment.

 

[Tcoyote]

I've written a story that includes a scene where a Holy Roller girl gets her arm amputated after she's bit handling a rattlesnake and developes gangrene.

One version of the scene is very detailed in its depiction of the amputation, that is, the surgeon is instructing an apprentice how to amputate the arm, plus what to expect and be alert for. The 2nd version is very general.

I think the 1st version is more interesting, but the medical terminology and nomenclature may stump general readers.

Opinions?

If the 1st version is acurate and articulate it should or would be informing....go with your preference.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Why would you have a detailed description of an amputation if it's not just medical porn? i.e. gratuitous gore?

I predicted the rise of medical porn some time ago -- that is, violence or physical bodily damage described in excruciating detail, the way that sexual porn dwells on sexual detail. You may be a pioneer in the field.

 

[jomar]

What are you trying to tell the reader by going into so much detail? Is the detailed clinical horror out of sync with the rest of the story?

As for the nomenclature turning people off, I don't think so. Most folks would probably just skim to the recovery room if the text gets bogged down in technical stuff.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

CLOUDY, DOC ET AL

I think its interesting in the way many of the NPR features are interesting, and I think it reveals something significant about the protagonist. Its a window into his mind. He's largely self-educated in medicine.

I mean, whats interesting about people who collect old 78 records or haunt West Virginia looking for old varieties of apple trees? But NPR inserts these pieces inside their news programs all the time...and they work.

 

[DeeZire]

What would interest me more in that scenario is the holy-roller gal's reaction to being on the operating table in a gown - especially when the gown is removed for the procedure. Perhaps, because it's a long procedure, she's going to have to be catheterized? And during the catheterization she's fighting the urge to enjoy showing off her bits to a roomful of strangers?

(I know - I'm a pervert, and proud of it.)

 

[slyc_willie]

What would interest me more in that scenario is the holy-roller gal's reaction to being on the operating table in a gown - especially when the gown is removed for the procedure. Perhaps, because it's a long procedure, she's going to have to be catheterized? And during the catheterization she's fighting the urge to enjoy showing off her bits to a roomful of strangers?

(I know - I'm a pervert, and proud of it.)

That's not JBJ's style, though.

I don't think including overly technical details would hamper readership. While not the same media as a television show like E.R., use of terminology which most readers would find confusing or obscure does not necessarily deter them from reading. If you watch shows such as ER, House, et. al., the terminology flies as fast and furious as the sexual tension and drama. The majority of viewers of such shows have no idea how many CCs of morphine, clindamycin, or whatever would be appropriate for any given situation, or even what "CC" means. But they still watch, and they catch on.

It's all about the context. Use the medical terminology, then describe in more or less layman's terms what the apprentice is physically doing. Smart readers will make the connection and be proud of themselves for doing so. The not-so-smart will lie to themselves.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Jargon is always sexy. Tom Clancy made a career of it.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

DEE ZIRE

Much of what I write is set in the 19th Century, so the operation wont be elegant and it will be done at home. Actually an amputation takes about 15 minutes....with a sharp knife. Fifteen minutes is a bit long IRL because the patient inhales enough chloroform for just a few minutes of anesthesia.

WILLIE

I pared the medical lecture to the essentials and made it dialogue, but the nomenclature cant be avoided.

A few years ago I watched two surgeons reconstruct a childs face. The process was fascinating to see. They cut the scalp from ear to ear, pushed the face away from the skull, cut and removed all the face bones, then re-assembled it like a jigsaw puzzle with everything where it should be on a normal child.

 

[slyc_willie]

WILLIE

I pared the medical lecture to the essentials and made it dialogue, but the nomenclature cant be avoided.

A few years ago I watched two surgeons reconstruct a childs face. The process was fascinating to see. They cut the scalp from ear to ear, pushed the face away from the skull, cut and removed all the face bones, then re-assembled it like a jigsaw puzzle with everything where it should be on a normal child.

Those kinds of things are always morbidly fascinating to watch. Reminds me of the 'shock' videos I watched during basic training, most of which was videotaped during Vietnam. Watching surgeons turn a man's mangled jaw inside out so they could sew it all back together had me practically glued to the screen.

I would think, considering that anyone who follows your work probably knows you don't write simple stroke pieces, you wouldn't have to worry about alienating them.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

WILLIE

I recently watched a video of an arm amputation. The kid burned his hand and forearm to charcoal (really), and the surgeon discussed the risks of amputating at the elbow (it had some burn damage) or cutting higher up. The issue was: DO I HAVE ENOUGH FOREARM SKIN TO COVER THE STUMP?

I think this sort of suspense is good in a story.

I think some good strokes within a story increases the tension, too. William Manchester wrote one of the best stroke scenes I've ever read in GOODBYE DARKNESS, a memoir of Guadalcanal. As a boy Marine on Guadalcanal he hallucinated Death as a sexy woman with fangs and a vagina oozing maggots. She beckoned him to leave his fox hole and join her for a fuck in no man's land.