Treat em mean, keep em keen

[Lizzie_Borden]

I'd quite literally crawl over broken glass for a little bit of attention right now.

However, not so deep down, that feeling annoys me cos I think it smacks of desperation.

I know I should be happy with what I get. I know that my current mood is all about what *I* want. But jeebus. I'm pmsing and I'm sooky.

So who uses those sorts of things? Who has them used on them?

Either on purpose or inadvertently?

How does it make you feel?

 

[YourCaptor]

-Hugs-

You can add a picture thread.

 

[minx1]

I'm really soft. too soft and compromising I think.

So whether inadvertently or quite consiously many partners in my life have lived by the treat em mean concept. God knows why lol.....I'm that soft I would have kept giving whether they were mean or not.

I agree with you. On many occasions i have ridiculed myself about it and my acceptance of this treartment in some circumstances. it has smacked of desperation.

And I'm not desperate. Nor am I a mug. I stay and i take it because the bottom line is I love them.

But invariably the straw that breaks the camels back arrives and without exception, results in me ending the relationship. Even when I desperately don't want to.

Love me and treat me well and I will stay forever. Treat me badly and yeah....I will stay. But I will also eventually leave.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

-Hugs-

You can add a picture thread.

I've thought about it, but so far have contained most of my exhibitionistic tendencies to el-jay.



Hugs are always appreciated though

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

And I'm not desperate. Nor am I a mug. I stay and i take it because the bottom line is I love them.

But invariably the straw that breaks the camels back arrives and without exception, results in me ending the relationship. Even when I desperately don't want to.

Nor am I.

But I keep going back. I haven't quite reached that breaking point yet.

Everytime I *think* I have, and I put my foot down, I buckle.

Damnit.

 

[minx1]

Nor am I.

But I keep going back. I haven't quite reached that breaking point yet.

Everytime I *think* I have, and I put my foot down, I buckle.

Damnit.

Yeah. Same here.

My feelings for the man seem to remain stronger than my own resolve, for a long time.

but the time comes eventually. As I say....whether I want it to or not.

Something inside just says ''enough now''.

Its not my head. Its not my heart. Its more my inner sense of justice I guess and the desire to be treated as I know I deserve to be treated.....well.

 

[Kathykitten]

Yeah. Same here.

My feelings for the man seem to remain stronger than my own resolve, for a long time.

but the time comes eventually. As I say....whether I want it to or not.

Something inside just says ''enough now''.

Its not my head. Its not my heart. Its more my inner sense of justice I guess and the desire to be treated as I know I desreve to be treated.....well.

*Hugs for both you girls*

You deserve partners that are deeply interested in your happiness and wellbeing. And Lizzie, be sure to communicate to him / her how you're feeling, so he is aware of whats going on. Otherwise he could end up hurt and dissapointed that he has driven you "to far"

 

[kitten_candy]

Isn't there a difference between being "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" and "treat 'em mean cuz they're so insecure and sooky they'll stay?"

I wanna be keen for my guy. But if I have that icky feeling that I'm crawling on glass or letting him piss on me or shoving a too big plug up my ass because it's the only way I think he'll let me stay..... sure sure! Do it out of love! Then I'm humiliatingly here for him. It's doing those things out of insecurity and desparation that make them feel even worse.

I think a lot of us have been there.

Self-awareness! *shakes fist in air!

By the way, I've come to learn that even if my current mood is about what I want, it's never about what I want.

 

[minx1]

I think thats why for me the concept doesn't work. Or rather it may temporarily work, where I am involved anyway. Not out of insecurity, but whilst I give it a good go! lol

But inevitably and in the long term, it doesn't keep me keen.

ETA: btw just so I'm clear, to me the phrase implies bad behaviour not mean in the ''bad'' PYL kinda way if you get my drift. As that would be good mean and would definitely keep me keen.

I stopped making sense a while ago didn't I?

I'll shut up now and go to bed *nods*

 

[Marquis]

I think the idea is to communicate your full range of emotional states with your partner.

Most of us are taught that if we have nothing nice to say, we should say nothing at all. Needy little subs don't like this though, they want to experience the good and the bad. It can be difficult to be so engaged with your partner, but can be very satisfying when you have the courage.

 

[kitten_candy]

I think thats why for me the concept doesn't work. Or rather it may temporarily work, where I am involved anyway. Not out of insecurity, but whilst I give it a good go! lol

But inevitably and in the long term, it doesn't keep me keen.

ETA: btw just so I'm clear, to me the phrase implies bad behaviour not mean in the ''bad'' PYL kinda way if you get my drift. As that would be good mean and would definitely keep me keen.

I stopped making sense a while ago didn't I?

I'll shut up now and go to bed *nods*

No need to shut up! That's sort of where I went off pondering... the difference between "good" mean and abusive mean.

I want mean. I want sadistic. I want cruel for the sake of my keeping keen. Sometimes I even want to be desperate. But only wrapped up within that comfort zone of a trusting relationship. Is that too much to ask!?

Relationships are difficult enough. Mars/venus - yada yada yada. Add to that the element of being a needy sub.

 

[YourCaptor]

I've thought about it, but so far have contained most of my exhibitionistic tendencies to el-jay.



Hugs are always appreciated though

Whos el jay?

Guy across the street with binoculars?

The Dog?

Subway stop?

Or is it Live Journal?

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Or is it Live Journal?

mmhmmmm

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

*Hugs for both you girls*

You deserve partners that are deeply interested in your happiness and wellbeing. And Lizzie, be sure to communicate to him / her how you're feeling, so he is aware of whats going on. Otherwise he could end up hurt and dissapointed that he has driven you "to far"

I will.

Just need to wait a little bit cos I tend to say silly things when I'm emotional.

 

[YourCaptor]

mmhmmmm

Not to take advantage of desperate sookyness

but you gonna hook me up?

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I have a total internal war going on with this issue.

I love being L's slave and get a savage rush when he treats me inconsiderately, judges my performance harshly, sits on his ass and runs me ragged with chores. I know deep down in the festering oubliette of my soul that I thrive when kept on a short leash, loaded with tasks and treated like an utter convenience. I get wet when he systematically treats me like shit and then dares me to complain. I've even been known to get wet when he decides that something I've done was sub par and then ruined my hard work before commanding me to start over.

And yet...

I do still need to feel loved and valued. I could not serve a man so devotedly if there was not a strong bond of love and trust. While there is no such thing as fairness or quid pro quo in our relationship, I know without question that if it was all stick and no carrot, I would reach saturation point and leave. At least, I hope I would.

If he asked me where that saturation point would lie and which straw would break this slave's back, I wouldn't have the faintest idea. I know though, when the balance isn't right. It doesn't have to be anywhere near 50/50 but I do need the occasional respite and reward. I'm ashamed to say I still often get resentful and petulant instead of communicative. I keep quiet for too long and wait for the balance to be redressed by him in due course rather than complain.

Um... can the token Brit ask what is meant exactly by 'sookiness?'

 

[satindesire]

I have a total internal war going on with this issue.

I love being L's slave and get a savage rush when he treats me inconsiderately, judges my performance harshly, sits on his ass and runs me ragged with chores. I know deep down in the festering oubliette of my soul that I thrive when kept on a short leash, loaded with tasks and treated like an utter convenience. I get wet when he systematically treats me like shit and then dares me to complain. I've even been known to get wet when he decides that something I've done was sub par and then ruined my hard work before commanding me to start over.

*snip*

let me say a resounding....EF THAT!!!

WTH, girl, your love well is gonna dry up faster than a bud lite keg at a big 12 bar-b-que.

You can only give so much, yannow, before it gets to the point where he's gotta stop being such a lazy ass...and by then it might be too late to fix it.

 

[minx1]

Um... can the token Brit ask what is meant exactly by 'sookiness?'

I guessed it meant soft and not in a good way

 

[VelvetDarkness]

let me say a resounding....EF THAT!!!

WTH, girl, your love well is gonna dry up faster than a bud lite keg at a big 12 bar-b-que.

You can only give so much, yannow, before it gets to the point where he's gotta stop being such a lazy ass...and by then it might be too late to fix it.

He's actually not a lazy ass, he just has things on his own terms and that includes what chores he undertakes himself. This is not my day in, day out status quo but I am his slave and he does take advantage of that quite regularly.

Also, I chose my place and for the most part, it does fulfil me. Reading over it does seem like a bit of an extreme post but I'm really highlighting one aspect of our relationship in order to illustrate my feelings. 90% of the time I am in fact a very contented slave.

 

[eastern sun]

I have a total internal war going on with this issue.

I love being L's slave and get a savage rush when he treats me inconsiderately, judges my performance harshly, sits on his ass and runs me ragged with chores. I know deep down in the festering oubliette of my soul that I thrive when kept on a short leash, loaded with tasks and treated like an utter convenience. I get wet when he systematically treats me like shit and then dares me to complain. I've even been known to get wet when he decides that something I've done was sub par and then ruined my hard work before commanding me to start over.

And yet...

I do still need to feel loved and valued. I could not serve a man so devotedly if there was not a strong bond of love and trust. While there is no such thing as fairness or quid pro quo in our relationship, I know without question that if it was all stick and no carrot, I would reach saturation point and leave. At least, I hope I would.

I identify with this, but I'd like to express a different take on it.

If I've expressed a desire to be treated as a "slave," then he's not being mean to me when he treats me like one. He is, in fact, touching a very deep desire, which is exciting as hell. What looks "mean" to other people may not bother me at all (at least, in a damaging way).

On the other hand, he can still be mean to me, when he's insensitive to my feelings or putting his foot down on an issue I want to avoid or breaking something important to me. It may or may not look "mean" to other people, but that's how I feel it. And I don't like it at all.

As his "slave," I'm not going to leave him because he's mean. I'm going to try to figure out what's going on. I'm going to learn how to work with my feelings to maintain my own sense of integrity, compassion, and contentment, regardless of his behavior. I'm going to find ways to communicate with him. And, in that sense, maybe it makes me "keen."

But the picture of "keen" I had in the opening post was the look in a beaten dog's eyes. There's a really mean dog that lives around the corner, keen as hell, and a real threat to anyone who comes near. That dog looks smart and fierce, but it's operating out of an almost constant state of fear.

Even as a "slave," I don't want to be that dog.

 

[eastern sun]

I identify with this, but I'd like to express a different take on it.

If I've expressed a desire to be treated as a "slave," then he's not being mean to me when he treats me like one. He is, in fact, touching a very deep desire, which is exciting as hell. What looks "mean" to other people may not bother me at all (at least, in a damaging way).

On the other hand, he can still be mean to me, when he's insensitive to my feelings or putting his foot down on an issue I want to avoid or breaking something important to me. It may or may not look "mean" to other people, but that's how I feel it. And I don't like it at all.

As his "slave," I'm not going to leave him because he's mean. I'm going to try to figure out what's going on. I'm going to learn how to work with my feelings to maintain my own sense of integrity, compassion, and contentment, regardless of his behavior. I'm going to find ways to communicate with him. And, in that sense, maybe it makes me "keen."

But the picture of "keen" I had in the opening post was the look in a beaten dog's eyes. There's a really mean dog that lives around the corner, keen as hell, and a real threat to anyone who comes near. That dog looks smart and fierce, but it's operating out of an almost constant state of fear.

Even as a "slave," I don't want to be that dog.

He just read this. He told me "keen" means "keenly aware of his desires."

 

[YourCaptor]

Um... can the token Brit ask what is meant exactly by 'sookiness?'

I guessed it meant soft and not in a good way

I had to look it up too.

It means to be down and wanting affection.

You should know this Jinx

 

[minx1]

I had to look it up too.

It means to be down and wanting affection.

You should know this Jinx

ooh you cheeky so an so!

my problem is I just don't put out enough *sighs*

 

[YourCaptor]

ooh you cheeky so an so!

my problem is I just don't put out enough *sighs*

You're learning.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I think the idea is to communicate your full range of emotional states with your partner.

Most of us are taught that if we have nothing nice to say, we should say nothing at all. Needy little subs don't like this though, they want to experience the good and the bad. It can be difficult to be so engaged with your partner, but can be very satisfying when you have the courage.

So, I've thought some more about this.

And the more I do, the more I realise how goddamn true it is.

The not knowing is awful. For me, that's when doubt set in.

I'm a problem solver. If you talk to me, and things aren't good, then I can try and fix it. I either succeed or fail. BUT AT LEAST I KNOW.