kinky sex advice for girls pls!

[jemski]

Ok, here's the problem. I know I prefer kinky sex as does my boyf. So far we haven't. When I asked him about it he said he prefered to get to know a girl a bit sexually before doing that, we've been dating for 4 months now & been sexually active for 5. Anyone got any ideas on how to kinky it up?
The problem maybe that he's more into dominant women, but I'd classify myself as sub. Anyone out there who knows how I can get into the role of being dom? Also, he doesn't seem to want to take the dom role EVER. How can I coerce him into this? We also have only had sex in 3 positions, missionary & variants such as pole driver & with the legs bent with knees up to shoulders, me on top & doggy. How can I introduce more into the bedroom?
Please don't spam, i want answers to this - not nonsense & I know I seem like a newb & a pussy, but pls dont ridicule me - it wont help.

 

[egoservitium]

One technique I have used is going down on my wife, with our positions such that I can see the clock. Knowing that she is close, I will silently pick a time for her orgasm, and hold her at the edge till the correct minute clicks, then allow her to cum.

Another is to keep her at the edge until she inadvertently stumbles across the correct word or phrase (chosen by me silently) and then let her cum.

Once I had it "down" so that once she was to a certain point I could pick the moment, I started giving her silly commands and holding her orgasm hostage until the complied.

At first it was things like, "You have to call me a Super Stud." Very silly. Too silly. She would resist until being on the edge too long was too much and then she'd shout it for the neighbors to hear. At which time, BANG! orgasm delivered.

Then build on your control of his orgasms. Make other demands. Have fun with it. Keep it a lighthearted game.

After a time, offer to trade places, and give him control of yours.

Play by the rules the first few times, then, if you are into - say spanking - suggest a punishment for cumming without permission.

Focus on the impending spanking and cum too soon. Receive your spanking and try again - cumming in proper order this time.

Added Bonus: You get two orgasms in this scenario.

Once you have the ball rolling....

One idea. Good luck.

ES

 

[egoservitium]

Of course, another other option is to invite someone (hint, hint) to come by one evening and show him how it's done.

I know, I know, but I couldn't resist.

 

[jemski]

Of course, another other option is to invite someone (hint, hint) to come by one evening and show him how it's done.

I know, I know, but I couldn't resist.

lol, he did try being bi once; but dont think he's really into that. Thanks for the suggestion. tho it wont work for him on me-i find it too difficult to cum for that.

 

[egoservitium]

lol, he did try being bi once; but dont think he's really into that.

To be clear, the offer was to use you - thus showing him how you need it.
He just gets to watch.
When I am done he can try a round
If he wants to be dominated, I can tie him to a chair till we're done.

Thanks for the suggestion. tho it wont work for him on me-i find it too difficult to cum for that.

First, that sounds like a challenge.

Second, it takes time, that's part of the fun.
It takes long hours of grueling practice and experimentation.
Very arduous.
Exhausting.
The *hours* of sex necessary to learn a partner's body, mind, sexual triggers, and all those special little spots that need a pinch, or a lick, or a swat, or ... well, you get the idea.
It's really a ton of fun!

ES

 

[Zoots_owner]

Also, he doesn't seem to want to take the dom role EVER. How can I coerce him into this?

You probably can't.

Ask him every couple of years to see if he's changed his mind. If not, well, that's unfortunate. You can get a lot of things through coercion, but domination's not one of them.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

You probably can't.

Ask him every couple of years to see if he's changed his mind. If not, well, that's unfortunate. You can get a lot of things through coercion, but domination's not one of them.

Agreed.

And why would you want to coerce someone into it against their will? It wouldn't be anywhere near as satisfying, on any level, than it would be with someone willing and wanting.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

You probably can't.

Ask him every couple of years to see if he's changed his mind. If not, well, that's unfortunate. You can get a lot of things through coercion, but domination's not one of them.

I tried this once with an ex, asked him to get a little rough and dominate me. He tried it but didn't enjoy it at all and I learned that, because he was only ever going to do it to please me, it wasn't dominance at all. Dominance is a man taking what he wants because he wants it and relishing every last moan and squirm.

Also, keep in mind that our generation of menfolk have been raised with very empowered women in the media and hardwired programming that says 'you must never hurt a woman' ' you must take time to seek the woman's pleasure' 'you must always treat a woman with respect and as your equal.'

These are moral impulses and as such, it can be difficult or impossible to change them. A man cannot be dominant unless he is comfortable with that dominance and confident enough to ensure that he doesn't overstep agreed limits or cause permanent injury.

If your guy is also sub, the only was I can see forward is for you to try a quid pro quo arrangement where you take turns to give the other person what they want. If that's not possible, you may have to accept the fact that you are not sexually compatible with this guy.

Also, I think you should maybe focus on spicing up things in a more normal fashion before you throw kink into the mix. With a bit more exploration and gentle experimentation, you should find it easier to cum as you gain in confidence and relax more during sex.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

.... we've been dating for 4 months now & been sexually active for 5....

Am I the only one who noticed a certain mathematical disconnect here? Or is it common social practice now to have sex for a month or so before beginning to date? Perhaps if y'all had dated for a while before getting it on, you'd have discovered the other disconnect in your lives: that neither of you is really comfortable dominating and both of you would prefer to be dominated.

We also have only had sex in 3 positions, missionary & variants such as pole driver & with the legs bent with knees up to shoulders, me on top & doggy. How can I introduce more into the bedroom?

There are literally dozens, if not hundreds (or more), of books devoted to introducing variety to the bedroom. Invest in one (or more).

 

[Cyprus]

I guess they were probably fuck buddies before they went out on their first date.

On another note, please include pictures of the pole driver, or is that pile driver position? The people want to know. Thanks.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Am I the only one who noticed a certain mathematical disconnect here? Or is it common social practice now to have sex for a month or so before beginning to date? Perhaps if y'all had dated for a while before getting it on, you'd have discovered the other disconnect in your lives: that neither of you is really comfortable dominating and both of you would prefer to be dominated.

There are literally dozens, if not hundreds (or more), of books devoted to introducing variety to the bedroom. Invest in one (or more).

It's possible she simply typed the numbers the wrong way round, it's exactly the sort of thing I'd do. That's why I'm so anal about proof-reading posts.

I'll give her the benefit of the doubt for now. They don't appear to be sexually compatible but they must have some emotional connection for the OP to be seeking a resolution to this issue that doesn't mean quitting the relationship.

 

[00Syd]

I tried to get my ex to dominate me. Didn't really work. I'd say that if he's more submissive and doesn't enjoy taking the dominant role, there isn't really going to be much to change that. Try to find things you both enjoy, I'm sure there have to be a few things out there, but going against the grain of who you are probably isn't too enjoyable.

Best luck!

 

[twysted73]

If he's tried bi, he probably won't be aversed to you milking his prostate.
Try that on for an evening.
Then he can milk your urethral sponge and off you two go.

Need more? PM. I'm full of them.

 

[BitchSlap]

On another note, please include pictures of the pole driver, or is that pile driver position? The people want to know. Thanks.

Yes, this people wants to know too.

 

[subwannabe]

The word coerced was hopefully a bad word to use. If you still prefer to use that word then I would say you have little hope of getting him to do something he doesn't want to. At some point you should have realized this person is not what you were looking for in a sexual relationship and moved on. The experience will not be fulfilling to you if he really doesn't want to do it, even if he eventually does. He has to be into it and into your pleasures for it to work.

 

[jemski]

pole driver is where the girls legs are straight and held up at about a 45 degree angle to the bed in a v shape when she looks down. i dont have any pictures

 

[jemski]

The word coerced was hopefully a bad word to use.

i meant encourage

 

[jemski]

Am I the only one who noticed a certain mathematical disconnect here? Or is it common social practice now to have sex for a month or so before beginning to date? Perhaps if y'all had dated for a while before getting it on, you'd have discovered the other disconnect in your lives: that neither of you is really comfortable dominating and both of you would prefer to be dominated.

we did have sex for a month before we dated. but we had known each other for a long time before we started having sex. I don't know how you're supposed to know this type of thing before you get into the bedroom. Surely most people feel comfortable talking about sex once they've had it.

There are literally dozens, if not hundreds (or more), of books devoted to introducing variety to the bedroom. Invest in one (or more).[/QUOTE]
I can't afford to buy a book so close to xmas, also I've found in most 'guides' I've read it just tells me stuff I already know. Which is why I posted this in the first place

 

[jemski]

with regards to all who have posted on him being dom

This really isn't the issue. I'd really rather know how to kinkyy things up in the bedroom.
So far the only message that has been helpful is egoservitum's, because it focussed on the kinky and something I probably wouldn't read in a book, and to a (far) lesser degree twysted73's, far lesser because most women know about these things already either through experimenting with themselves or experimenting with anal generally..
Could I have more ideas like egoservitum's please. (perhaps without the group references lol)

 

[CutieMouse]

with regards to all who have posted on him being dom

This really isn't the issue. I'd really rather know how to kinkyy things up in the bedroom.
So far the only message that has been helpful is egoservitum's, because it focussed on the kinky and something I probably wouldn't read in a book, and to a (far) lesser degree twysted73's, far lesser because most women know about these things already either through experimenting with themselves or experimenting with anal generally..
Could I have more ideas like egoservitum's please. (perhaps without the group references lol)

The problem with that is that posters to the forum [strangers] have no clue what you consider to be "kinky". The BDSM Library is catagorized by subject; a decent Google search should give you a wealth of ideas for BDSM (.10 seconds search) and/or kinky (.16 seconds search) sex.

 

[SweetErika]

The problem with that is that posters to the forum [strangers] have no clue what you consider to be "kinky". The BDSM Library is catagorized by subject; a decent Google search should give you a wealth of ideas for BDSM (.10 seconds search) and/or kinky (.16 seconds search) sex.

Exactly.

Jemski, we also don't know what you know and what you don't know already. Unless you want to list out everything you already know, expect repeats.

In addition to CM's great advice, see if you know everything in this thread. And here's an easy way to search the forum for other ideas - just replace 'kinky ideas' with your own search terms.

There's a wealth of information out there if you're willing to put a little bit of time into finding it.

 

[jemski]

Thanks for the tips guys. Sorry if i offended anyone, the people who focussed on the him being dom thing weren't wrong to assume thats what i wanted to know as its included in the acronym bdsm, which is pretty much homogenous with kinky imo. I thought it was insuated that him being dom was not the main point as it wasn't the first q i asked. I know u dont know what i know, but i thought those things were common sense. i did know everything in this particular thread thanks apart from egoservitums game. thanx to all anyway, and dont stop posting!

 

[subwannabe]

I agree it is impossible to define kinky. There are plenty of people out there who would think kinky means doing something other than missionary position. Others definitions of kinky would make some "kinky" people blush.