My (Very New) Bi Girlfriend

[xaos_23]

Apologies in advance if anyone thinks this is going to be adult and fun and great to get off to, it's about [sadly] totally boring, really boring, relationshippy 'stuff' No idea if it even belongs in this section

I'm dating a bi girl for the first time. About 50% of the women I've dated have either had massive fantasies about other women or some experience with other women, but, my new girlfriend...

Her last three partners have been women. And I'm not talking about a quick Katie Perry tongue fest in a nightclub, I'm talking about full on girlfriends, dating, long term, in love... relationship stuff

I can't quite come to terms with it I know what great women look like naked, I know how they taste, smell, feel... I would never want to give that up. I don't want her to.

Threesomes? Yeah, I've been offered those by previous girlfriends, shrugged my shoulders, walked away. I'm a simple guy. I like my dog, going to the beach, building the odd classic car and making things. Relationships are all about... intimacy and the odd back breaking, oh-my-god-I-can't-believe-we're-still-this-passionate-after-all-this-time sex

I'm not a bad lover, honest! I love finding those little quirks about a woman that make her come screaming, exhausted, happy. I love using my mouth and fingers and cock to make her a very happy lil mess of tossed hair and exhaustion.

But I'm man enough to know that, despite everything we have in common, despite how great it is to know her, that I can't compete with other women. I can't. I don't want to compete with other women. I don't want to be stuck under a car at 4am trying to get it ready for a days racing while she's out with 'Sandy' wondering.. what if.. nah.. well..

I also don't want her to take this huge part of her, this huge part of her sexuality and just throw it in the bin for me. I wouldn't do that to another person.

Despite all this, she's great. She's intelligent, beautiful, great rack, slightly high pitched voice and a tiny bit annoying, all the things I've come to know and love from great women and now... now I have to walk away...

 

[binary1980]

i can understand where you are comin from. have you tried talking with her? have you looked inside yourself and examined where these thoughts are coming from? from your post it sounds like even though you guys havent been together for a long long time, you have feelings that may run deep. i wish you the best my friend and truly hope things work out for you.

 

[athina_angel]

I don't knew if this will help. I am bisexual and have been in a bisexual relationship. I my girl friend, and our boy friend lived together for several months. I won't say it wasn't stressful at times because it was. It took some time for the guy to get used to the fact that the 2 women in the house were lovers. However after he came to terms with it it went quite well. We had several 3somesu. Yes we did ind up braking up because the stress became to much for him, but we are all still close friends. I wish you the best of luck. Don't give her up because of this, try it out see if it works for you and go from there.

the best of luck.

 

[dark_goddess84]

I am Bi and three years happily married.
I can understand how you feel because my hubby felt somewhat the same when I told him about my sexuality and my (then) girlfriend.
We were willing to work out the issues he had about my relationship with her. You should be able to do the same if your willing to have some trust. Don't give up on this relationship so easy, it may be worth it in the long run!

You can PM me for advice anytime.

 

[xaos_23]

We just had one of those awkward late night phone conversations where we both know something is not quite right.

I wish I was stronger, you know? Stronger guy? I know that this is my insecurity, not hers, I know that it'd be great if I was this rock of strength where she could go out there and f*ck anything that moved, man, woman, vegetable and I'd be there lovingly when she came home.

But, I'm just a boy.

It's time to move on, made all the worse by the fact that I have to see her three times a day no matter what I do.

I don't think she's taking it too well.

 

[dark_goddess84]

We just had one of those awkward late night phone conversations where we both know something is not quite right.

I wish I was stronger, you know? Stronger guy? I know that this is my insecurity, not hers, I know that it'd be great if I was this rock of strength where she could go out there and f*ck anything that moved, man, woman, vegetable and I'd be there lovingly when she came home.

But, I'm just a boy.

It's time to move on, made all the worse by the fact that I have to see her three times a day no matter what I do.

I don't think she's taking it too well.

It seems to me that this relationship is worth it, for the both of you. Have you tried to talk to her about how you feel? If so, what maks yo so insecure?

Don't walk away too easy, you may come to regret it.

 

[xaos_23]

Sitting here listening to Cheryl Crowes 'Favourite Mistake' on full tilt, don't worry, I'll move on to various hard rock songs in a minute. It's one of those heartbreaking decisions where you just wave someone goodbye, then spend a month looking at them and waiting for the ice to crack. We hang out in the same bunch of friends. We share the same interests.

 

[dark_goddess84]

Sitting here listening to Cheryl Crowes 'Favourite Mistake' on full tilt, don't worry, I'll move on to various hard rock songs in a minute. It's one of those heartbreaking decisions where you just wave someone goodbye, then spend a month looking at them and waiting for the ice to crack. We hang out in the same bunch of friends. We share the same interests.

It seem as tho you have made up your mind. Good Luck and hopefully someday you'll find the woman of your dreams.

 

[Etoile]

If she's with you, then she's made the choice to be with you. Just because YOU wouldn't give women up doesn't mean SHE won't. Yes, it's possible that down the road she may want to have a fling with a woman. But you're describing a lesbian here. She's not a lesbian, she's bisexual.

But yeah, it does seem like you've already made up your mind, so my words may not mean anything.

 

[xaos_23]

I'm just wondering how difficult it's going to be to face her tomorrow. I kinda got the impression that she understood this relationship was, you know, borked? Yet I get this cryptic text saying "not to worry about it, I'll see you tomorrow".

This is not going to be easy. Argh.

 

[Etoile]

So wait, why exactly are you breaking up with her?

 

[xaos_23]

It just has to be done. I'm uneasy about getting into a long term relationship with her knowing that I don't really wanna squish that part of her sexuality. No way. If someone is with me I want them to be happy, and I want me to be happy too

 

[Etoile]

It just has to be done. I'm uneasy about getting into a long term relationship with her knowing that I don't really wanna squish that part of her sexuality. No way. If someone is with me I want them to be happy, and I want me to be happy too

But that's what I'm saying. She WANTS to be with you. Being with you will make her happy. You're assuming way too much, and you're both going to get hurt for no reason.

I mean, you came here to ask for advice, right? What I am saying is that just because YOU would not be happy in her place does not mean that SHE is not happy.

For pete's sake at least talk to her first, you know? ASK if this is a problem for her.

 

[xaos_23]

Sure it'll make her happy... but for how long? A year? Two? Then what? I've spend two years of my life, fallen for her deeply, only to find she's moving to Spain with her 'friend' Sarah from the gym?

It might sound harsh but I'm just looking at it realistically here. I guess if I loved her, I could have some reason to stay, but I don't, and I have the chance to completely sabotage this relationship before it gets out of hand and we, well, me, get completely screwed, and not in a good way, a few years down the line.

As strange as it sounds, I'm secure in myself. I'm pretty sure that I can compete with any man out there. Maybe that's arrogant but... if I found some guy sniffing around her, I could pull my socks up and, well, compete for her I guess.

But women, that's a whole different ballgame. I can't compete on that playing field. Maybe for awhile, but not for years. Sooner or later her bisexuality is going to throw us both a curveball and rather I don't get into that situation

Women, sheesh, complicated

 

[Starra]

To be honest, i think you are dismissing bisexuality here. What you are describing is a lesbian not a bisexual woman. Who says she can't be monogamous? You? And why not? Do you think that all bisexuals have to have a partner of each gender? Why?

Yes, these ARE your issues, as you so rightly pointed out, so why does this wonderful woman get punished for it, dismissed out of hand without even giving HER the chance to talk about her sexuality, dumped because you can't 'handle' the fact that she's bi? She deserves better than that, dontcha think? Or maybe you don't think.

I find it interesting that you based this whole thread on assumptions, not just on her, but on bisexuals in general. I am married to a man, but i'm bisexual. Does this mean that I'M going to move to Spain with a 'Sarah'?! Dress this whole thing up as insecurity as much as you want, but simple fact is that you bolted because you have an ignorance of bisexuality. And she DID deserve better than that. No matter how 'nice' you are to her when she sees you again, if it were me, i'd blank you for being such a prejudiced prick!

 

[39Donna]

trust

I suppose the thing that all relationships hinge on is trust. I regret that I did not come clean with my spouse 10 years ago when she twigged that I crossdressed. I was in a purge phase at the time as we had just started going out. On my cross dressing I think she does not really trust me. I have never done anything to betray her trust.http://forum.literotica.com/images/smilies/rose.gif

 

[Etoile]

To be honest, i think you are dismissing bisexuality here. What you are describing is a lesbian not a bisexual woman. Who says she can't be monogamous? You? And why not? Do you think that all bisexuals have to have a partner of each gender? Why?

Yes, these ARE your issues, as you so rightly pointed out, so why does this wonderful woman get punished for it, dismissed out of hand without even giving HER the chance to talk about her sexuality, dumped because you can't 'handle' the fact that she's bi? She deserves better than that, dontcha think? Or maybe you don't think.

I find it interesting that you based this whole thread on assumptions, not just on her, but on bisexuals in general. I am married to a man, but i'm bisexual. Does this mean that I'M going to move to Spain with a 'Sarah'?! Dress this whole thing up as insecurity as much as you want, but simple fact is that you bolted because you have an ignorance of bisexuality. And she DID deserve better than that. No matter how 'nice' you are to her when she sees you again, if it were me, i'd blank you for being such a prejudiced prick!

QFT...great post Starra!

 

[xaos_23]

First up, let me just say that I'm sorry if this hitting any nerves, it's not my intention, I'm just trying to figure out my feelings as much as I am hers.

Secondly, just because I'm insecure about this stuff, doesn't mean I'm insensitive. "I'm breaking up with you because I'm worried you'll leave me for a woman in a few years", that's unfair, she'll try to explain, I'll have to stand there and mumble "I'm so, so sorry but it's just how I feel" and it's awkward.

I really, really like this girl, I don't want to do that to her, make her feel bad because of my insecurity. The whole "you're bi and I can't handle it" thing will never, ever enter the conversation. I'm a man, I'm capable of ruining a perfectly good relationship accidentally let alone on purpose.

How to look at it? Yep, it's my insecurity, but... I'm 27, I've been in love a few times and I've been in a few relationships that broke my heart with complicated girls, girls with history. You learn the hard way that the world is full of great women, without complications. There is no point whatsoever in locking yourself up in a relationship you're not comfortable with. Life is just too short.

I also don't get the 'prejudiced prick' thing, I mean, I have no problem with someone who likes sex with people of the same gender. I love reading the stories in GLBT, male & female, they really do it for me. But... just the same as it's an individual choice as to who they sleep with, same gender or not, it's also someones choice as to whether they want a bi partner or not.

For anyone who's bi, or gay, they're lucky to be born in a time in history when they have a right to choose, but I have a right to choose who I want to be with too.

 

[Starra]

Whilst i can see the points you've made xaos, i am still confused as to why you're so uncomfortable with her being bi. You are insecure (as you put it) that she will leave you for a woman, but the exact same thing can be said for entering into a relationship with a straight woman...she might eventually leave you for a man.

The thing that made me say you are prejudiced was not anything to do with any capability you might not have to engage with people of alternative sexualities at all, it was because you equated her bisexuality with a need to be with a woman too. That is just plain wrong, and it is ignorant of bisexuals.

To be honest i feel that you have shown her a huge lack of respect. You made decisions about her life, her future and the possibility of her infidelity on the basis of something so flimsy as her sexuality. You claim to really, really like her yet you couldn't even talk to her about the issues in the hopes that she could ease you mind, and give her own point of view. And that is why i said what i would do if it were me.

What does it matter to you now though eh? You probably hurt her, made her feel rejected and confused, but that's ok...you avoided a relationship you weren't comfortable with. How selfish. I don't think anything any of us says on here will sink in because you have your head buried firmly in the sand. Ohh well.

 

[xaos_23]

Maybe it's arrogance, but, I think in my own pretty little head that I can compete with a man? With a woman? Not so much? Look, I really like women. I know how alluring they are.

Finally, i make an observation. You claim constantly that she is great and that you wanted it to work with her, well i don't see any of that in your post. So i come to this conclusion: Either you subconsciously changed your mind about the relationship and used the bisexuality as an excuse, in your mind, to end it, or you saw that this had the potential to get serious and bolted out of fear, of commitment maybe, or something else. I do not think that the real reason why you ended it was because of her sexuality, i really don't.

This is entirely possible, but, if I was using her sexuality as an excuse, don't you think I'd tell her? Don't you think I'd use that as an excuse to break up with her? Instead I'm just going to have to be more creative than that. Open to suggestions here?

There is some guy/girl out there and she is everything he/she ever dreamed of in a woman.

Life goes on. For both of us.

 

[irishcpl]

hiya we are also from kilkenny city and my lady is also bi very much so ,,but we have no problems with trust or honesty,,we are married comming on 15 years now and no worrys,,,

 

[xaos_23]

Would love to talk about it sometime, if you have the time!

 

[Emerald Eyed]

You learn the hard way that the world is full of great women, without complications

all women are complicated. Bi or not

 

[Stella_Omega]

So Xaos, it's been a year since you posted this... what's going on with you? Did she let you off the hook? have you met someone new?

 

[Etoile]

So Xaos, it's been a year since you posted this... what's going on with you? Did she let you off the hook? have you met someone new?

Ha, no wonder I didn't recognize the thread when it came up in my inbox. It's oooooold!