Shame and Humiliation

[voluptuary_manque]

But that would entail being willing to take responsibility for the absolution or whatever the shameful one craves. Baloney! I want nothing but partners who can look me in the eye and tell me they're out for a good time, hang-up free, thank-you very much.

 

[Stella_Omega]

That is a very good point. I'd suggest that some people have managed to come to a better method of coping, but yes, I've seen it and it's ugly, the aftermath of the classic "get drunk and do what I'm ashamed to sober" act.

It doesn't necessarily have to work that way, however. Sometimes revealing shame to a partner is only a part of the ultimate goal. Some seek a partner to punish the shame; others seek one to absolve it or accept it. Some, of course, seek both. In its way it can be like other boundary games: it can evoke a deeper sense of trust and connection when done with that goal in mind.

Well sure, but I'd be very hesitant to take any of those roles within the context of the secondary-partner relationships that I would have. And someone with serious shame issues is not going to find in me a good match for their needs. Squeamishness-- I'm good with that.

I do get the "I've been a bad girl I need a spanking" routine, and it's so culturally normal I can go along with that...

 

[BlackShanglan]

Not to worry, my dears. I'm not recruiting.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Not to worry, my dears. I'm not recruiting.

I'm not sure whether to be relieved or sorry!

 

[Stella_Omega]

Not to worry, my dears. I'm not recruiting.

Darn it!

And I was thinking about wearing Regimentals for the occasion.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Darn it!

And I was thinking about wearing Regimentals for the occasion.

You've got some? Cool! I don't think I can get into my mess blues anymore. (oink!)

 

[Guest]

I do agree with Doc that I get a kick in pushing my partners past that barrier. I don't think shame is the only barrier out there.


Thinking back, I would say that if someone expressed a sense of shame to me-- I'd be out the door. I am not willing to accept responsibility for their morals. In my experience, what you get is ALL the blame, and you see no beneficial change for the person.

I think that's a serious cop-out on the point of the person who declares shame.

It's a very wrong thing to do to your partner, deceitful even. They knew what was happening before they entered into the act.

It's quite different from the heightened sense of nerves you may experience going into a new sexual situation or sex with a new partner.

 

[Stella_Omega]

You've got some? Cool! I don't think I can get into my mess blues anymore. (oink!)

I've got an appointment with my tailor
I look good in red (Shang is partial to the 19th century).

 

[Stella_Omega]

I think that's a serious cop-out on the point of the person who declares shame.

It's a very wrong thing to do to your partner, deceitful even. They knew what was happening before they entered into the act.

It's quite different from the heightened sense of nerves you may experience going into a new sexual situation or sex with a new partner.

Yes! Trepidation-- that's yummy.

 

[Guest]

Yes! Trepidation-- that's yummy.

Tingly.

Butterflies.

Yum.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Yes! Trepidation-- that's yummy.

That I can identify with. Even the possibility from long range can heighten one's entire outlook on life.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Darn it!

And I was thinking about wearing Regimentals for the occasion.

Blast it. I knew I should never have given you the keys to my libido.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Blast it. I knew I should never have given you the keys to my libido.

I wear them on a chain under my slightly tatty linen shirt.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Tingly.

Butterflies.

Yum.

I don't scare you-- do I?

 

[Guest]

I don't scare you-- do I?

I'd have to see the look in your eyes.

In person.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I'd have to see the look in your eyes.

In person.

checking plane fares!

 

[Guest]

checking plane fares!

Sweet.

 

[Corylea]

Shame is the source of all erotic heat.

*sigh* *rolls eyes* For YOU, Doc. Please remember to add the "for you."

Doc, I like your stories IN SPITE OF the fact that there's all this shame shit going on. I usually just skim the parts that are heavy-duty on the shame. There are plenty of us who find shame UNerotic and who find that getting rid of our shame makes sex more fun. It's such an inherently awkward activity that one can find plenty of silliness and mild embarrassment in it, without having to resort to moral prohibitions.

For this person, sex is no longer dirty, but an entirely open and wholesome activity. They're no fun at all.

That means that you'd never, ever, ever want to have sex with Stella, right? She's not ashamed, so she's no fun at all. Look me in the eye and say that with a straight face -- I dare you!

 

[voluptuary_manque]

I don't scare you-- do I?

Scare me? I've already told you that you turn me on. Real disadvantage being male under the circumstances. Sigh!

 

[Corylea]

Scare me? I've already told you that you turn me on. Real disadvantage being male under the circumstances. Sigh!

She turns everybody on -- she's polymorphously perverse.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

She turns everybody on -- she's polymorphously perverse.

Ah, but I know her personally. It's even moreso that way.

 

[Guest]

Ah, but I know her personally. It's even moreso that way.

I would love to know her personally.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

I would love to know her personally.

She's so much fun, you won't believe.

 

[Corylea]

She's so much fun, you won't believe.

Oh, I'd believe!

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Oh, I'd believe!

Then we'll see you in Chicago?