A Game: Make Me See It!

[WickedEve]

I'll give you one sentence.

"A clown came to the wake."

What do you see in your mind? But not just see -- use all your senses. What colors, smells, words, facial expressions, movements, etc. Now describe "A clown came to the wake" to me. Make me see it. Poetry should show, not tell. Write a poem or write a detailed description that could be made into, or used, in a poem.

After a few responses, someone else can offer a sentence!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

A clown came to the wake
sorrow etched in colours
merging, a tear upon his cheek.
Head held high
eyes could not deter
a comerades last
farewell.
He reached her side
and doffed a battered hat,
clasped hands welcomed
one amongst many
that grieved a strongman's
sad demise.

 

[sassynyc]

the rainbow bled
through kabuki-white
comedy visited
upon tragedy

 

[WickedEve]

Oh, I love both of them. Cool to see how you both saw the scene.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

You don't think I should knock the second bit off? I didn't like it as much as the first bit but I liked him doffing his battered hat

 

[sassynyc]

squeaking oversized shoes
sliced sobs to their core

grief frozen for minutes
posing as eternity

 

[WickedEve]

You don't think I should knock the second bit off? I didn't like it as much as the first bit but I liked him doffing his battered hat

Those first two lines are cool. What bit do you want to get rid of?

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Well do something with this bit ;

He reached her side
and doffed a battered hat,
clasped hands welcomed
one amongst many
that grieved a strongman's
sad demise.

Apart from 'doffed a battered hat' I was trying to put in who the wake was for but lines about someone getting shot from a cannon or the bearded lady didn't seem to fit somehow

 

[WickedEve]

Well do something with this bit ;

He reached her side
and doffed a battered hat,
clasped hands welcomed
one amongst many
that grieved a strongman's
sad demise.

Apart from 'doffed a battered hat' I was trying to put in who the wake was for but lines about someone getting shot from a cannon or the bearded lady didn't seem to fit somehow

Shot from a cannon. Try to work that one in there. Um, human cannonball?

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I didn't want it to sound too comic that he had been shot out once too often!!

 

[WickedEve]

I didn't want it to sound too comic that he had been shot out once too often!!

Then don't go with the human cannonball because it does make me giggle.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

The strongman's just as bad with his dumbell doing him a mischief!

 

[ArnoldSnarb]

.....

 

[RunningJib]

The monrners all came . . .

All the guest came dressed
in their finery

But the clown
remember how the deceased lived
With grease paint and balloons

And its when the clown cried
that everyone remembered
the tied old jokes.

How they laughed!

 

[The_Fool]

As if smiles were painted.
Sing a song of sorrow
drowned in iris
and iced tea.
Sugar cookies, butter mints
for the sweet to match the bitter
of the grief.
Seeing silver in the sorrow,
relish life and past lives.
Stiff suits and stilted phrases,
make it easier to move on,
a relief.
Even so,
the tears hide the makeup.

 

[Remec]

When he died, there
was such an uproar,
above and below alike,

No one seemed to care
how or why--it seemed to bore
them to think of Uncle Mike.

But 'round here we took
it all in stride, said some words,
had drinks, Mom baked a cake.

I had to slice it, her hands shook
so bad while aunts chittered like birds.
A clown came to the wake.

His face was pale as the linen
napkins and he wore the greenest of green
from head to toe, but for his chest

where he wore a large red ribbon
and the loveliest harp I'd ever seen.
"Here's to Mike! May he rest!"

We echoed his toast, one and all,
laughing as he danced through the hall.

 

[WickedEve]

I usually write (and say) the first thing that pops into my mind -- unfortunately. lol So I thought "clown at a wake!"

I realized that it would be taken literally and many poems would be about a man with a painted face. Hmm... no female clowns? I was also picturing someone behaving like a clown at a wake. I guess it was flashbacks of my ex's wake. So that could have been another approach. "Hey, someone get that drunken clown out of here before he upsets the family." That sort of thing.

Anyway, all these poems are wonderful. Fool, yours seemed to be the less clownish one. I really like it.

Post more clowns at wakes or if someone wants to try a new one, please do!

 

[The_Fool]

I usually write (and say) the first thing that pops into my mind -- unfortunately. lol So I thought "clown at a wake!"

I realized that it would be taken literally and many poems would be about a man with a painted face. Hmm... no female clowns? I was also picturing someone behaving like a clown at a wake. I guess it was flashbacks of my ex's wake. So that could have been another approach. "Hey, someone get that drunken clown out of here before he upsets the family." That sort of thing.

Anyway, all these poems are wonderful. Fool, yours seemed to be the less clownish one. I really like it.

Post more clowns at wakes or if someone wants to try a new one, please do!

I think of clowns as forced humor, with antics designed to brighten the lives of others. So I thought of someone going to a wake with stories to help lighten the grief. And classic clowns have painted on faces and painted on tears. But tears don't have to be painted. And Makeup doesn't always hide the sadness. But I still hate suits.

 

[champagne1982]

it wasn't funny when Seamus
poured whiskey on his shoes
and Mary, sweet wee Mary,
she poured tears in quantities
rivalling Sister Mercy's gin
uptake. It was sad, this joke
on him, the other fellas
that rode in on that car
survived the collision
and the fat lady only suffered
a bruise. Poor Cousin Murphy,
he never seen which
daisy squirted him in the eye
and made the crazy car
careen beneath the bleachers
into the freak show. So now,
the show must go on but Murph
wakes for the final curtain.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

What a mockery
and she wasn't even invited,
coming in here
laying down the law
but just looking an utter fool,
even the sandwiches curled
in embarrassment!
Should have got her slung out
but one thing's for sure
it's one wake we won't forget

or forgive.

 

[WickedEve]

it wasn't funny when Seamus
poured whiskey on his shoes
and Mary, sweet wee Mary,
she poured tears in quantities
rivalling Sister Mercy's gin
uptake. It was sad, this joke
on him, the other fellas
that rode in on that car
survived the collision
and the fat lady only suffered
a bruise. Poor Cousin Murphy,
he never seen which
daisy squirted him in the eye
and made the crazy car
careen beneathe the bleachers
into the freak show. So now,
the show must go on but Murph
wakes for the final curtain.

Dark and funny. You're a sick woman. Bless your heart.

 

[WickedEve]

What a mockery
and she wasn't even invited,
coming in here
laying down the law
but just looking an utter fool,
even the sandwiches curled
in embarrassment!
Should have got her slung out
but one thing's for sure
it's one wake we won't forget

or forgive.

Great way to use the clown/wake theme!
This is killer: even the sandwiches curled in embarrassment!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I liked that bit ! It's a true wake too altho I didn't check the sandwiches at the time !

 

[DocktorWu]

we held our breath almost as tight as the corpse
I hesitate to call it father, father was always so animated
a hidden smile underneath whatever mood he held

so I understood why mom had insisted
that the undertaker pin his lips back into a smile
but the reality of the request was not real

a sibling on each arm we looked into the box
we held our breath as tight as the corpse
and shook with a macabre tide of humor

 

[DocktorWu]

Make me see it #2

"Let me squirt your hands with my water gun to help you clean them faster"