sexyskibunnysub
Virgin
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My very sexy man loves anal. It gets me so turned on to hear his moans of pleasure. It can be painful, even though we take it slow. Does numbing lube work very well?
anal lube
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SweetErika
Fingers Crossed
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- Apr 27, 2004
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Hon, if you need a numbing product, there's something very wrong. Provided there are no physical problems (e.g. hemmorroids, tears/wounds, etc.), anal play/sex should NOT be painful if you're using good technique. It might be a little uncomfortable at first, or once in a while during, while your body adjusts or if you tense up, but pain shouldn't be in the picture at all.
I know where you're coming from. I had some bad experiences with anal early on with a clueless partner, and it took Hubby and I a long time and lots of trial and error to figure out how to do it without pain and start replacing the negative mental associations with positive ones.
What really helped was reading threads here--some of the best are in the Anal section of The Blank Manual sticky in the How To forum--using good lube and experimenting patiently. The best things for me are:
- Having at least one orgasm before making any attempt at anal sex
- Warm up with lots of lube, fingers and smaller toys
- Silicone lube. It's super-slick, moisturizing, non-irritating, doesn't promote bacterial growth, it never dries out, and while we use plenty (similar to a good coat of oil), we use far less overall than we would with water-based lube. We've tried many types of lube, but the silicone definitely works best for us for anal, and just about everything else.
- Using a vibe on my clit before and during penetration (it provides pleasure and helps distract me enough that I don't contract my sphincter muscles [if I think about my ass, they tend to contract involuntarily]. Once we get in a groove with the sex, I often alternate between clit and g-spot stimulation with the vibe (a Hitachi Magic Wand w/ a g-spot attachment), which feels amazing to both of us and gives me some incredible orgasms.
- Bearing down during the initial penetration forces the muscles to relax.
- I control the speed and depth of penetration at the beginning, ALWAYS. If I accidentally tense up and feel pain, I simply stop, relax, refocus, let my body adjust, and start again when I'm fully ready. Because he's completely still, I know he can't do anything to hurt me, and I'll never be surprised. Once I'm totally comfortable with everything, I tell him he can take over, and he starts thrusting VERY SLOWLY. It doesn't take that long for us to get in the right groove and pick up the pace to whatever suits us at the time. This is one of the things we didn't do for a long time; once we figured it out, it made a world of difference, and anal sex has never been painful since!
You have to figure out what works for you, of course, but I think these things are worth a try because it seems like they've worked for many people. Be patient with yourself and realize it's just a matter of finding the right combination of tricks/techniques and building confidence.
Don't resort to numbing products. Pain is a crucial indicator that something's not right and you need to make changes. By ignoring those signs, you can do very serious damage that's difficult-impossible to repair and can even be life-threatening.
Numbing products are a potentially dangerous shortcut for people who don't know or care what they're doing (you don't strike me as that type at all! ). Plus, they get rid of most of the pleasure we get from good anal! Trust me, once you and your partner figure out what works for you, you'll see the numbing lube as a really silly/unnecessary measure and be glad you took the time to learn the safe, pain-free route. 
I know where you're coming from. I had some bad experiences with anal early on with a clueless partner, and it took Hubby and I a long time and lots of trial and error to figure out how to do it without pain and start replacing the negative mental associations with positive ones.
What really helped was reading threads here--some of the best are in the Anal section of The Blank Manual sticky in the How To forum--using good lube and experimenting patiently. The best things for me are:
- Having at least one orgasm before making any attempt at anal sex
- Warm up with lots of lube, fingers and smaller toys
- Silicone lube. It's super-slick, moisturizing, non-irritating, doesn't promote bacterial growth, it never dries out, and while we use plenty (similar to a good coat of oil), we use far less overall than we would with water-based lube. We've tried many types of lube, but the silicone definitely works best for us for anal, and just about everything else.
- Using a vibe on my clit before and during penetration (it provides pleasure and helps distract me enough that I don't contract my sphincter muscles [if I think about my ass, they tend to contract involuntarily]. Once we get in a groove with the sex, I often alternate between clit and g-spot stimulation with the vibe (a Hitachi Magic Wand w/ a g-spot attachment), which feels amazing to both of us and gives me some incredible orgasms.
- Bearing down during the initial penetration forces the muscles to relax.
- I control the speed and depth of penetration at the beginning, ALWAYS. If I accidentally tense up and feel pain, I simply stop, relax, refocus, let my body adjust, and start again when I'm fully ready. Because he's completely still, I know he can't do anything to hurt me, and I'll never be surprised. Once I'm totally comfortable with everything, I tell him he can take over, and he starts thrusting VERY SLOWLY. It doesn't take that long for us to get in the right groove and pick up the pace to whatever suits us at the time. This is one of the things we didn't do for a long time; once we figured it out, it made a world of difference, and anal sex has never been painful since!
You have to figure out what works for you, of course, but I think these things are worth a try because it seems like they've worked for many people. Be patient with yourself and realize it's just a matter of finding the right combination of tricks/techniques and building confidence.
Don't resort to numbing products. Pain is a crucial indicator that something's not right and you need to make changes. By ignoring those signs, you can do very serious damage that's difficult-impossible to repair and can even be life-threatening.
Numbing products are a potentially dangerous shortcut for people who don't know or care what they're doing (you don't strike me as that type at all! ). Plus, they get rid of most of the pleasure we get from good anal! Trust me, once you and your partner figure out what works for you, you'll see the numbing lube as a really silly/unnecessary measure and be glad you took the time to learn the safe, pain-free route. 
Lamont Cranston
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 21, 2005
- Posts
- 290
Sweet Erika gave you some very good advice. A numbing product is not the way to go. Preparation can help. Buy yourself a butt plug or two. If you can afford it, start small and work your way up. It is a learning and muscle training experience that I know works. Numbing is just wrong. You should be able to enjoy it too.
Being relaxed and ready as SW said is important. As for lube we've found olive oil works better than Astroglide but YMMV. But in my experience, preparation with plugs is more important.
Good luck.
LC
Etoile
Mod, 2003-2015
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2000
- Posts
- 17,049
Please forgive the humor, but I wanted to share:
http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/failredo-27.jpg
http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/failredo-27.jpg
neighbourly
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2006
- Posts
- 231
My g/f got me into anal properley after an ex rammed her dildo up my ass with out lube and cause me to bleed, current G/f bought lube & a pack of butt plugs small medium an large
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=3539
started off with the small no probs then after a while tried the medium, was a bit awkward at first but with patience lube and the right angle managed it.
with the large one went about a while with medium plug 1st to get me stretched a bit, took a few weeks before I could take the large one fully inserted with no problems.
also helps if you get a few fingers to help stretch you a bit, as long as you have patience & a good lube you shouldnt have any problems.
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=3539
started off with the small no probs then after a while tried the medium, was a bit awkward at first but with patience lube and the right angle managed it.
with the large one went about a while with medium plug 1st to get me stretched a bit, took a few weeks before I could take the large one fully inserted with no problems.
also helps if you get a few fingers to help stretch you a bit, as long as you have patience & a good lube you shouldnt have any problems.
With patience, love, lots of feedback and even more natural saliva from a thorough rimming, no lube is necessary for a mutually wonderful experience.
CaRaMeLPoleDoll
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2008
- Posts
- 163
Personally - Lube is my best friend when it comes to anal, i also use a silicon one. After testing a range of lubes i would alway recommend it!
I bought a set each of those for me and my lady. Excellent toys. Ther first one is slightly larger than a finger, and it goes up from there.
greeneyed_Lady
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Feb 20, 2008
- Posts
- 298
I like silicone lube myself (Erostratus Titanium) but my boy doesn't like it as much. His exact words were "your silicone lube sucks!" He recently bought some for himself (Elbow Grease) and he LOVES it so we might try it the next time we are together.
As has already been posted, take your time to work up to full penetration. Oral, fingers, small toys... go slow.
I'm fairly new to anal play, so penetration is still a slow process for me. I too find that clit stimulation works well to *distract* my ass from what's going on there as far as penetration goes. It works well for me to have him be still and me push back onto him at my own pace, that way I can pull forward, take a breather and then push backwards again when I'm ready.
While I do like this for my own personal reasons, I adore the noises my boy makes during anal play. Those are more then worth it for me!!
As has already been posted, take your time to work up to full penetration. Oral, fingers, small toys... go slow.
I'm fairly new to anal play, so penetration is still a slow process for me. I too find that clit stimulation works well to *distract* my ass from what's going on there as far as penetration goes. It works well for me to have him be still and me push back onto him at my own pace, that way I can pull forward, take a breather and then push backwards again when I'm ready.
While I do like this for my own personal reasons, I adore the noises my boy makes during anal play. Those are more then worth it for me!!
colelad4
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2008
- Posts
- 150
Hahahaha, gross!!!!
colelad4
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2008
- Posts
- 150
As a man, I've found the key to me it to be totally relaxed. For me that means I need to know that I'm clean back there. A fleet home enema and a hot shower are absolutes for me to enjoy anal play. Then a little Astroglide on my 7 inch glass cock and I'm in heaven. I've found gently pushing out with your asshole as I get probed helps me open up, hence making sure I'm clean!! Unfortunately anal sex in my life is never spontaneous, it definitely a planned event.
My wife preferred a good ass licking before hand and only wants saliva and semen as lube, which is great for me because I love to lick her tight hole before, during, and after fucking. And there is NO good tasting lube, the flavored stuff may taste good, but its crappy lube! Spit and semen work best if you like a little ass-to-mouth action or are into eating anal creampies, again I can't stress hygiene enough. If that’s is taken care of you can be as nasty as you want with each other.
My wife preferred a good ass licking before hand and only wants saliva and semen as lube, which is great for me because I love to lick her tight hole before, during, and after fucking. And there is NO good tasting lube, the flavored stuff may taste good, but its crappy lube! Spit and semen work best if you like a little ass-to-mouth action or are into eating anal creampies, again I can't stress hygiene enough. If that’s is taken care of you can be as nasty as you want with each other.
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