PoliteSuccubus
Spinster Aunt of Lit
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2002
- Posts
- 8,093
From my.spill.com:
Because the only way to truly enjoy cinema classics is to reduce them to hollow shells of what they used to be.
The rules are simple: 5 words each, no more, no less. Think of them as "movie captions."
Be forewarned, some SPOILERS lie ahead:
1) Citizen Kane (1941)
Rosebud is a sled. Surprise!
2) Casablanca (1942)
Great love story. Plus: Nazis!
3) The Godfather (1972)
A movie you can’t refuse.
4) Gone with the Wind (1939)
Boring and long. Liked intermission.
5) Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
Sausage fest in the desert.
6) The Wizard of Oz (1939)
Needs a little Pink Floyd.
7) The Graduate (1967)
Mrs. Robinson? I’d hit it.
8) On the Waterfront (1954)
Now this is a “contendah.”
9) Schindler's List (1993)
Hard to watch. Bring tissues.
10) Singin' in the Rain (1952)
Dude sings in the rain.
11) It's a Wonderful Life (1946)
So sweet I contemplated suicide.
12) Sunset Boulevard (1950)
Dark, gritty Hollywood self-wankery.
13) The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)
War burns bridges. Get it?
14) Some Like It Hot (1959)
If "it" means Marilyn Monroe.
15) Star Wars (1977)
Lucas eventually ruins this: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
16) All About Eve (1950)
Extended catfight; clothes stay on.
17) The African Queen (1951)
Surprisingly, not a RuPaul biopic.
18) Psycho (1960)
Encouraged me to stop showering.
19) Chinatown (1974)
Does not come with food.
20) One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)
Nicholson “pretends” to be crazy.
21) The Grapes of Wrath (1940)
The novel has more nudity.
22) 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
Why isn’t anyone talking yet?
23) The Maltese Falcon (1941)
Badass guys smoke many cigarettes.
24) Raging Bull (1980)
De Niro’s fit, then fat.
25) E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
A stranded alien is pedophilic.
26) Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)
We are so fucking screwed.
27) Bonnie and Clyde (1967)
Hollywood, meet Sex and Violence.
28) Apocalypse Now (1979)
Heart of Darkness, with napalm.
29) Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)
Fiction with a capital “F.”
30) The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)
Back then, Mexico seemed cool.
31) Annie Hall (1977)
An hour-long panic attack.
32) The Godfather Part II (1974)
Advice: stop after this one.
33) High Noon (1952)
Newfound pacifist remembers killing’s cool.
34) To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
Sparknotes or this? Can’t decide.
35) It Happened One Night (1934)
Hint: “it” doesn’t mean sex.
36) Midnight Cowboy (1969)
X rating disappoints: only boobs.
37) The Best Years of Our Lives (1946)
Mistreated vets: an American tradition.
38) Double Indemnity (1944)
Femme fatale deciphers insurance policies.
39) Doctor Zhivago (1965)
In USSR, movie censors you.
40) North by Northwest (1959)
Hitchcock makes a Bond film.
41) West Side Story (1961)
Gang violence becomes gang choreography.
42) Rear Window (1954)
Watch a guy watch guys.
43) King Kong (1933)
Ape loves woman, ignores anatomy.
44) The Birth of a Nation (1915)
Holy shit, this is racist!
45) A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)
Turns out, chivalry is dead.
46) A Clockwork Orange (1971)
Future criminals talk like idiots.
47) Taxi Driver (1976)
Dude is driven insane. (Harhar)
48) Jaws (1975)
Good until you see Jaws.
49) Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)
1937: family film. 2008: fetish.
50) Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)
Newman and Redford: dream team.
51) The Philadelphia Story (1940)
Marry. Oops! Divorce. Oops! Remarry?
52) From Here to Eternity (1953)
Michael Bay, take some notes.
53) Amadeus (1984)
"Mozart” didn’t sound pretentious enough.
54) All Quiet on the Western Front (1930)
Except for a sniper. Shit.
55) The Sound of Music (1965)
Nazis hate on singing family.
56) M*A*S*H (1970)
A very long pilot episode.
57) The Third Man (1949)
AFI blooper! This film’s British.
58) Fantasia (1940)
Disney on an acid trip.
59) Rebel Without a Cause (1955)
Corrected: Emo Without a Cause
60) Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
College professor bests Third Reich.
61) Vertigo (1958)
"Vertigo shot” introduces vomiting risk.
62) Tootsie (1982)
Dustin Hoffman at his sexiest.
63) Stagecoach (1939)
John Wayne is the man.
64) Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977)
Aliens communicate using Casio keyboard.
65) The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
Cannibal Hannibal manipulates darling Starling.
66) Network (1976)
“Television’s trashy!” – Pot, meet kettle.
67) The Manchurian Candidate (1962)
Communists develop mind control, magic.
68) An American in Paris (1951)
Locals deliberately give bad directions.
69) Shane (1953)
Badass gunslinger adopts pussy name.
70) The French Connection (1971)
They’re smuggling drugs, not croissants.
71) Forrest Gump (1994)
Being stupid looks like fun.
72) Ben-Hur (1959)
Fast and Furious: Coliseum Drift
73) Wuthering Heights (1939)
Fun for people with vaginas.
74) The Gold Rush (1925)
Is that Hitler performing slapstick?
75) Dances with Wolves (1990)
Indians struggle in pre-casino time.
76) City Lights (1931)
Missing sound hilariously pranks audience.
77) American Graffiti (1973)
Lucas writes, directs…doesn’t suck?!
78) Rocky (1976)
Just this once: Stallone > Schwarzenegger
79) The Deer Hunter (1978)
Russian roulette, “in the shit.”
80) The Wild Bunch (1969)
Blood everywhere. Bodies everywhere. Awesome.
81) Modern Times (1936)
Beware: silent movie; literacy required.
82) Giant (1956)
At 201 minutes, giant indeed.
83) Platoon (1986)
Basically, Vietnam was fucked up.
84) Fargo (1996)
Hilarious. Literally everyone talks funny.
85) Duck Soup (1933)
Marx brothers wear identical moustaches.
86) Mutiny on the Bounty (1935)
MGM shits all over history.
87) Frankenstein (1931)
Very scary, provided it’s 1931.
88) Easy Rider (1969)
Watch this one on drugs.
89) Patton (1970)
Patton gets high on war.
90) The Jazz Singer (1927)
Silent version: The Jazz Breather
91) My Fair Lady (1964)
Speech training makes woman tolerable.
92) A Place in the Sun (1951)
Winters, Taylor love triangle: Drool.
93) The Apartment (1960)
Dramedy. (Only needed one word.)
94) Goodfellas (1990)
94? Are you shitting me?
95) Pulp Fiction (1994)
Cursing? Check. Violence? Check. Bible?...
96) The Searchers (1956)
Racist cowboys vs. racist Indians.
97) Bringing Up Baby (1938)
“Baby” is a leopard. WTF.
98) Unforgiven (1992)
Eastwood ages, still kicks ass.
99) Guess Who's Coming to Dinner (1967)
A Yale-educated doctor! Except…
100) Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942)
This is actually a song.
Because the only way to truly enjoy cinema classics is to reduce them to hollow shells of what they used to be.
The rules are simple: 5 words each, no more, no less. Think of them as "movie captions."
Be forewarned, some SPOILERS lie ahead:
1) Citizen Kane (1941)
Rosebud is a sled. Surprise!
2) Casablanca (1942)
Great love story. Plus: Nazis!
3) The Godfather (1972)
A movie you can’t refuse.
4) Gone with the Wind (1939)
Boring and long. Liked intermission.
5) Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
Sausage fest in the desert.
6) The Wizard of Oz (1939)
Needs a little Pink Floyd.
7) The Graduate (1967)
Mrs. Robinson? I’d hit it.
8) On the Waterfront (1954)
Now this is a “contendah.”
9) Schindler's List (1993)
Hard to watch. Bring tissues.
10) Singin' in the Rain (1952)
Dude sings in the rain.
11) It's a Wonderful Life (1946)
So sweet I contemplated suicide.
12) Sunset Boulevard (1950)
Dark, gritty Hollywood self-wankery.
13) The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)
War burns bridges. Get it?
14) Some Like It Hot (1959)
If "it" means Marilyn Monroe.
15) Star Wars (1977)
Lucas eventually ruins this: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
16) All About Eve (1950)
Extended catfight; clothes stay on.
17) The African Queen (1951)
Surprisingly, not a RuPaul biopic.
18) Psycho (1960)
Encouraged me to stop showering.
19) Chinatown (1974)
Does not come with food.
20) One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)
Nicholson “pretends” to be crazy.
21) The Grapes of Wrath (1940)
The novel has more nudity.
22) 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
Why isn’t anyone talking yet?
23) The Maltese Falcon (1941)
Badass guys smoke many cigarettes.
24) Raging Bull (1980)
De Niro’s fit, then fat.
25) E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
A stranded alien is pedophilic.
26) Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)
We are so fucking screwed.
27) Bonnie and Clyde (1967)
Hollywood, meet Sex and Violence.
28) Apocalypse Now (1979)
Heart of Darkness, with napalm.
29) Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)
Fiction with a capital “F.”
30) The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)
Back then, Mexico seemed cool.
31) Annie Hall (1977)
An hour-long panic attack.
32) The Godfather Part II (1974)
Advice: stop after this one.
33) High Noon (1952)
Newfound pacifist remembers killing’s cool.
34) To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
Sparknotes or this? Can’t decide.
35) It Happened One Night (1934)
Hint: “it” doesn’t mean sex.
36) Midnight Cowboy (1969)
X rating disappoints: only boobs.
37) The Best Years of Our Lives (1946)
Mistreated vets: an American tradition.
38) Double Indemnity (1944)
Femme fatale deciphers insurance policies.
39) Doctor Zhivago (1965)
In USSR, movie censors you.
40) North by Northwest (1959)
Hitchcock makes a Bond film.
41) West Side Story (1961)
Gang violence becomes gang choreography.
42) Rear Window (1954)
Watch a guy watch guys.
43) King Kong (1933)
Ape loves woman, ignores anatomy.
44) The Birth of a Nation (1915)
Holy shit, this is racist!
45) A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)
Turns out, chivalry is dead.
46) A Clockwork Orange (1971)
Future criminals talk like idiots.
47) Taxi Driver (1976)
Dude is driven insane. (Harhar)
48) Jaws (1975)
Good until you see Jaws.
49) Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)
1937: family film. 2008: fetish.
50) Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)
Newman and Redford: dream team.
51) The Philadelphia Story (1940)
Marry. Oops! Divorce. Oops! Remarry?
52) From Here to Eternity (1953)
Michael Bay, take some notes.
53) Amadeus (1984)
"Mozart” didn’t sound pretentious enough.
54) All Quiet on the Western Front (1930)
Except for a sniper. Shit.
55) The Sound of Music (1965)
Nazis hate on singing family.
56) M*A*S*H (1970)
A very long pilot episode.
57) The Third Man (1949)
AFI blooper! This film’s British.
58) Fantasia (1940)
Disney on an acid trip.
59) Rebel Without a Cause (1955)
Corrected: Emo Without a Cause
60) Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
College professor bests Third Reich.
61) Vertigo (1958)
"Vertigo shot” introduces vomiting risk.
62) Tootsie (1982)
Dustin Hoffman at his sexiest.
63) Stagecoach (1939)
John Wayne is the man.
64) Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977)
Aliens communicate using Casio keyboard.
65) The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
Cannibal Hannibal manipulates darling Starling.
66) Network (1976)
“Television’s trashy!” – Pot, meet kettle.
67) The Manchurian Candidate (1962)
Communists develop mind control, magic.
68) An American in Paris (1951)
Locals deliberately give bad directions.
69) Shane (1953)
Badass gunslinger adopts pussy name.
70) The French Connection (1971)
They’re smuggling drugs, not croissants.
71) Forrest Gump (1994)
Being stupid looks like fun.
72) Ben-Hur (1959)
Fast and Furious: Coliseum Drift
73) Wuthering Heights (1939)
Fun for people with vaginas.
74) The Gold Rush (1925)
Is that Hitler performing slapstick?
75) Dances with Wolves (1990)
Indians struggle in pre-casino time.
76) City Lights (1931)
Missing sound hilariously pranks audience.
77) American Graffiti (1973)
Lucas writes, directs…doesn’t suck?!
78) Rocky (1976)
Just this once: Stallone > Schwarzenegger
79) The Deer Hunter (1978)
Russian roulette, “in the shit.”
80) The Wild Bunch (1969)
Blood everywhere. Bodies everywhere. Awesome.
81) Modern Times (1936)
Beware: silent movie; literacy required.
82) Giant (1956)
At 201 minutes, giant indeed.
83) Platoon (1986)
Basically, Vietnam was fucked up.
84) Fargo (1996)
Hilarious. Literally everyone talks funny.
85) Duck Soup (1933)
Marx brothers wear identical moustaches.
86) Mutiny on the Bounty (1935)
MGM shits all over history.
87) Frankenstein (1931)
Very scary, provided it’s 1931.
88) Easy Rider (1969)
Watch this one on drugs.
89) Patton (1970)
Patton gets high on war.
90) The Jazz Singer (1927)
Silent version: The Jazz Breather
91) My Fair Lady (1964)
Speech training makes woman tolerable.
92) A Place in the Sun (1951)
Winters, Taylor love triangle: Drool.
93) The Apartment (1960)
Dramedy. (Only needed one word.)
94) Goodfellas (1990)
94? Are you shitting me?
95) Pulp Fiction (1994)
Cursing? Check. Violence? Check. Bible?...
96) The Searchers (1956)
Racist cowboys vs. racist Indians.
97) Bringing Up Baby (1938)
“Baby” is a leopard. WTF.
98) Unforgiven (1992)
Eastwood ages, still kicks ass.
99) Guess Who's Coming to Dinner (1967)
A Yale-educated doctor! Except…
100) Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942)
This is actually a song.
...
