Coming out, online?

[FurryFury]

What do you think of a person who decides to come out online? I'm talking Facebook or myspace where your face, actual name, school and so on is listed.

I know it's her choice but this to me is not a mature way of coming out but one that begs for negative attention and potential abuse. It's a dumb and dumber type of thing in my book. I can't believe such an intelligent girl would do such an idiotic thing.

 

[FrenchMustard]

I don't know. When I first started dating boys, I had a bunch of stupid bullshit conversations with straight people, particularly straight men, expressing various forms of shock. Perhaps she wanted to avoid being around for people experiencing the initial shock, and wanted to come out, and then be able to have a serious, realistic conversation with people.

Hopefully she wasn't just trying to sneak it out there for dating purposes.

 

[FurryFury]

She hasn't shown much interest in dating. I think that's mostly because 1.) She doesn't actually know any out gay female teens. 2.) She has HUGE interpersonal trust issues due to the way her bio father treated her and that I couldn't keep her safe from them.

I'm perfectly fine with her telling people we know that she is gay. If they can't handle it that's on them. I'm just not comfortable with online info flying in all directions like that. I don't think it's a mature choice. It's still her choice though.

 

[FrenchMustard]

She hasn't shown much interest in dating. I think that's mostly because 1.) She doesn't actually know any out gay female teens. 2.) She has HUGE interpersonal trust issues due to the way her bio father treated her and that I couldn't keep her safe from them.

I'm perfectly fine with her telling people we know that she is gay. If they can't handle it that's on them. I'm just not comfortable with online info flying in all directions like that. I don't think it's a mature choice. It's still her choice though.

Well, all you can probably do is be there for her, and maybe inform her with some of your experience. If she's a teenager (especially today, where there is more public acceptance of *some* queer behavior), then she might not be fully aware that there are nasty people out there who target us.

But you're right, it's her decision, and in the end, all you can do is give her the best information you can, and remind her that you'll be there for her and that you just want her to be safe.

 

[Programmer Cat]

What do you think of a person who decides to come out online? I'm talking Facebook or myspace where your face, actual name, school and so on is listed.:

I don't see the point, but then again, I haven't told my parents that I'm bi. I know I'm bi, my wife knows and accepts, and that's enough for me. I don't want to have sex with my parents, so I have no reason to tell them what kind of sex I like. It's none of their business.

 

[FurryFury]

Well, all you can probably do is be there for her, and maybe inform her with some of your experience. If she's a teenager (especially today, where there is more public acceptance of *some* queer behavior), then she might not be fully aware that there are nasty people out there who target us.

But you're right, it's her decision, and in the end, all you can do is give her the best information you can, and remind her that you'll be there for her and that you just want her to be safe.

Thanks.

 

[FurryFury]

I don't see the point, but then again, I haven't told my parents that I'm bi. I know I'm bi, my wife knows and accepts, and that's enough for me. I don't want to have sex with my parents, so I have no reason to tell them what kind of sex I like. It's none of their business.

I don't see the point of online. However, the need for the people closest to you to know you and for you not to have to hide who you really are is one I can understand.

 

[Programmer Cat]

I don't see the point of online. However, the need for the people closest to you to know you and for you not to have to hide who you really are is one I can understand.

Fair enough, but I don't mind hiding. I'm willing to lie to the world in order to protect myself and the people I value, but I won't lie to myself or those same people that I value. If you want the truth, you have to earn my trust.

 

[FrenchMustard]

Fair enough, but I don't mind hiding. I'm willing to lie to the world in order to protect myself and the people I value, but I won't lie to myself or those same people that I value. If you want the truth, you have to earn my trust.

I don't know. There's a part of me that really hates just taking that hetero privilege because it's so easy. My parents don't know about me, because the conversation would be obnoxious, but I always feel pretty awful when I bottle up around a circle much wider than that.

 

[Programmer Cat]

I don't know. There's a part of me that really hates just taking that hetero privilege because it's so easy.

*shrug* I decided a long time ago that I can either rail against injustice to no avail, or take advantage of the unjust attitudes of others. I take advantage of the fact that I am white and can fake being a Christian whenever I can. I also take advantage of hetero privilege whenever I can as well. Why? It makes my life easier, and railing against these privileges does nothing useful for me. Why should I tell bigots that I'm a bisexual atheist with black and Jewish ancestors if they just want to look at me and think that I'm a straight white guy?

 

[bmw3guy]

I don't see the point of online. However, the need for the people closest to you to know you and for you not to have to hide who you really are is one I can understand.

yep .. agree with this

 

[FurryFury]

Fair enough, but I don't mind hiding. I'm willing to lie to the world in order to protect myself and the people I value, but I won't lie to myself or those same people that I value. If you want the truth, you have to earn my trust.

I'm hiding a bit. I'm bi curious. I'm very kinky. I don't proclaim it from the roof tops because I want to protect my family and business. It chafes a lot sometimes, particularly since I live in the conservative, Bible Belt of the Deep South and I tend to be a pedagogue. Other times I'm fine with it. I let some people know if I feel I can trust them. I even invited them to join me at local Kinky events if I think they'd be into it.

Now, with my girl being gay, and sometimes, somewhat,wanting to come out, the "out" that she wants to do will possibly affect me, my business, and my family. Since it has to do with my daughter though and not me, I will fight for her right to be out even if it negatively affects the rest of us.

You shouldn't have to live your life in a closet. You should be free to be who you are.

 

[FurryFury]

I don't know. There's a part of me that really hates just taking that hetero privilege because it's so easy. My parents don't know about me, because the conversation would be obnoxious, but I always feel pretty awful when I bottle up around a circle much wider than that.

You shouldn't have to. No one should have to. If you are gay, you are going to be with people of the opposite sex. You should be able to bring that person home and around friends just like anyone else.

Things are changing but far too slowly IMO.

It makes me very angry when I think how much this has hurt so many for so long and of course, when I apply it to my girl.

 

[FurryFury]

*shrug* I decided a long time ago that I can either rail against injustice to no avail, or take advantage of the unjust attitudes of others. I take advantage of the fact that I am white and can fake being a Christian whenever I can. I also take advantage of hetero privilege whenever I can as well. Why? It makes my life easier, and railing against these privileges does nothing useful for me. Why should I tell bigots that I'm a bisexual atheist with black and Jewish ancestors if they just want to look at me and think that I'm a straight white guy?

Some people would ding you for that attitude but I won't because, for the most part, I do this myself. It's again, an individual choice IMO and NO one else's.

 

[FurryFury]

BTW, I've since found out only her so called friends can see it. I say so called because only your friends really might not be if you know what I mean. Still I'm a bit relieved that it's not out in cyber space for just everyone.

OTOH, once something has been posted, particularly under your real name it's OUT there.

*continues to worry some to no real purpose*

 

[gloriann]

I don't know... maybe I'm not understanding. Do you mean, coming out, like really coming out? "Hey, everyone, you didn't know it before but I'm gay!" kind of coming out?

My facebook has my sexual orientation... shrugs... no biggie...

 

[FurryFury]

I don't know... maybe I'm not understanding. Do you mean, coming out, like really coming out? "Hey, everyone, you didn't know it before but I'm gay!" kind of coming out?

My facebook has my sexual orientation... shrugs... no biggie...

She wrote something on her profile about being into girls. I don't think she filled out sexual orientation before. I'm sure I haven't.

BTW, at the PFLAG meeting I went to. Everyone introduced themselves like this.

"Hello I'm Margie Wilson. I'm straight and married. My son is 17 and gay.

Um, why does it matter what your orientation is? That's now why we are there.

I didn't seen the point in saying. Hi, I'm Margie Wilson. I'm married and bi curious. Or saying that my child who was with me was gay because that's HER thing to say when it got to her.

LOL.

I dunno.

I think, PFLAG is a great possible support system particularly if your child being gay freaks you out. Or if you are looking for resources.

 

[gloriann]

I agree about PFLAG, great resource. Kudos for attending.

I agree with you, it SHOULDN'T matter about your sexual orientation, it should be a non-issue, and to lots of people (many more now than when I was young) don't care. I don't care, personally.

However, the sad fact is there are still lots of ignorant people out there who have no problem speaking up and telling GLBT's how "wrong" we are, how sinful, etc, etc, etc.

Hiding it one's sexual orientation, IMO, makes it become shame-based. Coming out is extremely personal and I don't pretend I can understand each and every person's experiences; if someone doesn't feel they can come out, that's fine with me. However, the more the GLBT community becomes visible, the more evident it becomes that we are just like everyone else.

 

[FurryFury]

I agree about PFLAG, great resource. Kudos for attending.

I agree with you, it SHOULDN'T matter about your sexual orientation, it should be a non-issue, and to lots of people (many more now than when I was young) don't care. I don't care, personally.

However, the sad fact is there are still lots of ignorant people out there who have no problem speaking up and telling GLBT's how "wrong" we are, how sinful, etc, etc, etc.

Hiding it one's sexual orientation, IMO, makes it become shame-based. Coming out is extremely personal and I don't pretend I can understand each and every person's experiences; if someone doesn't feel they can come out, that's fine with me. However, the more the GLBT community becomes visible, the more evident it becomes that we are just like everyone else.

I totally understand where you are coming from.

 

[FurryFury]

i feel like coming out online is a very confident and self assured thing to do. to me it says "sure, i'm gay, so what? it's a part of who i am just like the other things on my profile, like that fact that i like such and such movie or my hobbies include such and such." the point of those websites is to let people know things about you. if i was nervous about coming out and wasn't confident about how people would react and thought that it was a big deal then i would tell my close friends and imply that it was something they should keep to themselves. however, if i was out and proud then i would definitely put it on facebook. it's a way of saying "this is who i am and it's nothing to be ashamed of." in terms of people who don't accept homosexuality, it's a way of saying "i'm secure in who i am and if you don't agree you can bring it, i'm not scared of you and your opinions don't matter to me."

I like the way you are looking at it. I wish that was what I thought my girl's attitude was.

 

[FrenchMustard]

i feel like coming out online is a very confident and self assured thing to do. to me it says "sure, i'm gay, so what? it's a part of who i am just like the other things on my profile, like that fact that i like such and such movie or my hobbies include such and such." the point of those websites is to let people know things about you. if i was nervous about coming out and wasn't confident about how people would react and thought that it was a big deal then i would tell my close friends and imply that it was something they should keep to themselves. however, if i was out and proud then i would definitely put it on facebook. it's a way of saying "this is who i am and it's nothing to be ashamed of." in terms of people who don't accept homosexuality, it's a way of saying "i'm secure in who i am and if you don't agree you can bring it, i'm not scared of you and your opinions don't matter to me."

Yes! And this is the reason why to be out in general--to make it clear to people that we are here, and we exist, and we are not going to allow people to put us down.

 

[Satin_belle]

I'm pretty open about being bi-sexual to the people
who are closest to me.On a wider scale though it can be a tough one.
These high school kids should really think about letting the cat
out of the bag too soon.There can be a lot of repurcussions.

 

[FurryFury]

I'm pretty open about being bi-sexual to the people
who are closest to me.On a wider scale though it can be a tough one.
These high school kids should really think about letting the cat
out of the bag too soon.There can be a lot of repurcussions.

That's what I'm worried about.

*nods*

 

[Programmer Cat]

Some people would ding you for that attitude but I won't because, for the most part, I do this myself. It's again, an individual choice IMO and NO one else's.

I know. I've been dinged for it. I didn't know I was bi in college, but I'd get dinged for taking advantage of hetero white male privilege. I see it like this: Nobody's going to look out for me but myself. I didn't ask to be dealt the hand I was dealt, and I'm not going to apologize for having been dealt a few aces. I can see why some GLBT people want to make a political crusade out "We're here, we're queer, get used to it!", but it's not my crusade. The only cause that matters to me is my own well-being.

 

[FurryFury]

Sometimes I want to be a cross between Dr. Ruth and a political activist. LOL. Sometimes . . .