Writing about things you've never experienced

[Miss_Misaki]

Hello everybody! After prowling around for a bit to find out the general way things are run around here, I decided I'd make this my first thread on these forums. I'm a new member, and although I have a story to submit, I don't want to just yet because I'm not very confident about the subject matter. I was wondering how many of you are comfortable with writing about fantasies or experiences that you yourself have never had? For example, if you were to think of a good plot for a BDSM story, but have never tried that realm of sexuality before, would you be hesitant to write about it?

I'm kind of at a disadvantage in that regard, because I have yet to experience even the most simple and "tame" kinds of sex, so writing about practically anything is reaching beyond the realms of my own experience. Do you have any advice you can offer me? I have a pretty vivid imagination, but I'm afraid of sounding too childish with my imagery. I'd feel better if I knew that others were going through the same thing sometimes.

By the way, nice to meet everyone. I'm sure we'll get along swimmingly, lol.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

I haven't experienced much of anything that I have written about. I am quite inexperienced in sex, and most of what I have written is pure fantasy.

This never stopped me from writing though.

 

[rgraham666]

If you've got a good imagination you can fake it pretty well.

I've never had anything to do with BDSM but I've written a number of BDSM pieces and they've been well received. I've sold a couple to publishers.

Try reading some of the stories here for research. I recommend dr_mabeuse, 3113 and sweetsubsarahh.

You might also want to pick the brains of the people over at the BDSM forum.

Welcome to the AH.

 

[Miss_Misaki]

Thank you!

Incidentally, the BDSM example was just that - an example. I'm writing something a little more intense. I just remembered seeing a specific forum for that, so I used it as my example.

 

[lesbiaphrodite]

I've written about things I have experienced and things I have not experienced. Both went fine. It all depends on your presentation of the emotions, ideas and responses of the characters. My stories are largely descriptive and character-driven, so I focus myself in that way.

Good luck and welcome to the AH.

 

[Carnevil9]

Research and imagination will make up for a lack of real-life experience. After all, Jules Verne never really went to the moon!.......Carney

 

[3113]

Pretty much what an erotica site is all about: Sexual fantasies.

There are plenty of real stories here, real experiences, but a huge amount are complete fantasies written by people who never did any of them. I mean, consider the incest category which is one of the most popular. Most people who write about sex between a mother and son didn't really have that sex--it's just a fantasy. Likewise, there are a number of female writers who write up gay male fiction...sorry, ain't any way we're going to really experience that.

Lucky for us writers, a lot of readers who read these stories are here for a vicarious thrill as well--they haven't experienced it either. Of course, that doesn't count for really tame sexual experiences. Writers here have to at least know how to write up how men and women react when aroused and realistically portray basic stuff like oral sex and intercourse. But you've got thousands of stories to peruse to give you that basic knowledge.

The key is to make sure you do plenty of research *if* it's going to be a "realistic" fantasy (as compared to a completely fantastic fantasy). If you're going to write up a realistic BDSM story, read stories written there that seem real, and, very politely, ask questions in the BDSM section. Find out how this or that really feels or if you can do this or that.

I've never let inexperienced keep me from writing up a story in any realm, especially if I had a really good idea for one. But then, I love research. Obviously, the best research is to really experience something, but sometimes one can't do that. Luckily, in this day of the internet and chat rooms, it's a whole lot easier to learn what you need to learn to bring a story to life.

 

[cantdog]

Of course, there is nothing wrong in itself with writing beyond your experience. But you put your finger on the problem. You can find you've imagined the wrong idea of how something really is done.

That's one of the best things about the Author's Hangout. I write about female orgasms, for instance, though I've never had one, and female arousal, ditto. So, just an example, I asked in here. A lively thread about the shortcomings and strengths of the various metaphors resulted, and also some exceptionally lyrical stories to go read.

People ask the AH about pistols, history, knife fighting, rape fantasies, horseback riding, story structure, British schools-- anything at all. Somebody on here can usually help. Also, we have speakers of many languages.

I suggest plunging right in with the specifics, instead of an example. You can use the AH.

 

[freshface]

3113 summed it up nicely. One suggestion I would add is to find a beta reader who has experience n the area that you're writing. Continuing with the BDSM example, if your character is going to experience elaborate bondage, your best advice would come from people who do bondage. When you look at well written BDSM stories that seem real and include bondage, consider asking the author to take a look at yours. They'll help spot any details you get wrong.

 

[Corylea]

Jules Verne never really went to the moon!

While that's true, it's also true that he wasn't writing for readers who HAD been to the moon!

I think you can write about things you've never experienced, but if there's someone around who HAS experienced whatever it is, you might want to get their input.

 

[oggbashan]

I have written about obscure fetishes including the impossible Unbirth.

Research is the key to making the story acceptable to the particular aficionados. Look at other stories in that area and see what special triggers are required.

Yahoo Adult groups have an interesting range of the weird and wonderful, even if some of them disappear after a few months. It shouldn't be difficult to write better stories than some that appear in the Yahoo Group Files - a plot, a consistent POV, a beginning and an end - those appear to be optional.

Og

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

My writing is graphically violent and not appropriate for here (or many places) because of its subjects and themes. Serial killers and psychopaths are what I like to write about, and I include a lot of sex. There's a market for my wares but its NOT in adult bookstores or Amazon.

The sex is garden-variety stuff, but I get a lot of compliments from women, who seem to like it better than men do. The sex I write is very sensual.

I killed a man in Vietnam. I shot him in the ribs and watched him die. The bullet ripped a hole in his heart and the blood glurped from the wound like old oil out of an oil-pan. But the expressions on his face were what impressed me. First there was total astonishment, then impotent rage, and then nothing.

I've killed hogs and cattle, and butchered them. So I know how it feels to cut throats. Plus how to kill something with one shot to the head. A hog weighs about the same as a man, so I figure theyre alike when you cut their throats. Use a heavy blade!

I've never drop-hanged anything, so I collected many accounts of executions for the details I needed. A competent hangman snaps your spinal cord rather than strangle you. So the noose has to be stout and loose and placed just right (by the left ear). Pre-stretch the rope for 24 hours, so the body doesnt 'dance.' An 8 foot drop is usually enough for the job.

 

[glynndah]

A welcome for the little newbie from the good little witch.

 

[hmmnmm]

Did a little dabbling with writing in first person as a woman experiencing intimacy with another woman. I'm a straight male. The results were more encouraging than discouraging. It was apparently convincing enough.

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

Hello everybody! After prowling around for a bit to find out the general way things are run around here, I decided I'd make this my first thread on these forums. I'm a new member, and although I have a story to submit, I don't want to just yet because I'm not very confident about the subject matter. I was wondering how many of you are comfortable with writing about fantasies or experiences that you yourself have never had? For example, if you were to think of a good plot for a BDSM story, but have never tried that realm of sexuality before, would you be hesitant to write about it?

I'm kind of at a disadvantage in that regard, because I have yet to experience even the most simple and "tame" kinds of sex, so writing about practically anything is reaching beyond the realms of my own experience. Do you have any advice you can offer me? I have a pretty vivid imagination, but I'm afraid of sounding too childish with my imagery. I'd feel better if I knew that others were going through the same thing sometimes.

By the way, nice to meet everyone. I'm sure we'll get along swimmingly, lol.

If you're volunteering to have sex with me, I'm all yours. I mean, sincerely, only as a teaching and learning tool to help your writing. Truly, it would be of no benefit to me to have sex with you. Yet, I would make the ultimate sacrifice to ravish your body (so long as you are a female) for the benefit of helping a fellow writer. It's the least that I can do to help me, I mean, you out.

It's my pleasure to meet you.

"So...what are you wearing now? And...what are you not wearing now?"

 

[English Lady]

Hello and welcome, it seems you've had lots of great advice and I don't think I have more to add.

But I can say confidently that you can write scenes you've not experienced confidently. I have done it and have several works published that feature scenes I've only ever dreamed of or in some cases never even dreamed of. *L*

 

[sethp]

Hello everybody! After prowling around for a bit to find out the general way things are run around here, I decided I'd make this my first thread on these forums. I'm a new member, and although I have a story to submit, I don't want to just yet because I'm not very confident about the subject matter. I was wondering how many of you are comfortable with writing about fantasies or experiences that you yourself have never had? For example, if you were to think of a good plot for a BDSM story, but have never tried that realm of sexuality before, would you be hesitant to write about it?

I'm kind of at a disadvantage in that regard, because I have yet to experience even the most simple and "tame" kinds of sex, so writing about practically anything is reaching beyond the realms of my own experience. Do you have any advice you can offer me? I have a pretty vivid imagination, but I'm afraid of sounding too childish with my imagery. I'd feel better if I knew that others were going through the same thing sometimes.

By the way, nice to meet everyone. I'm sure we'll get along swimmingly, lol.

Yes ...sort of. Not that anyone should read my stories... but if they did. they might think that I've experienced every kind of sexual fetish known to man.. I have not! lol I sneak around the How to threads quite often for inspiration as well as watch scenes on you porn/tube 8 that match the scene i'm trying to write.

 

[bronzeage]

Hello everybody! After prowling around for a bit to find out the general way things are run around here, I decided I'd make this my first thread on these forums. I'm a new member, and although I have a story to submit, I don't want to just yet because I'm not very confident about the subject matter. I was wondering how many of you are comfortable with writing about fantasies or experiences that you yourself have never had? For example, if you were to think of a good plot for a BDSM story, but have never tried that realm of sexuality before, would you be hesitant to write about it?

I'm kind of at a disadvantage in that regard, because I have yet to experience even the most simple and "tame" kinds of sex, so writing about practically anything is reaching beyond the realms of my own experience. Do you have any advice you can offer me? I have a pretty vivid imagination, but I'm afraid of sounding too childish with my imagery. I'd feel better if I knew that others were going through the same thing sometimes.

By the way, nice to meet everyone. I'm sure we'll get along swimmingly, lol.

Welcome to Lit, Misaki,

There are a lot of sexually inexperienced writers on Lit. It doesn't slow them down. The greatest problem I have seen is not in their imagination or fantasies, but in the technical aspects of sex. Somethings sound good, but don't really work very well, some can be quite painful.

The solution to this is a good and patient editor.

 

[DeeZire]

M M - You might be able to use your inexperience to your advantage. Many of us explore the themes of first time love - the wonder of it all, the fear and anxiety. In these situations, emotions are the dominant factor. For my taste, emotion is what's missing from much of the writing around here. You can find sex scenes up the yin yang, but a sex scene without emotion is like an OBGYN visit - who wants to read about that? (Well, actually, I do, but not all the time.)

Good luck with your writing.

 

[Miss_Misaki]

Thanks so much for all your help, everyone! I really appreciate the good advice, and I'll be taking it to heart. The idea of a beta reader had occurred to me, and I've already submitted a request thread in the editor's forum for my story, so maybe I'll luck out there.

The idea of research had never really occurred to me, as obvious as it might sound to most people. I'll just come right out and say it; my favorite sex fantasies are fantasies about men raping women. It's hard to find research on that, due to the illegal nature of such a sexual encounter, lol. I can't exactly troll the waters for an actual rapist or an actual rape victim, now can I? :3

Anyway, I'll do my best. My goal in this is to make things people other than just myself want to read. Although it started out as a me-centric effort, stories aren't as fun if they aren't shared, and I want to share stories more than I want to keep them to myself. I'll do what I can to keep things real and entertaining. Thanks again for all your great advice!

And BOSTONFICTIONWRITER, how very astute of you to read the subliminal message in my coyly constructed message. How lucky I am to find a man with such a raging... intellect!

Lol!

http://www.shuko-works.com/images/lol-053.gif

 

[Corylea]

And BOSTONFICTIONWRITER, how very astute of you to read the subliminal message in my coyly constructed message. How lucky I am to find a man with such a raging... intellect!

Sounds to me like you've got the skills you need.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Just like to add: Most porn is lies anyhow. Men with 12" cocks and women with enormous tits, everyone having simultaneous, earth-shattering orgasms; women hung by their wrists for BDSM; anal sex without lubrication; sex without condoms; no pregnancy, no STD's; no premature ejaculations or inorgasmic women. It's all just fantasy, complete and utter bullshit.

Write what you want. We'll buy it.

 

[tickledkitty]

Yep, write what you want. People have a habit of believing everything they see in print anyway.

I've written lesbian encounters in two stories, and I've never experienced one myself. I have no desire to. Writing about it was hot though.

Welcome to the AH and good luck.

 

[tickledkitty]

Just like to add: Most porn is lies anyhow. Men with 12" cocks and women with enormous tits, everyone having simultaneous, earth-shattering orgasms; women hung by their wrists for BDSM; anal sex without lubrication; sex without condoms; no pregnancy, no STD's; no premature ejaculations or inorgasmic women. It's all just fantasy, complete and utter bullshit.

Write what you want. We'll buy it.

Wait...you don't really have a 12-inch cock?

 

[3113]

I'll just come right out and say it; my favorite sex fantasies are fantasies about men raping women. It's hard to find research on that, due to the illegal nature of such a sexual encounter, lol. I can't exactly troll the waters for an actual rapist or an actual rape victim, now can I? :3

Real rape is not pleasant. But you can research rape fantasies and see how other writers did it and made it erotic rather than horrific.

That particular section here is called: Nonconsent.