Why i don't like nice guys

[Snoozebutton2]

i do not see it as weak or bad either. i am in a 10 yr LTR with a very nice guy for a reason but it doesn't stop me craving the bad boys. i know what's really good for me, it doesn't mean i don't still want what isn't.

Yes we all have dark desires that we seek outlets for and feelings are left at door seeking at times. As a lot easier to become what we fantasize being if can wear that mask and not truly open up. The danger is sometimes the craving seep into other parts of you. And you love how it feels to be bad.

 

[ataxia.girl]

Yes we all have dark desires that we seek outlets for and feelings are left at door seeking at times. As a lot easier to become what we fantasize being if can wear that mask and not truly open up. The danger is sometimes the craving seep into other parts of you. And you love how it feels to be bad.

Could you try to say that another way? i did not really understand that one.

 

[Snoozebutton2]

Could you try to say that another way? i did not really understand that one.

Saying being bad is additive and not everyone can face that side of themselves without becoming someone else.

 

[ataxia.girl]

I love nice guys. There has to be a foundation of fairness and respect before I'm interested in them doing nasty things to me.

i am the opposite i guess. i feel guilty letting a nice guy do nasty things to me because i worry i am bringing them down or making them go where they would prefer not to but that is my personal situtation talking.

i also get off on being needed as a vessel for the sadist, on being good at filling that role. If a nice-guy non-sadist is hurting me for our "mutual" pleasure then well... i'll pass for the most part.

 

[ataxia.girl]

Saying being bad is additive and not everyone can face that side of themselves without becoming someone else.

And i guess i don't really understand how taking off the mask can be becoming someone else. Perhaps you are becoming someone else to others who are used to the mask but certainly not to yourself.

In any case my mask is still fully functional.

 

[Snoozebutton2]

And i guess i don't really understand how taking off the mask can be becoming someone else. Perhaps you are becoming someone else to others who are used to the mask but certainly not to yourself.

In any case my mask is still fully functional.

Well answer me this why is it that you need to only release that side of you to a man who is a morally or emotionally bankrupt sadist.

 

[ataxia.girl]

Well answer me this why is it that you need to only release that side of you to a man who is a morally or emotionally bankrupt sadist.

That would be the million dollar question.

Partly because they want, need, deserve and love to go to the places i want to go. Find me another type of sadist who really really needs that AND will put up with me and i'll go there. They have to need it, ideally more than i do. Probably they are out there, i just haven't found one yet.

And i have released that side of me to others its just not that fun. In fact i do it all the time.

 

[Snoozebutton2]

That would be the million dollar question.

Partly because they want, need, deserve and love to go to the places i want to go. Find me another type of sadist who really really needs that AND will put up with me and i'll go there. They have to need it, ideally more than i do. Probably they are out there, i just haven't found one yet.

And i have released that side of me to others its just not that fun. In fact i do it all the time.

Well thank you for clarifying, I do get the need for darkness as its pull is like the sirens call from greek mythology. And yes have dove in and enjoy experiencing the animalistic nature of those couplings. But have to say truly love the aftercare and cuddling after as well. So guess my sessions need that sweet whipped topping. lol

 

[ataxia.girl]

Well thank you for clarifying, I do get the need for darkness as its pull is like the sirens call from greek mythology. And yes have dove in and enjoy experiencing the animalistic nature of those couplings. But have to say truly love the aftercare and cuddling after as well. So guess my sessions need that sweet whipped topping. lol

In my limited experience the lowest depth of darkness for the "nice guy" is much much shallower than i am able to go. i like and enjoy doing that for them but it doesn't fulfill my needs.

 

[Snoozebutton2]

In my limited experience the lowest depth of darkness for the "nice guy" is much much shallower than i am able to go. i like and enjoy doing that for them but it doesn't fulfill my needs.

Thats where communication is key. As just because a man can open doors and hold you when scared. Doesn't mean he can't strip you in front of others and do wicked things to you. Just means he values what he has and wants to fulfill all the desires you both possess. And yes I know is a circular arguement as we both can only judge from personal experiences. I do find your views fascinating and have to say you are at least honest with your needs and desires. So commend you on your honesty.

 

[davidjamie69]

That's hard to answer. i'm not really sure. i feel passionately but i'm not sure it is physically evident all the time. i am very turned off by the idea that i should react physically like a porn star because its fake. Sexually i am very submissive and pliable and almost peaceful most of the time. If the other person is trying to make love to me in a very gentle, drawn out way without breaking me down a little first i can get quite aggressive because it gives me the same kind of feeling to be touched like that as listening to fingernails on a chalkboard. Some men like this and some don't.

I think most people are basically the same at the core. The nice / bad stuff just being a veneer. We all have issues we struggle with, long for love and acceptance, and often find escapes in unhealthy things. I think we each a dark and light side as well. So, Mr Nice may have darker depths than Mr Bad, who may be a pussy cat on the inside and just acting out on the outside. It's hard to slot people. And if we each have a dark side, then a true partner will go there with you and be accepting, even delighting with you in the allure that you find in it as well. He doesn't necessarily have to crave it as much as you, just as you wouldn't have to crave it as much as his fetishes. If it gets you off, they'll wan to to give it to you, and give it to you good. I think it's about enjoying each other differences, and accepting each other completely, dark side and all. If you love to be submissive and broken down a bit, maybe it's a longing for a complete oneness with your partner, and that is very sexy, so lay there and be taken. I used to over analyze these types of questions, but am in a place now where I can accept myself and others for who they are. All of us imperfect, haunted, and struggling to make our way. And each of us can be a satisfying lover to almost anyone else if we have the right mindset. Anyway, great discussion. Very honest.

 

[ataxia.girl]

Thats where communication is key. As just because a man can open doors and hold you when scared. Doesn't mean he can't strip you in front of others and do wicked things to you. Just means he values what he has and wants to fulfill all the desires you both possess. And yes I know is a circular arguement as we both can only judge from personal experiences. I do find your views fascinating and have to say you are at least honest with your needs and desires. So commend you on your honesty.

That all sounds quite reasonable, boring and contrived. i mean i like whoppers with cheese. i find them quite satisyfing but they aren't fulfilling, they don't send me over the moon as it were.

 

[ataxia.girl]

I think most people are basically the same at the core. The nice / bad stuff just being a veneer. We all have issues we struggle with, long for love and acceptance, and often find escapes in unhealthy things. I think we each a dark and light side as well. So, Mr Nice may have darker depths than Mr Bad, who may be a pussy cat on the inside and just acting out on the outside. It's hard to slot people. And if we each have a dark side, then a true partner will go there with you and be accepting, even delighting with you in the allure that you find in it as well. He doesn't necessarily have to crave it as much as you, just as you wouldn't have to crave it as much as his fetishes. If it gets you off, they'll wan to to give it to you, and give it to you good. I think it's about enjoying each other differences, and accepting each other completely, dark side and all. If you love to be submissive and broken down a bit, maybe it's a longing for a complete oneness with your partner, and that is very sexy, so lay there and be taken. I used to over analyze these types of questions, but am in a place now where I can accept myself and others for who they are. All of us imperfect, haunted, and struggling to make our way. And each of us can be a satisfying lover to almost anyone else if we have the right mindset. Anyway, great discussion. Very honest.

Maybe most people are the same at core i don't know but i know all of them aren't. i mean i don't believe we all carry within us the same demon that drove Van Gogh to cut off his own ear but that the rest of us are just strong enough to resist it. i don't think most of us go around wasting inordinate amounts of time wishing we didn't exist. i think we are similar enough to communicate more or less and relate to one another more or less better because of those similarities but no, we are not all, at core, the same. There are in fact very big core differences kinda like how chimps share how much of our DNA and yet are very fundamentally different.

i have no issue with the acceptance piece. i accept people for who they are and i accept that they aren't all a match for me. Many of them however don't see things the same way. While i might agree that many people could be satifactory lovers to one another i don't believe we can all reach a place of fulfillment with many people (see cheesburger analogy above).

Edited to add:

Its not always about getting off. For me, in fact, getting off has very little to do with it at all.

 

[FurryFury]

i am the opposite i guess. i feel guilty letting a nice guy do nasty things to me because i worry i am bringing them down or making them go where they would prefer not to but that is my personal situtation talking.

i also get off on being needed as a vessel for the sadist, on being good at filling that role. If a nice-guy non-sadist is hurting me for our "mutual" pleasure then well... i'll pass for the most part.

I feel very differently. I might get off on being a vessel but that sadist has to be trust worthy and a "nice" guy for me to ever give myself over to him.

Rather than corrupting I think I'm validating his desires because you see, nice guys can also be sadists.

Bad boys are simply the ones that break their toys, toss them aside and grab another. They are so not my kind of guy.

I prefer more mature, self aware, trustworthy, nice guys who are also dirty, kinky, perverts, but that's just me.

 

[ataxia.girl]

Bad boys are simply the ones that break their toys, toss them aside and grab another. They are so not my kind of guy.

I prefer more mature, self aware, trustworthy, nice guys who are also dirty, kinky, perverts, but that's just me.

i think i have just been victim of this and you sound a lot like a grown up. Maybe i need to try that.

 

[FurryFury]

i think i have just been victim of this and you sound a lot like a grown up. Maybe i need to try that.

Things will get better.

*HUG*

 

[ataxia.girl]

i am wait for one of these guys i guess. i am just not very patient though. It is taking a long time!

 

[YourCaptor]

i am wait for one of these guys i guess. i am just not very patient though. It is taking a long time!

You called

 

[ataxia.girl]

You called

i'd apply for the position but my cervix has been removed

 

[YourCaptor]

i'd apply for the position but my cervix has been removed

Thats ok, I can have plenty fun removing other things.

 

[ataxia.girl]

Thats ok, I can have plenty fun removing other things.

i do kinda want my tonsils out

 

[YourCaptor]

i do kinda want my tonsils out

Got to be something you will miss, except in the case of the frontal lobe.

 

[ataxia.girl]

Too look at pictures of my husband (Malinborn) you wouldnt think "nice guy". But he's a little of both. He has his dark, explorative, moments but he's also one of the sweetest, most caring, most senstive men in the world. My Master doesnt look like a "bad boy" but is definitely dark and twisted in his sadism, but is also very sweet and caring at time. Being "nice" doesnt have to mean that they dont have a very wide dark streak

Yes i actually have a very "nice" guy who is rather perfect. He's kind of a snob but he likes me so i get to be one of the few he likes sort of thing. He is very very devoted and attentive. He tops me occasionally (1-2 times a month) and enjoys it and is good at it. We basically have it all but our sex drives are very far apart and i am still crazy fucked up. It is what it is. i love him, he knows i have a very deep darkness in me. He doesn't care to know every gory detail but he knows enough as do other family members.

Despite my extremes i am a fairly integrated person. As integrated i think as i can be without feeling like half a person. i don't like to talk about my very own nice guy here because he does not belong here. This is not him and is not his place. Is my little place.

i probably should have named the thread "why i like bad boys" rather than "why i don't like nice guys" since i obviously do like nice guys but it sounded catchier and nice guys are always wanting to know why girls don't like them and i was trying to give some explanation. Plus "bad boys" isn't really bad enough for me.

Interestingly my interest in "bad boys" has only resurfaced since going off my medication i am NOT going back on.... so there!

 

[MasterSnatch]

Women like bad boys, it’s been known since when the days were young, women love danger, rebels, those that break the rules. Why, it’s the excitement, the thrill, the possible danger. But more importantly they feel more secure with guys that tend to take charge and do what they believe is right, they have that confidence that women do like. Sounds like in your case you want that a bit but you want to be controlled and ruled during all this, you want that type of asshole that can drop you at a dime if you don’t do what he says, you want him to take you to the edge, to push you past the simple shit the nice guys might do. You want that element the bad boys has but a bit more than even that, you want him to delve into your mind and learn you as you truly are inside and can’t show most people and then treat you as his bitch. Whatever he wants you do it, if you fight back he chains you up, you lash back he binds your wrist, you bite him in anger, he gags you. You want someone to get into your mind and then twist and turn you until you are left howling, you want that craziness that goes with someone that can push you and still own your ass that goes beyond mere words.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

The good Lit Dom's kinda already said what I think myself too, so I will just add something to it lol.


You can have a nice guy giving it rough to you, you really can. Theres men who are evil and will take you thro the hell and still love you with all of their hearts. I wouldnt call them bastards tho.

Bastard is someone who will put ya in the cage you crave and then fuck someone else and let you watch and drool and cry and dont give a damn about if you wanna be the bitch hes taking right infront of your eyes. Once its over he will come to your cage and tell you "Did ya like that?" and then he will leave and let you just like that. Hurt, sad and wondering "how could you...". Bastard wont give you what you need, simply because hes the bastard lol. Think thats what Snooze was trying to tell you.

One the other hand, the nice guy with an evil twist can give you all your slutty heart desire and still be there for you when its all over and you are crying on the cold floor, needing a hug oh so bad. Bastard wont give you one. The nice guy will tho.

I really understand where you coming from because I am alike when it comes to things I crave. Slavery is sweet and turns me on real bad. The cage, being treated and forced do and take things against my own will is just hot hot HOT and I want it bad. Its kind of raping your own brain. Doing things you know you dont really wanna do, but will anyways just cuz of the bliss it gives.

Do things against my own will is the bigest turn on for me me thinks, so yes I would love my own cage, too. Think of it is so fuckin HOT!! *rawrr* I figured out I need the love as well tho. Thats why I got my Daddy Dom. Someone who will give me what I need and crave, but still love me with all of his heart. We will do lots of things, anything really. We can make our darkest dreams come true and we will. I want it rough and I am gonna get it because I am open and sharing and he knows what I like. I am telling him what I dream about, so yup we will deffo have fun, I got no doubt about that. Its all about comunication really. If you dont tell your PYL how you long/wish/need to be treated - he cannot give it to you. Spit it out is the best thing you can do for yaself and since I dunno shut up lol, I will get it rough because I talk about it all the time. I am the kind of "BRING IT ON!!!!!!!" person lol. So yup, I will get it rough. Cannot fuckin wait!!

And I will get ALL his love right after, because thats also something I talk about all the time. Knowing that makes me smile and feel peaceful.




As for you, I wish you the best on your journey and I hope you wont get hurt much while looking for your 'bastard' Daddy.

If I can give you a lil advice, give the nice guys a chance. Its so much better to get what you need from someone who DOES care about you, than from someone who doesnt. I find those bastards who doesnt care rather scary. Met one irl and thank you I dont need to go thro that again. I get outta of it just with broken pride. You might not be so lucky tho, so be carefull what and to whom you say. Someone might want give it to you rough for real and I really dont think thats what you want/need.

Dream your dreams and do what your heart and soul desire, but keep yaself safe. And dont forget theres lots of weirdos out there who would surely love to give you a lesson, but they might also hurt you for real. Or even kill you. So yup I deffo prefer the nice guys who can be evil, instead of the evil ones whos playing the angel.


Good luck!!