Dommes and Sex

[Jesse_jessica]

Hi. I'm new but have been lurking for a little while. I have a few questions about Dommes and FemDom/msub relationships in general.

Do married Dommes get most of their sex from their submissive husbands?

Do Dommes (those in relationships) usually refrain form having intercourse with their submissives?

Do submissives worship their Dommes less if they have sex with them?

Do Dommes usually have lovers other than their submissives husbands/SOs?

Thanks in advance for your help. Please correct me if I am wrong but if most male submissives are into orgasm denial how is a horny female Domme suppose to get enough sex if she always denies her submissive intercourse? I understand in a way it is all about what the dominant partner wants, but the submissive has to be satisified and getting what they want or else they leave.

 

[kinkyknickers]

How about this? Many men can't help but get an erection when they are turned on. Experience tells me they can get rather sore after too much sex. What better way to torture a sub?

Then, of course, who says you have to have intercourse? What about cunnilingus?

Also, a woman can easily come before a man and then end it there, if she wants.

Plenty of options. There's more than one way to skin a sub.

 

[Netzach]

I think the answers to those questions are about as varied as the relationships in question. Also, not all male subs are into denial.

What do you like?

Make it about what YOU like. That's the essence of female Dominance. Lots of sex? Lots of different cocks? No sex? Whatever.

 

[BiBunny]

I'm a cockwhore. You have one around me, you're going to use it. I'm just going to tell you how to do it. I hardly speak for all Dommes, however.

 

[DeservingBitch]

The big question for me right now is whether to go for a pretty red and black cock, or for the less pretty but bigger purple one.

Not helping you though. I say what Netzach said already. Make it about you, which also means finding someone that fits what you want and need from him.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I have a feeling that if any PYL is uncertain about what they want, they will not come across as being very dominant. If you know what you want, don't hold that back. You'll find someone who will match your desires.

 

[twysted73]

Silly girl.

If you're a DOminant...you control everything! He can't help getting hard...so ride it until you come. Make sure he knows he is NOT to come without permission! Make sure he knows to tell you if he's close!

You hold every card in the deck except the Ace of spades and the Ace of diamonds. (his safewords)

Use them.

 

[TerragonSix]

Sensual domination can hurt far worse than bondage/pain domination, and well, I think it would be far worse punishment for a femdom to do sensual domination on her submissive man than vise versa.

Just my two cents of course.

 

[sexycaz22]

Everyone pretty much said the same as what I would have said!

Being a Domme is all about YOU!

I love being in the control! The sub is simply there for me to use and abuse in any way I want.

But being a soft Domme I am, I usually talk to them outside the scenes, and talk about limits and their wants/needs, and after the talk, I make decisions to use or not use in a session, in the end, the ultimate decision ends with me. I like the beforehand discussions, as it gives me some ideas of what the sub is like.

 

[TerragonSix]

Everyone pretty much said the same as what I would have said!

Being a Domme is all about YOU!

I love being in the control! The sub is simply there for me to use and abuse in any way I want.

But being a soft Domme I am, I usually talk to them outside the scenes, and talk about limits and their wants/needs, and after the talk, I make decisions to use or not use in a session, in the end, the ultimate decision ends with me. I like the beforehand discussions, as it gives me some ideas of what the sub is like.

Very much like a job interview. It's also important though not to break the subs trust that you won't go beyond the limits that you and and sub have already talked about, because you don't want to break their trust. Breaking/Bending soft limits is one thing, hard limits is quite another.

Much like a first day on the job, I don't think you go shaking the trees on the first day when it comes to a dom/sub session.

The ultimate decision is made by the Dom, but that decision need to be carefully weighed.

 

[sexycaz22]

Very much like a job interview. It's also important though not to break the subs trust that you won't go beyond the limits that you and and sub have already talked about, because you don't want to break their trust. Breaking/Bending soft limits is one thing, hard limits is quite another.

Much like a first day on the job, I don't think you go shaking the trees on the first day when it comes to a dom/sub session.

The ultimate decision is made by the Dom, but that decision need to be carefully weighed.

Yep, completely agree with you there.

With each of my sub that I have, I have sent a BDSM checklist, and talked about their ideal first session in deep, on MSN, and have met before the sessions, to have a chat in a vanilla setting. That way, I can make decisions purely on each individual I have. One sub is interested in puppy play, so we are exploring that together. The other sub is not interested in puppy play, but is more focused on submission, and focuses more on my needs/wants rather than his.

Each sub, each relationship, each person is very different and very individual, I like that!

 

[Jesse_jessica]

Thank you all for your replies, it is very much appreciated.

I have recently discovered a trend to the men I have been dating (vanilla). I never thought of BDSM. It just happened that the men I connected with were naturally submissive. The last man I was with made a comment about how I would make a perfect Domme except that I liked to have sex too much. Our relatonship ended shortly after that.

But he got me thinking and I've been reading as much as I can. I understand that as the Domme I get to have things my way, but a subs needs do matter. It seems that all the men I have talked to so far in my search need to wear lacy panties and never orgasm inside of me. That's fine for some, but not me.

I was just thinking that maybe I am asking too much? I really wonder if in most long-term relationships of this sort does the Domme end up having other men in their lives?

Thank you again for all your help.

 

[DeservingBitch]

Thank you all for your replies, it is very much appreciated.

I have recently discovered a trend to the men I have been dating (vanilla). I never thought of BDSM. It just happened that the men I connected with were naturally submissive. The last man I was with made a comment about how I would make a perfect Domme except that I liked to have sex too much. Our relatonship ended shortly after that.

But he got me thinking and I've been reading as much as I can. I understand that as the Domme I get to have things my way, but a subs needs do matter. It seems that all the men I have talked to so far in my search need to wear lacy panties and never orgasm inside of me. That's fine for some, but not me.

I was just thinking that maybe I am asking too much? I really wonder if in most long-term relationships of this sort does the Domme end up having other men in their lives?

Thank you again for all your help.

Because a guy identify as a submissive doesn't necessarily make him one, and/or doesn't make him less of a guy who expects women to fullfil his needs and fantasy.

Yes, there are a lot of submissive-identified guys out there who are merely looking for a woman to be their prop in their personal fantasy, calling it sometime a 'Domme'. I would stay away from those guys.

You may find this reading helpful: Ms Rika's blog.

I'm a little annoyed at all her talk of 'true' submission this and 'true' dominance that, but if you can set that aside, it's still a pretty good read and a good starting point for your reflections.

 

[Crudebug]

Plenty of options. There's more than one way to skin a sub.

lmao.. I guess that's a nice twist to many ways to skin a pussy... eerrmmm.. cat

(Just trying to get knickers in a kinky twist... )

 

[Jesse_jessica]

Because a guy identify as a submissive doesn't necessarily make him one, and/or doesn't make him less of a guy who expects women to fullfil his needs and fantasy.

Yes, there are a lot of submissive-identified guys out there who are merely looking for a woman to be their prop in their personal fantasy, calling it sometime a 'Domme'. I would stay away from those guys.

You may find this reading helpful: Ms Rika's blog.

I'm a little annoyed at all her talk of 'true' submission this and 'true' dominance that, but if you can set that aside, it's still a pretty good read and a good starting point for your reflections.

Thank you. I appreciate the link.