Lifes little lessons

[SeaCat]

So what are those little lessons yu have learned that they neglect to teach you in school? I'm sure we all have them.

Here are some of mine.

1) Never ride behind a trash truck, Honey Dipper or Cattle truck.

2) If you don't trust it, don't eat it.

3) It's always loaded.

4) Try it before you say you don't like it.

5) Kiss her.

6) Never pass up free food.

7) Sex is a great stress reliever, unless of course it's why you're stressed out.

8) Everyone has a story to tell.

9) No matter how tough you are, there is someone tougher.

10) No one ever died of hard work or lack of sleep.

Cat

 

[DeeZire]

"No matter where you go, there you are" (from the movie Brazil)

The bigger they are, the harder they hit.

A bird in the bush will make your middle finger smell absolutely scrumptious.

 

[glynndah]

Never pass up the chance to go to the bathroom.

 

[TE999]

Hammer it to make it fit, paint it to make it look good.

Murphy was an optomist.

Of all the things that could go wrong, whatever does go wrong will do the most damage.

Don't eat yellow snow.

Assume makes an ass out of you and me.

Never pass up an opportunity to drink, eat or take a crap.

Nothing is idiot proof, there is always a clever idiot.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Xerox makes rapid reproductions of human error...perfectly.

 

[JagFarlane]

Duct tape fixes everything

A dull knife is more dangerous than a sharp one

You really don't have to buy from a store if they have bad customer service

 

[fifty5]

As someone else said, "Don't worry about life: it ain't permanent anyhow!" On the other hand, do make sure you can live with what you do. "Life's a bitch - and then you die." Adding regrets just makes that worse. "Ask not for whom the bell tolls..."

 

[Bizkit_Writer]

Live every day to the fullest, you never know when it could be your last

 

[slyc_willie]

No matter who they are, they're as full of shit as you.

Always have an answer. If not, then be a good bullshitter.

Pride is never as important as love.

 

[OneLustyWench]

Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one, some are just bigger and stink more.

 

[R. Richard]

If someone says, "Trust me," don't.

"Though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death, I fear not; 'cause I'm the baddest son-of-a-bitch in the valley."

"Never eat at a place called Mom's. Never play cards with a man named Doc. Never buy anything that needs to be painted or fed. Never sleep with a broad who's troubles are worse than your own."

"There are only two sure things, death and taxes. However, they're working on death."

 

[Guest]

Never try and teach a pig to sing. It'll waste your time and annoy the pig.

 

[glynndah]

Never try and teach a pig to sing. It'll waste your time and annoy the pig.

Ah, but if given the opportunity of postponing death for a year by teaching a pig to sing, always take it. You'll live another year and you just might get a singing pig out of it, too.

 

[TE999]

Ah, but if given the opportunity of postponing death for a year by teaching a pig to sing, always take it. You'll live another year and you just might get a singing pig out of it, too.

It'll hit the high notes if you twist it's tail.

 

[glynndah]

It'll hit the high notes if you twist it's tail.

See? You've got those notes covered already.

 

[john-the-author]

Sleep late whenever you can.

Nature sides with the hidden flaw.

If everything seems to be going well, you've overlooked something.

(Note: I'm currently betting on "Lack of sleep never killed anyone" but I'm not entirely happy about it. I'm tired all the time.)

 

[buxxxom]

Always have some walking around money, you never know when you might need it.

Hot's on the left, cold's on the right, and shit won't run uphill.

If you're gonna be stupid, you gotta be tough!

 

[Vermilion]

There really ain't no such thing as a free lunch

 

[TheeGoatPig]

There really ain't no such thing as a free lunch

Yes there is. I got one yesterday.

__

Keep the keys in your hand until you are done with them.

 

[Vermilion]

Yes there is. I got one yesterday.

__

Keep the keys in your hand until you are done with them.

Oh no, there's always a pay-off somewhere: advice being asked, a return lunch expected, a favour to be done - whatever.

 

[DesertPirate]

In spite of all the advances in medical science over the last 1000 years, the mortality rate on this planet is still 100%.

So quit taking life so serious, you aint gonna survive it!

 

[glynndah]

No matter what you order from take out and whatever time they say it'll be ready, it's always already done and getting cold or not ready for another ten minutes.

 

[SlickTony]

When traveling, always pack a swimsuit. You never know when someone might have a pool.

 

[CeriseNoire]

Don't do things out of fear; some part of you actually does know what it's doing.

If you want to go places, stay away from people who are stagnant.

(At least those are the big things I learned in the past year)

 

[cantdog]

Normal people are boring and predictable. Seek the society of oddballs.

It's always more complex than that.

If you don't know who to love, love them all; if you don't know who to trust, trust them all. In both cases, be wary all the same.