The SCOURIES reader – for both fans and serious scholars…

[Smarmy_and_Sappe]

http://bearebel.com/images/RedBullshit.jpg

ScouriesWorld​

 

[scouries]

happy birthday honey...

I’d just like to take this opportunity to wish the beautiful and wonderful and extraordinarily sexy Miss Winona Ryder a very happy birthday.

Many happy returns sweetie. And here’s hoping you’ll accept our offer to play the lead in the upcoming ScouriesFilm production, “Best In Show Part 2” when we start shooting early next year.

You’re the best!!!!!!!!


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Shake, Shake, Shake Winona…

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jim

 

[scouries]

yes she is...

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Yes She Is

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[Guest]

the big time....

Bonjour, it’s [size=+2]Gabby[/size] again, and we at

[SIZE=+2]ScouriesWorld[/size]

would like to announce the

[size=+2]MILLIONTH READER COUNTDOWN[/SIZE]

yes ladies and gentlemen the time is fast approaching…

when​

[size=+2]

”Ohhh…Mommy,” I Groaned

​

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will welcome its one millionth ROYALTY producing reader on this site

yes, mr scouries , bobby, patty and their wonderful mother chrissie…and their children… invite you to be the millionth reader of their tale…as of July 4th we have


ONLY [size=+3]17,239[/size] READERS TO GO​

…and we at ScouriesWorld anxiously await them all…

Gabrielle L.
freedom fighter… and
literotican…actress…threadmaster’s assistant…lover…and
ALT killer…and
v.p. ScouriesWorld seminars…and
president, Scouries Fan Club…and
assistant accountant reporting to mr. tex…and
deputy art director reporting to miss (I’m in charge of bananas)…and
official committee member, Literotica royalty distribution committee…and
friend of GBers…and
director of scouriesworld translation services…and
vice-president marketing –Orgasming Centres Inc….and finally
secretary, 1000+ VOTE CLUB and 100+COMMENT CLUB
collins avenue
miami beach, florida

 

[scouries]

another incest thread...

...they seem to appear almost on a weekly basis. AHers again discussing the phenomena ... trying to figure out why the place they live so much of their lives is dominated by it...hating it...but wanting the readers.

Shit, Loving Wives is bad enough they think, but Incest?

But who said Incense isn’t funny?????????? Was it that girl from Greece?

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What if Halle Berry’s…

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[Daniellekitten]

Incense, isn't that the stuff you burn?

 

[sr71plt]

Incense, isn't that the stuff you burn?

As opposed to bridges?

 

[tickledkitty]

As opposed to bridges?

I mostly just burn bridges. Anyway, I'm wondering now if Gaby's duties include clicking on that old, tired story 17,000 times so scouries can reach his goal and get his *cough* royalties.

 

[Guest]

bellissimo!!!!!!!!!! stupendo!!!!!!magnifico!!!!!!!

He finished it! Well part 1 anyway…’It just kept getting longer and longer,’ he complained to me as he labored tirelessly over the tale (something I’d never complain about!)… Like his hero Charlie’s cock.

What am I talking about? Out today:

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Charlie’s Naked Proposal #1 - Mom?

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by best selling author jim

[size=+2]scouries[/size]​

Every once in a long, long while an author is born who transcends our common definitions of brilliance… whose prose sparkles in a totally new and unprecedented way… who somehow raises the bar to a new level…

Miami Beach’s james r scouries esq. is such a man…

And yet again this handsome, best selling author has lifted the bar with this penis popping 2008 LITEROTICA NUDE DAY contest entry.

If you’d like to know where 21st century English language erotica is going I’d suggest you drop in and meet Charlie, Sophie and Izzy Woodman. And their mother.

Of course not everyone can be a giant… but at least today you have a chance to walk with one…

Gabrielle L.
freedom fighter… and
literotican…actress…threadmaster’s assistant…lover…and
ALT killer…and
v.p. ScouriesWorld seminars…and
president, Scouries Fan Club…and
assistant accountant reporting to mr. tex…and
deputy art director reporting to miss (I’m in charge of bananas)…and
official committee member, Literotica royalty distribution committee…and
friend of GBers…and
director of scouriesworld translation services…and
vice-president marketing –Orgasming Centres Inc….and finally
secretary, 1000+ VOTE CLUB and 100+COMMENT CLUB
collins avenue
miami beach, florida

 

[scouries]

new story list....

I’d like to thank you Freddie for your extremely kind comment on my story today.

I also have to admit to having being delighted when I woke up this morning and found the following when I clicked on the site. To finally see real working writers rewarded with the top spots on the NEW STORY page instead of those who are willing to bribe* the judges to get there is very gratifying.

[size=+2][Literotica.com]

New Stories[/size]

(Stories submitted in the last 7 days.)

Charlie's Naked Proposal Ch. 01 - Nude wedding forces 18-year-old guy to see family differently.
Submitted by scouries (Incest/Taboo) 07/05/08

Celebrating National Nude Day Ch. 05 - Perverted men's symposium, PMS - time and space travel.
Submitted by BOSTONFICTIONWRITER (Sci-Fi & Fantasy) 07/05/08

I’d also like to suggest that all of you click open freddies new story and sample the man from Boston’s brilliant prose. It’s excellent. I gave it a 5!

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Celebrating National Nude Day Ch. 05

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Jim

p.s. *re the use of the word bribe: DISCLAIMER: My lawyer has advised me (due to continuing litigation in the 5th Circuit Court located in Waco, Texas) to make it perfectly clear that I am not accusing the famed Ranch Hunter of Texas (mr tex), of being any way involved in said bribery.

 

[Darkniciad]

Entries in the special contests automatically get top billing over all other stories posted on a given day. Wonder of wonders, the only two entries today are on top.

Truly an achievement. This is right up there with the light turning green just as you roll up on the intersection. Congratulations!

And what's this? A four page chapter one of a story from scouries in a contest? Shouldn't he be disqualified by his own convoluted rules?

Oops, forgot the header for all his rules. "Any story not written by scouries that..."

 

[Guest]

1,000,000th reader update....

Hola, it’s [size=+2]Gabby[/size] again,

[SIZE=+2]ScouriesWorld[/size]

[size=+2]MILLIONTH READER COUNTDOWN[/SIZE]​

[size=+2]

”Ohhh…Mommy,” I Groaned

​

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ONLY

[size=+3]15,547[/size] READERS TO GO​

Gabrielle L.

miss k - incense? incest?

Ah hon….you should look and think a little before you post… you know I don’t think writing in the humor category is in your future… nice pic though (or that’s what the boss said anyway)… mind you he added that he’d like to see a little more breast…maybe a nip…but I’m sure you know men – you can never please em…

miss tp – i'm wondering now if Gaby's duties include clicking on that old, tired story …. *cough* royalties.

Gosh miss pink – you’re usually so nice. Old, tired story? – you know, that’s how some people refer to the Canterbury Tales…to the Merchant of Venice…to Ulysses…to Lolita… to Sons and Lovers…to 1984… to Heart of Darkness to…Moby Dick...to Jane Eyre…to A Farewell to Arms… to

But usually not someone nice like you. Sure you can expect this from people like dk and the pilot. they’re jealous! But you?

The boss doesn’t even believe you made the post though. He said, “Look at her little pic Gabby, do you think that sweetie could write that insult? Impossible! It’s that weird boyfriend of hers, that Muddy guy…he never got over that comment… and hey, since they added that sour person to their sexual games poor miss pink doesn’t know if she’s cumming or going…

 

[tickledkitty]

miss tp – i'm wondering now if Gaby's duties include clicking on that old, tired story …. *cough* royalties.

Gosh miss pink – you’re usually so nice. Old, tired story? – you know, that’s how some people refer to the Canterbury Tales…to the Merchant of Venice…to Ulysses…to Lolita… to Sons and Lovers…to 1984… to Heart of Darkness to…Moby Dick...to Jane Eyre…to A Farewell to Arms… to

But usually not someone nice like you. Sure you can expect this from people like dk and the pilot. they’re jealous! But you?

The boss doesn’t even believe you made the post though. He said, “Look at her little pic Gabby, do you think that sweetie could write that insult? Impossible! It’s that weird boyfriend of hers, that Muddy guy…he never got over that comment… and hey, since they added that sour person to their sexual games poor miss pink doesn’t know if she’s cumming or going…

"Muddy guy," huh? You mean Marsh? You're right. He never did get over "that comment." My poor, darling alien is cut to the quick. He hardly speaks of anything else except how he was mortally wounded by "that comment." He cares, you see. He cares deeply what you think, Jim. I can't begin to tell you how much sleep he has lost, how thin he's getting because he's so upset he can't eat. How his writing has suffered.

*sigh*

It's very sad, indeed.

 

[Darkniciad]

"Muddy guy," huh? You mean Marsh? You're right. He never did get over "that comment." My poor, darling alien is cut to the quick. He hardly speaks of anything else except how he was mortally wounded by "that comment." He cares, you see. He cares deeply what you think, Jim. I can't begin to tell you how much sleep he has lost, how thin he's getting because he's so upset he can't eat. How his writing has suffered.

*sigh*

It's very sad, indeed.

You do realize that scouries is going to take that at face value, don't you? *laugh*

We need a sarcasm bbcode. Maybe something that displays in a dripping, italic font with rolling eyes emoticons for punctuation. Of course, that would still probably be too subtle for scouries limited comprehension

 

[tickledkitty]

You do realize that scouries is going to take that at face value, don't you? *laugh*

We need a sarcasm bbcode. Maybe something that displays in a dripping, italic font with rolling eyes emoticons for punctuation. Of course, that would still probably be too subtle for scouries limited comprehension

Sorry. I forgot to use my sarcasm font.

Hey, Jim. I think you should make it up to us. For "the comment" I mean. I think you should go read our Nude Day story and then leave us a nice PC and a 5. Seriously. Think about how good it will make you feel.

 

[TxRad]

I
Jim

p.s. *re the use of the word bribe: DISCLAIMER: My lawyer has advised me (due to continuing litigation in the 5th Circuit Court located in Waco, Texas) to make it perfectly clear that I am not accusing the famed Ranch Hunter of Texas (mr tex), of being any way involved in said bribery.

Hey, Jim, how're ya hanging today.

I've heard you say in the past how computer stupid you were. Well, here's a question for you to research. Have you ever heard of of an ISP tracker?

Oh, and if you haven't then you're in for many more surprises.

Love and a kiss

Tx

 

[Guest]

update...update...

Hola, it’s [size=+2]Gabby[/size] again,

[SIZE=+2]ScouriesWorld[/size]

[size=+2]MILLIONTH READER COUNTDOWN[/SIZE]​

[size=+2]

”Ohhh…Mommy,” I Groaned

​

[/size]

ONLY

[size=+3]12,143[/size] READERS TO GO​

Gabrielle L.
freedom fighter… and
literotican…actress…threadmaster’s assistant…lover…and
ALT killer…and
v.p. ScouriesWorld seminars…and
president, Scouries Fan Club…and
assistant accountant reporting to mr. tex…and
deputy art director reporting to miss (I’m in charge of bananas)…and
official committee member, Literotica royalty distribution committee…and
friend of GBers…and
director of scouriesworld translation services…and
vice-president marketing –Orgasming Centres Inc….and finally
secretary, 1000+ VOTE CLUB and 100+COMMENT CLUB
collins avenue
miami beach, florida

p.s. we’d like to take this opportunity to thank the 603 people who voted for the boss’s NUDE DAY story yesterday (who knows how many will survive?) – and your comments were wonderful. Thanks…

miss pink The boss did vote ma’am…me too. He likes baseball more than me but I must say I do like a well handled bat…mind you losing 18-17 last night didn’t put him in a very good mood… and I hope you get that marsh fellow back on his feet soon…

tex is that something you use to track the farm raised ‘wild’ prey on the hunting ranch? You know you used to be a nice…now you’re grumpy…threatening…trying to texanize us… pull a bush… yuck!

 

[Darkniciad]

ONLY

[size=+3]12,143[/size]2ND PARAGRAPH BACK-CLICKS AND AUTOMATED REFRESHES TO GO​

Wow, this looks a lot different when you look at it with the scouries filter removed.

 

[TxRad]

tex is that something you use to track the farm raised ‘wild’ prey on the hunting ranch? You know you used to be a nice…now you’re grumpy…threatening…trying to texanize us… pull a bush… yuck!

No threat there Jim, just a bunch of mismatched observations that might be good to knock down a big old house of cards.

 

[Guest]

ScouriesWorld watch....

...we're starting to get really excited around here...tomorrow? the day after?

Hola, it’s [size=+2]Gabby[/size] again,

[SIZE=+2]ScouriesWorld[/size]

[size=+2]MILLIONTH READER COUNTDOWN[/SIZE]​

[size=+2]

”Ohhh…Mommy,” I Groaned

​

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we’re getting close….ONLY

[size=+3]1,536[/size] READERS TO GO​

Gabrielle L.

Re the boss’s NUDE DAY CONTEST story: It’s first weekend on the site yielded over 40,000 in sales, 25 comments, 72 e-mails and 696 votes.
Thanks all!

 

[BarbarouSevil]

...we're starting to get really excited around here...tomorrow? the day after?

Hola, it’s [size=+2]Gabby[/size] again,

[SIZE=+2]ScouriesWorld[/size]

[size=+2]MILLIONTH READER COUNTDOWN[/SIZE]​

[size=+2]

”Ohhh…Mommy,” I Groaned

​

[/size]

we’re getting close….ONLY

[size=+3]1,536[/size] READERS TO GO​

Gabrielle L.

Re the boss’s NUDE DAY CONTEST story: It’s first weekend on the site yielded over 40,000 in sales, 25 comments, 72 e-mails and 696 votes.
Thanks all!

Oooh, is there a prize? Can I play? We don't actually have to read the story, though, right? Just click on it and "view" it. Ring that cash register with another "sale"!

 

[BarbarouSevil]

This 1,000,000th reader thing is great, Jim. More power to you! What you need, though, is better advertising. I'm here to help. First of all, we're defining a "reader" as someone who clicks on the story, right? We don't actually care whether they read the frickin' thing or not, do we? No. We just need clicks.

First of all, I'd like to suggest a little "re-branding." This "scouries" thing just pisses people off now. It's abrasive (suggesting scouring powder). And frankly, you haven't really been Mr. Soothie here at the AH. So I'm thinking something softer, cuter, a little more friendly: squeezies.

Next comes the story itself. Two ways we can go on this one, sneaky or bold.

Sneaky would be like this.

Please click on me? Pretty please?
http://i338.photobucket.com/albums/n409/barbarousevil/puppy-dog-eyes-83825.jpg​

(The sneaky part, you see, is that it links to your story.

The bold way is what your sweetie tickledpink and her idiot friend mudboy use: cover art.

http://i338.photobucket.com/albums/n409/barbarousevil/cover.jpg​

Again, there's a link to your story. They click, you got a reader.

You're obviously way too busy with ScouriesWorld (sorry, SqueeziesWorld)and its vast empire to get involved in a pennyante decision like this. I'm going to post a poll on the AH to help you out. No, no. I'm just happy to help.

 

[sr71plt]

First of all, we're defining a "reader" as someone who clicks on the story, right?

Umm, I thought in the Scouries lexicon those were defined as "buyers."

 

[scouries]

quite right mr pilot!

Barber QUOTE This 1,000,000th reader thing is great, Jim. More power to you! What you need, though, is better advertising. I'm here to help. First of all, we're defining a "reader" as someone who clicks on the story, right? We don't actually care whether they read the frickin' thing or not, do we? No. We just need clicks.

Actually no mr seville! As the pilot so brilliantly points out a “reader” is also a “customer”, a ‘buyer”, a person who is investing his hard earned money and expects something in return for it.

It’s of course what many AHers in their snobbery forget. The ‘frickin’ reader. The most important person in the whole equation.

And the interesting thing to note about “Ohh Mommy” isn’t the sales (although they’re very gratifying)– no instead it’s the feedback it’s generated. The 6200+ votes it’s received. The 200+ comments posted. The 1000+ e-mails received. The simple heartfelt thanks I receive from readers who believe they’ve got their moneys worth.

Barber QUOTE First of all, I'd like to suggest a little "re-branding"[/b]

The brand’s fine thanks!

Barber QUOTE Next comes the story itself. Two ways we can go on this one, sneaky or bold….The bold way is what your sweetie tickledpink and her idiot friend mudboy use: cover art.

As to the story in question I think the numbers prove that no new strategies are needed. Once a story makes it out there with the reading public, once it becomes a mega hit, the battle is won. I receive my hard earned ROYALTIES and the reader gets a story that never fails to entertain. We’ve both kept our end of the bargain.

I have to admit that I do like the idea of cover art for new stories. Maybe you could suggest someone who’s good at this sort of thing. My new story, my NUDE DAY CONTEST entry (click below), certainly offers many possibilities for the truly talented commercial artist.

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Charlie’s Naked Proposal #1 - Mom?

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And finally mr seville might I suggest that in future you concentrate on producing more of your brilliant comedic posts. Under both your names you’ve posted some of the most memorable lines in AHland history! Stick to what you’re good at…

…and I’ll continue to write best sellers (“Clean underwear or not”)…

…and hopefully the corks will be popping within the next 24 hours…

Jim

…and if you don’t start treating miss pink a little better you’re really going to piss me off…

 

[Smarmy_and_Sappe]

Umm, I thought in the Scouries lexicon those were defined as "buyers."

Oh sure.